Is he still in love with his ex??


Siwon & Donghae =
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and 10 months. We have a 2 year old son together. I was in love with him and he was in love with me. Or so I thought he was. I'm not even sure right now. I found some signs that he might still be in love with his ex. I don't know what to do if he was. I don't know if I should tell him about this or should I keep it to myself. I know that if I keep it to myself that it will hurt me. I'm hurting right now just thinking about it.

First Sign; He have pictures of his ex in his wallet. I found then when my son was playing with it. Two was pictures of her with his cousin and sisters. He told me that there was his close relative in those pictures with her so he cant throw it out or put it away. I was ok with it cause I know he love his cousins and sisters dearly. But then I found a single picture of her in the back of his wallet. I was sad but I didn't think much about it because I don't want to stress cause I'm already stressed about everything else. But I still couldn't help but think about it. I never confronted him about this though

Second Sign; His friends said he text them a sad love poem and they want me to check it out. I checked it out and it was a sad love poem about her. It was about how she was his first love. From this poem I know he still have feelings for her. That's what hurt me the most. But I don't want to confront him because I'm scared that the answer would be that he is still in love with his ex.

She's married so I know that they won't get back together. But what hurts me is that He told me he loves me but there's signs of him still loving his ex. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say to him.

What do you guys think? Is he still in love with his ex? and If he is what should I do ?


Staff member
Wow =[ N'Moe I'm so sorry to hear about the situation I know how it feels. I've experienced it before and I know it feels horrible, but my best advice would be to talk it out. Even if you are afraid of the answer you have to confront him. Would you want to stay with him knowing that that is building inside? The reason is because you'll continue to have these resentments and your relationship will turn into a game with him. in the end only you know what you could do best for yourself. If you want to talk about it some more I could talk to you about it... on any msger u want? I know how it is to feel afraid to ask because you don't want the answer to hurt you.

It also depends on the type of friendship they had. My husband use to carry a picture of his first love in his wallet, but I knew it was there. The reason is because she was his best friend also. I never felt badly about it, but since I'm a girl sometimes you can't help it. We had to work through it for awhile until I realized that I was over thinking.

If you want to talk about it I would be more then happy to talk to you on msn or anything you want.


sarNie Adult
From what you are saying, he might still have unresolve feelings for his ex. Havind doubt in a relationship is hard. Especially when he says there isn't but there is proof or a gut feeling that you can't seem to shake it off says there is. Talk to him and see where things are at. If he denies it then let him know what is eating you up. He might not think anything of it...but as girls we tend to think a lot with our hearts. Be aware though, that if the answer isn't what you want to hear at least it'll be an answer that put you in peace. It is better knowing than not knowing.

I'm sure if he loves you then he will try to compromise. Because he's not going to want to continue hurting you if his love for you is greater than whatever it is he's feeling for his ex.


The only answer is to communicate with him about this issue.

I encountered something similar to your case. But before I say anything, keep in mind, I live with my bf. We have been together for a year and a half. I have been living with him for 9 months. Before I discovered the one evidence, I had already knew about his ex - "knew" as in I knew her name, where she lives, that she has a son, she is two years older than me, where she lives, where she works...EVERYTHING - just in case she might be a threat to me, I have all possible information to do something about it. Anyway, before I discovered about her, at the beginning of our relationship, like the first first or second month, somehow the ex conversation came up and he'd said "we were together for 4 years. my ex was real hot...blah blah blah" and I thought to myself, "who the hell would talk about their ex like that in front of someone he likes and want to date?".

So let's speed the story. Maybe two or three months ago (remember, I had already known about his ex at which he had no idea that I knew), I had a hunch. Usually, when I have a hunch, it's something bad. So, he was showering at the time. And while I had that hunch, I went through his phone. No signs of her name or number in his phone or anything. Phew! Good. So I felt good, and resorted to using his browser (he has a Droid), and you know Google, right? Whenever you key in the first letter or first few letters, a drop down menu pops down listing possible searches and also shows histories of what you have searched for? Ok, well. I keyed in the letter "D" intending to search for this restaurant whose name starts with a D. Right when I touched the letter D, his ex's name pops down. And I was in shock. I must have gone pale and stayed pale because when he came back in the room and I had already set his phone back down on the counter, he had asked me "What's wrong, baby?" And if you know me well, whenever there is something bothering me and someone asks me what is wrong, I always deny it. So, yes, I denied that there was something wrong. And he was ok with that.

