Can someone teach me how to become a better Nyab Hmong?

[mmxiong]

I need your help, Whatever I do is always wrong:

1. I cook whenever I have the time (i'm super busy with school & work),
2.I clean on the weekend,
3. I give money to my mom-in-law for babysit my baby,
4. I paid most of the house bills ( my husband money never enough for him to use)

Please tech me how to become a better nyab hmong?????? Really want his parent to like me...errr... Sometime I feel like crying, i lived so far away from my parent and friends...I got no one here to cry to...

Please let me know what I did wrong...Thank you for all your advices! I will definitely take it and learn it and do it....

Hey there,
Well I can't really say much b/c I'm not married yet and not anytime soon because I still want to do alot of things. But I do have a bf and we've been together for 4 years now. Bad news, he's the only son and also the youngest. His parents didn't even like me from the start because of the reputation thingy with all hmong familys...but you know I didn't let that get in the way of our relationship b/c all I care about is "us". I know that once we get married life is going to be hard b/c my family and his family are really traditional but you know I don't really mind it. I'm ready for all the hard things to come b/c I know I am strong and I have a supporting bf. One day they will see that I've tried my best and everyone is not perfect. Remember Karma will happen, just make sure that you are not doing bad things to people. My word of advice to you is that you make sure that no matter what happens your husband will ALWAYS support you. Because in the end it is going to be only you and him.
I'm sorry if I offended you or anything but then this is just my opinion.
Wish you luck...don't think too much about.

 

[kaythoj]

Just be yourself. One can never be perfect nyab but just be yourself and everything will fall in place. Love your in laws like you would love your own parents, that's what I have learned.

 

[milacute04]

girl, there's no such thing as a good or bad nyab... just be an ok nyab.. the whole world can say whatever they want.. as long as your cooking, cleaning, and paying bills and working, you're fine.. i'm married myself and i don't even do half of wat you're doing.. and i still think i'm ok.. i serve my husband and my children, i don't serve his parents or his siblings... everyone has their own kids to feed... i think it's unfair of hmong people to layout the laws and aspect of what a hmong woman should and should not do when they're married... just be able to distinguish what's right from wrong... do what you need to do to get you and your family up there... your parents and his parents and families are your guy's supporters and they just need to play their role.. love both side of the family fairly and equally... for me, i only love people how the way they love me.. i know it's kinda cruel of me to be saying this, but what can you do...

girl, i'm happy that you're trying to be a good nyab... but you know something, sometimes there's a limit and you wouldn't want to play that good role anymore when everyone in the family start to depend on you and take advantage of you being good... just be yourself.. and as long as your husband isn't complaining about the things you do, no one else in the family has the rights to... as long as you and your husband is happy then all should be well...

 

[mysuper_girlfriend]

this is just like asking "what can i do to become a better son-in-law?".

but let me tell you one thing. don't try too hard or you'll just break yourself at the end. don't put your heart and soul into some thing you tried so hard and yet they still can't see it. this is the united states. it's not thailand or laos. i've seen some wives tried for years and years and still their law-in-laws simply just still don't like them. remember you and your husband can always pack your bags and go live by yourselves. lastly, you pay for the house bills and not your husband?.. sounds like a gamer to me!

good luck and i hope everything works out for you and the family.

 

[madalia3]

you sometimes it's not that your a bad nyab, it's just in many hmong parents eyes they have trouble liking the person their son or daughter marries, because they always want the best for their child, and u shoukld know if parents have the chance they would love to hook u up with the person they like and not someone you picked urself...so yea it's not always the nyab's fault cause maybe the parents just dont like u because they believe their son deserves better and they think ur not the rite one for their son, or it's other problems like maybe they just dont wanna like u even though they know thier son loves u very much..it's so hard to explain this kind of thing u know..

 

[mailee0515]

Good lord honey, no one can teach you to be a better Nyab Hmoob. Remember that you can't satisfy everyone and you have your life too. I have seen that a lot of times when Hmong girls are married, they seem to think their single life is over; trust me, it is far from over. The best thing to do is to be yourself. Not all Nyabs are lucky to have understanding in-laws but if you let them know your circumstances, they are usually understanding. Plus, help out when you can and make the effort. But, becoming a Nyab is a life long learning experience. You just have to make the best of it. If something upsets them, don't be afraid to ask because after all you are family now. Trust in each other so that you guys can lean on each other when needed. Don't be afraid to make mistakes.

