Marriage in the Hmong community...

[ddawbb]

lol.. nobody labeled you (suabcoobthoj) a sexist, you labeled yourself.
and I never said that all single people don't respect their parents. I said MANY.
of course, some single people do respect their elders/parents. Then your parents raised you well

anyways, nobody is targeting at suabcoobthoj's comments either so cool down. lol.

 

[SuabCoobThoj]

Well, the way you and nkaujhmooblauj quoted my comments, you guys made it seem like I'm against women or something. lol It's all good though, I can understand both of your point of views.

 

[margaretthao4]

lmao i mind as well put in my 1 cent hahaha today is my spamming day.

theres lots of factors why kids get married so young. None of them make sense to me. If your really "in love" and that person is really "in love" with you too then whats the harm of waiting for the right time? I'm assuming most kids these days get knocked up and forced into marriage
mm hmm i've heard of 3 so far just in this month alone.
you know what i find funny is that after they get married b/c they got knocked up..its like after that kid they learn about protection or something cause they sure as hell dont have anymore after that first one LMFAO!
majority of those kids who get married will most likely be the ones getting divorced w/kids. they're going to see other singles out there that are their age and then theyre going to want that feeling of being young and spontanious having no extra baggage thus causing a chain reaction "I cant take this anymore I want a divorce" "you dont act like you did when we first met" well hello what do you expect you've got other problems to deal with now.

getting married @ 12-16..what can you really do at that age? you cant really jet off to new york for a party, fly to L.A for a premier, drive down to vegas with the girls/guys, spend a weekend in mexico, buy that LV bag or that Channel dress or that MAC brush, or even lounge around till noon with no problems. but its too late for them cause they've got kids and you know what its not them whose going to be suffering its their damn kids. i've seen it all one too many times.
guys and girls if you really want to have sex use protection dont fukn get knocked up!
and dont ever think marriage is a way for you to escape your life (parents, siblings, w/e) because its not its only sucking you into something else maybe even something worse.
live your life to the fullest while your still young and single because in the end whatever happens you'll know you have no regrets and when you finally get married you wont have that longing to want to know what it feels like to be single at that age and go out and just be wild and crazy.

and to those of you who are young and married with our without children. your life is no longer just your life. its your husband and your kids as well. you cant be selfish anymore because its certainly not going to be all about you. every little thing you do effects them as much as it effects you. so if your having second thoughts look at your spouse/kids and think "what are they going to do without me? what am i going to gain if i do this? what will i loose? is it all worth it?"

i have to say i love my life right now @ 22. no one to hold me back. i go where ever whenever. no one i need to ask permission from. no one to treat me like i'm some kind of slave/babysitter/sex buddy. i make money for me and i get what i want.
i know that when i'm good and ready to settle down i will and i'll know that i've done everything i possibly could have wanted to do while single. i'll close that chapter in my life and start a new one with a husband and when were stable enough well have kids and a house and all that good stuff.

so kids i know you have dreams and ambition and i know you want to see the world so dont let anyone take that away from you espicially when your 12. there's so much out there that you need to see and experience for yourself.

ohhh i'm not tyring to put anyone down this is just my opinion and way of thinking.

 

[nkaujhmooblauj]

Well, the way you and nkaujhmooblauj quoted my comments, you guys made it seem like I'm against women or something. lol It's all good though, I can understand both of your point of views.

i never tried to label you as a sexist...
we quote you.. that way.. you know that we're making a reply to something you've said..
lol..

 

[nkaujhmooblauj]

one more thing.. everyone chooses their own way of life..
let them be.. lol..
not that i'm trying to promote young marriages...

 

[Fearless]

Do you even read what I wrote? lol... When did I say marriage gets in anyone's way of getting an education? And I'm not just talking about the ladies, the guys as well so stop turning my writings into a sexist remarks. And like I said, I'm just talking about the majority. And the majority of the time, many of these young Hmong couples have kids at a young age. The problem with this is that these kids really have no clue on what's going on. It's basically kids raising kids and parents taking in more kids to support.

