I N | T O X I C A T I N G (korean fic)

pbv

sarNie Juvenile
Title: I N | T O X I C A T I N G
An original story
Genre: drama/ bit of comedy
Setting: Seoul, Korea & NYC

This is my 2nd attempt at writing a non-thai fanfic so bear with me. The first one is undergoing editing so it might not be posted for a while.

Prologue

Though the mirror spoke
It's tenor, a hushed tone
Always, her whisper struggled
It echoed she was alone

Rather trudge the hidden path
than face the world alone
she reeled her own existence
beneath recessed tones

only he broke through
the burrowed, walled existence
offered wing and back
saying no to her resistence
 

pbv

sarNie Juvenile
Chapter 1 | Old Habits

The door dinged exactly three times, pausing for half a second before dinging again, exactly three consecutive dings. Chase always gave himself away with his lack of patience.

“coming, coming, coming—hold your horses.” Growling at the early hour, Haewon reached for the iron door, balancing her towel-hair concoction with her free hand.

Flipping over the latch like a giant safe lock, she pulled the medal handle immediately below the iron lock revealing a scrawny man with an I-should’ve-guessed expression.

“Am I really paying you that much?” she asked, eyeing his striped suit and silk tie. New, she concluded narrowing her eyes. Chase, her assistant, lived in two things: a tiny Manhatten studio and suits that could feed three 3rd world villages a year. His shoulder length hair was slicked back, probably held together by some expensive non-organic product that smelled of cats and tree bark, and he wore an expression that spoke of displeasure at Haewon’s state of dress. Picking invisible lent off his shoulder, he gave her a patronizing shrug, “with all that I do for you, I deserve it don’t you think? Speaking of my great devotion, here,” he said, stepping inside and extending something in his hand in her direction.

Haewon had just given up stuffing her hair back in the towel when she craned her neck around to see what her assistant offered. Immediately she smiled. “You are too good to me,” she squirmed, taking the coffee he offered.

“Well,” he began, fluttering his eyelashes at her knowingly, “there is a new Burberry trench I’ve been eyeing—-,” he supplied eagerly.

Haewon batted him away dismissively, “Not you—the coffee” she answered, knifing the hopeful gleam in his eyes in the gut. Chase never missed an opportunity to wrangle designer bonuses out of her.

“hmmmp” he pretended to pout, “see if Mr. starbucks will schedule your appointments then.”

Haewon set her coffee down, grinning at him. He gave up sooner than she expected. Good.

“Chase, you know you mean the worrrrrlld to me” she drawled out sarcastically. Turning from him she walked away towards her bedroom, “but I need to get dressed, be a doll and check my appointments for me today would you?”

“no appreciation whatsoever!” he huffed, clicking his blackberry. Immediately, wind chimes resounded somewhere from his left.

“who is it?” Haewon called from her bedroom. He could hear her pulling open drawers.

He picked up her blackberry and scanned the screen for the caller, “it’s your mother.”

Haewon poked her half blow dried head out the side of the bedroom door, “what? My mother?”

“should I pick up?” Chase asked, knowing exactly what would happen after this question. He could see it in his head. She would just contemplate it, not pick it up and then feel guilty and call back immediately.

“um…” she answered, returning to her room. Chase could see her hobbling around, trying to pull tight black boots over her leggings from where he stood.

“what should I do?” he pressed, craning his neck towards her.

“hold on,.I’m thinking..” She called over the chimes, knocking over something in her room that ensued in a large crash against the marble tiles. Chase cringed. Those tiles cost a fortune.

“well, it’s about to stop ringing” he continued, a bit of annoyance entering his voice. He didn’t know why she insisted on thinking about answering it when in the end she would just end up talking to her mother anyways.

It stopped ringing.

“hey, I don’t pay you to be short tempered with me.” Haewon chided, suddenly appearing out of nowhere. She was finally dressed, donning a fitted blazser he didn’t recognize over a white silk dress and leggings.

Chase shrugged at her, “and I can’t help you if you don’t help yourself, come on Haewon, you do this every time, it’s like you have double personalities or something; out there among men twice your age you’re like an iron fist but with this little asian woman half your height, you can’t speak a word for yourself.”

