Help. im like LOST

kulyia

RUK
iknow iknow i havent been on for WEEKS. and im guilty for that, believe me i can feel it lol. I really need your opinions. The guy that use and kind of still does catch my eye was a friend i grew up with. You know how they always say the one you're looking for is always in front of your eyes? And if you don't hold onto it, someone else would? Lets just say, he's the one im willing to actually Go for. lol. Not literally fight for but stand by his side through thick and thin. My good friend used to tell me or convince me to tell him. But i would always deny the opportunity. we've know each others for 7 years. And never did i ever pay attention to him. He was the "Okay hey bye help friend." or a little more conversationISH. All these years ive never seen him with a girl ever. And i guess because of that, the thought of him being someones else never appeared in my head to make me prepare to actually see... until now. Oh gosh, sometimes i regret soo much that i should have told him. But at same time, it would be awkward if he would have said no he doesnt feel the same as me. That thought was always in my head. And because of that i never thought What if he had said yes... But the thought of No made me focus on how It will surely ruin our long year friendship. He is currently talking or Seeing a girl who is the same race as him but mix. And im not btw. I hear she is aggressive and preppy and *Quote* Tough. I know if i get in the way it wouldnt do me good nor do i want that.I know some folks will be like "you have to fight in order to get what you want" but im not like that, more of a soothing person. But it hurts to think of him being hers. :( Just typing about this makes me sad and teary. Soo, okay Noy. Remember i told you i had a bad dream? And well my dream was that he and i were face to face. And he told me "i love her*Her name*" to me. i felt so cornered and blacked out. Noy told me bad dreams mean the opposite. I really need help how to get out of this trap. :(
 

zienan09

sarNie Hatchling
im sorries =(

i think you should;ve told him when u had the chance.
im going thru something similar...and the guy i like, his parents are traditional so he is in the process of arranged marriage. it literally broke my heart to kno that cuz i know we have feelings for each other..but we;re just not those type to tell each other. and now...it might be too late for the both of us to do anything about it.
my friends say that "it;s better to have that pain of rejection than that pain of regret." i can tell that you;re regretting right now..and that;s probably cuz you didnt tell him when you had the chance. and in your case, it;s not too late. they;re just dating, right? so, if you;re still friends with him, pull him off the side one day when he;s not with his girl, and let it out. its not good to bottle it all up inside. and what hurts the most are the tears that never reaches your eyes from your heart. it;s ok to be rejected..my friends told me that it;s part of life and we have to find a way to deal with it. from each rejection, ur gonna grow stronger than before. so don;t be afraid. even if you;re one of those girls that can;t fight for it, still, telling him ur feelings doesnt mean ur fighting for it. ur just telling him the truth and your just un-stressing yourself.

sorries i rambled on and on..but i'll cut it short like this for now...
best of luck ^-^
 

kulyia

RUK
i will copy this onto my usb. and read it whenever i fell Down. TY. omg do you want to share your problem too?? =] willing to read and hear your thoughts
 

zienan09

sarNie Hatchling
aww..ur a sweet girl ^-^ <sorries i wasnt that much help> but any guy to have you is gonna be one lucky man!
wells...are u sure??...here goes:

i met the guy 5 month-ish ago..and he was...literally my "dream guy"..but i was amazed to meet him. and u kno..we talked and such..and there was just that chemistry...but...ehh...we're not good verbally. =) so, we didnt say much about our feelings. but..im so close to his cousins..and his cousins are always keeping in tab with him...so they all kno we like each other...but still, we wanna hear it from each other directly >.<" and each time i do wanna tell him, i chicken out..so i come up with this brilliant idea that if he wont tell my by thanksgiving, i'll tell him...b/c by then, i'll be visiting my cousins in the same city that he lives in. buts it was just a week ago that i found out his parents want an arranged marriage for him..i cried my eyes out and there are still more that i can't cry tho =( but idk..if the marriage does happen...im happy for him..but if not, i'll be happier =) no matter what..i think i have to tell him..to get it off my chest. its best for me..b/c i hate living with "what if's". but yeap...thats the summary.

here are some stuff i;ve been told my friends (and his cousins) that might be helpful to you too:

--> "Yea, you dont wanna tell him now, but dont you have that little voice somewhere inside of you?...its b/c i didnt listen to that little voice inside of me that im still regretting today...so dont let that happen to you."

--> "People's feelings change..and i learned that the hard way. you have to tell him now before its too late. What's to lose? and beside, it'll be out in the open. if he doesnt like you enough, you can move on with it. if he does like you, something can happen."

--> "Stop lying to yourself...you know you wanna be with him."

