Boyfriend's 21st Birthday

BaBeeLaiLai

BaBeeLaiLai
My boyfriend is turning 21 next week. He's a jerk and he wants a guys night out...their going to the strip club and bars. I'm really upset about the stirp club. I've cried to him and all that already but he says he's still going no matter what. He's horrible. Sometimes I feel like I want to break up with him. It's not like I don't want him to go...I just don't feel comfortable w/ him getting lap dances and naked women rubbing up on him. I told him that already too...but he says it's a given. So what do I do? someone give meeh some suggestions.

Am I just over-reacting. I want some girls and guys opinion on this.
 

anan

sarNie Adult
over-reacting and over-protecting/possessing indeed, it's just guy stuff to see & experimenting new "thing"(@ least, once in their lifetime), as long as he always loves you, u shouldn't worry about that ;) He will always come back to his loved one, if not already engaged :p
 
well, you know, guys will be guys...as much as we, women, don't want to adknowlegde it, the fact remains that our boyfriends and husbands will check out other women and will look at porn, etc., but as long as they don't actually engage in an emotional affair/physical affair, then things should be fine. just like we look out/check out other guys, but that doesn't mean we'll go jump in bed with all those other guys while we're in a steady relationship.

but i say break up with him, since you've cried and really made it obvious to him that you're uncomfortable with him going to the strip club, and he has basically ignored your concerns. now that's grounds for a break up.
 

kulyia

RUK
i somewhat agrees with lakorn. But not too fully. To me if my hunni was to do that even though ive cried and all that stuff in front of him. its like someone slapping me in the face and hes not gonna do anything about it but go along with it.. get it? It really depends how long you two been together. And how much trust is in your bond. But, if he said he wont do anything dumb then uknow u gotta trust him on that too. but if uve cried and stuff thats a whole different issue cause he doesnt even care. And yet he still wants to go. If me i would def. Do something about it. But break up? Im not sure i wanna go that far. talk to him again. See if he'll change his mind then you'll know what u should do. hopefully.

 

Thookatha

sarNie Elites
i agree with all the responses above. but i just didn't like how he responded to you. "it's a given"? "i'm going no matter what"? that's not gonna help u be any more accepting of this event that he's taking up. u were crying and u confided in him. n instead of trying to explain or reasonably communicate with u, he rubs it in very immaturely (which is expected for someone his age...and for someone turning the big 21 in general).

however, in all fairness, how u approached him might have egged it on too. i know u were genuinely expressing ur concerns. but sometimes, u have to be tactful in order to extract useful outcome. throwing a lot of emotion out there to begin with will only ignite more emotions. and in his case, it's like telling a kid not to do something. they will want to do it even more.

i suggest u re-approach him. tell him that even though u disapprove of this event, u will have to accept it because he is moving on into a very big stage in his life. also let him know that if u didn't care so much, u wouldn't say anything at all. it's just something for him to think about when he's out there.

of course, u will need to add ur own spin...just don't "freak him out" or be too emotional. that gives him the upper hand...not that this is a poker game or anything. but u know...sometimes we let our emotions take over. it's not easy to get through to someone...especially if they have already made up their mind. but at least u can prevent them from really crossing the line. believe or not, people love to provoke each other. the extremity is dependent upon the situation.
 

Merit

sarNie Adult
I don't think there's much of a harm for him to go to a strip club. My husband has been to one a few times. One for a bachelor party and the other two for work. He has seen so much worst than in a strip club and it hasn't changed him and he's a better husband to me than when we first got married.

You have to trust him, which a relationship needed that part to built a good foundation. If he really wanted to go, no matter what you say or do he'll find a way to go. Give him the benefit of the doubt that he'll do right by you. To you it might not be a good place to celebrate a birthday but to him it's probably just a guy's night out.
 

judyp

sarNie Adult
^^ well said. my husband still continues to go out with his friends and although i don't always approve of it, i've accepted the fact that guys will be guys. there's no harm in going to a strip club, at least he told you about it. as long he he doesn't do anything that will make you hate him, things should be fine.
 

ohitsnoyyy

VIP ♥
Guys will be guys... they need their space. Let him have his fun with his friends. You can't force them to not look at half naked girls or get mad at him because he's looking at another girl. They're guys! You can't stop them. You just gotta trust him. ;) & like i always tell my friends... if there's no trust, then there's no point of being in a relationship.
 

