How can you tell the difference between love and like?

[arun]

I have been dating my bf for over 4 yrs. He wants to get marry, but I am not. My mind is telling me, "He has too many flaws for me to accept him as a husband.” My heart can not tell the difference between love and like. My friends tells me, "love is blind. If you love some one, you can accept their flaws. "Like," Is puppy love. It will die when the obsession goes away.

This is his flaws…
-Every time he drives, he always misses exit. I have to point out all the time. If I forgot to tell him the directions, he blames me for not helping. We had been living in the same home for 2 yrs and he still misses the exit.

-He is not multi-task person. Example; Every time he talks on the phone, he loses focus and will not response to the people around him. I have to drag him into a car or push him down to sit, because he can not hear me.

-He sleeps a lot. He works from 5pm to 3:30pm. When he gets home he sleep until 6 or 7pm, then snacks and go to bed 8 or 9pm. On the days that he is off, he sleeps 8hrs and takes nap in between meals.

-He asks me to cook his favorite meal, but does not help unless I get angry.

-He apologizes to me to make me happy, not because he understands the situation.
Is I’m over analyzing?

FYI: There is more flaws that I want to share, but I am too sleepy to share.

 

[cecilia]

lmao - sound chaos .. i don't know .. from a single point of view, i'd say no but if you do love him go for it.

 

[suayrerdcherdsode]

Love starts with like...LOOK LIKE LOVE!
Okay, sorry, seriously though you should confront him about and tell him how you feel. You've been together four years so you guys should know each very well by now. If he is understanding, he should know how you are. Tell him how you feel and ask him what he is willing to sacrifice.

 

[arun]

We been fighting over this matter the past 2 years. He promise to change, but have haven't seen any improvement.

 

[cecilia]

Give him the ultimatum -- perhaps, some guy needs it and he's one of them.
Don't wait around until you're too old to look for another one out there.

 

[Asy]

As for me, if I'm love with someone, I'll be very happy to stay together with that one even if everything about him is all flaw.

 

[ChenrukNote]

You don't love him. End of story. Move on. Just from reading your post, I think you already know what the answer is but you just want a confirmation. If you can't accept his minor behaviors like the ones you listed above then when bigger problems arise, you will not be able to accept them with him. Another thing you can also try is giving each other time or taking a break in the relationship. If you find that you can live your life happily everyday without him or without needing him then that should be a clear cut answer for what step you should take next in the relationship. Good luck!

 

[arun]

You don't love him. End of story. Move on. Just from reading your post, I think you already know what the answer is but you just want a confirmation. If you can't accept his minor behaviors like the ones you listed above then when bigger problems arise, you will not be able to accept them with him. Another thing you can also try is giving each other time or taking a break in the relationship. If you find that you can live your life happily everyday without him or without needing him then that should be a clear cut answer for what step you should take next in the relationship. Good luck!

Wow, u read my mind. I wish I could be stronger in decision making. Thanks to those that commented!

 

[arun]

Give him the ultimatum -- perhaps, some guy needs it and he's one of them. Don't wait around until you're too old to look for another one out there.

I try writing out a contract and give him a deadline of what I need. That's doesn't work. He only tries half way than go back to his original self.

 

[arun]

As for me, if I'm love with someone, I'll be very happy to stay together with that one even if everything about him is all flaw.

The problem is I do not know if I love him. I came from a family that does not believe in love. I do not know what love feel like.

 

[ohitsnoyyy]

It's plain & simple-- you're not in love with your boyfriend. You've been with him for 4 years (which is a long time). Being with someone for that long, you become use to them & sometimes a person stays because they're used to the comfort. I've seen it happen many times before.

Also, if he's not making an effort to change/compromise or vice verse, then the relationship definitely won't work. There has to be some compromise. If he keeps feeding you the same "I promise I'll change" bullshit, then it's time to move on. Don't stick around in a relationship because you think he'll change.

Lastly, if you're pondering your thoughts about whether you love him or not, it's obvious that you don't love him. A person in love won't question the relationship.

Is there a reason why you're still with your boyfriend if you don't know what love feels like?

