Funny Things You've Heard People Say!

[Kenshin]

List them!

My little 6 year old cousin: My friend's been to every country in the world. She just got back from Wisconsin.

D= Me. N=the bumbling friend. A=smart friend.

N: Dude, there's this one fine chick. She so hot!
A: She Asian?
N: She's mixed.
D: With what?
N: Everything man. Asian, White, Jamaican, Japanese
(everyone at the lunch table laughs except N who doesn't know what he just said)
D: Oh really?
N: Hell yeah man. She's a Wasian (Asian that has White in them), a Jamasian (Jamaican-Asian), and a Blasian (Asian with Black in them) and Japanese. She's so fine dude.
A: So you're saying she's a mixed with Asian, White and Jamaican? (said it sarcastically to prove he messed up)
N: (continues seriously) Don't forget Japanese though man.
(everyone laughs again. Takes us another 10 minutes for him to realize what he just said)

Principal over the intercom: Today for lunch, we're gonna have spaghetti with marijuana sauce. (At which point we hear loud cheering down the hallway).

Girl comes up to me during lunch and asks: How long is the 1 foot hot dog?

My friend writes in this girl's yearbook that I said her pubic hair was black like a forest.
20 minutes later: Hey! I just talked to my friend. She said there are no black forests! She said there are just green forests!

Me: I'll give you 50 cents for your Cheetos.
Friend: How about I give you my Cheetos for...your virginity?
(So unexpected that we all laugh)

 

[dek_noy]

List them!


N: Everything man. Asian, White, Jamaican, Japanese
(everyone at the lunch table laughs except N who doesn't know what he just said)
D: Oh really?
N: Hell yeah man. She's a Wasian (Asian that has White in them), a Jamasian (Jamaican-Asian), and a Blasian (Asian with Black in them) and Japanese. She's so fine dude.
A: So you're saying she's a mixed with Asian, White and Jamaican? (said it sarcastically to prove he messed up)
N: (continues seriously) Don't forget Japanese though man.
(everyone laughs again. Takes us another 10 minutes for him to realize what he just said)

That part got me laughing so hard. "N" is hekka funny!!!

 

[Quarter]

when is 4th of july?

omg, i felt so stupid after asking that. good thing i never made that mistake again.

 

[Nameless]

i know a dude that always begins his sentence with 'i don't know if you know...but...'

that's his way of starting a convo.

 

[lady0fdarkness]

How much is the free refill?

 

[SethT]

How much is the free refill?

:loool: lmao haha, that's got me cracking up laughing.

 

[Grudgeprincess]

LMAO ^ rite w/ u honey

 

[Joy]

this one will take the cake!

last year my friend started a new jop and her starting date happened to be on Columbus day. She started to complain to another friend about having to work this holiday (lol, first day and already complaining). So this is the convo, Di = my friend, Li = her friend. Both of them are chinese.

Di: Man! Why don't they observe Columbay Day? Kids don't got shool, why we gotta work. This sucks"
Li looks at Di with a blank look on her face, and snaps,
"YOU STUPID! WE AIN'T COLUMBIAN!!"

 

[pink_juliet_kashie]

when is 4th of july?

omg, i felt so stupid after asking that. good thing i never made that mistake again.

lol...same here..we were in history class and trying to figure out the date America achieve it's independence..and we were lost..lol..good ting the teacher wasn't there or else he'd fail us all

 

[rukD2B]

"What?! I thought Cinco de Mayo was in July!"

^^One from the one and only Joey.

>_<

I don't get any of the ones on the first post...?
How are they funny...?

 

[Muddie Murda]

Oh my Joey, let me break it down sun. lol

My little 6 year old cousin: My friend's been to every country in the world. She just got back from Wisconsin.

D= Me. N=the bumbling friend. A=smart friend.

