Chapter 33: Bleeding Love
'please let me go... don't do this to me... stop...' Sai toss & turn. The images of Sithra raping her flashes in her mind.
'Panu... please help! Panu!!' Sai screams for help. She's running away, to where? she doesn't know. She needs to get away, get away from this horrible place, but she can't... everywhere she turns she sees blood, she sees a familiar face, the walls keep caving in on her, she's losing her breath, her heart's pounding faster by the second.
'please stop... i can't take it anymore! help me, anybody!' she screams for her life. Then she awakes from her nightmare.
She looks around the room, confused, drench in sweat. she looks at her arm & hand, remembering the wounds she inflicted on herself in the bathroom.
"I'm still here..." sai begins to cry. She gets up out of bed, Sit isn't in sight. she walks around the room slowly, afraid he'll jump out of nowhere & attack her. Her body felt defeated, her legs aches in pain, her left hand still hurt when she tries to close her fist.
She goes into the bathroom & notice the shattered mirror. The image of last night replays in her mind, her lying on the floor, wrapped in bedsheets, bleeding & crying miserably. Her heart begins to beat fast, she's short of breath suddenly.
Just then the door knob jingles.
Sai froze, 'oh no... not again...' she couldn't move, her heart stop with fear. the image of Sit raping flashes in her mind.
Sai walks out of the bathroom slowly, trying not to make a sound. Her body begins to tremble as she stands near the bed, watching the door... waiting for 'Him' to walk in.
Sit walks in with a tray of food in hand. He sees Sai standing near the bed, fear in her eyes. He walks in slowly, smiling at her.
"Don't come any closer!" Sai screams at Sit.
Sit closes the door behind him, he walks to the coffee table & put the tray of food down, not taking his eyes off Sai.
"uh... i brought you something to eat--" Sit said, walking slowly towards Sai.
"I don't want to eat anything! stay away from me you bastard! Take me home! I wanna go home!!" Sai screams.
Sit stops, afraid to go near her.
"Did you hear me!?! I want to go home! Take me home now!!" Sai shouts louder this time.
"You haven't eaten yet... so maybe--"
"I don't want eat your nasty ass cooking! You probably put something in it!" Sai grabs a pillow & threw it at him, hitting Sit on the face. Sai jumps on the bed & heads for the door but Sit grabs her in time.
"Let me go bastard! Haven't you done enough! Let me go!!!" Sai screams with fear, struggling to break free. The images of last night, floods her mind & she begins to weep, she drops to the floor, crying hystically now.
"Please let me go... Sit... I just want to go home... i'll forget this ever happen... just let me go!" She cries.
Sit watches as she breaks down on the floor, crying out of control, he gets on the floor next to her & reaches for her but stops.
Sai looks up & realize Sit's next to her. She pushes him down & she punches him vigorously.
“I said… get away from me…� punching Sit harder & harder.
Sit grabs her hand, “You’re gonna hurt yourself even more…� he holds her arms tight, seeing blood seep through the bandage.
“I don’t care you bastard! You’ve done enough damages to me so there’s nothing more you can do that will hurt me!!!� Sai continues to struggle, “Let me go & take me home!!!�
Sit pins her down once again & once again, Sai felt defeated.
"Please... please don't do this Sithra... i just want to go home..." Sai weeps, not putting up a fight anymore.
"You've done enough to me already... let me go..." sheding more tears then ever.
"I"m not gonna hurt you... i'm trying to help you..." Sit gets out of her & grabs a hold of her injuried hand & unwraps the bandage. The wound was deeper than he thought.
"Stay here, i'm gonna go get some alcohol to clean your cut." Sai just sat on the floor, still crying, no energy to move or get up. Her wound began to bleed once more, dripping on her shirt. She just stare at the open wound.
"Why didn't i die?!? Why couldn't i have bled to death?! I don't want to be here..." She squeeze her injuried hand, watching the blood trickle down her arm, screaming in pain but enjoying every bit of it.
