A marriage life that doesn't go anywhere

[Jaia_loves_Yadech]

Hello you guys. I have been gone a while so I came back with tons of questions, I need you guys to help me.

As you know I gave birth to my daughter a couple months ago. After I gave birth my husband became different. He doesn't really care for me that much now. All I see is just him taking his parents out or going out with his friends. I know that he needs his own time but why should he always leave his child and me behind. Lately all of his money he didn't even give me anything. I am not about money but I want to know the reason why everytime I ask him he says no. What should I do? Did I choose the wrong option of marrying than finishing my college? Did I just give up my life that was once lovable to this horrible marriage? What should I do when our life isn't going anywhere? What kind of person is him? I thought he will be better than my ex but he is even worser. I don't want to divorce because I pity my daughter and still love him like I used to.

 

[byebye]

Did he want the baby? If he doesn't that might explain his actions but if he does you might want to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him.  It is not fair for you to care for the baby all by yourself. And a newborn is stressful in the beginning. I remember my second son, he had colic and I almost pull my hair out because it is very frustrating and there's nothing you can do about it but to just let it take its course.
 
The money situation, since you mentioned that he recently started withholding it it's kind of fishy. A lot of broken marriages are due to finances and if he all of a sudden started to have all these changes there might be a deeper issue that he is not willing to share with you.  Honestly, if you are not happy there is only so much you can take because of your "child" to try and make the marriage work. Once the happiness is gone it will translate to everything else. But you would not know unless you talk or else it'll eat you up everyday until you are going to explode.
 
I have been married for 14 years and just 5 months shy of my 15th. Trust me, it is very complicated and everyone changes as they age. My one true thing out of my marriage is communication. I don't care if it's small or a big issue I never skirt around it. I get to the point of what is going on. I am not one to be afraid to voice my opinion on what bothers me and I refused to deal with anything that is not my fault.
 
It is better to know now what you are dealing with than try to guess exactly what is going on. Since he is the one that is changing he holds the answer. And if he tells you that nothing is wrong, I highly recommend don't take that for an answer. No man is going to act differently with a blink of an eye if nothing is bothering him. Good luck.

 

[Chalidaluvprin]

Jaia, you should have told your parents this then. Why didn't you call aunt so she could help you. I think the part about him leaving after you have brith to little Belle you should have a nice talk with him and ask what's wrong.

About the $ problem, you should ask him why did he put all of those to. And alot of relationships like this is hard. Like your parents and my parents. Out mom doesn't even get to touch a dollar and our dad has almost everything but our mom still stayed calm. You should ask aunt for advice.

Jaia, what you choose isn't wrong or right. You just have to fake it till you make it. Then at that time he will come back to you. I know that you didn't finish college. You have one more year left during that time, if you had chose the way that your parent wanted you to choose then I think you could have graduated now or in a couple of months. But you choose the right way for you. You chose the person you love, you did this for him. Just remember that one day he will come back to you and little Belle.

I know that there family wants the first son first baby to be a boy, and you had an girl. But don't feel sad baby Belle is still your child and your love. Su Su na!!

 

[ImQueen]

Sometimes the parent-in-laws will guide their son to either good or bad, in this case the hopes of good are not high because he's taking only your in-laws out, and I bet they say nothing too. It could be that they were disappointed in the gender of the baby like chalidaluvprin mentioned. I say have a chat with the your in-laws about your husband or their son's personality. If they don't give you a solid or good answer or they don't care then it may be them that is messing up with your marriage. Because this kind of topic is very sensitive and could change your life it's best if you talked to your-in-laws after asking your husband why he changed. I know that some guys don't like their wife to be braggy or meddlesome, but this case is very sensitive. 

 

[anan]

Hello you guys. I have been gone a while so I came back with tons of questions, I need you guys to help me.

As you know I gave birth to my daughter a couple months ago. After I gave birth my husband became different. He doesn't really care for me that much now. All I see is just him taking his parents out or going out with his friends. I know that he needs his own time but why should he always leave his child and me behind. Lately all of his money he didn't even give me anything. I am not about money but I want to know the reason why everytime I ask him he says no. What should I do? Did I choose the wrong option of marrying than finishing my college? Did I just give up my life that was once lovable to this horrible marriage? What should I do when our life isn't going anywhere? What kind of person is him? I thought he will be better than my ex but he is even worser. I don't want to divorce because I pity my daughter and still love him like I used to.

