Traditional Laos Dowry

I was wondering... I know that it's america now and not alot of Laotions may not practice the dowry anymore or if they have any... but my question is...

Traditionally who pay the dowry... the bride or groom? and why?

I heard that the bride pays a dowry for the groom, because it's easier for the guy to run away or not want the girl anymore so that's why the bride pays for it. Is it true?
 

Liberty

sarNie Adult
lol...I've never heard of that.
To be honest I have no clue. I'm not even sure if my family does dowries anymore.
But from what I've seen from other relatives and friends of families, it seems like the guy is they one that pays the dowry.
I know in one incident, there was this Laotian girl who had been engaged to this Vietnamese guy. Well he forked over a lot of money and jewelry to her and her family but they ended up not getting married and his family tried to get it back but her family wouldn't give it back. *shrugs*
With my aunts, it was the same way. Of course my family didn't ask for payment, the jewelry was a gift from the groom's family to their new daughter-in-law.
 

donna

sarNie Adult
the groom pays.

i remember reading somewhere about in europe back in the old days that the female would be the one to pay. most of the time they were the ones that were well off than the guys

oh one more thing. lao ppl still practice this in america. they be wanting ridiculous prices for their promiscuous daughters!
 

saobomp

sarNie Adult
many people now aday or even back then ask dowry for various reason. like my parents when they got married; it was only asked of my dad side b/c my grand parents didnt want my father to marry my mother. he was a hard working man and worked for his own money and my uncles supported that and wanted him to marry my mom.

some parents do abuse the system by asking for way too much money; making it an income to their family. i seen families that did that.
if the girl side ask for money, some wedding cost like food, the girl side will prepare to help the guys side out. somehow it comes out where both side spends the money...
if the either side fails to comply with their agreement (usually traditionally they sign a paper or have witness there) that side suppose to return those money; it's double that that was given. u know nowadays, u have greedy people that wants other's stuff and not wanting to give back or return.

it's suppose to be our custom; a gift from the groom side like someone said earlier. a gift stating thanks for taking good care of my wife to be. i took it in that since now to buy someone like how the younger generation takes it in.

it's such a mis interpretation of it. some people still carry the heritage still and some dont...
 

PhoneO_5

sarNie Oldmaid
In my family, with all of my aunts, the groom usually pays the dowry. Then, the bride prepares the wedding, but her groom usually kinda helps, but his family doesn't pay for much, except food for when people go to their house. I guess it depends on the family.

My grandparents ended up giving back the money to my aunts after they were married because then my aunts will be able to use it with their husband. Maybe, honeymoon money or it replaces what they've already spent on the wedding. Some parents don't give it back to their children though.

Also, if a younger sibling marries before an older sibling, usually the groom has to pay a dowry to his bride's older sibling. My uncle got four gold necklaces from his bro-in laws & he's still not married! He got four because one of my aunts married a second time. Sorry to say this about my uncle, but he's so stingy..he thinks every girl is after his money and he's getting older every day!! haha.
 

annea

sarNie Adult
be wanting ridiculous prices for their promiscuous daughters!
HAHAHHA...that is hilarious!!!! :lol: :p ...wondering if the groom doesnt have the amount of money that they want, would the parent still let them get marry??
 

donna

sarNie Adult
seeing that their daughters are like that more than likely they would prolly run off with the guy! haha

i have a friend who is very promiscous and her parents asked for 10 grand (i think) he paid it not really understanding how the system works. instead of doing it for the child it was more of like everyone knows me in the lao community so i gotta save face type thing.

i have a guy friend that was joking with me saying that he isn't ready to marry yet. he doesn't have enough money. he wondered if his in laws would let him finance his wife. i was so hard! haha lol
 

Liberty

sarNie Adult
In the old European and British days, they bride's family paid the dowry, whether they were well off or not. In that culture the sons were more valuable, the more daughters you had the more you were screwed basically because women had no rights to anything. Anything the family owned would go to the sons, usually the eldest, sometimes they shared it. If the family was close and there was a daughter that missed the "marriage age" and was unlikely to "catch" a husband her brother would take care of her. Of course assuming he didn't marry some greedy bitch. So typically unwed daughters become a burden to their family, the only way out is to join a convent. Even after her husband's death, it's very unlikely that she had any rights to anything unless he specfically wrote it down in his will. Otherwise they'd have to try to find a new husband, if she gave him a son than well, she's safe.
People back then rarely married for love, it was mainly for survival and to gain wealth (or more of it) and property.

the groom pays.

i remember reading somewhere about in europe back in the old days that the female would be the one to pay. most of the time they were the ones that were well off than the guys

oh one more thing. lao ppl still practice this in america. they be wanting ridiculous prices for their promiscuous daughters!
 

lady0fdarkness

Professional Lakorn Watcher
Eventhough most Lao families are becoming Americanized, I think this tradition should continue. It is a testament as to how much the groom loves the elderlies' daughter. So if the guy doesn't have money then that will surely proove to the girl and her family how much he loves her when he gives up his gas money just to marry her. Haha.. that is quite romantic. And I hear most of that dowry goes into the wedding anyway, so it's a win win situation.
 
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