Marriage in the Hmong community...

[mainhiathao]

money...money....money...

 

[SuabCoobThoj]

money...money....money...

Yes, money is a contributing factor for many broken relationships.

 

[cecilia]

When I hear about a Hmong wedding, my first thought is "she must be pregnant." And ninety nine percent of the time, I always end up being correct.

Sometimes Hmong parents would constantly remind their children... "We only raised you, we won't be there for you when you grow old" or "Peb Tu Nej Hlob Xwb Tsis Yug Nej Laus," maybe it's a fear or pressure.

But I simply think Hmong kids are just too naive. I know many will oppose this idea but Hmong kids (at highschool age ++) should be taught sex education/protection. If they want to mate at least protect yourself. I see couples struggling financially and yet continuing to have children which they can't afford to take care of, this frustrates me alot because I hate seeing children suffer due to their parents irresponsibility.

i hate that slogan and i get to hear that all the time from mom too.
its' sickening but it didn't pressure me to make rash decision.
i just tell her back and i will stay with her and die with her, this quiet her up :loool:

 

[max]

I did not really read everyone's comment, but I am going to make my own comment, possibly restating a little of everybody's comment. Haha.

Anyways, I too have noticed that Hmong girls are getting married extremely young. (My boyfriend's baby sister got married at the age of 14, and she is having her second baby this year at the age of 16! That just sounds so crazy to me! Unfortunately, she fits the "She must be pregnant because she's getting married." The interesting part about this is that it was not my boyfriend's parents who forced the boyfriend to get married to her, but it was his parents who forced him to get married to her. She is very fortunate that her in-laws are very kind people. Not only that, but the boyfriend was the baby of the family and the only son of that family, with the boyfriend having 9 older sisters. So, she provided their family with a boy, and that definitely made his parents love her a lot. He did not really care about her at first because he was so young and did not want to get married, but now he loves her a lot and is working a lot to support his little family. Therefore, not all young marriages fail because as of right now, I consider her and husband to have a very successful marriage, with her husband being only 17 years old and her being only 16 years old).

Anyways, enough of my story, but I believe that it is definitely not a good idea to get married so young, especially for a girl. I believe that education is very important, but if a girl gets married at the age of 14, how likely can she continue her education? I mean, look at the big picture. Most likely, she and her husband will be living with the in-laws. Of course there is nothing wrong with that, but most likely, what do you think that the in-laws expect of their daughter-in-law? To cook, clean, etc. I mean, of course you can be a daughter-in-law and still be a student, but I find that that is a lot more difficult in regards to a 16- year old girl. It may get very difficult for her to handle so much being so young. Also, what if she gets pregnant? I find that it would be hard for a girl so young to be married, have a child, and go to school.

Very importantly, I believe that a lot of couples who marry young end up divorcing early. For example, one of my uncles got married at about the age of 18. I guess it is not that young, but I still consider it pretty young. Well, he and his wife divorced about 2 years ago, and he is now only 24 years old. To me, that is really sad!

I can literally write a long essay about why marrying young is a bad idea, but I am going to stop here because you and I probably have similar thoughts (or if not you probably have a general idea of where I am standing), and plus, I am procrastinating way too much! LOL...

 

[Blackheart]

Yes I believe we shouldn't have people getting married at such a young ages.
They are still consider kids and I still see many young married couples struggle
through life with their kids and money. It's very sad to see because we should
be having fun at that age and not get into a difficult situation like that. I would
like to see us hmong people go to college and start having babies at 20 instead.
Also we should consider not having sex at a young age. It's pointless. Especially
if you're gonna marry someone just because she is pregnant and have no feelings
towards her.

 

[mai92]

there should be a limit age for Hmong girls to be married, like 20-30.
OMG! I'll be so happy if those money come to me instead of my parents!

 

[ddawbb]

in my opinion - it's ok to get married young. (unless a girl is younger than 14)
I see a lot of corrupted teenaged girls who are not married - and I truly feel sorry for them.
If marriage keeps them focused in life then let it be.
Just because someone has children at the age of 16 doesn't mean it's bad. It just means they're fertile and fit for survival. You may look at a young pregnant woman and think it's not right or whatever you think it is.... but you really don't know what the true feeling of carrying a baby in the womb is like, and you don't know what it's like to be expecting a child unless you experience it yourself.

of course like many of you said, when you're married you don't have as much fun anymore, but who would you have fun with anyway? When you're married you can have fun with your spouse anytime and anywhere you two want. You don't need the permission of anybody, you have no curfew, you have the whole world with you so why worry about it...

