What does OK means...?

biava

sarNie Hatchling
To make a long story short:
Well me and my boyfriend we've been dating for a year and a month now and I know he is a friendly guy and likes to befriend with everyone and I understand him that, so I dont mind him talking to other girls or wave Hi to them but there is this one girl whom I think he is kinda serious with her. I mean I think he kinda like her and she likes him too but he say he only like her as a friend and I am the one he truly loves. I also knew he was talking with the girl while he is talking with me like 5-6 months ago and i thought he might just be friend with her and everything will be ok and I saw pictures of them together hugging but it didnt really bother me much nor I didnt suspect much. Oh one more thing we are in a long distance relationship like 5 hrs driving away and we've dated for a yr and a month and we've only met three times most of the time is through the phone and web cam. While that girl is from his town. He is also my very first boyfriend too cus Im those kind of girls that didnt date until after highschool lol... while he's dated many many girls before. Continue with the story so I just went to visit him recently because there was an event in his town so I went there and yeah we hanged out for the day and i can see that he knows alot of girls because he wave hi to almost every girl at the event and he didnt even hold my hand or at least hugged me when i first arrive which i think he is shy but I hanged out with him all day and he didnt even hold me i mean i dont expect so much but we havent seen each other for almost a year. I feel like he doesnt want anyone to know that he is dating me because alot of people at the even knows him. when i got there he didnt even wait for me either he was so in a rush and when i told him to slow down he keeps on telling me to hurry up. it makes me feel as he doesnt want anyone to see us together and i feel like i was just following him the whole day and waiting for him to do his stuff...so then the next day i had to leave for home and so he was with that girl on the day i leave. so when i got home I saw some pictures of them holding hands and so I ask him when he took those and he say it was the day after i have left. He told me not to get mad at him she wanted to take pictures with him so he cant say no I wasnt mad i just say "oh really". so today I ask him if he still call and talk with the girl and he say yes every now and then. so i told him that i dont want him to talk with her anymore and i dont like it and he says ok. So does that mean he will stop or is he just saying that? I mean doesnt a guy only call to talk with the girls that he likes or he wouldnt bother calling to check up on them? He does call me every night though there are some missed days and sometimes he do call me really late into the night and my friends told me he might be calling other girls before he calls me. So i dont know I am very stress over this...I dont know how to explain my feeling and tell him how much it hurts me inside although i pretend to be okay and give him a smile on everything....and i dont want to be the one ended up hurting so my experienced ladies please tell me what to do?

wow still pretty long but I've tried my best :)
 

zienan09

sarNie Hatchling
ookies...so i would feel bad if i read this and just left..and its late for me too..but i love you <tho i dont kno u> and so..my thoughts...

girl, i dont think the feelings are there anymore. honestly, im those types who say long distance dont work...<and yet i prefer outta state guys lol> but ya kno..not me..you lol.

if he really does love u, he woulda held ur hand or had his arms around u or something when u were together with him. and suspecting...i think he likes the girl very much.

i say the best thing to do right now is talk to him. i think he;s honestly scare of hurting you cuz ur his first and you kno..he dont wanna give u that pain and such..but still..ur living with unspoken pain already and thats not good in a relationship. there has to be trust in a relationship for it to work out..and im sure that girl is gonna get in the way, if she hasnt already, sooner or later between you two. just ask him straight up what he thinks and what he feels and what he wants to do right now. tell him not to lie to you and ur taking this seriously.

buts there are many fishes in the sea. so..i kno he;s ur first..but dont fall head over heels for him b/c there will be someone BETTER than him. yea, its gonna hurt you to let him go, buts you kno..not all relationships work out. so dont be depressed over this one and first guy.

and OK...i always take that as...."i'll try, but there arent any gaurantee i can make to you".

girl..i feel ya and im sorries also. im sure ur a sweet girl..and u really dont deserve a guy like this. if he means what he says, tell him to lose the other girls cuz theres only you. if he doesnt mean what he says, then go ur seperate ways and stop wasting time.

and one thing i learned: friends are always right...<which i hate> but you kno..they;re there to have your back. were ur friends the one that liked ur bf? if they are, then im sure they;re on the right path with him talking to other girls before talking to you.

also..."once a cheater, always a cheater" is what i learned the hard way. if he can do it once, what makes you think he wont do it another time? just dont put too much trust in him or he's gonna take advantage of it.

but after all this...i say...talk to him and see where ur relationship is standing right now. thats the best thing to do..you wont get stressed or anything..u'll get to kno the truth which will then help you make ur next move. dont be afraid. best of luck to you and keep us updated!!
 

