Tough Situation

dark_angel22

sarNie Egg
A friend of mine is in a situation where she met a guy online in a game room. They have so much fun when they get online and play. But he made it clear and was up front about being married with children, at the beginning. And everything was cool, playing games online and stuff, but one day they ended up exchanging e-mails and then recently they exchanged numbers and been talking. He works grave yard shift and use it as an opportunity to talk to her. Kicking it with her and hearing them talk, I feel they have great chemistry and I think they really feeling each other. And she been confiding in me about stuff and the consequences and so on. The problems are distance (they live many states apart) and the fact he's married with children. Them meeting is not impossible. As a matter of fact it is very possible and do-able. Messing around is also very possible, but the million dollar question is what happens next after they hook up.

I told my friend I been in a situation where I was the girlfriend and I been in situation where I was the other woman, but that's because I didn't know he was married and he never told me. But she knows he's married and with children. I asked her how she would feel if someone messed up her happy home. But she was like if he was happy he wouldn't be talking to me. I dunno I'm the type of person I don't like to give advice. I'm more of the listerner. No matter what I think at the end of the day the person is still gonna do what they gonna or wanna do. But in the same token she is one of my good friends. I don't want to see her hurt. I know the guy have more to lose, but my friend deserve to be more than a side piece. And she was of those girls that I least expected to be in these type of situation.

What would you do if you were in my situation?
 

darvil

sarNie Adult
I would tell her to quit doing this stupid thing. I really don't see a way where this whole thing can end happily. Probably going to require alot of luck. Might as well use that luck to win the lottery instead.
 

judyp

sarNie Adult
^^ i agree. i would suggest her to quit it. put herself in the other woman's shoes. how would she feel if her man was secretly talking to someone else? it's not fair to the guy's wife and the kids. and think about it, if he's doing this now, what makes her think he wouldn't do the same when he's with her? i don't see how this can possibly be a happy ending.
 

KhoOnxNouxWanxJai

Staff member
One Word, "Quit." I've been in a similar situation where I was dating a guy for an entire year only to find out that he was married and had a kid. I felt hurt, but it wasn't as bad as realizing that I had interfered with someone's Else's life. I didn't know which made me feel worst. The fact that I was lied to or the reason that there was a broken home. Your friend in this case is the reason if she decides to pursue a relationship with the guy. It won't be completely her fault, but it mind as well be because she put herself in the situation where she was vulnerable enough to accept the role of the other woman. What else would there be except her reputation? Will her family and of course herself be able to deal with the fact that she ruined a marriage? Will she be able to escape the title of "mistress?"

I don't know your friend so I can't judge her or tell what kind of person she is, but anyone who chooses to pursue a relationship with someone who is already married with children in my book is a home wrecker. Even if their marriage is unhappy and he finds himself falling for her. Do it the right way try to work things out with the wife and if it doesn't properly get a divorce. Women should have pride in themselves and definitely dignity. If she chooses to quit talking to him now she still has time to move on and forget of him. True they may have chemistry and they may connect, but it doesn't mean that there will NOT be someone else like that.
 

fun

YGfamily
It is a tough situation. She knew he was married with kid. To begin with, if he lied to her and she found out, she should have stop talking to him. But in this case, she knows. I guess if they both love each other, TRULY love each other, I don't see a problem with that. Though the woman he is married to and his children will be heartbroken... Okay this is a tough one, I don't want to force my opinion.
 

ntelligent_mind

sarNie Hatchling
He's married with kids. I Mean its tough especially when they have chemistry but Someone is going to end up getting hurt and its more than likely going to be her. So she should really just stop.
 

MasterMind

sarNie Hatchling
Every second of every day we make choices. And we have to live with the consequences of those decisions. I hope your friend understands what she is getting into.
 
it would be different if your friend wasn't aware of his situation (being married and with kids, no less) -- a situation in which your friend would have less blame -- but she is very much aware. therefore, she carries a heavy burden, and blame, of intruding into a family's structure and well-being, even if the guy's wife never finds out... you should convince your friend to end all contact with the guy as soon as possible...she may say, "oh, ok, i'll quit thinking of hooking up with him, but we'll just chat as friends" -- even that is dangerous, because of the high probability that things will again heat up and take a turn towards infidelity... question her as to whether or not she really wants to be the other woman, the one who tears a family apart, who causes another woman to sob herself to sleep each night and consistently worry about what she did wrong, the one who causes family trouble for young children...i bet your friend is a good, decent person, but one who is extremely misguided in relation to this situation...

as for your friend's explanation of "oh, his home/family life must be really unstable, unsatisfying, and already unhappy, so it's perfectly fine that i go on with this affair", she's wrong...not all men who cheat have a terrible wife or unsatisfying life at home -- plenty of those men have perfectly fine wives and normal, stable lives at home, but want to seek a cheap thrill...
 

Thookatha

sarNie Elites
all right, i wasn't originally gonna post in here cuz it's obvious what ur friend should or should not do. as for the guy, he was upfront with with your friend about being married with children, but what he needs to do is BE UPFRONT WITH HIMSELF. he obviously doesn't respect or take ur friend seriously, so straight up tell her she's a whore if she's gonna do this. if the guy wanted to pursue her under HIS circumstances, what does that say about him. bad marriage or not, he's still considered not available. your friend has a decision to make. no matter how u look at it, it still aint right for them to hook up. honestly, i don't see what's so hard about this.
 

YM_gurl

sarNie Oldmaid
A friend of mine is in a situation where she met a guy online in a game room. They have so much fun when they get online and play. But he made it clear and was up front about being married with children, at the beginning. And everything was cool, playing games online and stuff, but one day they ended up exchanging e-mails and then recently they exchanged numbers and been talking. He works grave yard shift and use it as an opportunity to talk to her. Kicking it with her and hearing them talk, I feel they have great chemistry and I think they really feeling each other. And she been confiding in me about stuff and the consequences and so on. The problems are distance (they live many states apart) and the fact he's married with children. Them meeting is not impossible. As a matter of fact it is very possible and do-able. Messing around is also very possible, but the million dollar question is what happens next after they hook up.

I told my friend I been in a situation where I was the girlfriend and I been in situation where I was the other woman, but that's because I didn't know he was married and he never told me. But she knows he's married and with children. I asked her how she would feel if someone messed up her happy home. But she was like if he was happy he wouldn't be talking to me. I dunno I'm the type of person I don't like to give advice. I'm more of the listerner. No matter what I think at the end of the day the person is still gonna do what they gonna or wanna do. But in the same token she is one of my good friends. I don't want to see her hurt. I know the guy have more to lose, but my friend deserve to be more than a side piece. And she was of those girls that I least expected to be in these type of situation.

What would you do if you were in my situation?
oh wow!! married and have children?!!

you need to tell your friend to forget the guy and move on. i mean, come on. he's just using her to kill time while he is at work.

and you should give her advices even if she doesnt take them. if someday she realize it on her own, she'll turn to you and thank you.

:D
 

dark_angel22

sarNie Egg
I hardly come in here anymore, when I do, I head straight to lakorn section. You ladies are awesome, those are very great advice and insight. Update, my friend didn't hook up with him, she moved on. She knew no matter what she could never have him. She's moved on to someone else local and he's still married.
 
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