 

[rehann]

like~ seems like a feeling that come fast n go fast! that so called short time attraction~
u got interested in his first impression n at that time u already make ur own perception on him...
but when he is not up to what u expect then the feeling will fly away!!! n after break also it not make any differnt to u!
(i encounter this feeling for few times and it end up the same)

love~ seems like a special feeling that starting maybe not from just 'like' but sometime with 'hate' also!!! maybe u got a bad feeling over him first but when he not as bad as what u think then ur heart is his~ or maybe u already had a 'like' feeling from the first time u see him... u already had a feeling that 'he is the one' n that turn to be true~(so lucky right) n i never encounter that feeling yet~

people said~ love is the reason for a woman to breath n live... but 'reasons' is the main reason for man to love a woman~ man always use brain to love but we woman always use heart to love.... that why when we love someone we will never see his flaws... we always see he is sooo pefect... to trace what is ur feeling for a man... u just have to ask ur heart... when u see his flaws is cute n u even love that tooo.... that means u love him~ if not then i guess u already know ur feeling toward that person right?~

i crazy over IPKKND this days~ i remember one special phase in that series~ 'when u love someone u surely know cause when u apart from her... ur heart beats n even ur breath will stop~' sound cheesy but cute~

 

[arun]

rehann, thank you for the clarification. I'm beginning to understand my feeling much more.

 

[Damaris]

You love him or else you wouldn't stay together for 4 years!
But you may have panicked on the thought of marriage.
I've been a runaway bride 3 times already..so I know
the panic mode when a gal isn't ready or does not want 
to marry yet.
Just be true to yourself and accept his flaws..
we all have them.
But if In your heart..you don't want to end up 
with him..speak up and fight for your convictions.

 

[ijohn]

Love, I have written many things on this subject in the past, but failed to comprehend my own feelings, love has to be a goal you are willing to sacrifice for and not receive something for, finding a relationship that works shouldn't cloud your views of what love is or isn't, you have to accept someone's habits in order to love them completely and in it all you must ask yourself "am I loved" you can only make yourself lovable but all the love you give can never come with conditions because then it's not real love, it sounds to me you want a relationship that works for your love to work and that's not happening, find what works for you if you don't have it yet before investing all of your heart on a distorted view of love,

Ps. Without being all religious, this works for me in finding love inside of me: Corinthians I chapter 13 versus 4-7, it took me years to find this, the true meaning of love!

 

[thai-lakorn-fan-forever]

Firstly, it may or may not be love that has kept you with him that long; it could be that you like the comfort of being together, as in you're used to having him around but the thought of marriage seems so permanent that it's bothering you.  It sounds like you've fallen out of not only love, but "like" too, because you haven't listed a single good point about him.  The flaws that you've pointed out are somewhat normal though; you can't expect that there's a guy out there who is absolutely perfect and will be forever on.  As people get to know each other really well over time, flaws are going to emerge and it's normal; if his flaws are the only thing that are keeping you from marrying him, then you need to re-evaluate things, because it's unrealistic to expect him to eliminate any and all flaws.
 
The big question is can you imagine living a life without him in the picture?  If yes, then you aren't in love and should move out of the situation.

 

[mmgjp314]

Like is like a "puppy love", like what your friend told you. It's a starting point for you to get to know each other more and for you to decide whether you will or can fall deeper than that. It's a crush, you may get hurt from liking a person, just like how you love that person, but it doesn't break your heart as much as you fall in love. Because Love is deep and strong. If you love someone, then you can accept and can tolerate their flaws, no matter how big or how small it is. If you can't accept or tolerate their flaws, then that means you don't love him. You probably just like him or accept him as a friend. Love is about giving them a chance and giving them some time to prove to you that they can be better than what you think, but if they don't change themselves, then you can break up if you want. But remember, if you really love him, then you can tolerate his flaws, if you can't tolerate it, then you don't love him.

 

[SonYukView4ever]

like is something that comes and goes, but love never changes. love is something treasurable, sincere and worthwhile. love sincerely.

 

[p. Zoua]

If you really love him and can accept his fault then go for it. But first ask urself if he's willing to accept ur faults as you do to him. Don't marry a person that don't even love you as much as you love him. You should find someone who loves you back equally.

I honestly hate a guy who blames u for his mistake such as the exit thing. Also if a guy promises he will change but doesn't, for me, that's already a no no sign. I honestly think u can find someone better. But it's up to you. These are just my opinion. The choice is urs.