But maybe I just have a different view than you all - cuz I'm married, and I love being married to my husband. When you realize the reasons why you got married, you wouldn't pick anything else over your marriage.

 

[SuabCoobThoj]

in my opinion - it's ok to get married young. (unless a girl is younger than 14)
I see a lot of corrupted teenaged girls who are not married - and I truly feel sorry for them.
If marriage keeps them focused in life then let it be.
Just because someone has children at the age of 16 doesn't mean it's bad. It just means they're fertile and fit for survival. You may look at a young pregnant woman and think it's not right or whatever you think it is.... but you really don't know what the true feeling of carrying a baby in the womb is like, and you don't know what it's like to be expecting a child unless you experience it yourself.

of course like many of you said, when you're married you don't have as much fun anymore, but who would you have fun with anyway? When you're married you can have fun with your spouse anytime and anywhere you two want. You don't need the permission of anybody, you have no curfew, you have the whole world with you so why worry about it...

But maybe I just have a different view than you all - cuz I'm married, and I love being married to my husband. When you realize the reasons why you got married, you wouldn't pick anything else over your marriage.

There's a thing called survival of the fittest. Regardless of where you live, if you don't adapt into the environment you will not survive. This is not like back in Laos or Thailand where you can start a family anytime you want and farm to support your family. In America, you have to go to school and get a good education in order to live the lifestyle you want and to support your family.

The problem is not whether it's right or wrong to marry young, but does these young couples understand all the responsibilities involved in a marriage. Do you really think a 15 or 16 year old girl really have any idea on how to raise a family? Some may say they do, but I doubt it. I've seen so many young couples struggling to support their families and depend too much on their parents to help support them and their kids. That's just pathetic and ignorant in my opinion.

People just need to think before they do anything. How hard is that? It's not rocket science or anything. -_-

 

[nkaujhmooblauj]

There's a thing called survival of the fittest. Regardless of where you live, if you don't adapt into the environment you will not survive. This is not like back in Laos or Thailand where you can start a family anytime you want and farm to support your family. In America, you have to go to school and get a good education in order to live the lifestyle you want and to support your family.

The problem is not whether it's right or wrong to marry young, but does these young couples understand all the responsibilities involved in a marriage. Do you really think a 15 or 16 year old girl really have any idea on how to raise a family? Some may say they do, but I doubt it. I've seen so many young couples struggling to support their families and depend too much on their parents to help support them and their kids. That's just pathetic and ignorant in my opinion.

People just need to think before they do anything. How hard is that? It's not rocket science or anything. -_-

you just can't say that it's the girls that think they can raise a family...
what about the guys?
the low life asses? lol.
shiet.. i know hella guys that don't do shiet for their wife and kid..
it's just sad...
dude... it takes 2 people to build a life together...

 

[SuabCoobThoj]

you just can't say that it's the girls that think they can raise a family...
what about the guys?
the low life asses? lol.
shiet.. i know hella guys that don't do shiet for their wife and kid..
it's just sad...
dude... it takes 2 people to build a life together...

If you read my comment clearly, I am mentioned both parties of the marriage. I made a statement about girls getting married at a young age in response to angelxmdawb's comment saying that "in my opinion - it's ok to get married young. (unless a girl is younger than 14)."

Also, the girls who marries these low life guys kind of deserve what they got if you really think about it. Many of the times, they knew what kind of a person these guys are, and yet they still marry them. Goes to show that playing family is NOT a good idea. By the way, I'm picking on the girls because they're more vunerable than the guys. ^_^

 

[nkaujhmoob_vaj]

i find this issue really stupid too...

i know this girl who got married at 15 and she's 17 now and pregnant...
but she doesn't act like a nyab nor a mother... she's like a little kid have a kid...
which is ashame...

i really hate it when i hear teenage girls and boys say that they are in love and they're going to get married...
i'm just like... seriously... marriage is no joke...

i'm not married even though i'm 18 and i'm soooo scared of living my own life with the person whom i decided to spend the rest of my life with...

both of my sisters got married at a very young age too... my oldest sister got married at 15 and my older sister got married at 13! although they've overcome many obstacles in their lives and are now living happily... i saw how they struggled through their lives... and i made a vow not to get married at such an early age...

i'm not trying to stop others from doing what they want but all i'm saying is that you should becareful on what you decide because that decision can affect the rest of your life...