"What am i left with...? I have nothing now! NOTHING... How will Panu forgive me..." Sai screams, closing her injuried hand, letting the blood drip down on the floor.
Sit rushes into the room to see Sai bleeding more.
"what are you doing?! You're gonna make it worst!!" Sit panic running to her side, trying to prevent her from harming herself.
Sai pushes him away, "Get away! I want to make it worst! I want to die!!! Let me bleed to death! I hope i bleed to death!!" Sit grabs her hand & cover it with a towel to prevent more blood shed.
"Are you out of your mind?! You're gonna bleed to death if you keep hurting your hand!" Sit yells at her.
Sai tries to push him away with her right arm, but he wouldn't move. She just gave in & sob softly.
Sit removes the towel & cleans her wound. He dabs the alcohol on her cut, she squeals in agony, hitting him, trying to wiggle her injuried hand.
"Let me go!! You're hurting me!" Sai pushes him.
"I'm trying to clean your cut! Let me finish & bandage you up then after you can kick me or yell at me!" He shouts back, he grips on tighter to Sai's hand. Sai screams again in pain.
"That's enough!! just wrap it & let me go!! I'll take care of it myself!!!" Sai demands.
He rushes trying to clean her cut & bandage it. After he was done, Sai pushes him to the ground.
Sai struggles to get up... but fails.
Sit tries to help her but again, she pushes him away.
"Don't touch me!!!" She screams.
"Look, I'm trying to help you, you're falling over, let me help you." Sit sticks his hand out in front of Sai, gesturing for her hand.
Sai hits his hand, "I don't need your help! I don't want your help..!! Get away from me!"
Sit takes a step back. Sai finally manages to get up off the ground. Her shirt had blood stains.
"Why don't you change shirt--"
"I dont need to change my shirt!!!! I wanna go home!! Don't you fucking get it!?" Sai shouts.
"Okay then..." Sit walks to the tray of food & bring her the food, "why don't you eat first then --"
Sai knocks the tray over, causing it to spill on Sit's arm. The hot soup burn his arm.
He lets out a screech.
Sai clinches her fist, not caring about her injury, "that's... what... you... get.."
Sit wipes the off the soup, he felt his face boiling."what the...!?"
"Good! You deserve it! After what you did to me last night you fucking bastard! Now take me home!!!" She demands stomping on her feet.
"You're not ready to go home yet..."
"Please... just take me home... I'm begging you... I don't want to be here... I can't be here... Isn't this enough?? I've lost already" Sai broke down once more, dropping to the floor again, sobbing her eyes.
"pl..please Sit.. Sithra... Let.. let me go!! I'll pretend this never happen... just let me go..." she wails, "you've defeated me... what more do you want.." she cries, "i don't have anything left.. I won't be able to face Panu... Let me go... please..." Sai backs up against the bed frame, still on the floor, clutching her legs, crying out loud.
The thought of Panu appears in her mind. The image of him smiling & laughing. She didn't know what will happen when she goes back.
"What am i gonna do... Panu won't love me anymore..." she cradle herself, "Panu... I''m so sorry..." she weeps.
Guilt overcame Sit, once more. Her stomach tied in knotts, his heart throbs faster. He moves in closer to Sai, leaning down to her level, trying to comfort her.
Sai kept on crying, unware that Sit had his arm around her, too depress to care.
Sai went on talking nonsense, her mind daze with confusion.
"Why me?? Why...? What have i done to deserve this... I'm gonna loose the only guy that has ever loved me..." she cries in Sit's arm, "Panu... please forgive me... i hope you can... i.. i.. i love you, Panu..." Sai hugs Sit tighter, "I love you...."
'i... i love you Panu..' those words stab Sit in the heart like a thousand dagger. He slowly lets go out Sai & pulls her closer to him. Sai stares into Sithra's eyes, thinking it was Panu but realize it was Sit. She had no will to push him away.