--> "Girl, you say you dont like him, but u saying that u wanna talk to him but cant b/c he got work just said it all. you;re in love with him. or should i say LOVE."

--> "You never know until you try."

--> "Stupid. so are you just gonna keep this all inside of you? you dont wanna let him know? your just gonna let it be? what if he did like you too? just talk to him."

--> "The pain of regret will hurt more than the pain of rejection. so if he doesnt like you, you can move on from it. but can u really live the rest of your life knowing that you never told him your feelings?"

--> "It's never too late. you never know whats going to happen."

--> "B/c i always did this with my ex. even with my boyfriend now, i would cry and stuff for them for no reason. thats call love if you can cry for someone you;re not attached to."

--> "B/c thats how guys are. they always want to hear it from the girl. even if their friends or cousins or your friends tell him, he wont believe it. he has to hear it from your mouth to believe it."

yeaps...thats all i can think of right now =) but i have to get back to hw and such...keep me updated on how things goes with you =)
 

ohitsnoyyy

VIP ♥
Fear is the number one reason why people don't make the move. I know you're afraid of it ruining your friendship, but if you never let him know, then how would you know if it'll never work. You've already set yourself up for failure by telling yourself it won't work. & now you're left with "what if" questions & that's something you don't want.

We are afraid of being hurt, getting rejected, awkward moments-- all that bad stuff. But that's just apart of life, you gotta prepare yourself for downfalls. We can't always and don't always get what we want or have things our way. Sometimes you gotta fall in order to get back up & stand tall. And if the person doesn't feel that same way, then oh wells, you gave it a shot. It's his lost not yours. Just think positively.

My situation is similar to yours, except he was the one who likes me LOL. He never told me but I always had a feeling he had a crush on me by the way he looks at me. Plus all his friends kept telling me he likes me. He's a nice guy & everything, but the thought of me & him together was never in my mind like that. We've known each other for 4 years. He dated one of my friends so I was like "No, it won't work for us" even though my friends were telling me to get with him. He wasn't my type of guy (appearance wise that is) but he was sweet & kind.

Then this year, we hung out more & I got to know/see a different side to him, I realize I was slowly catching feelings for him. I didn't wanna believe it because I didn't wanna ruin the friendship that we have. I had those "What if" questions floating in my mind. But then I was like "What the hell, just go for it" & so I told him how I felt & now we're talking/dating I guess. I'm not ready to fully commit yet. LOL but it's slowly going. & I'm glad I took that chance because he's amazing & I just feel like the luckiest girl. :D

Basically what I'm trying to say is... just take a chance, you'll never know how things will turn out. :D I hope that helps you a lit bit...
 

Thookatha

sarNie Elites
in my opinion, i think you should be fair to him and the other girl, and see how they turn out. they are just talking and dating. that doesn't mean they will end up together forever. even though you want to tell him now, he's already involved with someone else. no matter how tough or preppy the other girl is, you have to put yourself in her shoes. did she do anything wrong to be ripped of an opportunity to get to know someone? or does she have more right than you now to have a "chance"?

things like this are not easy. i feel for you because we girls are just prone to these misfortunes of fear. however, you must find that balance that will remind you to be careful...or else you will have something worse than the fear of telling...and that's a "love triangle" (figuratively speaking).
 

YM_gurl

sarNie Oldmaid
A lot of people lose their chance not telling that special person that they like them
until the last minute when it is too late. So in your situation, it is okay, don't stress about it.
If you two are meant to be lovers, you two will come together someday whether he is
getting to know someone right now or is going to date someone. You still have hope in the future.
And i tell you, friendship last longer than relationship. Good luck. :D
 

kulyia

RUK
iknow. friendship last longer. zienan09 ithink you should go for it. he is getting marry soon so ithink its better for you to tell him before he officially become someone else man. oh.. ill try to tell him by this week. :] *fingers cross* like all you've said.. its worth a chance. there's nothing to lose too.. And im not so sure whether they are still talking. i hear she is a far away cousin of him.. thats why he doesnt want to get with her. Also one of my friends had a crush on him too. that was last year in 08. And she gave him a letter and he told his two friends that i am close to now. Then you know how almost all asians know one another? Yeah they told him that she was used and all that crap. Thats why he doesnt want to get with her. they all seem lonely..his friends. lol. aww. i wish you guys the best of luck! Do update how you guys are going.:]
 

KhoOnxNouxWanxJai

Staff member
I agree with Noy that Fear is the number one reason why people lose out.

