Dowry System, what do you think?

nekoyuyu

sarNie Egg
Okay, I am very interested in all Hmong female and male's voice on this topic.

I know my opinion on the Dowry system, but what is your opinion. For those who doesn't know what this is, its the price on a bride. What you you think of being sold, and your (the girl) worth a couple of thousand of dollar? Are you worth a couple of thousand? If so how much are you worth?. Will you participate in this system? Are you going to chose how to do your wedding or are you going to have your parent do pick for you? Please explain in detail on your opinion, this will be very helpful for me to understand what you think of this system.

If this topic is discussed before please give me the link to it.

Thanks.

Nekoyuyu
 

Mae

sarNie Adult
I'm priceless!

Hehehe... well to answer you're question.

Bride Price cost:
5K: Still in high school, high school graduate, or in college
10K: College graduate
15K: Master's degree graduate

Additional bride price cost at the discretion of the family:
1K: For those who still remain pure
1K: If the only daughter

Guess how much I'm worth?
 

BaBeeLaiLai

BaBeeLaiLai
I heard that each Hmong girl goes for at least 7 Thousand? Mah momma's funny...she says hmong people sell their daughters for expensive so when she sells meeh to a hmong guy (cause my boifriends hmong) she's going to sell me for at least 7 thousand. lolz
 

mmm0403

sarNie Juvenile
No. Our parents love us, that's why they ask for a price. I don't think I'm being sold for a handful of cash. Some parents may like the money more, but I think that most of our parents love us. If they don't ask for a high price, we will be looked down like we are nothing, because as a woman, you don't know how that new family will want you. If you cost nothing to them, they would not care. They will return you the next day if they don't want you because you were free. Lawv tsis khuv xim vim tias lawv tsis tau siv ib pov nyiaj coj los yuav koj. Tib neeg ntsia nyiam muaj nuj qis. Yog tias lawv tsis tau siv nyiaj yuav koj ces koj yeej tsis muaj nuj qis rau lawv. Yog lawv nyiam koj ces zoo, thaum lawv tsis nyiam koj ces lawv muaj koj pov ntseg zoo ib yam cov khoom tau dawb los, lawv tsis khuv xim. Yus niam thiab txiv yeej ua yog qhov laws ask for this high dowry. Yus yog ib tus ntxhais tseem ceeb rau lawv, lawv thiaj lis ask for a high price, because lawv xav kom tsev neeg tos hlub lawv tus ntxhais. Tsis tas li ntawv during your wedding, koj niam thiab txiv twb rov qab muab cov nyiaj lawv them koj rov qab rau koj coj mus ua neej lawm. Basically, your parents got nothing.
 

cecilia

Staff member
No. Our parents love us, that's why they ask for a price. I don't think I'm being sold for a handful of cash. Some parents may like the money more, but I think that most of our parents love us. If they don't ask for a high price, we will be looked down like we are nothing, because as a woman, you don't know how that new family will want you. If you cost nothing to them, they would not care. They will return you the next day if they don't want you because you were free. Lawv tsis khuv xim vim tias lawv tsis tau siv ib pov nyiaj coj los yuav koj. Tib neeg ntsia nyiam muaj nuj qis. Yog tias lawv tsis tau siv nyiaj yuav koj ces koj yeej tsis muaj nuj qis rau lawv. Yog lawv nyiam koj ces zoo, thaum lawv tsis nyiam koj ces lawv muaj koj pov ntseg zoo ib yam cov khoom tau dawb los, lawv tsis khuv xim. Yus niam thiab txiv yeej ua yog qhov laws ask for this high dowry. Yus yog ib tus ntxhais tseem ceeb rau lawv, lawv thiaj lis ask for a high price, because lawv xav kom tsev neeg tos hlub lawv tus ntxhais. Tsis tas li ntawv during your wedding, koj niam thiab txiv twb rov qab muab cov nyiaj lawv them koj rov qab rau koj coj mus ua neej lawm. Basically, your parents got nothing.
tug viv ncaug, you speak my mind. that's how i view it too .. it's a gift from the groom to show APPRECIATION for his bride. so asking for this dowry is not much from the Hmong ppl plus like MM said, it set a self pride thing that you are worth what they show their appreciation. This is not a new thing that we do. Sure back in the old day when some family are poor and maybe that's how they view it but to a good smart person, paying dowry is nothing to worry about. beside, the NYIAJ PHIJ CUAM sometime double the amount they pay for the dowry too. so this is nothing.

