03 - leaving refuge
“isn’t it beautiful?” Aff sighed, her eyes large and sparkling as the vastness of midnight sky reflected like pools in her eyes.
“it is…” Tik replied in a rushed breathe, eyes fixed on the soft planes of her face.
Something was happening. He wasn’t sure what but he knew in his gut that he’d never be the same. She was speaking to him without saying anything, pulling him into her without touching him.
He’d only been there four weeks and he already felt like he knew her his entire life. She was unlike anyone he’d ever known. Her eyes were always alighted with some sort of mischief and her laughter always rang with life, clear and free. It was entrancing. It was dangerous. She was dangerous.
He pounded his chest slightly, feeling a tightness he could not explain while continuing to watch her---just breathe.
There was something about the glimmer in her eye whenever she talked that excited him and something about the way her face lighted up when she laughed that had him yearning for something, something he knew wasn’t his to yearn for.
In the short time they’ve known each other she’d visited every day after working with her mother in the morning market. She also brought him food and kept him company. She was also genuine and completely honest about her life story, the hardships, everything. Every day he felt more guilty that he wasn’t completely honest with her, and everyday he regretted being who he was. He often wished he could just be from this tucked away town, not wealthy, without a predetermined destiny and inheritance but he knew it was impossible.
“Are you ready?” she asked, turning to meet his stare where they laid on the porch of Eden, overlooking the lake and stars.
“ready for what?” Tik asked.
“To tell me about what made you run away...”
Tik exhaled heavily looking away. He didn’t know how to tell her without revealing who he really was.
Slowly, he began, “I got in a fight with my father.”
“About what?”
“About my mother and my stepmother. My mother died of colon cancer two months ago. My father and I were never close because he was always working. I never knew whether or not he really loved me but I always assumed he loved my mother at least and then he immediately remarried after my mother’s death. He remarried a woman much younger than him and, I don’t know...” he paused, not knowing how to continue.
“And it hurt you because you felt like he replaced your mother....” She finished, looking at him. So it’s his step mother and father that are in town working, she thought.
He nodded, “I just always thought he loved her...”
“He did and does,” she replied, “I think your father loved your mother a lot, but he was lonely.”
“But he could’ve waited for a few months at least!” Tik replied, defensively.
“Yes, but some people react to things more rashly than others---like yourself”
“What do you mean?”He asked, turning to face her.
“You’re just like your father, you don’t think before you act. You immediately ran away after your fight not thinking what could happen to you, where you would live, how you would survive. He’s probably the same way. You came here searching to fill a void left by your mother, he married your stepmother for the same reason and he did it just as rashly without thinking of who it would hurt.”
Tik thought pensively about what she said, considering that explanation for the first time. It could be true, but Tik didn’t tell her the whole truth. Aff’s explanation didn’t take into account the fact that his father was wealthy in the billions and his stepmother was 20 years his dad’s junior. That sort of situation played itself out as plain as day.
Aff continued to peer into him, wondering what other demons danced beneath those hurt eyes. She now knew the source of his hurt and anger but still didn’t understand the source of his cyniscim for the world.
“Are you ok?” she asked, tentatively, her voice low and raspy so she wouldn’t wake him from his thoughts.
“I think so...”
“Well I just want you to know...” she began, staring at him intently, “I really enjoyed spending time with you, and I hope we can always be friends but...”
“--but you want me to go..” he finished for her, not sure how he was able to read her train of thought. But he knew it was coming. Aff was just that sort of person, the type to value family and love and obligation above all other. But how could she possibly understand that it was more complicated than that, that there were billions at stake, when it was he himself who couldn’t tell her.
“it’s not that I want you to go,”she quickly corrected, “just the opposite actually, you’ve been a really good friend, listening to all my problems, jumping into the freezing lake with me..(at this she smiled) and in general just dealing with me. Its just, you have unfinished business, wounds left open. I don’t know that you can ever fully enjoy yourself and your life here if you’re still tied to problems in the past.”
He nodded, understanding what she meant. Lately the feeling of unease has been creeping up on him. He knew that he would eventually have to go, if not to return at least somewhere else where he can earn a living instead of living off of Aff and her mother. He just wished he could do something for them first without exposing himself as a liar.
“You’re right.” He agreed, exhaling loudly as if some sort of mental weight had been taken off his shoulder.