N: Dude, there's this one fine chick. She so hot!
A: She Asian?
N: She's mixed.
D: With what?
N: Everything man. Asian, White, Jamaican, Japanese
(everyone at the lunch table laughs except N who doesn't know what he just said)
D: Oh really?
N: Hell yeah man. She's a Wasian (Asian that has White in them), a Jamasian (Jamaican-Asian), and a Blasian (Asian with Black in them) and Japanese. She's so fine dude.
A: So you're saying she's a mixed with Asian, White and Jamaican? (said it sarcastically to prove he messed up)
N: (continues seriously) Don't forget Japanese though man.
(everyone laughs again. Takes us another 10 minutes for him to realize what he just said)

Japanese is already Asian so he was just listing it twice not realizing Japanese IS Asian.

Principal over the intercom: Today for lunch, we're gonna have spaghetti with marijuana sauce. (At which point we hear loud cheering down the hallway).

Marinara sauce...pizza sauce...the red sauce...for bread sticks...
>_< I was like the Principal except I didn't let it out. I answered the phone to take an order at my old pizza place.
"What sauce comes w/ the bread sticks"
I KNEW it was Marinara but I couldn't help but pronounce "Marijuana..." but i would stop myself mid word because I knew it was wrong LOL I tried 5 times to say it again but it wouldn't come out right so I just mumbled the word and customer was satisfied LOL

I'm sure you got the 1 foot long hot dog...I didn't get the last 2 LOLLL sorry I mean I got the last one but...

anyways

I heard one girl ranting to a friend one day at University..."I'M GOING TO KILL HIM UNTIL HE DIES!"

I have crazy ass friends but i cant remember much now of all the DUM(issy)B things they say.

 

[rukD2B]

LOLs, Mud. I re-read the first one before I read your comment.
And I was like "Oh dude! Jap is asian!" Ha, ha. I feel blonde now.

>_<

 

[fun]

when i was working at mcdonald someone asked, "can i have cheese on my hamburger."

i said, "a cheeseburger, okay."

"no i want a hamburger with cheese."

okay i was working in the drive thru and it's cheeseburger instead of hamburger on the screen. that someone drove away from the speaker to the window where i was working and i found out she was a white very blond about in her 40's she asked to see the manager because i didnt take the correct order. but i didnt call the manager i tried explaining it to her that a hamburger with cheese is a cheeseburger. a hamburger and cheeseburger have all the same condiment in it except the hamburger doesnt have cheese.

"are you calling me stupid."

"no, it is just cheeper if i charged you a cheeseburger than a hamburger with cheese."

"so what is the difference."

i was about to lose control, was she stupid or what so i called my manager to handle it because she was cursing at me. so in the end she got my manager against me so i changed the order to hamburger add cheese. the total price for a cheeseburger is $1.07 but she didnt ordered that way so it came up to $1.29. i said, "mam, you total will be $1.29."

she complained, "a hamburger is only 89 cents."

i said "with tax it is 97 cents."

"i know so why is it $1.29"

i lost my temper and i sort of yelled at her when i explained the price and that we charge 30 cents for cheese. like i said it would have been $1.07 is she ordered a cheeseburger and then she tells me she wants a cheeseburger. i couldnt change it any more because the computer wouldnt allowed so much changes made to an order. and she asked to see my manager again this time she said i have an attitude crisis that i need to pay a visit to the holy father. and i wasnt rude to her i just had a high pitch in my tone of voice. i didnt curse at her or anything. and so i charged her a cheeseburger amd great she had me a 100 dollar bill.

in the first place i hate it when people comes in with a hundred dollar bill and she order a "hamburger with cheese" and says it is too expensive when i have already told her about it. if i ever she her again i am going to tell her she needs to pay a visit to the holy father.

 

[Azlisakhmer]

^^ omg that biatch is stupid

 

[Kenshin]

Oh wow today was really interesting.

First I'm at an electronics store looking around. This guy comes up to me with a CD player and just casually asks "Hey you speak English?". I just say "Nope" and he says "Oh" and walks away looking for someone who can.

---
And about an hour ago, the phone rang and I picked up. Conversation follows.