KhoOnxNouxWanxJai

Staff member


Wow, after reading this the only thing I could think of is to ask him up front. You never want to have a relationship with uncertainty or unsurfaced feelings. It'll only keep resentments deep down. The more things you keep to yourself the more resentment you'll have towards him and in the end you'll be the one that does something wrong. I think the best thing is to talk to him. Tell him what you're feeling and ask him what he thinks of it. If he really loves you he would try and see how he is making you feel.

My husband has this close girl friend. They've been friends since forever and at one point he use to really really like her. After he met me and we hooked up and etc he still talked to her. I didn't really mind much until he told me a few things that kind of reminded me of my very bad experiences and being hurt by other people. I started feeling uncomfortable, but I didn't say anything. I didn't want him to give up a friend that he knew for a long time because I was uncomfortable. He was still able to tell; he talks to her and checks up on her like he does with all of his friends back home every now and then, but he doesn't talk to her often. I know it's kind of selfish of me, but I really makes me uncomfortable because I had really really bad experiences in the past and I have yet to over come them. I'm sure some day I will though.

Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that if someone really loves you they would know when something is making you feel discomfort. When my husband and I hadn't met face to face yet. We had just talked over the phone. Every time there was something wrong he could hear it in my voice or tell by the way I was talking. Tell by the time I called him and etc. I'm not saying everyone is going to be the same, but it seems to me that he doesn't even consider your feelings (sorry don't mean to sound so harsh).

Also, when you went to visit him. A year of not seeing each other? He didn't even hug you or hold your hand? There is something wrong with that picture. When I go to spend the night at my parents or whatever somewhere and sometimes even hang out with my sister for 4-5 hours and come home. I practically have to claw the boy off me. When we go out he is the one that wants to hold my hands and hold me and etc. I am always the one pushing. Guys are normally the most affectionate ones when it comes to things like this. Well certain guys anyways.

I think your best bet is to ask him or talk to him and see where you two stand right now. It's never right to have a relationship atop of many questions and concerns.

But, do what you think is right for you. Everything up there is just advice and what I think you should do. Whatever your final decision is; is up to you. Whatever makes you happy then follow it.

 

biava

sarNie Hatchling
ahaha thanks for your output zienan09...


yeah sometimes i do feel like long distance dont work well but my brother and my sister in law live like different side of the states and they still keeping it going and its working for them well...while he's in the same state as me and he cant afford to come and see me at all. well i mean i know he is having financial problems but i dont expect soo much from him. i dont want him to buy me any fancy or expensive stuff...i dont expect him to take me shopping or be spending his money on me i just want to spend time with him i know it sounds kinda desperate but isnt that what boyfriends and girlfriends do...?

Also, my friends boyfriend is also from the same town and he came to visit my friend often and i told him if he cant afford to come up alone to come with my friends boyfriend. He told me he will he will and on that day of leaving he always ended up not coming. its happened for like three times. so i ask him why he didnt come he told me becuase his parents wont let him. So there is this one time he came up here instead he was at the next city which was like an hour away and i told him to come and see me he told me he will and we've planned everything out how and what we were going to do and i waited for him the whole day not a single call from him or any news from him. Then that night he called me and apologize to me that his parents again wont let him come and see me...i mean this time is only an hour away and he cant even come i could understand the 5 hour but...i dont know he use to have girls who lived 2-3 hrs away he went to visit them but he cant come to see me...i was mad at him that he cant do anything and that he dont really want to see me like he say he does and he started crying again that he really does there is just nothing he can do about it because he didnt have the key to the car....then after he left without coming to see me at all i saw some more pictures of him with some girls when he went over there...he told me they are just his aunts and uncle's daughter and they have nothing but they were hugging in the pictures...I wasnt mad at him but it just make me feel like I'm loosing my trust in him...

I've talked to him about this topic many times and he always change the topic and when i say he doesnt love me like he said and he started crying...so i feel really really bad so i stopped lecturing him and start comforting him again. I've never blamed him at anything at all...am I being too nice and too stupid??? tell me honestly...


Yeah there are many many fishes out there...there are many fishes waiting for my bait but I just dont throw it out there into the sea because i want to wait for the right time and the right moment.... so I've been waiting all this time for my Mr.Right so I've never dated anyone until now because I want my Mr.Right to be my first and last...

I dont think that he is cheating on me because everything he does he tells me almost everything and the girls that he talked with he told me about them too...Or maybe he only tells me so I wont be as mad as if I found out by myself...???I do feel jealous honestly when he tells me but I just listen...and he knows that I am but he just keeps on telling me cus it makes him sounds all that i guess lolz...


ok update I've talked to him...

well yeah so i asked him last night that why does he not want to hold my hands when i came to visit him and he told me because he didnt want his uncles them to see that he has a girlfriend or they will make fun of him and they will say "no wonder he wont date anyone else in town"...so i told him oh...sure no wonder you wouldnt hold my hand because you didnt want your other "girlfriends" to know or see us together huh...? Then he told me i can think of what ever i want all he cares is that he do really love me.....I mean if he really does love me like he say why would he be shy or a shame that he is dating me in front of his uncles...? I wanted to say that to him but I didnt want to make him cry lol....or start an argument...

