BEING FORCE TO DO SOMETHING!!!

kaab nis

sarNie Hatchling
have you ever felt so irritated and annoyed?

Well that's how I'm feeling right now. Irritated. Annoyed. Angry. Explosive. Agitated. Murderous. GOSH!!!!!!

I hate being force to do things that I don't like to do. It makes me MADDDDD....

Ok so I'm somewhat being force to talk to a dude in Laos that's somewhat related to me. No. I should say that is related to me but with a different last name. Im those kind of people that believes in FALLING IN LOVE BEFORE MARRIAGE OK. so yea that is what is happening in my life now and I'm getting annoyed with it cuz my dad is like teling me that I have to marry him because both our parents wants the relation to stronger and wants their kids to get marry. yea that's the situation...yep i might marry someone i don't even know who lives on the other side of the globe. great there goes my freedom! but i'm not giving in so easily. nope Imma fight!

gotta go to work give you guys some more detail when I have a clearer mind of what I talking about.....

GOSH!!! I'M JUST ANNOYED!!!!
 

skies

sarNie Adult
if you're old enough, i say run away and don't go back home for a loooong time...haha...kidding...talk to both your parents...discuss this situation with them because obviously, this arranged marriage is in no favor of yours...it's unfair and cruel to not consider your feelings at all...(i am shock because i don't think these things still happen)...argue if you have to...burst the bubble if you have to, fight girl!...because this is going to change your life forever (if you go through with it) and if they see that you really don't want to get married, maybe they'll change their mind...

and if they still insist.........i say......run away and start your own future/path :D
 

Heart_of_Chocolate

sarNie Oldmaid
arranged marry? I say you talk to your parents because I agree with you that love comes first then marriage... and besides it's your life, so take control of it. As much as I love my parents, I will not let them force me to marry someone who I don't know and who I don't love.
 

YM_gurl

sarNie Oldmaid
OMG, stand up for yourself. how can you possibly married someone who you only talk on the phone with... and he lives so far away..Laos? come on!! get real. are you going to support him, when u two get married. or are u going to go over there and live over there.. lol.. most likely, you will have to bring him to the U.S.

girl, if you dont like him. you need to speak up and tell your parents. that u will not talk or married him. that, no means no. and if they abandon you, fawk it.. lolss

marriage is not a game. its life. and it will forever change you. good luck!!
 

frog

sarNie Egg
Stand up for yourself. We are in America, your parents have no right to force you to marry someone unless you don't consent to it.

Sure you might pity the dude and such but you need to think about your future. WILL YOU SUPPORT HIM IF YOU TWO MARRIED HIM OR WILL HE SUPPORT YOU---IN THIS CASE IT WILL MOSTLY LIKELY BE YOU WHO WILL SUPPORT THE DUDE IF YOU TWO MARRIED.

think about your future and your hopes and dreams............it's your life, not your parents
 

ImSmiley

sarNie Egg
don't your parents wants the best for you? they should at lease want you to find a husband who can support you, not you supporting them. But i guess that's not what they want. If you are over age, you are not a child anymore you should stand up for yourself. I know that you should listen to your parents but parents aren't correct all the time.
 

azn_media

sarNie Egg
arrange marriage? wow! i've always wondered how it would be like to be arranged for marriage. seeing those movies with arrange marriage makes it seem so romantic, how they will end up falling in love in the end. :rolleyes:

TOO BAD, this is real life. if you don't want to do it, fight back. give the cold shoulders, the silent treatment.

but whatever you do, don't involve the POLICE!!! cause in the end, it's just gonna cause your whole family problems. they can't force you to do something you don't want. let your parents know how you feel and give them time to think.

the only thing is, maybe your choices (boys) right now aren't the best? prove to them that you could lead a life that they want and have someone who can support you, not just lean on you for support.

this is just my 2 cents.
 

kaab nis

sarNie Hatchling
Yeah thanks everybody for your advices. The thing is I can never see myself runaway so that's out of the question...Gosh and i thought this problem was over already because I haven't talked to the dude for like months...anyways it's so boring when I talk to him...here's the conversation, oh yea you know how we hmong meka kids speak hmonglish will trying to just speak hmong and not slip any english is pretty hard at times.

the conversation:

Me: hello.

Him: hello.

Me: how've you been?

Him: Same. What about you?