Honestly, when my hubby and I started having feelings for each other it was super bad timing (he had a girlfriend) he still had feelings for her, but at the same time he was starting to feel something for me. We stayed friends for a very long time. 2-3 years :lol: to be exact. Anyhow, they ended up breaking up because he couldn't handle her not having time for their relationship. He was all for letting her do her thing, but things got down to them only talking once a month then once every other month. He didn't tell me that they had broken up. I felt awkward falling for this guy that had a girlfriend. I ditched him for 3 months, but that wasn't the only reason. It was also because he lived in a different state. I had experienced one bad online experience so I was like I'm not gonna make the same mistake. I was dating someone else, but my head kept going back to him. My friend was telling me about this guy she really liked and I knew that he liked her too. I told him to give it a shot because maybe she won't reject him. He asked my friend out :lol: Then I felt stupid because I realized I was running away. I broke up with the guy I was dating and ended up sending my hubby at that time who was just a friend a message. His response was like

DAMN WOMAN! You're finally Back? WTF happen to you for 3 months? I logged on every day waiting for you to come back. I was so sad thinking you left me for reals.

He also told me they broke up months before I left and stop talking to him. He at that point asked me did I want to have a test relationship. If it didn't work out we could go back to being friends. I was like ok mind as well. I like this guy and he likes me. We can be friends if it doesn't work out. (thats just how we were with one another) Next thing you know 5 months later the boy is moving to Texas

When I asked him don't you think it's too soon? We've only been "together" for 5 months or less. His response

"Woman, I've been in love with you for almost 3 years. So In my opinion we've been together for almost 3 years. Minus the time you cheated on me and dated that guy. (Lol, I thought that part was funny) Anyways time isn't important. We've known each other longer than we've been together. I know that I want to start a new life with you. I can't stand to be far from you for another day."


I was in Awww =/.... MY decision was based on my feelings. I really liked the guy. There was nothing telling me that I should let fear be the reason why I didn't let things go the way they did. I wouldn't be happily married to an amazing guy =]


At the same time I would never confess my feelings to someone i thought may harbor feelings for someone else. I definitely wouldn't get in between a soon too or a already existing relationship. I wouldn't be able to handle the thought of possibly being the reason that it didn't work. What if you two get together it doesn't work and he regrets leaving the other girl? Would you be able to live with that?



 

kulyia

RUK
OMG... BUT RIGHT NOW im not sure they are dating too tho. i hear he dont want to date her because their distant cousins..i havent told him yet. *sigh* wait for the right timingggg
 

zienan09

sarNie Hatchling
iknow. friendship last longer. zienan09 ithink you should go for it. he is getting marry soon so ithink its better for you to tell him before he officially become someone else man. oh.. ill try to tell him by this week. :] *fingers cross* like all you've said.. its worth a chance. there's nothing to lose too.. And im not so sure whether they are still talking. i hear she is a far away cousin of him.. thats why he doesnt want to get with her. Also one of my friends had a crush on him too. that was last year in 08. And she gave him a letter and he told his two friends that i am close to now. Then you know how almost all asians know one another? Yeah they told him that she was used and all that crap. Thats why he doesnt want to get with her. they all seem lonely..his friends. lol. aww. i wish you guys the best of luck! Do update how you guys are going.:]
OMG... BUT RIGHT NOW im not sure they are dating too tho. i hear he dont want to date her because their distant cousins..i havent told him yet. *sigh* wait for the right timingggg
^ why thank you ^-^ but...iono whats happening..honest truth lol. i;ve been...kinda waiting 2ish weeks now...for the "right time" you kno. and all his cousins and my cousins are pressuring me to tell him. talk about peer pressure -.-" buts newho..i kinda came to the conclusion that since he;s getting married, i wont do anything about it b/c it'll all be too late to even cancel the wedding or what not. and then his cousin closest to me talked to me on msn and said "sorry to break ur bubble, but he;s not getting married!! gosh, its his brother!!" and omgosh..i was just...in major shock..and i still am. so..ahaha..im back to the "waiting for the right time"
but u kno kulyia...time doesnt wait for anyone...i was reminded of that soo many times these past two weeks >.<"

soo...let;s RACE. see who can tell the guy first. lols. up for it? ;D (<--- dont be mistaken by that wink..muahaha!! ehehe..jk)


^ ur story really got to me..i was in awe just reading it =)
 

kulyia

RUK
tiger bite!!! "time doesnt wait for anyone" what does that really mean? lol. when i read it i felt my heart drop. lol. yea i just found out he dont like her. HE IS SO PICKY. gosh. asian guys these days.... *Roll eyes* lol go for it gurl!! WHOOOOOO!! :)
 
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