But I havent confront him about the girl yet...? How should i start with???
it makes me feel like sometimes I'm so tired of this relationship i just want to be the one stepping out...and my friend told me I should try breaking up with him and see how he reacts because if he really does love me he wont let me go but i dont know if this idea is going to work so any one got any ideas for me to test if he really do want to be with me???
 

biava

sarNie Hatchling
KhoOnxNouxWanxJai
Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that if someone really loves you they would know when something is making you feel discomfort. When my husband and I hadn't met face to face yet. We had just talked over the phone. Every time there was something wrong he could hear it in my voice or tell by the way I was talking. Tell by the time I called him and etc. I'm not saying everyone is going to be the same, but it seems to me that he doesn't even consider your feelings (sorry don't mean to sound so harsh).


You're really lucky to find the one who really loves you I wish he could be the same way towards me but like you said everyone is different...
oh and dont worry I've got more harsher words from my friends than this lol


KhoOnxNouxWanxJai
Also, when you went to visit him. A year of not seeing each other? He didn't even hug you or hold your hand? There is something wrong with that picture. When I go to spend the night at my parents or whatever somewhere and sometimes even hang out with my sister for 4-5 hours and come home. I practically have to claw the boy off me. When we go out he is the one that wants to hold my hands and hold me and etc. I am always the one pushing. Guys are normally the most affectionate ones when it comes to things like this. Well certain guys anyways.


I know I do feel awkward when I went to visit him and he didn't held me or at least hold my hand. He makes me feel like a random girl who is just following him around he didnt even stand by my side at least...instead he was like at least 3-4 feet away from me...and he told me he really want to see me so I had to begged my brother and sister in law to take me there and visit him.

I do plan to talk with him but I just dont know how to start and what to do or say...?
 

zienan09

sarNie Hatchling
lol..dont mention it. and sorries i didnt quote all what u said..i like saving up space lol.

ookies..i dont think its desperate of you. i mean..i would want my bf to come and see me too if he had the chance.

and OMGOSH. how many times is he gonna use his parents? yea yea yea...aint he a big boy now? and i understand..there are still those boys who listen to their parents and such..but really! i do not believe one bit that every time its going to be his parents. and that is sooo selfish of him to not call you until the night of ur date and tell u that he couldnt come b/c of his parents. he was away from his parents, wasnt he? so couldnt he just have stopped by and his parents would have never found out?? ookies..lemme ask you....if he can drive 2-3 hours to visit a ex-girls and not 5 hours to visit you..what does that say about him?

ookies. so about these pictures. it sounds like he's very very photogenic or he likes playing around or both. you get what i mean? ookies...u do not hug constantly in pictures. and even as close as some families are, they do not hug in every picture. have YOU TWO taken a pic together hugging??

and..girl to girl..ur too nice. i was that nice once...its not pretty...the outcome wont be pretty cuz the guys walk all over you. i think his tears are all fake. i'm sorry to talk bad about ur bf..but thats how i see it. seems like your bf wants u as a rebound...or that girl that he considers "gf" with others on the side. like...you kno how some guys...they kno that a certain girl will ALWAYS be there for him?....but yet they still wanna have their fun?? yea...thats what i see. i think he knows ur gonna always love and be there for him..but he;s at that stage of not wanting to commit yet. neways..i think ur wayyyy too nice. you're a girl..and its the 21st century...we shouldnt still be stepped all over on. and i think thats what he is doing to you...

you say that you want mr.right to be ur first and last..but i say let that apply to marriage. honestly, dating expands your horizons. i kno it did to mines...i saw so many other things all becuz of my xs and previous guys that i talked with. yea..ur gonna be scared to start anew...but things happen. dont you hear of those high school sweet hearts that never get marry and went their own ways? dont u hear of people who has had a relationship for many many years, and in the end, it didnt work out? so..dont put too much hope in ur relationship at this moment when its in a situation like this.

umms...so he just keeps talking away even tho ur jealous? wells...people do say that its better if the person tells you him or herself rather than you finding it out from someone else b/c its gonna be ten times worse if you did. do u get jealous when u see the pics?

mmmm....HE SHOULDNT BE SHY. yea..ur shy that first date..and as you get to kno each other more, you aren't as shy. so i dont see why he has to be scared about his unles and other people finding out. he should not be ashame of anything in front of his family. but seriously..dont be scare. let his tears come out. <call me heartless or whatnot..but....> you have to tell him the truth. you cant have it all stored up inside of you. like you said, you want it to be your first and last..and if you still wanna stick with that, then whats the use of getting marry with just a bit of trust? whats the use of marriage when u have secrets that each other doesnt kno about? likely, its gonna end up a bigger problem after marriage or in divorce.

