before marriage

[allitis16]

a question just popped in my head.

if you were in the shoe of this person or a close relative what would you think?

Elope with the one you want to marry?
or
you want the guy to come and beg for you? (meaning in the respectful way that the hmong culture does it like with the black umbrella and the guys and elders talking with your/her parents)

 

[macli]

hmm hard question...I had to deal with that situation not long ago, however I was involved in part of the incident only, I'm not the one who's married(thank goodness I'm not yet married, not that it's bad).
Well going home with your man is the easy way and it's cheaper, just that it makes your parents feel like you've cheated them or in the sort of not loving them anymore that's why you've moved on. The suddent shock will put an emotional impact on the mother while aggravating the father.
Now the other way around costs alot of money and it's more complicated. It'll give your parents face and a sense of respect towards the girl.

Sorry I can't answer which way is better.

 

[Mae]

I feel that if a man loves you enough, he and his family will be respectful enough to come and ask your parents for your hand in marriage. Yes, it may be more expensive than elopement, but money shouldn't be an issue if he surely loves you that much! I believe the traditional way of coming to the girl's house and asking for her is much more proper and gives the parent's a lot more respect for all they've done bearing the girl.

 

[shana pakim]

i not sure too but mostly people these day just run away with the one they love...and then the groom will just have someone call saying they have the bride at their house and some elder would came to talk with the bride parent...at least that is what happen to my sister and some of my friends...

 

[yajvaj]

I feel that if a man loves you enough, he and his family will be respectful enough to come and ask your parents for your hand in marriage. Yes, it may be more expensive than elopement, but money shouldn't be an issue if he surely loves you that much! I believe the traditional way of coming to the girl's house and asking for her is much more proper and gives the parent's a lot more respect for all they've done bearing the girl.

[post="141022"][/post]​

i agree with you if he loves u really much money shouldn't be a problem...and isn't this way wat most hmong parents want to happen?

 

[rukmos]

The way I see this for myself only is, I am going to college and getting a business degree, so in respect for myself and my parents, I would rather have the guy and his parents come to my parents and ask for my hand in marriage.

The only other way that I would elope with the man I love is if my parents hate him and are trying to stop us from marrying. If I'm sure that I want him/love him, then I'll elope.

 

[neena]

:huh: i don't know what i will do until that very moment that it happens i guess.

 

[lala209]

AHAHAHA... this is funny! i don't know about you guys but now a days... people just don't do that anymore...you know...begging for the girl they claim to love. it's so old school. where i'm from or most of the people that i know that got married...either the girl got pregnant, she went out too late and got forced, or they're just young and stupid.

i been with my boyfriend for 5 years now and knowing him, he'll never do such thing...or else i'll crack up at the moment.

i'll pass...hard question.

 

[mokka]

I feel that if a man loves you enough, he and his family will be respectful enough to come and ask your parents for your hand in marriage. Yes, it may be more expensive than elopement, but money shouldn't be an issue if he surely loves you that much! I believe the traditional way of coming to the girl's house and asking for her is much more proper and gives the parent's a lot more respect for all they've done bearing the girl.

[post="141022"][/post]​

I agree with you. nothing else to say but I agree.

 

[amaymoua]

I REALLY HAVE NO COMMENT ON THIS BECAUSE THE WORLD DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK THE WAY WE WANT THEM TOO..

I PRETTY MUCH HAD TO ELOPE BECAUSE NO ONE WANTED US TO BE TOGETHER... AT FIRST IT WAS BOTH SIDES.. BUT IT TOOK A WHILE FOR MY SIDE TO WARM UP TO HIM... AND LEARN TO LOVE HIM, BUT ON HIS SIDE... STILL HATES ME TIL THIS DAY... IT'S BEEN 6 YEARS... TRUST ME.. LIFE ISN'T AS EZ

 

[nkaujhmooblauj]

well... marrying the one who comes to ask for your hand in marriage is good. but sometimes.. its the person you don't want to marry.

but if you marry your bf... or run off with him then get married. if your marriage doesn't work out. your parents would just be like.. "you didn't listen to me" and all that crap.

and if you do choose to marry the one who comes respectfully.. then maybe your parents would be on your side more if your marriage has problems...

 

[allitis16]

well... marrying the one who comes to ask for your hand in marriage is good. but sometimes.. its the person you don't want to marry.

but if you marry your bf... or run off with him then get married. if your marriage doesn't work out. your parents would just be like.. "you didn't listen to me" and all that crap.

and if you do choose to marry the one who comes respectfully.. then maybe your parents would be on your side more if your marriage has problems...

[post="141982"][/post]​

i agree too there. if somewhere along the line in marriage that the couple have problems then the guy would just say that it's your fault for following me because you wanted to marry me. and true the parents can't say much when the girls have a problem with the guy.
just saying from experience with friends and family members.