if it's too expensive like some other nations. then i can see then perhaps it's a selling thing but again, each culture view their dowry differently. like example in KOREA, if you were to marry to some high social family, the groom have to pay the amount of their salary to the bride's parent *according to my korean friend* so asking a little less than 10 k is nothing ..
 

claireladiee

sarNie Egg
I'm priceless!

Hehehe... well to answer you're question.

Bride Price cost:
5K: Still in high school, high school graduate, or in college
10K: College graduate
15K: Master's degree graduate

Additional bride price cost at the discretion of the family:
1K: For those who still remain pure
1K: If the only daughter

Guess how much I'm worth?



I am totally with you!!! this is how it should be!!! because i don't think i should be "priced" the same as a high school girl when i am in college.. and still pure! lol.. lol... totally 100% right!
 

cecilia

Staff member
^see. some ppl view it differently .. the value should be base on how much you will bring pride into the GROOM'S FAMILY.that's how it originally was.
but then again, it all depend. some parent give their daughter away with the same amount like my family, if one left with a low value the rest of th girl have to be the same b/c we all get to be treat and love equally, so in the end, my parent is not selling us at all.
 

kellylis

sarNie Hatchling
No. Our parents love us, that's why they ask for a price. I don't think I'm being sold for a handful of cash. Some parents may like the money more, but I think that most of our parents love us. If they don't ask for a high price, we will be looked down like we are nothing, because as a woman, you don't know how that new family will want you. If you cost nothing to them, they would not care. They will return you the next day if they don't want you because you were free. Lawv tsis khuv xim vim tias lawv tsis tau siv ib pov nyiaj coj los yuav koj. Tib neeg ntsia nyiam muaj nuj qis. Yog tias lawv tsis tau siv nyiaj yuav koj ces koj yeej tsis muaj nuj qis rau lawv. Yog lawv nyiam koj ces zoo, thaum lawv tsis nyiam koj ces lawv muaj koj pov ntseg zoo ib yam cov khoom tau dawb los, lawv tsis khuv xim. Yus niam thiab txiv yeej ua yog qhov laws ask for this high dowry. Yus yog ib tus ntxhais tseem ceeb rau lawv, lawv thiaj lis ask for a high price, because lawv xav kom tsev neeg tos hlub lawv tus ntxhais. Tsis tas li ntawv during your wedding, koj niam thiab txiv twb rov qab muab cov nyiaj lawv them koj rov qab rau koj coj mus ua neej lawm. Basically, your parents got nothing.

i agree on this one...
i think its true...

very nice said!!!
 

Mae

sarNie Adult
No. Our parents love us, that's why they ask for a price. I don't think I'm being sold for a handful of cash. Some parents may like the money more, but I think that most of our parents love us. If they don't ask for a high price, we will be looked down like we are nothing, because as a woman, you don't know how that new family will want you. If you cost nothing to them, they would not care. They will return you the next day if they don't want you because you were free. Lawv tsis khuv xim vim tias lawv tsis tau siv ib pov nyiaj coj los yuav koj. Tib neeg ntsia nyiam muaj nuj qis. Yog tias lawv tsis tau siv nyiaj yuav koj ces koj yeej tsis muaj nuj qis rau lawv. Yog lawv nyiam koj ces zoo, thaum lawv tsis nyiam koj ces lawv muaj koj pov ntseg zoo ib yam cov khoom tau dawb los, lawv tsis khuv xim. Yus niam thiab txiv yeej ua yog qhov laws ask for this high dowry. Yus yog ib tus ntxhais tseem ceeb rau lawv, lawv thiaj lis ask for a high price, because lawv xav kom tsev neeg tos hlub lawv tus ntxhais. Tsis tas li ntawv during your wedding, koj niam thiab txiv twb rov qab muab cov nyiaj lawv them koj rov qab rau koj coj mus ua neej lawm. Basically, your parents got nothing.

i agree on this one...
i think its true...

very nice said!!!