you should start confronting him before anything gets more outta place. i agree with ur friend..try that <and i have a feeling he's gonna cry...but...i think this crying thing is getting old> how bout..tell him that ur talking to other guys...or other guys has been approaching you....to see what ur bf says. but a major one i use is marriage. see, im hmong <sorries, i dont know what nationality you are>, but in my culture, we still have arranged marriages. so i always <before i start a relationship b/c i really wanna kno if this is real or fake that the guy likes me or not> tell the guy that my parents are forcing me to get marry. i kno its a cruel way..but it shows their feelings. if the guy starts saying congrats and all that back in a happy or lecture-type way, then i dont think he really means anything. if he says it with a sad, fake-happy tone, i think he does have feelings for you. but then again..you kinda have been testing him all along...asking him to come meet you, you seeing him, etc. if a person has no guts to be with you person to person, whats the use of a relationship over the phone or internet? it'll get nowhere.

sorries this is soooooo long lol. and remember..updates!
 

Merit

sarNie Adult
It is time to move on. My husband drove 20 hours one time to go see his then girlfriend who he thought was the one for him. If your boyfriend really wants you, then he would find a way to be with you not just talk to you on the phone only. Don't get me wrong, talking on the phone and getting to know each other is great and all but you really need that physical affection that only comes when you're together. And that's how you know that you're are right for one another.


He is going to use his tears against you. Don't fall for it that is just an easy way out for him to keep you. Making your first boyfriend your last will reduce your chances of being with the real Mr. Right. If you date other guys and they all treat you bad, you will still learn from it. You will use it to make better decisions on your next relationship which will help you when you meet Mr. Right.


Relationships are hard but long distance is even harder. Relationship is like the chips in the pringle can. When you first see them, they're nice and neat until you get to the bottom where all the crumbs are at.

Just follow your heart. If you feel that the relationship is hurting you more than it is making you happy you need to learn and let go. Surly, it is going to be hard at first considering it's your very first relationship but it will be a lot better than holding onto something that isn't there.


Best of luck to you whatever you decide to do.
 

ohitsnoyyy

VIP ♥
I agree with Merit... If a guy wants you, nothing can keep him away, but if he doesn't, nothing can make him stay. No matter what, if a guy really loves a girl, he will do anything in his power to go see her or find a way to talk to her. He'll even go out of his way for you, but if he doesn't then maybe he's not in love with you like you'd hope. It seem like you're putting more work into the relationship than he is and it should never be like that. There's always gonna be ups & down in a relationship, it's never perfect but you shouldn't spend all your time devoted to someone who doesn't put your feelings into consideration.

Just be blunt with him, ask him up front. Tell him you need to know where the relationship stands or if its' gonna take the next step further. If he gives you those half ass answer, then maybe it's time to let him go. Because what you need is reassurance. You don't want to wonder if the relationship is gonna work, you need to know it will work. But from what you tell us, it doesn't seem likely.
 

teeRuk

^^YuMMy^^
I agree with Merit... If a guy wants you, nothing can keep him away, but if he doesn't, nothing can make him stay. No matter what, if a guy really loves a girl, he will do anything in his power to go see her or find a way to talk to her. He'll even go out of his way for you, but if he doesn't then maybe he's not in love with you like you'd hope. It seem like you're putting more work into the relationship than he is and it should never be like that. There's always gonna be ups & down in a relationship, it's never perfect but you shouldn't spend all your time devoted to someone who doesn't put your feelings into consideration.

Just be blunt with him, ask him up front. Tell him you need to know where the relationship stands or if its' gonna take the next step further. If he gives you those half ass answer, then maybe it's time to let him go. Because what you need is reassurance. You don't want to wonder if the relationship is gonna work, you need to know it will work. But from what you tell us, it doesn't seem likely.
well said my love..lol
 

yajvaj

sarNie Adult
just reading your story makes me annoy! not at you but at what he is doing to you. if he really love you like he said to you then he would not care about what his uncles said about him he should be proud to be having a gf by his side! he should show u off to the people he know, including his uncles! and i dont think he is shy! he dated many gf before you he should not be shy maybe something is up?? if he cant do a 5hr distance relationship he should not be thinking of having a out of state relationship.
and reading your story is similar to mines my bf lives out of state he is also my 1st bf and we have been together for 1 year and 5 months he knows as many girls as he knows guys as friends i dont get jealous/mad cause he tell me and when we are around his friends and family he holds my hands, hugs me and he wasnt shy about it, but in your case i think i would not be able to trust him anymore. seems like he does things with her more than he does with you when u are his gf. and to me an OK means "sure whatever" but then later do the same thing cause i know i do that. lol...but best of luck to you! =)
 
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