 

[nkaujhmooblauj]

If you read my comment clearly, I am mentioned both parties of the marriage. I made a statement about girls getting married at a young age in response to angelxmdawb's comment saying that "in my opinion - it's ok to get married young. (unless a girl is younger than 14)."

Also, the girls who marries these low life guys kind of deserve what they got if you really think about it. Many of the times, they knew what kind of a person these guys are, and yet they still marry them. Goes to show that playing family is NOT a good idea. By the way, I'm picking on the girls because they're more vunerable than the guys. ^_^

when you're with a guy.. they make themself sound mature and all
but once you get married to them.. it's a whole different story
even if you think that you got to know them REAL good..
nope.. you're not even close to knowing them...
it's just all on a risk.. you're going out on a limb...

 

[ddawbb]

There's a thing called survival of the fittest. Regardless of where you live, if you don't adapt into the environment you will not survive. This is not like back in Laos or Thailand where you can start a family anytime you want and farm to support your family. In America, you have to go to school and get a good education in order to live the lifestyle you want and to support your family.

The problem is not whether it's right or wrong to marry young, but does these young couples understand all the responsibilities involved in a marriage. Do you really think a 15 or 16 year old girl really have any idea on how to raise a family? Some may say they do, but I doubt it. I've seen so many young couples struggling to support their families and depend too much on their parents to help support them and their kids. That's just pathetic and ignorant in my opinion.

People just need to think before they do anything. How hard is that? It's not rocket science or anything. -_-

Who says that after you get education and a college degree, you can already support yourself? Even lots of educated Americans depend on their parents until they are in their 30s or 40s. Like my parents say, no matter how old you are- you will always end up depending on your parents one day for some reason. So I see nothing wrong in depending on their parents to support them.

But I agree - people do need to think before they do anything - and everyone has that chance. Whatever they choose, they also have to accept the consequences (if there are any). I'd rather see a young couple get married young and devote to each other (whether it's good or bad) than see them in college, cohabiting secretly without their parent's knowledge, and who knows what else they do. At least young couples have more respect for their parents.

 

[SuabCoobThoj]

Who says that after you get education and a college degree, you can already support yourself? Even lots of educated Americans depend on their parents until they are in their 30s or 40s. Like my parents say, no matter how old you are- you will always end up depending on your parents one day for some reason. So I see nothing wrong in depending on their parents to support them.

But I agree - people do need to think before they do anything - and everyone has that chance. Whatever they choose, they also have to accept the consequences (if there are any). I'd rather see a young couple get married young and devote to each other (whether it's good or bad) than see them in college, cohabiting secretly without their parent's knowledge, and who knows what else they do. At least young couples have more respect for their parents.

You do know that it's getting harder and harder to get a job nowadays with just a high school diploma right? Have your parents ever told you to go to school and get an education so that one day you will be better off than they were? There's a reason why so many people from other countries want to come to the United States so bad.....education and opportunities.

So you would rather see your teenage girl married than see her go to college? Are you serious? Also, just because one goes to college doesn't mean they're doing anything bad behind their parents' back. That just means they have a brain and know how to use it...lol

And how does young couples have more respect for their parents.....? Maybe you and your husband as a young couple have a lot of respect for your parents, but that does not conclude that young couples have more respect for their parents...

 

[madalia3]

that is trueangelxmdawb i do believe that young couples respect their parents more...and yes i dont believe just cause u graduate from high skool or college means u can support urself...and i agree with u that u'll always need to depend on ur parents no matter what...and theres nothing wrong with that...i know i'll always depend on my parents for support and help if i need any..but of course i know that i should support myself too

 

[SuabCoobThoj]

that is trueangelxmdawb i do believe that young couples respect their parents more...and yes i dont believe just cause u graduate from high skool or college means u can support urself...and i agree with u that u'll always need to depend on ur parents no matter what...and theres nothing wrong with that...i know i'll always depend on my parents for support and help if i need any..but of course i know that i should support myself too

That kind of thought is one of the reasons why Hmong people are not making any progress in life. That's why many Hmong people are living in poverty, especially the younger generation because we don't view education as anything important.

Do you guys understand what responsibility is? Of course we all will need a hand from our parents here and there, but the point I'm trying to make here is that these young couples are going overboard with their dependency. They don't seem to understand or bare any of their responsibilities as parents themselves.....

(Again, just talking about the majorities here.)