 

[nkaujsuabyaj]

I need your help, Whatever I do is always wrong:

1. I cook whenever I have the time (i'm super busy with school & work),
2.I clean on the weekend,
3. I give money to my mom-in-law for babysit my baby,
4. I paid most of the house bills ( my husband money never enough for him to use)

Please tech me how to become a better nyab hmong?????? Really want his parent to like me...errr... Sometime I feel like crying, i lived so far away from my parent and friends...I got no one here to cry to...

Please let me know what I did wrong...Thank you for all your advices! I will definitely take it and learn it and do it....

Girl..what are you talking about..you already a good nyab by doing that.you are way better than .my sil bc all my sil do is talking sh**t about our family to all her dumb little friends and saying that we are the bad one and telling her dumb little friends that my mom always telling her to do alot of chores around house..and never have the right to get her opinion...but if she give her opinion is f***ken dump..she so jealous of my sister..like i say to my sister that the sil just jealous because she can't be like you or girls she see..she even jealous of 12 years old girls who can dress better than her..c'mon..that just made me LOL...personally being a good nyab..it take time to be one because no inlaws expect to have a good nyab..girl..just be a good person..one day your inlaws will see how good you are..don't be like my sil..okay..

 

[brokebranch]

I am not a Nyab, but here's a little advice my parents and sister talk about.

- buy some food to the house. Not just junk like chips and soda. If you buy sweets make sure it is enough for the whole family and extra because there might be guess when you get home.
- treat your husbands family like your own. Think about the little brothers and sisters too. Cook for them and help buy supplies for them. Some of the siblings are too scare to ask for stuff
- when you make some dessert or buy stuff make sure you give some to the parents. Don't say "do you want some". Just hand it to them and say "eat mother/father" (in Hmong and in a regular voice). Even if you know/think they don't like it.
-don't talk shit about your in laws. Being a two-face makes it worse. Everyone should know this one
-don't stay cooped up in the bedroom all day.
-when there are guess over make sure to call them
When cousins are doing jingles go and help
If you marry the oldest son. You and your husband will be the goto people so be patient.
Some inlaws just will not accept their nyab even when they are good. My sister hadded that life. Up until her mother-in-law was close to death she was treated a little nicely.

 

[miku]

I was thinking about leaving him but I can't do that because I have a kid and i don't my parent to have bad name....i keep on telling myself things will get better but gosh! i made the wrong choice for married him, I should have known that he will never change ( been dating for 4 years before we got married) What should I do???????????
[/quote\\\


girl don't ever think guy will change they will never change
don't bother try to be a good nyab bc its doesn't work.
if they don't like you no matter how hard you try they won't see
the only good thing move out of the their house.
i have been try it b4
girl another way just don't care anymore
do house work if you want to do '
if you don't want to forget about it
if you live with them and want to be happy yourself just don't caressssssssssssss

 

[pangnerlicious]

omg, your life is so sad....your husband is not helping you..omg he's so not a man,
i mean i'm trying not to be mean here, but the way i see it is that
you do almost everything....gosher...
if it were me, i would be like "I'M GONE"..
idc if i had a kid with him...if he doesn't respect me and help me..
i would definitely leave, and plus like the ppl here said, its not thailand or laos..
its America, i can do whatever i want...and i know my parent would rather see me happy then live
my life with regrets. but im just saying...
listen to what your heart tell you...
and even if im not married yet, i understand how you feel.
its hard to make someone who doesnt like you...to like you.
its not easy at all...all i got to say is good luck...

 

[NploojSiabHlub]

I need your help, Whatever I do is always wrong:

1. I cook whenever I have the time (i'm super busy with school & work),
2.I clean on the weekend,
3. I give money to my mom-in-law for babysit my baby,
4. I paid most of the house bills ( my husband money never enough for him to use)

Please tech me how to become a better nyab hmong?????? Really want his parent to like me...errr... Sometime I feel like crying, i lived so far away from my parent and friends...I got no one here to cry to...