She did a little intake of breath, bending down to look for her keys, “well everything in my life besides that one small point is under control, with my mother, you never know what she’ll want next. Last time she called, she wanted me to set her up on a date with my client from the Herzan Online Deal and the time before that she asked me if I’d rip a corner of a marble tile in my bedroom so she can take a sample to be reproduced for her 2nd bathroom floor! I mean does she know how awkward it would be to ask my client to go on a date with my mother? And does she know how much it cost to commission those tiles?”

Chase shrugged again, an annoying habit of his, “so what, the woman’s a little off her rocker sometimes but she’s completely harmless.”

Haewon turned to look at him, “harmful, no, mentally and physically draining? That’s another thing.”

“so maybe she just wants to say hi,” he replied, not sure why he was defending the woman who once offered to give him her family discount for a gym membership because she thought he needed a little bulking up. Was she crazy? Bulk and Dolce just don’t go together.

“or maybe she has some crazy hair brained thing she wants me to assist her with.” Haewon countered, finally spying her keys in between two cushions.

He shrugged. Again. “well she lives across the globe so even if that was her motive it’s not like she can force you to do it.”

“Seoul or New York you know she’ll bug me until I answer her.”

“well you have been gone for 6 years” He reminded gently, arching his brows as if to make some sort of point.

“are you implying I should be regretting all of this?” she asked, flapping her arms around to make a point.

“you know that’s not what I’m saying” he drawled out, resigned to sipping his coffee, but you haven’t visited once and I know what you’re about to say, that you see her once a year but don’t forget that its always her coming to see you, not the other way around. You haven’t even thought about stepping foot in Seoul since you’ve been here.”

“ok ok,” Haewon exclaimed in defeat, “whatever, throw me my phone, I’ll call her back.”

Chase handed her the phone and waited for her to get going with it.

“I’m calling her…” She said as if warning him to stop her before she goes through with it.

He nodded, “I see that.” Haewon glared at him. Now? He chooses this moment to excersize patience?

“really doing it…” she tried again.

“ok”

Haewon glared at him, “you know I’m starting to think you’re bipolar—Oh hi umma”

Chase watched as Haewon’s face changed from surprise, to intent, to apprehensive, to shocked, to hesitant, to furrowed brows, to stuttering in refusal, to guilt, then finally to resignation.

“alright,” Haewon muttered into the phone, her voice heavy with defeat, “I’ll see you then”

After that she hung up and slumped down onto her love seat. Luckily Haewon favored stiff seats or she would’ve been swallowed whole by the couch with the way she was sliding.

Chase immediately scooted over for details, “did I hear wrong or is the Lee Haewon finally returning to the motherland?”

Haewon didn’t utter a word, she looked as if she was just as shocked at the exchange and how she came out of it with a trip home.

“what did she say? Guilt you with the never-returning-thing? Some sudden cancer??? Mijung’s unexpected pregnancy????dish!!!”

Haewon shook her head, eyes focused on some far away point, “she just…asked for a favor…nicely”

Chase gasped, “oh no, not that! that nice thing gets you every time!”

“yes but this is the first time she’s asked me for a plain favor…”

“What does she want exactly?” Chase inquired seriously this time, his interest piqued.

Haewon looked up, the shock of her conversation with her mother finally showing some signs of ebbing, “she wants me to negotiate a meeting and possible contract with NG Enterprise to carry her boutique line.”

“so?” he shrugged, “just do it. That’s your specialty, compared to what you’ve been doing here, that should be a piece of cake.”

“you don’t understand, it’s not that simple. I’ve never seen her line in person, I have no idea what she’s been working on and NG isn’t just a mall department store, they only carry international lines, she’s aiming for the biggest fish there is; she wants me to get her small line into the Nieman Marcus of Korea, scratch that, the father and grandfather of Nieman’s”

“well, you could just…” He started suggestively, going into waters he knew she’d avoid if it killed her.

“no.” she answered immediately, “I’m not going to do that, she won’t approve of it anyways, you know that.”