*Ice*

sarNie Adult
i dont like the saying ''guys will be guys'' guys need to respect girls more. esp if they are in a relationship. hes really been rude to you. i think its getting out of hand these days that they think they can get away with things cos they think its a guy thing and can be done. they never seem to learn. tbh he dont seem worth it if he is going to disrepect you, he obviously didnt care about your feelings too.
 

rukD2B

Bai Yang [♥] Fong T. Xiong
Kyah. This is like when my boyfriend is going to go out drinking & I tell him not to.
He says "I can't promise anything." I don't know if your man is like mine; but he
cares enough about my thoughts to try to not overdo it. We've gone through an
incident where he went out of state and I begged him not to drink and all he said
was "Too bad because we've already started; but I'll be okay." I got really pissed
and ignored him for two and a half days straight. He learned his lesson, I'm sure.
When he speaks of drinking, I get pissed so he knows.

Honestly, if you've cried to him and begged him not to...There could be two options.
He'll be okay but he's just picking on you to see you show how much you care (but
he's doing a good job at being convincing). Or, he just doesn't care enough to
respect how you feel about him going to a strip club. If you throw a tantrum about it,
and he gets mad, he'll probably go just to spite you & piss you off more. If you do
believe that he truly loves you, then I'm sure he'll restrain himself. If he's just
completely ignoring your pleas...Then you guys need to maturely & seriously talk it
out to a point where both of you will be okay with the circumstances.

Boys are stupid...Sometimes. In a way, this is a test. If he does something stupid,
then I think it'd be obvious how much loyalty he has towards you & if he doesn't,
then you know he cares enough about you to not do anything that'll hurt you.

At times, at the last minute, things seem to just fall in place. So I think that if you
are extremely unhappy about it, him going to the strip club might not even happen
at the last minute. I know that if my boyfriend were to go to the strip club on his
21st birthday or whatever event, I'd probably disallow it too. I'm a b*tchy girlfriend.
But then again, he's already gone to a strip club a couple times so missing an
opportunity to go again might not be important to him; darn him. =_=^^
 

yajvaj

sarNie Adult
you are not over reacting at all. i know how you feel. but like the other post said trust him because of there is no trust then no point of a relationship.
 

BaBeeLaiLai

BaBeeLaiLai
Thanks for all the responses....you guys really helped me alot to cope and think in varies different ways.

It's not the fact that I won't let him go...it's just that I don't want him to get rubbed up all over by naked women. I've told him and I've cried to him that it's not that I don't want him to go...it's kool that he goes for an experience but then just don't be getting lap dances and stuff, no touching... Thats one thing that bothers me the most. He says yeah I won't touch, but of course duhhhh...I know they can't touch, but the stirppers can. When I think about it. I see images in my head. I see a naked woman rubbing their tits all over his body and face and him liking it. I mean it's natural for him as a guy to like it but still. He won't compromise at all with me. He just keeps telling me that it's a given and he can't promise me anything. And so that makes meeh insecure. If he just promises me that one thing, then things would be fine on my behalf. He says the only way to prevent it is if he doesn't go, but then he says no matter what he's going.

One more thing....his bestfriend is such an ass as well. I texted him to ask for an opinion as to what to buy my boyfriend for his birthday. He textes me back saying "condoms, were gonna need them w/ the strippers."
 

*Ice*

sarNie Adult
what an ass! that was damn right rude what his friend said! its like not even funny! guys think its so funny that at that age they think they can go around doing what they like and not care one bit about the girls. my friends boyfriend is the same hes an ass hes cheated on her so many times that shes still with him and he thinks he can get away with it! what your boyfriends friend just said just make the situation worse! makes you really wonder. how about you say you want to go with him! you want to try it out too lol! or play him at his own game and say your going to a male club see how he likes it. im sure he will not like it? you gotta show him u mean it that you dont like it. seriously he should not be so mean to you!
 

untinnu

sarNie Adult
tsk..guys...

At least he told you what he'll be doing. He won't be going behind your back, so that says something about him.

(but if it was me..I wouldn't cry or anything to him..I'd just say, do whatever you want..I'll be going with my girl friends to the club that night anyways..and then the jealousy starts rolling in..he'd get mad..we'd argue..and we end up doing nothing that night..sounds childish..but I wouldn't want my boyfriend to go to a strip club..it's normal for guys to do that..but I rather guys not do that when they're in a relationship. So for me, I'd dump him so he can do whatever he wants.)<-- I feel uncomfortable saying this because I'm like 'advising' you to dump him..which I'm not..

One more thing....his bestfriend is such an ass as well. I texted him to ask for an opinion as to what to buy my boyfriend for his birthday. He textes me back saying "condoms, were gonna need them w/ the strippers." he sounds like a jerk..even if your boyfriend is trustworthy and faithful, his friends may be the problem..

anyway, I wouldn't say that you're over-reacting, it's normal for you to feel that way..eh..sorry, I can't help much..there's just really nothing to do if he's so intent on going..just trust him.
 

rukD2B

Bai Yang [♥] Fong T. Xiong
tsk..guys...