Me: Hello?
Guy: Hey you sound really tired. Are you ok?
Me: Umm...yeah?
Guy: Oh come on. Why do you sound like you don't know me.
Me: That's because I don't know you.
Guy: Yes you do. Remember last night? That party. Heard you had a rough time. I hope you're not too tired when you come home if you know what I mean.
Me: Umm...I'm sorry but I think you got the wrong number.
Guy: Oh sh--.
Me: Yup.
Guy: (3 second pause) Well, you sound kinda good. Wanna come over?
Me: No. (hang up)
---
My sister comes over a lot and leaves her cell phone with me and tells me to answer it if she's not around. Well I got to answer it.

Obvious old guy: Hey can I talk to (sister's name)?
Me: Sorry she's not here right now. You can leave a message if you want.
OOG: What?! I have to talk to her right now!! Its important.
Me: Well I'm sorry. She's not here.
OOG: Do you know who this is? I'm her brother!
Me: (trying not to laugh) Really? I heard she only had one brother.
OOG: Yeah thats me. What's your point?
Me: My point is is that I'M her brother and unless my mom gave birth to you secretly 40 something years ago when she was a kid, I doubt you're my brother.
OOG: (hangs up)
Sister comes out of the bathroom.
Sister: Who was that?
Me: Some creepy old dude.
Sister: Oh...
Me: Hey. What are you doing hanging out with old guys anyway?
She takes her phone and goes inside the room.

 

[thai-lakorn-fan-forever]

Oh wow today was really interesting.

First I'm at an electronics store looking around. This guy comes up to me with a CD player and just casually asks "Hey you speak English?". I just say "Nope" and he says "Oh" and walks away looking for someone who can.

---
And about an hour ago, the phone rang and I picked up. Conversation follows.

Me: Hello?
Guy: Hey you sound really tired. Are you ok?
Me: Umm...yeah?
Guy: Oh come on. Why do you sound like you don't know me.
Me: That's because I don't know you.
Guy: Yes you do. Remember last night? That party. Heard you had a rough time. I hope you're not too tired when you come home if you know what I mean.
Me: Umm...I'm sorry but I think you got the wrong number.
Guy: Oh sh--.
Me: Yup.
Guy: (3 second pause) Well, you sound kinda good. Wanna come over?
Me: No. (hang up)
---
My sister comes over a lot and leaves her cell phone with me and tells me to answer it if she's not around. Well I got to answer it.

Obvious old guy: Hey can I talk to (sister's name)?
Me: Sorry she's not here right now. You can leave a message if you want.
OOG: What?! I have to talk to her right now!! Its important.
Me: Well I'm sorry. She's not here.
OOG: Do you know who this is? I'm her brother!
Me: (trying not to laugh) Really? I heard she only had one brother.
OOG: Yeah thats me. What's your point?
Me: My point is is that I'M her brother and unless my mom gave birth to you secretly 40 something years ago when she was a kid, I doubt you're my brother.
OOG: (hangs up)
Sister comes out of the bathroom.
Sister: Who was that?
Me: Some creepy old dude.
Sister: Oh...
Me: Hey. What are you doing hanging out with old guys anyway?
She takes her phone and goes inside the room.

omg...that's hilarious...especially that random guy who called you up about the party...lol...

 

[Toon]

when i was working at mcdonald someone asked, "can i have cheese on my hamburger."

i said, "a cheeseburger, okay."

"no i want a hamburger with cheese."

okay i was working in the drive thru and it's cheeseburger instead of hamburger on the screen. that someone drove away from the speaker to the window where i was working and i found out she was a white very blond about in her 40's she asked to see the manager because i didnt take the correct order. but i didnt call the manager i tried explaining it to her that a hamburger with cheese is a cheeseburger. a hamburger and cheeseburger have all the same condiment in it except the hamburger doesnt have cheese.

"are you calling me stupid."

"no, it is just cheeper if i charged you a cheeseburger than a hamburger with cheese."