He sighed, “it was worth a try. What a waste though, with that face, you wouldn’t even have to negotiate, just promise them to model your mother’s line and you know they’d snatch it up on the spot. You haven’t appeared in an ad for a year”

She shook her head, making to stand, “you know that’s not an option, the reason I’m here is because that’s not an option”

“which is ridiculous by the way” he added, following her out the door, “you can’t hide the fact that you’re so beau—“

She halted, spinning around to meet his eyes, “ok let’s drop this, I have two weeks to prepare, can you move my appointments around?”

He nodded, knowing not to push that topic.
 

pbv

sarNie Juvenile
Chapter 2 | back to Invisible

“Welcome to South Korea. The time is now 2:15 Korean time and the weather is slightly sunny with a fall breeze at 21 degrees Celsius. Thank you for flying Korean Air and we hope to serve you again in the near future.”
Haewon sighed, turning her attention away from the parting announcements and pressed her fingers to her temple, trying to quell a headache that had suddenly begun.

The flight was a long one and left her feeling anxious and uneasy. Usually she liked flying, liked the beginning bumps and shakiness of taking off. She even enjoyed the slight turbulence up thousands of feet in the air because it gave her heart the jolt it needed from time to time. But there was something about the thought of stepping back into Korea that made Haewon breathe a little harder. This was only the beginning but if she did her job quickly and completely, with any luck, she should be gone by the week’s end.

Of course she knew why her mind and body protested as she walked through customs, glancing at the displays and posters like a tourist. Every step she took brought her a little closer to the different person she used to be. The further she rolled her suitcase, the limper she felt, like she was walking straight into the black whole she only crawled out of 5 years ago.

Stepping through the glass doors and into the Incheon air, she exhaled, committing herself mentally to her execution plan. Her gut clenched a little, seeing the swarm of black heads surrounding her. She was about to flag down a taxi when the familiar sound of chimes started ringing from her purse.

“So how is it?” Chase’s eager voice greeted her on the line.

She took a second to answer, “Did you call to see if I got here safely or did you call to see if I’d chicken out?”

“The latter,” he answered without hesitation, “I had $10 that you’d at least step outside the airport before you decide to turn around.”

“That’s it? Your confidence in me was only worth $10?”

“10 was pushing it sister” he replied, “in all seriousness though, you alright?”

Haewon sighed, feeling as unsure as the note in his changed tone, “I think I should be.”

“Haewon, I wish I could come sooner but with you not being sure how long you’ll be there, I have to rearrange your schedule for at least two weeks before I can come.”

“Chase, I’m not a baby, I’ll be fine. Besides, I’m older than you. You should be calling me noona not worrying about how I’ll fare among my countrymen and women…” she laughed, trying to make a joke of it but she knew that Chase knew exactly what kind of inner turmoil boiled beneath those silly words.

She flagged down a taxi and got into the car while the taxi driver came around and helped her slide her luggage into the trunk.

“To Seoul, here’s the address—” she said, handing him a piece of paper. Returning to Chase she said, “Anyways, if things go my way, I’ll get this deal and be back in New York in no time. I’ve already set up a meeting with their head buyer.”

“But what if it doesn’t work?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if you’re delayed, what if the deal doesn’t go through? Are you going say sorry umma and come straight home or are you going to play Haewon Hero and push until you get the contract? That could take days, weeks, and months even.”

Haewon groaned and inhaled, her headache intensifying. She hadn’t thought about the possibility of not getting the contract or what would happen if she didn’t get it, “of course you know I won’t leave without winning it.”

Chase snorted as if he knew she was already going to say that, “that’s what I mean, if it doesn’t happen right away I know you’re going to guilt yourself into staying there until you figure something out, which means you have to pick up business over there.”

“You’re giving the Advil a hard time Chase…” she replied, rubbing her forehead as thousands of thoughts drilled her mind. She hadn’t thought that far ahead. She had just barely managed to move two weeks out of her life into small crooks and crannies of her future schedule so that she could make this trip.

“If it takes more time, I’ll fly over and we can pick up where we left off, you know your business is mostly mobile except for a few shipment details.”

Haewon looked into the phone knowingly. She had wondered when he would offer his companionship. God, was she that weak that she couldn’t even come back for two weeks without her assistant sailing the high seas to rescue her?

