suggestions/advice would be appreciated

foreverlove

sarNie Egg
hello everyone,

i'm 24 years old and have been told numerous time to get a life (not in a bad way, just to get a boyfriend or hurry and get marry before i'm too old and it'll be late for me). some have told me to hurry otherwise i might end up being someone's second wife or get a way older guy as husband. also, my family doesn't want to worry about my situation, not finding someone to spend the rest of my life with, they don't want me to be lonely, have no kids, and ect. to be honest, i do want kids (before my 30th birthday, 6 more years to accomplish if i can) but what can i do, i hardly have time to go out to meet people. some have been encouraging like it's okay to wait until mr. right comes but who knows if mr. right will be the first guy that i date (fyi: i have not date before and this dating thing is kind of scaring me because i wouldn't know what to do). also i don't want to just jump into marrying when i find mr. right because i need to take chances and date (like the hmong saying, one girl must have three boyfriends, or something like that). I am a full time employee and full time student and hardly goes out because of school and work taking much of my time. am i wasting my time not going out there and meeting people? will i meet mr. right if i'm waiting for him to come? what places are good to meet people?

as an independent individual, i want someone who lets me have time to myself, isn't controlling, knows how to have fun even when i'm not there, provides me with a strong embrace (making me feel safe) and many more. 24 years haven't been out without my parents permission or without someone from my family going with me (no time for me to freely escape and enjoy time but work, school, and family obligations). i guess the elders want me to get a life because they don't want to see me single in case there's the time where they won't be with me for long and would like to see me fully settle down. sorry i'm overthinking myself that what i wrote might be confusing or going back and forth but i would really appreciate the advices/suggestions i can get. thanks very much.
 

mmm0403

sarNie Juvenile
hello everyone,

i'm 24 years old and have been told numerous time to get a life (not in a bad way, just to get a boyfriend or hurry and get marry before i'm too old and it'll be late for me). some have told me to hurry otherwise i might end up being someone's second wife or get a way older guy as husband. also, my family doesn't want to worry about my situation, not finding someone to spend the rest of my life with, they don't want me to be lonely, have no kids, and ect. to be honest, i do want kids (before my 30th birthday, 6 more years to accomplish if i can) but what can i do, i hardly have time to go out to meet people. some have been encouraging like it's okay to wait until mr. right comes but who knows if mr. right will be the first guy that i date (fyi: i have not date before and this dating thing is kind of scaring me because i wouldn't know what to do). also i don't want to just jump into marrying when i find mr. right because i need to take chances and date (like the hmong saying, one girl must have three boyfriends, or something like that). I am a full time employee and full time student and hardly goes out because of school and work taking much of my time. am i wasting my time not going out there and meeting people? will i meet mr. right if i'm waiting for him to come? what places are good to meet people?

as an independent individual, i want someone who lets me have time to myself, isn't controlling, knows how to have fun even when i'm not there, provides me with a strong embrace (making me feel safe) and many more. 24 years haven't been out without my parents permission or without someone from my family going with me (no time for me to freely escape and enjoy time but work, school, and family obligations). i guess the elders want me to get a life because they don't want to see me single in case there's the time where they won't be with me for long and would like to see me fully settle down. sorry i'm overthinking myself that what i wrote might be confusing or going back and forth but i would really appreciate the advices/suggestions i can get. thanks very much.
I'm a few years older than you and I'm not in rush to get married. I just live the way I want it--work hard to earn enough money to buy a house for myself to live fist. I don't want to end up the same as my parents.

There are plenty of men. You don't have to marry Hmong men in the USA. There are plenty around the world if you don't mind. Just tell anyone who wants you to get married that if they can promise to help you raise any kids you will have and your life when you are in trouble, then you will be gladly married without hesitation. Hahaha...

Just tell them you will but not right now since you still have school and a full time job to keep you busy. You will when the right man comes along. Rushing into marriage will ruin your life.

Done worry about becoming second wife or old an man's wife. The world is big with plenty of good fish.
 

mokka

sarNie Adult
I say have fun! everyone worries about you that's why they said that. If you don't want to get marry... who cares... if you want kids, just take care of your nieces and nephews...
Honestly, don't be in a rush to settle down... Have fun first...
 

pbv

sarNie Juvenile
I don't think you need to really heed their advice and start searching for a man proactively unless you do want to start dating. I have plenty of friends who have never had boyfriends and we're all in our early 20's as well. In fact I didn't really date until I was in college.

There's no rush but then I'm a believer of things happening if I want them too. Also, maybe just try going out a little without your parents and family members. I don't mean clubbing or anything, just to hang outs and bbqs and such and just mingle and try to meet people for fun and make new friends. Your parents can't expect you to find someone to marry if you can't go out at all. People come into our lives but seriously, they have to meet you first.