Please let me know what I did wrong...Thank you for all your advices! I will definitely take it and learn it and do it....

Hey...you're a very good NYAB already. If you were my wife and my parents NYAB, we would keep you in a very safe place just like a POV HAUM for us...!

 

[rukD2B]

There's no such thing as a good nyab or a perfect one, in my perspective. You just be the best you can be. Someone once said to me that, if someone's going to like you, you don't have to kiss a/s 24/7 for them to like you. I think it was my dad that said it to me. But that's how life goes. I don't mean to not do anything and if they don't like you then screw them. The way I do it now with my in-laws is, I try to help out when I can and where I can. If school or other events going on doesn't allow me to do so, I have my husband tell my in-laws that we're busy with whatever it is and we'll try to help if we can and if not, it's not because we intend to not help. You shouldn't feel bad for going to school, that is one of the first things. Don't let your in-laws stop you, just go through with it. Are you the only nyab? I think they will be able to tell who's a good nyab once they have more than one. Just hang in there and do what you can, if they don't like you, as long as they're not doing anything bad to you like abuse or kicking you out or starting drama. A lot of times, I think they are as afraid of you not caring about them as you are afraid that they don't like you. Don't worry too much about it; if your husband still loves and cares about you, you're not entirely alone.

 

[MsKoreana]

I need your help, Whatever I do is always wrong:

1. I cook whenever I have the time (i'm super busy with school & work),
2.I clean on the weekend,
3. I give money to my mom-in-law for babysit my baby,
4. I paid most of the house bills ( my husband money never enough for him to use)

Please tech me how to become a better nyab hmong?????? Really want his parent to like me...errr... Sometime I feel like crying, i lived so far away from my parent and friends...I got no one here to cry to...

Please let me know what I did wrong...Thank you for all your advices! I will definitely take it and learn it and do it....

i feel really sad for you. you can never be a "GOOD" nyab in hmong..hmone ppl are too picky n most of all always see the bad things u do n never the good. i advise, tell ur husband what u do wrong n stuff..n just be quite.shut up n do w/e they say if u want to be a good one..that's all i can say but honstly I can feel you. i'm not saying yeah yeah i feel u..i really mean it..

 

[pangnerlicious]

I need your help, Whatever I do is always wrong:

1. I cook whenever I have the time (i'm super busy with school & work),
2.I clean on the weekend,
3. I give money to my mom-in-law for babysit my baby,
4. I paid most of the house bills ( my husband money never enough for him to use)

Please tech me how to become a better nyab hmong?????? Really want his parent to like me...errr... Sometime I feel like crying, i lived so far away from my parent and friends...I got no one here to cry to...

Please let me know what I did wrong...Thank you for all your advices! I will definitely take it and learn it and do it....

it doesnt matter what people say about you, if you know you do all the things you can to help around the house and his family doesnt sees it as long as your husband know you are then thats all that really fuckin matters,!!!!!

 

[yummie=)]

I think that's pretty typical. You should counteract their rudeness with kindness. Even if your in laws are horrible if you have go out and show the other relative that you are not like what your mother in law says then you've already won the war. People will just say she's a gossip. Like my SIL, her and my mother does not get along. But people think that she's a bad person because she doesn't go out to anything people do. I know it was the way she was raised. Her parents never told her to go and help out her aunts and uncles, she never stepped foot in a funeral home. And when she does show up she doesn't really talk to anyone but me and my sisters and she rarely stays too long. I tell her that she's really hurting herself because by her not being so sociable the rumors that are around will never go away and will always grow bigger.

I really feel like this is something NOT worth leaving your husband for. Not the parents anyway, maybe the he doesn't seem to keep his own money would make me want to leave him. Just keep going and do the best you can, and if you really cannot handle it anymore, move out. By living on your own maybe your husband will man up and start doing his share around the house and start saving money for your futures.

 

[pajnra]

A nyab is still a person...and people are not PERFECT. Just do what you can do around the house and that's the only thing you can do. Also, since you pay for most of the house bill, why not move out and live on your own?