In regards to your comment that young couples having more respect for their parents...that is totally not true. That's basically saying that all married couples have more respect for their parents than us single people. I respect all my elders very much and I'm not married. So who's the one stereoptyping now? .......

I totally agree with you and understand you. Most of the young married couples are married due to the girl's pregnancy and how is that giving respect to the parents? Being irresponsible, having a child before getting married, and making your parents loose face and having to get married before your stomach start showing, how is that giving more respect for your parents? But if you were married before you are pregnant and are responsible and know what you're doing then that's a different story. So I understand what SuabCoobThoj's saying because I have a sister-in-law who is only 16 and my brother is 19 and they got married because she was pregnant and now they have a one year old kid and they are so irresponsible and depends everything on my mom. Before getting married you have to know what you're getting yourself into because marriage life is no joke. For all the young kids who are dating please use abstinence but if you really want to have sex, there's condoms and birth control pills.

 

[ceda_lee]

Oh geez...I think I'll be the old lady with lots of cats.

I'm 23 and not even thinking about marriage. I careless when my relatives say I'm too old. I'm like, "R you kidding?" I'm barely getting started. Some people marry young and they work out and some just don't. Some date til they're 27, ties the knot, and they sometimes work out and sometimes they don't. I think everyone's different. Marrying young doesn't necessarily mean a possible divorce (did someone already mentioned that...my bad). BUT then again, it just ain't for me. Whoever's up for it, best of luck to ya'll.

 

[ceda_lee]

I totally agree with you and understand you. Most of the young married couples are married due to the girl's pregnancy and how is that giving respect to the parents? Being irresponsible, having a child before getting married, and making your parents loose face and having to get married before your stomach start showing, how is that giving more respect for your parents? But if you were married before you are pregnant and are responsible and know what you're doing then that's a different story. So I understand what SuabCoobThoj's saying because I have a sister-in-law who is only 16 and my brother is 19 and they got married because she was pregnant and now they have a one year old kid and they are so irresponsible and depends everything on my mom. Before getting married you have to know what you're getting yourself into because marriage life is no joke. For all the young kids who are dating please use abstinence but if you really want to have sex, there's condoms and birth control pills.

DITTO!

However I would like to add...sometimes accidents happen. Even though if you didn't mean to, it may come off as being disrespectful. But then again...young kids can be idiots. What do they know about "respect" at that age. Young and dumb...

 

[Kayleen]

I find this more common nowadays. It wasn't so common until the 2000s when Hmong children starting sleeping around more and cohabitating... When I started college a few years ago, I was so shock some of the Hmong couples were living/sleeping with each other and weren't married... Guess I was extremely sheltered and it totally caught me off guard. Personally, I don't believe in premarital sex and cohabitation, but a lot of Hmong kids seem to be fine with it as long as their parents don't know! I'm not a FOB or anything, considering I was born and raised in the United States in both cultures. My parents allowed me to become Americanized, yet I still value my Hmong culture and roots and still follow majority of the traditional beliefs...

I totally agreed with you! I am in my late 20's and I still follow my Hmong tradition. Not that there is anything wrong with living with your boyfriend/girlfriend. But I don't want my family and myself to be the talk of town, I don't want any rumors about me, and I want respect from my community/cousins as well. I know some people don't care what other think or say about them..but I guess I do.

 

[ddawbb]

of course.. cov hluas nkauj who has kids before they get married.. Because they don't respect their parents and the things their parents teach them, it is one of the reasons why they get pregnant, bringing a burden upon theirselves and have to get married even if they had goals or dreams etc..... Not only did their parents teach them, even in school teenagers are taught to use contraceptives to prevent pregnancy.. It's their own irresponsibility that they get caught up in marriage. tsk tsk tsk.. decisions decisions decisions..

 

[max]

Well, I believe that it is possible for a young girl to be married with/out a child/children and still be able to go to school and be successful with their education/career. At the same time, I believe that there are very few of those. I mean, even if you want to go to school and you are highly determined, sometimes being a wife and/or mom at such an incredibly young age, it is too difficult. Just take a look around you. How many of those very young girls who are married and may already have kids actually end up going to school and completing school? From what I have seen, there are not too many, but I may be wrong.