I say don't worry, go with the flow. If you truly want kids by 30 then start being more active about finding love then. Now is the time to find yourself first.
 

cecilia

Staff member
i'm a year older than you and still single and enjoying my life -- just suck to see ppl behind you, pulling your plug just b/c you dont' want to get married yet. I don't think i'll marry soon seeing how life is to my sibling and especially my parent .. i can't picture myself rushing in a relationship and continue to live together or tie down to marriage with argument and hate everyday. You're still young ,you still have time .. do what you need to do first before thinking of marriage (if you're not ready) Don't let those ppl rush you into something you'll regret for the rest of your life. Accomplish your dream -- you have control of your life .. being second wife or marry an elder man -- whatever it is, your life is in your control. Maneuver it the way you want it to go.
 

foreverlove

sarNie Egg
Thank you all (mmm0403, mokka, pbv, and cecilia) for your responses. I greatly appreciated it and feel better now after reading what you guys wrote. Just what I had been thinking about, my being single and I love it, my freedom. Anyways, thanks to all again for your responses.
 

mmm0403

sarNie Juvenile
Thank you all (mmm0403, mokka, pbv, and cecilia) for your responses. I greatly appreciated it and feel better now after reading what you guys wrote. Just what I had been thinking about, my being single and I love it, my freedom. Anyways, thanks to all again for your responses.
I don't really want to get married, but recently something just came to my mind that if I don't marry to the person I'm suppose to marry this life, then I'll end up continuing this life in the next life, which I do not want. That's the only reason that I finally decided to marry that person that is meant for me and fulfill whatever I need to fulfill in this life--good or bad, happy or sad, short or long life, whatever kind of life I end up with this person, I might as well just live to what I need to fulfill and be done with it. Yea...and hopefully things don't get repeating ob peb tiam rau ob peb tiam.
 

pangmoua

RujRasa Fan
I think that everyone is meant for someone. if you're still single, don't worry about not finding someone, maybe it's just not time yet. i read an article and it mentioned that even though you haven't found the right man yet, don't worry but just live your life to the fullest. this way if you never find him, you won't regret because you live your life to the fullest and enjoy life.

I always believe in faith where everyone is made for someone. i may not find him now but i will in the future. just like all the other sarnies have mentioned, don't rush into a relationship and marriage just because your family are ushering you to. i remember watching somewhere where it says "who says women needs men? only men needs women." you don't want to get into a wrong relationship and being stuck with them forever. i tell myself to take my time because i'm only going to marry once so i need to get with the right man before i decide to get committed in a relationship.

@mmm0403, are you married? sorry but your respond just makes me curious since you stated "That's the only reason that I finally decided to marry that person that is meant for me and fulfill whatever I need to fulfill in this life--good or bad, happy or sad, short or long life, whatever kind of life I end up with this person, I might as well just live to what I need to fulfill and be done with it."

sometimes i wonder how force marriage or marrying someone you don't have feelings toward would be like. i guess being a fantasy dreamer, i wonder here and there... anyways, good luck to you all your situations.
 

mmm0403

sarNie Juvenile
I think that everyone is meant for someone. if you're still single, don't worry about not finding someone, maybe it's just not time yet. i read an article and it mentioned that even though you haven't found the right man yet, don't worry but just live your life to the fullest. this way if you never find him, you won't regret because you live your life to the fullest and enjoy life.

I always believe in faith where everyone is made for someone. i may not find him now but i will in the future. just like all the other sarnies have mentioned, don't rush into a relationship and marriage just because your family are ushering you to. i remember watching somewhere where it says "who says women needs men? only men needs women." you don't want to get into a wrong relationship and being stuck with them forever. i tell myself to take my time because i'm only going to marry once so i need to get with the right man before i decide to get committed in a relationship.

@mmm0403, are you married? sorry but your respond just makes me curious since you stated "That's the only reason that I finally decided to marry that person that is meant for me and fulfill whatever I need to fulfill in this life--good or bad, happy or sad, short or long life, whatever kind of life I end up with this person, I might as well just live to what I need to fulfill and be done with it."

sometimes i wonder how force marriage or marrying someone you don't have feelings toward would be like. i guess being a fantasy dreamer, i wonder here and there... anyways, good luck to you all your situations.
No, I'm not married yet. I meant I was thinking about marrying that person that is meant for me--whoever he is (as long as he is not married yet, not a criminal in any sort of activities, an abusive guy, or something, hahaha).
 

pangmoua

RujRasa Fan
No, I'm not married yet. I meant I was thinking about marrying that person that is meant for me--whoever he is (as long as he is not married yet, not a criminal in any sort of activities, an abusive guy, or something, hahaha).
that's what i thought at first but your response just makes me curious. thanks for the clarification :)
 

candi

sarNie Juvenile
You are still so young. Enjoy your time while you can. I barely got married at age 27 and marriage isn't fun!
 
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