"you... you really do love Panu... don't you?" he asks, feeling his heart flutter.
"of course i love him..." Sai respond, "did you think i was putting on a show for you?? Did you think that i was just pretending just to make you jealous??"
'i love him...' those words replayed in Sit's mind.
"Panu has been nothing but nice to me... from the first time we met til this day... I don't know how i'm gonna face him... you ruined my relationship... just like you've ruin my life..." Sai looks Sit in the face, tears trickling down her cheeks, "why are you doing this?? What more do you want...? Why didn't you just let me bleed to death so i can get this over with! I don't want to live anymore! Panu won't take me back now knowing what happen to me! This is what you wanted all along isn't it?? Sai stare at Sit.
"Isn't it?!? You want to see me down at my lowest so you bring me down even more! Do you get a good laugh seeing me hurt?? Wasn't high school in enough for you...??? Why are you torturing me like this...?? What do you want from me..?!" Sai screams, pushing him away, feeling disgusted, the images of him raping her flashes before her.
"Please ... tell me what do you want from me... What is it?? I'm physically beaten... emotionally drained... & mentally bruised... what do you want...!?" Sai leans back on the bedframe, trying to push Sit away, "you've damaged me... things can't go back to the way they were..." her body begins to tremble, chills run down her spin.
Sit pulls her closer once again, their eyes embrace. Sit's eyes fill with guilt, Sai's eyes fill with sadness & defeat.
Sai breaths harder, feeling her chest throb, tears still running down her cheek. She can feel Sit's breath from under her.
He leans in & his lips touches hers. he kisses her passionately.
Sai didn't resist, she let it be, she felt her stomach flutter with butterflies.
Sit withdraws & looks deep into Sai's eyes, "What i want is... i ... i want you Saiphon..." breathing harder as he looks at Sai, wiping her tears.
Chills ran up Sai's spin when she heard him say her name, "he's never said my name like that before..." she thought to herself, still staring at Sit.
"I want you Saiphon... i want your mind... your body ... & your soul... but most importantly... i want your heart.." Sit stare deep into Sai's eyes.
Sai bit her lips, surprised by what she just heard, not responding to Sithra.
"Please... please don't go... i want you here with me... i ... i... i love you Saiphon..." he leans in & kisses her once more, this time with more passion. He gasp for air, looking down at Sai, who seem to be in a state of confusion.
Sai could feel his pulse racing, his heavy breathing. she looks into his eyes, still confuse with what just happen & what he just told her.
"I'm.. i'm sorry for what i've put you through in the past... i was stupid & young... i shouldn't have treated you the way i did... i'm really sorry... & I shouldn't have left you alone on prom night... that night still haunts me til this day... if i hadn't left you, Panu wouldn't be in your life today... it could've been me instead of Panu... I could've been the one you love..." Sit gasps for breath, "I know my apology doesn't mean anything right now... but i hope you find it in your heart to forgive me... i'm... i'm truly sorry from the bottom of my heart...i want you to know... that no matter what happens after today... whoever you choose to be with, i will still love you... I'm sorry Saiphon..." staring down at Sai, brushing the hair away from her face.
'i... i .. i love you Saiphon...' those words replay in her mind, "this can't be happening..." Those were the words she long to hear... but now it's just a little too late.
“Why are you doing this…? What are you trying to prove? Do you think I’m just gonna be able to forgive you just like that, after what you’ve put me through, after treating me like shit, all the painful memories I have won’t erase just like that! You show up now, after I found something real & special & you want to strip that away from me?? Have you lost it?!� Tears run down Sai’s cheek, her heart pounding faster, “Do you really expect me to forgive you just like that…? What kind of girl do you take me for? I’m not the same little in high school...� Sai’s voice trembles.
Sai shakes her head, “I can’t love you…� tears trickling down her cheeks.