I also agree!
 

mmm0403

sarNie Juvenile
Well...kuv xav tias if you think that your parents are good parents-- they loved you, then the dowry is an expression of love. If you don't see your parents' love or think that they didn't love you in any way, then the dowry is just a handful of cash for them to spend. I think that's how I look at it. I know that my parents care and love me, that's why I will never look or see the dowry as a bad thing. The dowry is their way of making sure that I will be well taken care of. I think some people migh talk if your parents just give you away free.
 

cecilia

Staff member
Well...kuv xav tias if you think that your parents are good parents-- they loved you, then the dowry is an expression of love. If you don't see your parents' love or think that they didn't love you in any way, then the dowry is just a handful of cash for them to spend. I think that's how I look at it. I know that my parents care and love me, that's why I will never look or see the dowry as a bad thing. The dowry is their way of making sure that I will be well taken care of. I think some people migh talk if your parents just give you away free.
once again, YOU TOOK THE WORDS out of my mouth .. you rock .. that's how i view it too .. ^^
 

s395299

sarNie Egg
I think there shouldn't be a set price...i think it depends what type of girl the bride is because you won't want to pay 5 or 6 grand for a girl that is lazy, can't cook, and always go to their in-laws house

when i was younger i used to think that it was like selling their daughters away but now i understand why...
 

hellomelia

sarNie Hatchling
I think there shouldn't be a set price...i think it depends what type of girl the bride is because you won't want to pay 5 or 6 grand for a girl that is lazy, can't cook, and always go to their in-laws house

when i was younger i used to think that it was like selling their daughters away but now i understand why...
it`s like you took the words right out of my mouth.
 

candi

sarNie Juvenile
I think there shouldn't be a set price...i think it depends what type of girl the bride is because you won't want to pay 5 or 6 grand for a girl that is lazy, can't cook, and always go to their in-laws house

when i was younger i used to think that it was like selling their daughters away but now i understand why...
I'm lazy..I can't cook, and will most likely visit my mommy and daddy alot... :p Serioulsy, I can't kill a chicken and don't know how to "cub mov." Blab...hahhaha...

I agree with the many points above...well said already. I don't want to repeat so I'll just leave it here.
 

nkaujhmooblauj

sarNie Adult
i think there is a big problem with the dowry system though.
some guys **not all** treat their wives like property because he 'paid' for her.
i'd hate to hear that from my future husband...
there shouldn't be a set price in my opinion..
not all children are raised the same...
so fawk that hmong 'law' of $5000
lolx
 

nkaujhmooblauj

sarNie Adult
I'm lazy..I can't cook, and will most likely visit my mommy and daddy alot... :p Serioulsy, I can't kill a chicken and don't know how to "cub mov." Blab...hahhaha...

I agree with the many points above...well said already. I don't want to repeat so I'll just leave it here.
lolz.
you're funny.
i'm not the best cook.. but i can cook i guess..
i won't always go over.. but i'd visit them from time to time
i can kill chickens.. but it's a scary thing to do...
sorry to say.. but i don't know how to make rice in a rice cooker.. i only know how to make steamed rice (the hard way)
ahahha
we don't all have the same characteristics.. but we're all human and we all still have a lot to learn...
i hate it when my mom yaks at me.. "you need to learn this.. when you get married.. you have to do it too..."
goodness.. i think i know...
 

zouaxiong

sarNie Egg
i dont see the dowry system as a bad thing. i agree with what others had wrote. image the many options we have today to do our wedding and things dont cost a penny, therefore i think some parents ask for more money so they could have their daughter wedding as she wants and whatever money is left over are given back to the groom and bride anyway. come to think about it the parents dont get anything. in a ways, it is like the guy giving so much to contribute to the wedding cermony cost.
 
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