 

[ddawbb]

Marriage doesn't cut off your chances of getting an education and having opportunities.
I know lots of young women who are married and go to college, some even have 3 children yet they still graduate within 4 years after highschool from college. Don't stereotype that married women are at lost. Also, not all young couples are parents. Just because a couple gets married doesn't mean that they already have children to support.

Also, if a young woman goes to college and does things behind their parents back (as in "knowing how to use their brain") then that's good for them. If she's ok with marrying later on in life with a guy who has also been with another woman besides her, that's her preference - yes we are in America and things have changed so let it be... Americans live this lifestyle and if some people like that adaptation, go ahead and put it into your lifestyle.

Anyway, I still believe that young and married couples have more respect for their parents. I see many teenagers argue with their parents about STUPID THINGS, complain about stupid things, and do stupid things.... and don't appreciate the things their parents do for them. Being married, you see the bigger picture in life and appreciate the REAL life.. therefore your respect is more real and honest.

But anyway, that's just me, since I'm the minority here amongst all these single sarnies.. lol.
You can all experience life at your pace, and see what you think about the married life 5+ years after you get married. -_-

 

[nkaujhmooblauj]

Marriage doesn't cut off your chances of getting an education and having opportunities.
I know lots of young women who are married and go to college, some even have 3 children yet they still graduate within 4 years after highschool from college. Don't stereotype that married women are at lost. Also, not all young couples are parents. Just because a couple gets married doesn't mean that they already have children to support.

Also, if a young woman goes to college and does things behind their parents back (as in "knowing how to use their brain") then that's good for them. If she's ok with marrying later on in life with a guy who has also been with another woman besides her, that's her preference - yes we are in America and things have changed so let it be... Americans live this lifestyle and if some people like that adaptation, go ahead and put it into your lifestyle.

Anyway, I still believe that young and married couples have more respect for their parents. I see many teenagers argue with their parents about STUPID THINGS, complain about stupid things, and do stupid things.... and don't appreciate the things their parents do for them. Being married, you see the bigger picture in life and appreciate the REAL life.. therefore your respect is more real and honest.

But anyway, that's just me, since I'm the minority here amongst all these single sarnies.. lol.
You can all experience life at your pace, and see what you think about the married life 5+ years after you get married. -_-

i was just about to say that too..
just because a young woman is married..
it doesn't mean she can't go to school... or get a good job
[some] people are more motivated after marriage
so.. please.. don't speak for the crowd.. lol.

 

[SuabCoobThoj]

Marriage doesn't cut off your chances of getting an education and having opportunities.
I know lots of young women who are married and go to college, some even have 3 children yet they still graduate within 4 years after highschool from college. Don't stereotype that married women are at lost. Also, not all young couples are parents. Just because a couple gets married doesn't mean that they already have children to support.

Also, if a young woman goes to college and does things behind their parents back (as in "knowing how to use their brain") then that's good for them. If she's ok with marrying later on in life with a guy who has also been with another woman besides her, that's her preference - yes we are in America and things have changed so let it be... Americans live this lifestyle and if some people like that adaptation, go ahead and put it into your lifestyle.

Anyway, I still believe that young and married couples have more respect for their parents. I see many teenagers argue with their parents about STUPID THINGS, complain about stupid things, and do stupid things.... and don't appreciate the things their parents do for them. Being married, you see the bigger picture in life and appreciate the REAL life.. therefore your respect is more real and honest.

But anyway, that's just me, since I'm the minority here amongst all these single sarnies.. lol.
You can all experience life at your pace, and see what you think about the married life 5+ years after you get married. -_-

Do you even read what I wrote? lol... When did I say marriage gets in anyone's way of getting an education? And I'm not just talking about the ladies, the guys as well so stop turning my writings into a sexist remarks. And like I said, I'm just talking about the majority. And the majority of the time, many of these young Hmong couples have kids at a young age. The problem with this is that these kids really have no clue on what's going on. It's basically kids raising kids and parents taking in more kids to support.

In regards to your comment that young couples having more respect for their parents...that is totally not true. That's basically saying that all married couples have more respect for their parents than us single people. I respect all my elders very much and I'm not married. So who's the one stereoptyping now? .......

 

[SuabCoobThoj]

i was just about to say that too..
just because a young woman is married..
it doesn't mean she can't go to school... or get a good job
[some] people are more motivated after marriage
so.. please.. don't speak for the crowd.. lol.

You too, stop trying to label me as a sexist. Are you like some sort of feminist or something?