“Chase, I’ll be ok. I just generally don’t want to be here longer than I have to. You know I hate doing this. I felt invisible for 7 years of my life. And I agreed to it myself so yes, it’s my fault but I don’t want to go back to that again anymore than I have to.”

She heard chase sigh and knew what was coming, “look Haewon, you’re 26, you’re a successful business owner in a land of corporate domination in one of the toughest markets, and I don’t see why you don’t just come out with it already! She’s old enough now, she’ll get it.”

Her mind thrummed with frustration, Chase wasn’t helping.

“I know, I get it. I own the world, etc. etc., but I made a promise and I’ll keep it, I’ll just have to suck it up until I get that coveted contract. Look I’m pulling up, I’ll call you soon and thanks for getting me this phone on short notice, you even set up the chimes. Take care of my phone will ya? Bye!”

And she hung up before Chase could hammer more into her past.

She paid for the cab fare and rang the buzzer.

While she waited, she tried to look over the high concrete fence that shielded her childhood home from view. She could only see bits the top few floors even though her house was on a hill. She knew from years of standing in this very spot that she was staring at the east corridors and just beyond it to the left was a room she’d long forgotten.

Her reminiscing was interrupted by a loud buzz, “come in.”

Haewon didn’t recognize the voice but in a house this size, she wasn’t surprised there were new maids. She pushed the door open and began her walk up to the house, immediately feeling her sense of self and control begin to fade. Something raw and painful gnawed at her chest as she stoically glanced around, replaying memories in her head.

When she arrived at the door, she made a move to turn the knob when it swung open to reveal a tall and thin aging but beautiful woman.

“Haewon!” she exclaimed breaking her posture to pull Haewon into a tight embrace.

Haewon smiled, reveling in the woman’s embrace, genuinely glad to see her mother again.

“Umma, you’re crushing me…” she mumbled though with a hint of a smile. Of all the reasons not to come to Seoul, receiving a warm welcome from this woman nearly made up for them.

“Oh sorry dear,” her mother replied, her cheekbones prettily flushed with excitement, “come in, come in, just leave those there, someone will get them.”

Haewon nodded, hooking arms with her mother, letting her lead the way.

“You get more and more beautiful each year, you really should’ve been my daughter” her mother sighed, starring up at Haewon with a mix of happiness and something else.

Haewon smiled thinly, reminded again of why she left.

“So how was the flight?” Mrs. Lee asked abruptly.

“It was long,” Haewon replied, “but I’ll survive.” She smiled, her single left dimple making an appearance across her fine features.

“You always do,” Mrs. Lee smiled, a flash of sadness glazing over her eyes, “I know you didn’t want to come back dear, and I understand why but I have to ask you to do it again..I know it’s tiresome but Mijung is in her last year and she would be devastated at this point in her life. She’s just starting to become more confident..”

Tiresome, Haewon mused over the word. That was how her mother viewed it, the process that kept Haewon invisible and made her question herself for most of her life. It was merely tiresome. But she didn’t say anything because she knew it was better than being alone. So she grinned and nodded awkwardly. She knew the topic was going to come up but she didn’t know it would be so soon. “Don’t worry umma, I know how she feels and I won’t jeopardize her happiness with old news.”

Mrs. Lee smiled broader than earlier now that she had Haewon’s reassurance, “Haewon, you’re so sweet. I always said no one loves your sister as much as you. Now let’s get you settled in one of the rooms I’ve prepared—“

“no, it’s alright” Haewon interrupted, “I’ll stay in my room.”

“Are you sure dear? It hasn’t been aired in a while”

Haewon nodded, “of course, it’s where I’ll be most comfortable.”

————

She looked around, willing the walls not to speak too loudly to her. The room was full of memories Haewon had not visited for 5 years and was not ready to revisit.

She picked up a picture off her dresser and stared at the woman she only knew in a deteriorating memory.

“Umma, I’m back.I missed you.”

Like usual, no one replied.

Sighing, she put the picture back and lay down on her bed, closing her eyes to the slight pain engulfing her. It couldn’t reply anyways.
 
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