Me: Same. School work and home.

Him: yea me too just school.

A VERY VERY LONG PAUSE...DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY NEXT AWKwARD SILENCE!!!!

Him: so what time is it over there?

Me: um let me check...3pm. how bout over there?

Him: it's morning.

Me: oh

AWKWARD SILENCE AGAIN!!!!

this conversation is so BORING!

everytime we talk is basicly like this...gosh man I hate talking to him. Yea I feel sorry for the dude cuz he has it bad but I'm not going to marry him for that reason. I hate it how my dad is giving them hope that we might really get marry but I'm like, "dad I'm not going to marry him so don't give them hope." This is what My dad did to my brother and the guy's sister. Giving her hope that my brother will marry her but in the end he didn't. Feels kinda sorry for her though but hey ma it's not our fault. Like I told my dad let time tell what will happen in the future.

I don't want to say I'll marry him cuz I don't even know him. It's nice to know that I still got some family from my grandma (dad's mom) who are still close to my dad cuz my grandma died a very long time ago when my dad was still a kid and ever since then none of her relatives have kept in touch with my dad. Which is pretty sad except for my uncle, the dude's dad. but yea man iono bout this situation. It's not going to work out. I can just feel it.

But I'm pretty sure my dad do know where I'm coming from though he's just being stupid and stubborn at the moment. I did tell him straight out that I won't marry a stranger and Imma go find myself someone I like. If only that person will hurry up and come into my life. Now is when I need him. well sorta.
 

myx

sArNieZ
i feel sad for u. maybe u should talk to the dude about it. ask what he think about it. if both of u don't want to get marry than tell your parents. but if he is one of those guy who is willing to do whatever it takes to come to the u.s.a. and u don't like him, tell him straightly. who cares about is feeling. this is not the time to talk about feeling and feel sorry for him. this is your life. get real with the situation. go with your heart and guts. don't do something you'll regret for the rest of your life, cuz you will have to live with it.
have u even see how he look like?
FIGHT! FIGHT! :arrg:
 

MaGic*_*

sarNie Egg
shoot, dram...drama...drama...i need some in my life...u want to switch ur life with mine? my life is just plain simple...its way too neat and i need some drama in my life...it woulda be nice tho to be in ur shoes for once...u know...

anyway, before i put my 2 cent in it...i got some questions?

how old are you anyway?
are u like very traditional or somewhat?
what kind of parents do u have? traditional or no?

BRAVO to all the replies so far...

my opinion is that:

ur parents are over doing it and you on the other hand doesn't handle the situation very well. The phone number was given to you and u actually take the action to acknowledge him from the beginning so therefore, dont blame ur parents for it.

I can related to you so what. A few yrs ago, not my parents but my aunties (cov niam ntxawm thiab niam hlob) put me in the same shoes as u. If possible, they want me to talk to their brothers and cousins; married them and bring them to the United States. I say sure, i can talk. THey give me the numbers, i never bother to call. I only look for interest that will benefit me only and i dont see the use in talking to them. I don't see any benefit coming from them.

I am a selfish person at time. Sometime, i know my parents are wrong and i dont see it the way my parents see it. I will do whatever it takes to make logic sense into them to see the bigger picture. YOu need to paint a picture for your parents and make them see how life will be with him. DOnt put all the fault on them cause parents always try to put their kid's best interest at heart only. JUST TALK TO THEM, OVER AND OVER AGAIN IF U HAVE TO. NEVER GIVE UP OR ELSE THEY SAID WOULD SAY YOU AGREED TO IT.

Also do the same thing to the guy. I am sure some logic sense will make him see why you don't want to go through with it. I'm not saying he is not smart or anything. People can always learn. Beside that, u have so many options here in the United stated to choose from...

like many of the USERS here said, you need someone who can support you and have the same intellectual as you. TWO MINDS ARE BETTER THAN ONE!!!

we lived in the land of the free...our rights are given to us so please do practice them. I know your parents love you but this went over board already.

good luck to you... :D
 

cecilia

Staff member
dude. my cousin want me to do the same things for their bro too ..
i once have a conversation with him, that yup, that's how the drill works.

