The other day my boyfriend was talking about how his cousin (technically they're not blood relative) was asking if I'd be at her birthday party, I was last time but apparently most of his family knows I'm not a very social person. I think it's a cultural thing because none of my friends' parents seem to be bothered by it.
So I was like sure, I like her, she's cool and as awkward as social outings around strangers are for me I'd go because like I said, she's cool.
I've been with my boyfriend for a long time so I've met pretty much most of his friends and family. His parents are divorced so I've met both sets of parents and extended family members.
I always dread it when his parents come in to town because I just know he's going to want me to go out and eat with them because if I don't they'll most likely ask where I am. I don't mind going out to eat and I like his parents but OMG I just can't explain, it's just so awkward and uncomfortable every single time. I think it's the way he portrays his parents. His mom is a professor and counselor at a college in San Antonio and although she seems nice he sometimes tells me things that make me think she's this super uptight person. So when I'm around her I feel like I'm going to the principal's office (which has not actually happened before). His mom has been in tow for over a month now because his grandparents are sick and I think they're about to pass on. So, his uncles have flown in from NYC and the Hamptons and the one I see the most often seems very laid back and cool but apparently he thinks I'm kinda weird too (well, he didn't say that but I can read between the lines). My bf said that they stopped inviting me to go out with them because they already know I wouldn't go, which kinda hurts. I mean yeah, they're right but still, the gesture was at least nice. I don't want to come off rude to them but I'm not like my bf or his family, I'm not a social person and they don't seem to understand that (at least my bf doesn't). I'm not shy, I'm just very reserve, it's just the way I was brought up.
My bf said that part of being in a relationship is having to be around their friends and family. Which, duh, I know I just didn't think I'd have to be in a relationship with them too.
Now, his dad and stepmom live in Florida so he doesn't seem them often so I make an effort to out to dinner with them when ever they come to Houston. His dad seems nice enough but he reminds me of my dad, seems nice and friendly on the outside but I have no idea what he's really thinking. My bf doesn't help either because it seems like more often than not he's arguing with his dad on the phone about where his future is going. So I try to avoid that topic altogether. His mom is nice though, she's one of those very open and friendly people which puts me at ease. Even then, I'm still pretty sure that they think I'm too quiet or reserve.
God, even his friends say that I'm quiet they joke to him that I don't talk at all which pisses me off if my bf didn't say something to defend me.
I may be quiet but it doesn't mean I've passive or submissive. There's the every day me, someone who's reserved and then there's the professional me, who can debate and argue with the best of them when I need to. But I can't be the latter all the time, it's exhausting at the end of the day I'm the type of person that likes to be alone, enjoying the quiet and being able to have some personal time to think.
Like I mentioned earlier, I think it's just a cultural thing and I tried to explain it to me but some times, he only hears what he wants to hear.
For example, he was getting on my case about why I don't send things to my parents for mother's and father's day. I told him I would except that my parents don't celebrate those holidays and my parents don't like me spending money on them. I told him I don't need a day to honor my parents, I honor them every day but making them proud and treating them with the respect they deserve (like not yelling or talking in an inappropriate tone with my parents, the way he does sometimes). I even told him that not everyone celebrates those holidays, definitely not everyone in the world. He was like "whatever" so I pointed out his close friend, who I know doesn't celebrate mother's or father's day. All he said was that his friend didn't get along with his parents which I didn't think was a good excuse.
Now, I've been the reserve type for most of my life (when I was younger I was very wild, loud and a little obnoxious) and it's never really been a problem. I've actually gotten better in terms of being social since then but I doubt I'll ever be the club-going type or the get-wasted type. It's just not me. I was raised to be outspoken but I was also taught to be reserve and cautious about my surroundings, to always have composure. My closet friends understand that it's how I am and their parents like me because I am the way I am. But like I said, probably a cultural thing. My friends are Vietnamese and all of their parents were immigrants, so were my parents (although, my parents are a tad more open minded than theirs).
My bf's parents are 3 and 4th generation Chinese-Americans. They don't even speak any form of Chinese in their household, my bf had to learn Cantonese at school.
Okay, I think that's pretty much it. It's partial venting but I'd also like to know about other people's experience with their significant other's friends and family. I've never dated a Laotian guy (all of my exes were either Chinese, Vietnamese or Filipino) before so I have no idea if things would be better or worse.