 
Did you talk to him about this issue ??? Living together isn't it all about sharing, discussing and caring for each other ??
If I were u, I will talk & clear out these "little" issues...: What do you want ? & what does he want ? Did u do something wrong ?
I know that u girls(ladies)  keep all for urself and don't speak out that much about what u really feel...(and expect us "guys/men" to read & guess everything)...
 
I am not married yet, but would love to settle down, having a family & kids, raise them, teach them and playing with them...
We, guys are "simple mind"-oriented, so communicate & speak out & make urself heard & understood ^_^

 

[x0unerthanlater]

Talk to him. Tell him exactly what you posted here. That's the only way you'll know how to deal with it best.

 

[Jaia_loves_Yadech]

I tried talking to him, but what all he said was he doesn't have time, he has his own things to do I shouldn't think anything I am thinking to much. About the money issue he told me that it's his money so he have the right to do anything with it and I should just use my own. I don't know what is going on with him. I called my mom of advice like Minny said but my mom told me to endure it and how can I do that when I feel like I am not part of there family. Sometimes I hope Urassaya was a boy I think things would change if she was a boy.

My husband is totally different now not like back then when we dated. He always listen to me then but not now. I wish he would be like he used to

 

[ImQueen]

Oh no, don't think like that. Your child is your child anyway. Even if your baby is a girl it still doesn't matter because if your husband truly love you and his child than gender shouldn't matter. But if he changed because of the gender issue than it means that he doesn't truly love you. I find it selfish and heartless by the way. But have you said anything to your in-laws regarding your husband? I think you should. 
 
Don't fray back. I understand it's hard. Best wishes to you.

 

[byebye]

The gender of the baby is not your fault! So never stress about that. This is just me, but a married couple should have a joint account. It confused me about this his/her account. Throughout my almost 15th years with my husband I take care all things financially. I told him the day he decided to have his separate accounts is probably the day I think we would end up divorcing.  I know it sounds harsh and unreasonable to others, but it is one thing I am adamant about. I have never known what it's like to ever ask him for any money.
 
You need to get to the bottom of this and if it means getting in his face just do it. Him saying he has no time for you and has other things to do is just plain wrong. That is basically a non answer if I have ever heard one. And the advice for you to hang in there and endure is almost as wrong. No one should endure anything from a love one that is disrespecting their feelings. I would rather have a heated argument with him than not knowing what is going on. Sometimes, it takes a big blow out to let everything comes to light. Trust me, I have been married long enough to know that there are going to be a few of those but if you pick your battle right, he will tell you exactly what you need to know.

 

[x0unerthanlater]

Please don't stress too much. Sometimes when you've tried everything but nothing seems to give the right solution, you have to give it time. If he isn't the same, then maybe when he's ready to say something he'll let you know what changed. You both are married. He has to live with you as much as you have to live with him. Even though I'm not married, I do believe that marriage is about compromise. Sooner or later the best solution will come to you both. He may be the type of man who needs to adjust to fatherhood. I don't know what plans or agreements you guys made before getting married, but it seems like somewhere along the lines there's a misunderstanding. As a married woman, with a baby, you have to endure for the marriage (if you still love him). .. If it isn't broken, don't try to fix it. From what you typed, about what he said, I don't feel like your marriage is broken. Take it slow and have patience.

 

[D~D]

This is why im not getting in a relationship at all. GUYs are Ass****!!! Lol !! Maybe they'll say that same exact about me. Lol !!

 

[aimeelove]

this is unfortunate. i know im late with response, but talking to him and communicating with his family so they understand you. if ure still young, tell them you need support. some men just never know how to be a good husband or appreciate their woman. 

 

[byebye]

I totally forgot about this thread. I wonder how she is doing it has been a while. I hope she is happy and getting her marriage where she wanted it.

 

[Koy123]

Aww... I hope everything is going well with your marriage. The way you describe it, sounds like he may have someone else. I hope I'm wrong on this.
IMO, you should communicate with your hubby and try to resolve the issue, but if he's not treating you right. Maybe separate and give yourself some time, but don't wait too long tho. Life is too short to be enduring the pain by yourself. You and your child deserves to be happy so if he's not treating you right move on, don't stay in a relationship that drain you lifeless and it won't be good for your child to grow up in an environment where there parents can't communicate. Focus on you and your baby and be strong. Your child needs you the most. You just had a baby and you don't need this bullshit in your life so do what you want to do which go back to school.