anyway, i told them straightforward, helping him to come oversea, i will .. but to marry, no way.
so right now, they're debating what they want to do :loool:
 

lilalee

sarNie Egg
There was a girl who got force to marry a older guy because her dad said that he could take care of her and give her a better life cause he was a older guy. That girl and the guy was like 20 years apart. Now she gets beat up everyday because he's a abusive guy.
The girl's real father is ashamed now and regret giving her away. What a stupid ass!
 

kaab nis

sarNie Hatchling
To answer some of the questions:

I'm 18 years old. yep just finished my first semester in college and NOPE I'm not ready to get marry so as of right now I'm not planning on marry anytime soon and that's what I told my dad too. My education comes first and that's part of the problem too. Since the guy is my age my dad and his parents wants him to come to school here to better his life. I mean yea I would love to help him with him with his education but not with marriage right now. that's too much for me cuz im still a kid myself. I even gave him some suggestions about entering the foreign exchange programs when he gets into college. but he kept on saying yea they have to pay for school and I'm was like sure that's fine go for it anyways I'll try to help when I can as long as it doesn't involve marriage. But yea iono man.

Well my dad's not that bad with it. it's just annoying how he gives them hope that I will marry the guy. Plus when we talk on the phone we both seem like we're not into eachother. I need someone here physically. I think long distance relationships just doesn't work out. not for me. Yea i've told my parents that I don't want to marry him already and whenever I talk to the guy our conversations doesn't even come close to talking about relationships.
 

Mya

sarNie Hatchling
It's not healthy that your dad pressure you to marry someone you don't know, especially when you're still very young. But then again, very traditional parents have a hard time understanding this. They want you to obey them, which will make you a good daughter in their eyes. But honey, we're not living in Laos. We're here in America. Try explaining that to your dad. People your age here in America are still trying to decide what career path they want to follow, they still wanna explore the world without feeling tied down to someone, and hopefully you want to be financially stable before you have kids.

You say that you don't wanna give him any hope of you marrying him right now (or ever), then stop talking to him!!! Believe me, guys in Laos take talking to a girl very seriously. Something casual to you might mean more to him. You can try to just be his friend, but I seriously doubt that's the ONLY thing he would have in mind. :]
 

MaGic*_*

sarNie Egg
oh wow!!!

you're only 18. You still have much to learn and much to grow. You are in the pre-mature stage. When you hit 20/21 or ur early 20s, thats when u are fully grown, mature and determent to define your solid ground and stand firm with your decision making. Just be strong and get yourself through this situation. We all lived and learn. When anything happen, we learn to deal with it and we move on. If you can handle this situation well, it will empower you to be strong at heart and be able to face anything that come your way. It will build your character and make your stronger.

Seem like your dad isnt so bad himself by the way you mention on your last post there. In the Hmong culture, cov niam thiab cov txiv tsis xav kom ib tug twg tu siab. Kuv xav tias koj txiv kuj lam hais kom muaj kev thaug xwb tij zaum yuav tsis muaj li. Maybe it just one of the possibility for your cousin to get educated but its not limited. SInce you are such a great person with a big heart, maybe you can help him located any exchange student study abroad program and see if that will help him come over here.

Remember that your future is in the hand of your palm. One decision you make will affect your future and it all depend how u want to lived your life. I know you love your parents as any of us loves ours, but u must find a common ground. Don't give up too soon. A smart person never give up eventho all things has fail her/him. THey will find a solution. REMEMBER, YOUR PARENTS LOVE YOU, ENCOURAGE YOU, SUPPORT YOU, they would want to see you be happy as well.

COMMUNICATION is the key!!! Open your parent's eyes to better understand you and the possibility they are putting you into. I am sure if you have a good and serious talk with them and expresses how u feel towards this issue, they will reconsider the situation they are putting yourself in.

Stop talkin to the guys too... Some guys think that the more u talk to them, u are somewhat interested in them too. Yeah, i know...WEIRD...but some do think like that. Just tell him the true that u are not interested in him that way and you do not wish to continue talkin to him. PERIOD. Sweety, we cannot be NICE all the time. SOme will be nice to you but not everyone. In certain situation, gotta be cruel a bit to hit them on the head to understand you...

we are here to support and encourage those who need it as well...so don't hesitated to share your thought and concerns. It help at time, you know... :D
 

nkaujhmooblauj

sarNie Adult
wow! you are super young!!
you're younger than me...
goodness... hmm..
your dad is giving them high hopes..
but if you talk to him.. then that will get his hopes up too
 
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