"so what is the difference."

i was about to lose control, was she stupid or what so i called my manager to handle it because she was cursing at me. so in the end she got my manager against me so i changed the order to hamburger add cheese. the total price for a cheeseburger is $1.07 but she didnt ordered that way so it came up to $1.29. i said, "mam, you total will be $1.29."

she complained, "a hamburger is only 89 cents."

i said "with tax it is 97 cents."

"i know so why is it $1.29"

i lost my temper and i sort of yelled at her when i explained the price and that we charge 30 cents for cheese. like i said it would have been $1.07 is she ordered a cheeseburger and then she tells me she wants a cheeseburger. i couldnt change it any more because the computer wouldnt allowed so much changes made to an order. and she asked to see my manager again this time she said i have an attitude crisis that i need to pay a visit to the holy father. and i wasnt rude to her i just had a high pitch in my tone of voice. i didnt curse at her or anything. and so i charged her a cheeseburger amd great she had me a 100 dollar bill.

in the first place i hate it when people comes in with a hundred dollar bill and she order a "hamburger with cheese" and says it is too expensive when i have already told her about it. if i ever she her again i am going to tell her she needs to pay a visit to the holy father.

:loool: :loool: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: hahahahhehehehehehehehehahahahahahahaha....stupid biatch for real.... I wonder did your manager scold you for the obviously (excuse me I don't generally make stereotypical comments but....) dumb blonde who also happens to be from the sound of it delusional (holy father indeed)!!!!

 

[u00htg2]

Oh my Joey, let me break it down sun. lol

My little 6 year old cousin: My friend's been to every country in the world. She just got back from Wisconsin.
Japanese is already Asian so he was just listing it twice not realizing Japanese IS Asian.

LOL's!! I really over thunk that one! I thought it was because Japanese are notorious for keeping their blood "pure". It's like a social taboo to be mixed or something.

 

[KhoOnxNouxWanxJai]

things like this happen to me alot lol lemme tell ya'll abaout my latest encounter

Standing in the line of a Restaurant

Guy Behind Me TO His Friend: She looks familiar
Guy's Friend: She's Chinese they all look the same
Me thinking: Moron
Guy Behind Me (Taps me on the shoulders): Hey Hey what kind of Chinese are you?
Me (Looks Puzzled): You mean to tell me theres more than one kind of Chinese (Me thinking: Chinese Taiwanese Yeay Yeah they wont know the diff lol)
Guy Behind Me: Well like Chinese Japanese ...Philippine, Korean
Me: Listen to yourself your asking me what kind of chinese I am but you ask Am i japanese phil and korean too?
Me: you know they are different kind of chinese
Me: NO! China is one country Japanese Korean and Philippines are all different countries They correct question is "What is your ethnicity"
Them: Yeah yeah whatever its all the same
Me: No it's not! What if I told your the same as a spaniard or cuban just because you're all ancestrally the same?
Them: Oh hell no it aint the same thing
Me: Exactly just like my ethnicity isn;t the same thing
Them: Why you gotta be such a bitch
Me: WTH? Morons (Rolls my eyes and turns back around)
Them: Fucking Bitch
Me ignores them
Line Moves Up a bit

After I get my order and they get theres
they follow me to my table

Them: Your an ugly ass japanese hoe anyways like all japanese girls are
I just ignored them cause I didn't wanan be like them and make racist comments towards mexicans when i have mexican family members and friends
Them: Hey if I give you 5 dollars will you ... suck my .. (you get the picture)

Me: Yeah keep talking and we'll see what happens
Them: Why what are you gonna do? laughs and keeps talking to me
Me: Excuse me sir can you come here (Whisphers something into the employees ears)

Them: told you she a slut
Waiter comes back with mthe onwer of the restaurant

Owner: What seems to be the problem?
Them: Nothing we're just having a friendly conversation

Me: Friendly? Sir they were calling me sluts and whore and stuff just because I told them chinese and japanese are an ethincity of asia and that we aren't all the same...
Them: man why we bother for he gonna pick her side he chinese like her ....

Owner whispers something into the waiters ears...