Aff nodded, sitting up. She wrapped her arms around her knees , clutching the blanket around her body tighter. “Will you come back?” she whispered, unsure of why she was suddenly feeling like this, this tightness in her chest.
He sat up too and looked directly at her, “yes.” He replied, without thinking, “I will.”
“promise?”
“promise.”
Although it hurt, she knew she couldn’t keep him, “When are you going to leave? And how?” she asked, her question coming out meekly.
“I don’t know” he replied, not having given it a thought. Before tonight he had every intention of staying here but after talking to her, he knew that he couldn’t stay here forever.
“Its ok,” she said, “you have time.”
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As it turned out, he didn’t have time. Three days later he heard news that made his stomach drop. They were at Aff’s house, her mother in the garden. They were listening to the radio like usual when news came on that made him freeze, his whole body staying rooted to the spot.
“Early this morning we got wind that Mr. Arithip Pholdee, owner of the multibillion dollar textile corporation in Bangkok suffered a heart attack and was sent to the hospital. His young wife was by his side but his son was nowhere in sight. Recently it’s rumored that the young man is studying overseas but we expect him back soon to take care of these matters. If his son doesn’t come back and the situation turns dire, people will wonder where the entire Pholdee inheritance will land.”
“See Tik,” Aff commented, “there are worst problems in the world, at least you’re not having to fight for a billion dollar empire. There’s nothing worse than when people in the same family fight for something so trivial as money...”
He nodded numbly, “right...”
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“Mr. Jeddaseporn?”
“yes.” Tik replied, looking around to see that the hall was deserted. He was making a call at 7 in the morning in the village postal hall, the only place with a phone for miles.
“where are you sir? Have you heard?” Came the hurried reply on the other end.
“yes,” Tik choked into the phone, “I’ve heard, I need you to pick me up, send a chopper from the south, circle around if you have to, I’ll give you my location.”
“yes, sir” Thun replied, enormously relieved that the young man has called at last. They had spent the entire month looking for him, more so in the last few days with the master sick in bed.
“I’m south of Chiangmai, in a small village called Satreera, pick me up in the house by the lake, you should be able to see it, its surrounded by rice fields and as far as I know the only lake for miles.”
Thun nodded, writing it all down, “I’ll be there in two hours.”
“see you then.”
Tik hung up, having dealt with that now he had to deal with how to tell Aff that he would be leaving. She would already be at the market by now with her mother two towns over in the bigger village of Udanin. Picking up his jacket he started sprinting in that direction.
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“Tik, dear, what are you doing here?” Aff’s mother asked, surprised to see him.
“morning..” he greeted out of breath, “is Aff around?”
“yes,” she nodded, “here she is now..”
Tik turned in the direction she indicated and saw Aff walking with a armful of vegetables.
“had to wash them.” She explained, letting him take them from her to arrange on the table.
“thanks Tik dear,” her mother said, watching the young man arrange the vegetables.
“an I borrow Aff for a moment khun mae?”
“sure...don’t be long now...”
Tik nodded and took a hold of Aff’s hand, dragging her all the way to the edge of the market where he first entered.
“I just wanted to say something.” He announced quickly in one breath.
“yes?”Aff replied, eyeing him warily.
He paused a second, steadying himself, “thank you.”
“you came all this way to thank me?” she asked teasingly, her face spreading into a wide smile.
He tried to smile in return but found it hard to do, “yes,” he said, “for everything.”
“why now?” she asked, narrowing her brows in suspicion.
“because, I realized I haven’t done it until now--to you and your mother.”
She nodded, “is that it?” she asked, wondering why he seemed so determined.
He nodded, holding back the instinct to tell her something else, something he’s realized for a while now. It would be unkind to promise her something he was unsure of himself.
“that’s it.”
Her smile grew, her eyes reflecting the morning sun, “thank you too..”
“for what? I haven’t done anything.”
“for being a good friend, for everything...”
“you’re welcome..” he replied, “well I know you gotta get back, I don’t want you to get in trouble...”
“yes I should...I’ll see you later then?”
He nodded, holding himself back, “yeah... later...”
He continued watching her, thinking about her. You’d been like a dream, summoned when reality blures and fading when things have just reached their peak...how could I ever forget you?....[/font]