At least he told you what he'll be doing. He won't be going behind your back, so that says something about him.

(but if it was me..I wouldn't cry or anything to him..I'd just say, do whatever you want..I'll be going with my girl friends to the club that night anyways..and then the jealousy starts rolling in..he'd get mad..we'd argue..and we end up doing nothing that night..sounds childish..but I wouldn't want my boyfriend to go to a strip club..it's normal for guys to do that..but I rather guys not do that when they're in a relationship. So for me, I'd dump him so he can do whatever he wants.)<-- I feel uncomfortable saying this because I'm like 'advising' you to dump him..which I'm not..

One more thing....his bestfriend is such an ass as well. I texted him to ask for an opinion as to what to buy my boyfriend for his birthday. He textes me back saying "condoms, were gonna need them w/ the strippers." he sounds like a jerk..even if your boyfriend is trustworthy and faithful, his friends may be the problem..

anyway, I wouldn't say that you're over-reacting, it's normal for you to feel that way..eh..sorry, I can't help much..there's just really nothing to do if he's so intent on going..just trust him.
Well said! 8D
 

BaBeeLaiLai

BaBeeLaiLai
Yeah his bestfriend is a real ass...I don't really talk to him anymore...I feel like he doesn't respect me as the girlfriend. So yeah, I think he now thinks that I hate him, which I am beginning to. He's a real jerk. He was in a relationship w/ this viet girl (he's white by the way) for 2 years and dumped her because he losted his virginity to her and so he said he wanted to try other women since he's still young. So yeah that shows what kind of guy he is. He's now w/ a hmong girl and thinks he's the shit. Don't know what she see's in him but whatever.

I wouldn't have cried about the fact that he's going to a strip club, but it's that I feel he doesn't care when I asked him for one thing which is just not to get a lap dance and he couldnt do that, even though he saw my fustration and uncomfortableness. I know how it is because I've been to strip clubs myself. Not where there are male strippers but woman strippers. I'm really scared too because his cousin's are pretty much all single and I know they can care less about me. Not too long ago one of his cousin's went to a strip bar for his 21st birthday and he came back w/ hickys on his neck.

But yeah I did play and tell him that i was gonna go see dicks too, but he didn't seem to care very much. I think he thinks I'm playing, but on his birthday I plan to round up my friends and really go. We'll see how he likes it.

Lately I've been really stressed about the situation so I started drinking. I haven't drank for about 3 years now since I got w/ him. but just this last friday I went out w/ a friend to the bar and I took a whole bunch of shots and got drunk finally. And the next day we went to one of his cousin's house and I took some shots in front of him. I want him to know how fustrated I am. Maybe I'm just being dumb, but I don't know.
 

BaBeeLaiLai

BaBeeLaiLai
So he went to the club and 2 strip bars that night of his birthday. He got home really wasted. Didn't know anything, couldn't talk, couldn't walk and threw up all over the place. Guess what I found when I flipped the lights on. A little red spot on his neck that looked like a small hicky. I was very mean to him that night when he got home, because of course I was mad. He promised that it wasn't from a girl and that he didn't get touched. But then in the morning I asked him agian and we got into a huge argument because indeed he did get a lap dance when I asked him not to get one and he too got mad that I didn't believe what he said about the hicky. He said that his bestfreind James pinched him because he wanted him to get in trouble. Why would I believe him....geez....but after a long days of arguing and crying I finally said okay I believe you. He had James call and verify. I believe him because I know what kind of person James is and sometimes I feel like he's trying to break us up.
 

rukD2B

Bai Yang [♥] Fong T. Xiong
Don't tell me your boyfriend's birthday is was on the 13th?!

James is the ass guy?

Damn, the hickey thing sounds suspicious. I'd be just like you if I saw it too. =(
My boyfriend lies a lot (more of...He has really bad memory, LOL).

I talked to my boyfriend about this topic, but he said he wouldn't go if I disapproved. =x
It's good that nothing too bad happened. Hopefully the lap dance was nothing to him...?
Hope it all works out okay! My boyfriend and I got mad-ish at each other on his birthday
because of old drama. Anyway...Did you go clubbing like you said you would? What'd he say?
 

mia07

Introvert
So, am I supposed to be happy that I'm still single? J/K. =)
Guys will be guys; they're all bastards in their own ways, so
you can't really change them. But, in relationships, you will
argue here and there but at the end, you'll realize that what
you guys started off with were not that serious of a thing.
 
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