Turns back: We're gonna have you two to leave sir... They two of them leaves cursing caling me names calling the owner names ...
Owner to me: They waiting for them at the back

[Goes outside]
My two brothers that co-owns the restaurant with the brother that was inside talking to them with me is already beating the crap out of the two guys in the back :loool:

"You niggas forgot that us chinese people aren't only whores but we're true gangsters too ... don't be calling my sister names"


My husband and his friend (cop) comes back to pick me up sees two guys laying on the floor

What happened?
We're a bit nervous because we could get in trouble for this lol
Me and my brotehrs: Nothing they were fighting inside and we had to throw them out.

Them: whatever them niggas beat us up
Us: wth?
Tim: Oh well lets go eat im hungry




--Moral of the story don't accuse all asians of being whores and etc ... and call us all chinese <_<

 

[u00htg2]

things like this happen to me alot lol lemme tell ya'll abaout my latest encounter

Standing in the line of a Restaurant

Guy Behind Me TO His Friend: She looks familiar
Guy's Friend: She's Chinese they all look the same
Me thinking: Moron
Guy Behind Me (Taps me on the shoulders): Hey Hey what kind of Chinese are you?
Me (Looks Puzzled): You mean to tell me theres more than one kind of Chinese (Me thinking: Chinese Taiwanese Yeay Yeah they wont know the diff lol)
Guy Behind Me: Well like Chinese Japanese ...Philippine, Korean
Me: Listen to yourself your asking me what kind of chinese I am but you ask Am i japanese phil and korean too?
Me: you know they are different kind of chinese
Me: NO! China is one country Japanese Korean and Philippines are all different countries They correct question is "What is your ethnicity"
Them: Yeah yeah whatever its all the same
Me: No it's not! What if I told your the same as a spaniard or cuban just because you're all ancestrally the same?
Them: Oh hell no it aint the same thing
Me: Exactly just like my ethnicity isn;t the same thing
Them: Why you gotta be such a bitch
Me: WTH? Morons (Rolls my eyes and turns back around)
Them: Fucking Bitch
Me ignores them
Line Moves Up a bit

After I get my order and they get theres
they follow me to my table

Them: Your an ugly ass japanese hoe anyways like all japanese girls are
I just ignored them cause I didn't wanan be like them and make racist comments towards mexicans when i have mexican family members and friends
Them: Hey if I give you 5 dollars will you ... suck my .. (you get the picture)

Me: Yeah keep talking and we'll see what happens
Them: Why what are you gonna do? laughs and keeps talking to me
Me: Excuse me sir can you come here (Whisphers something into the employees ears)

Them: told you she a slut
Waiter comes back with mthe onwer of the restaurant

Owner: What seems to be the problem?
Them: Nothing we're just having a friendly conversation

Me: Friendly? Sir they were calling me sluts and whore and stuff just because I told them chinese and japanese are an ethincity of asia and that we aren't all the same...
Them: man why we bother for he gonna pick her side he chinese like her ....

Owner whispers something into the waiters ears...
Turns back: We're gonna have you two to leave sir... They two of them leaves cursing caling me names calling the owner names ...
Owner to me: They waiting for them at the back

[Goes outside]
My two brothers that co-owns the restaurant with the brother that was inside talking to them with me is already beating the crap out of the two guys in the back :loool:

"You niggas forgot that us chinese people aren't only whores but we're true gangsters too ... don't be calling my sister names"
My husband and his friend (cop) comes back to pick me up sees two guys laying on the floor

What happened?
We're a bit nervous because we could get in trouble for this lol
Me and my brotehrs: Nothing they were fighting inside and we had to throw them out.

Them: whatever them niggas beat us up
Us: wth?
Tim: Oh well lets go eat im hungry
--Moral of the story don't accuse all asians of being whores and etc ... and call us all chinese <_<

LOLs!! I laughed out loud so hard on that one. I have to applaud you. I would do the same thing! I can pretty much ignore ignorant people, but when they turn mean like that, they need to be taught a lesson!