A few days later, ever since my discovery, it was still eating me up inside. I was questioning myself, thinking to myself, "Does he still have feelings for this girl? If so, why the hell is he with me? Why bring me into his house to live together? Why talk about children together?" All the Why's!!! So I've had it. I was going nuts! If I don't confront him, I would have gone insane and gone through unnecessary stress. So as he was watching T.V., I got his phone, and I went back to his browser, clicked on the letter D and let her name drop. I walked over to my bf and shoved the phone in front of his face. I said to him calmly (CALMLY, I repeat), "Don't lie to me, and don't deny shit. I know who she is and I know who she is to you. Why the f**k are you searching your ex up?" And right then and there, he got up from bed, I remained standing, and we spoke about it.

And after that, everything was okay. He apologized. He said it was nothing, he just wanted to contact her to tell her son happy birthday. I believed him. My bf is the sweetest man ever and he spoils me rotten. He wouldn't hurt a fly for shit. So I knew he was telling the truth, that he doesn't have any left over feelings for her, that he was just wanting to say happy birthday and how life is. I had told him, "I'm not mad. But understand that we're together. Your ex is an EX. She's history and have been history. But I will not be okay with you contacting her again over ANYTHING. You have NO reasons at all to be contacting her. I would understand if you guys had kids together, but you guys don't, so do not jeopardize our relationship with the case of the ex issue." And I made it clear to him. And I was firm but calm when I told him this.

So, my problem in my case was that I waited to confront him. It could have been worse. I let it get bottled up inside. And that's dangerous. You need to talk to him. Confront him. Talk to him. You guys have a child together. You guys are a FAMILY. His ex is HISTORY. Don't be passive. Be strong!!! He needs to get over his ex, leave her alone in all ways possible, and show you that YOU are the one. The ex is a past remnant.

CONFRONT him! Talk to him!


sarNie Egg
It's hard for people to get over there first love. Even when I was in a new relationship, I was still thinking about my ex and as a matter of fact, I still til this day keep a picture of him and us. I'm currently single, but my last boyfriend found the pictures saved on my laptop. He got on it and found the pics by accident. It hurt him that I still had those pictures and we had a big ol' discussion. I asked him what he wanted me to do and I would do because I loved him, well when we were together obviously. Surprisingly, he told me to keep the pictures, but store it on a USB drive out of his sight and so I did that. Don't sweat the small things, but if it bothers you then you need to talk to him about it. You are not doing yourself any good by keeping to yourself. Whether he honors your request and respects your feelings, that will show how he truly feels and where he's at.

Everything will work itself out, don't stress about it too much.


sarNie Adult
After all these comments I felt like I rather want to live on my own and not marry for the rest of my life. Seem like nobody is perfect and faithful.


sarNie Egg
I know what you feel and it's sad because he doesn't..that jerk!
excuse me...I didn't mean to be rude.
But guys have an interesting way of looking at things, 
their brain waves are different from 
even if we try to figure out what they are thinking..we
never really can..right?
What I could tell you is accept the fact that he
may still have feelings for his ex..just as long as..
he's not doing something naughty behind your
back and hitting on, that's a different story!
I'm worried for you..because that's what I feel right now.
I came to this forum today to get away from the hurt
that there are things my honey has not revealed to me.
There is something that he is hiding that's why a
crazy chick  still have hots for him and doing her
best to connect with him again.
Like me, have time for yourself..
Lastly, you have a kid and strong for your kid.
Don't make conclusions yet..give him time to get it over with.
BUT you must tell him how you feel.
Good luck to you..hope all ends well.