***Please excuse any typo/errors. I'm just to lazy to proof read right now. ^_^
So I was like sure, I like her, she's cool and as awkward as social outings around strangers are for me I'd go because like I said, she's cool.
I've been with my boyfriend for a long time so I've met pretty much most of his friends and family. His parents are divorced so I've met both sets of parents and extended family members.
I always dread it when his parents come in to town because I just know he's going to want me to go out and eat with them because if I don't they'll most likely ask where I am. I don't mind going out to eat and I like his parents but OMG I just can't explain, it's just so awkward and uncomfortable every single time. I think it's the way he portrays his parents. His mom is a professor and counselor at a college in San Antonio and although she seems nice he sometimes tells me things that make me think she's this super uptight person. So when I'm around her I feel like I'm going to the principal's office (which has not actually happened before). His mom has been in tow for over a month now because his grandparents are sick and I think they're about to pass on. So, his uncles have flown in from NYC and the Hamptons and the one I see the most often seems very laid back and cool but apparently he thinks I'm kinda weird too (well, he didn't say that but I can read between the lines). My bf said that they stopped inviting me to go out with them because they already know I wouldn't go, which kinda hurts. I mean yeah, they're right but still, the gesture was at least nice. I don't want to come off rude to them but I'm not like my bf or his family, I'm not a social person and they don't seem to understand that (at least my bf doesn't). I'm not shy, I'm just very reserve, it's just the way I was brought up.
My bf said that part of being in a relationship is having to be around their friends and family. Which, duh, I know I just didn't think I'd have to be in a relationship with them too.
Now, his dad and stepmom live in Florida so he doesn't seem them often so I make an effort to out to dinner with them when ever they come to Houston. His dad seems nice enough but he reminds me of my dad, seems nice and friendly on the outside but I have no idea what he's really thinking. My bf doesn't help either because it seems like more often than not he's arguing with his dad on the phone about where his future is going. So I try to avoid that topic altogether. His mom is nice though, she's one of those very open and friendly people which puts me at ease. Even then, I'm still pretty sure that they think I'm too quiet or reserve.
God, even his friends say that I'm quiet they joke to him that I don't talk at all which pisses me off if my bf didn't say something to defend me.
I may be quiet but it doesn't mean I've passive or submissive. There's the every day me, someone who's reserved and then there's the professional me, who can debate and argue with the best of them when I need to. But I can't be the latter all the time, it's exhausting at the end of the day I'm the type of person that likes to be alone, enjoying the quiet and being able to have some personal time to think.
Like I mentioned earlier, I think it's just a cultural thing and I tried to explain it to me but some times, he only hears what he wants to hear.
For example, he was getting on my case about why I don't send things to my parents for mother's and father's day. I told him I would except that my parents don't celebrate those holidays and my parents don't like me spending money on them. I told him I don't need a day to honor my parents, I honor them every day but making them proud and treating them with the respect they deserve (like not yelling or talking in an inappropriate tone with my parents, the way he does sometimes). I even told him that not everyone celebrates those holidays, definitely not everyone in the world. He was like "whatever" so I pointed out his close friend, who I know doesn't celebrate mother's or father's day. All he said was that his friend didn't get along with his parents which I didn't think was a good excuse.
Now, I've been the reserve type for most of my life (when I was younger I was very wild, loud and a little obnoxious) and it's never really been a problem. I've actually gotten better in terms of being social since then but I doubt I'll ever be the club-going type or the get-wasted type. It's just not me. I was raised to be outspoken but I was also taught to be reserve and cautious about my surroundings, to always have composure. My closet friends understand that it's how I am and their parents like me because I am the way I am. But like I said, probably a cultural thing. My friends are Vietnamese and all of their parents were immigrants, so were my parents (although, my parents are a tad more open minded than theirs).
My bf's parents are 3 and 4th generation Chinese-Americans. They don't even speak any form of Chinese in their household, my bf had to learn Cantonese at school.
Okay, I think that's pretty much it. It's partial venting but I'd also like to know about other people's experience with their significant other's friends and family. I've never dated a Laotian guy (all of my exes were either Chinese, Vietnamese or Filipino) before so I have no idea if things would be better or worse.
***Please excuse any typo/errors. I'm just to lazy to proof read right now. ^_^
