In-Lawz......

[danger]

I'm very sorry to hear that. Why did you marry at a young age? Have you ever consider all the consequences? Did you think twice before getting married? Have you ever thought about the future? Do you regret getting married?


I bet you already know what kind of person your husband is already before you guys got married. Am I correct? And yet, you still married him? So now you have to suffer the consequences. Remember every decisions you make have a consequence.


About your mother-in-law and father-in-law, try getting close to them. It is very hard for them too, and you have to understand what they are going through. There are reasons to as why one acts a certain way. To release some of your stress, have a talk with your husband and that should make you feel better. Don't keep it inside because you will become upsessed and possessed.


Also, don't ever talk about going back home or moving out unless you're going to do it. It's very bad to have those thoughts. Even if you don't do it, it will kick in one day if you kept thinking about it.


Well, hope the best of luck for you and hope you find a solution for your problems.

 

[babeyelmo]

all i got to say is that enjoy ur single life to the fullest and have fun bewfore u go and get marry, because once u step out of ur parents door...
ur no longer ur mommy and daddy's little girl... koj yog ib tus nyab lawm... ua tsis tau li siab xav li thaum tseem nyob nrog ur parents.

but this is what my older brother said to me...
if i know that me and my guy truly love each other then go and visit his family and spend time with them...
see how their life is at home... see if they like me or not, if i think that i can live with them if i marry him...
study how they treat each other... they way they life... the way the talk... get to know his family... etc. etc...
dont just hang out with him and then go off and marry him... understand what I'm trying to say?
if u do that then it wouldnt be so hard...
because if u do then once u enter into their family u know how they are and they know u...

 

[SweeTie_Dan]

I agree with you babeyelmo but some in-laws may change or act totally different when you get into their family. And it hard to keep to deeply know them at least u spend lot of time with them. But I still feeel that it still very hard to judge someone bc u really don't know what is really inside them.....

 

[mai92]

Both my sister-in-laws are good they are those kind of gurls that never goes out, they only took care of there family....
They are great!!! i'm gald my brothers married them.....

 

[alpha]

I am sorry to hear what you gurls are going through and totally understand how you feel. I have similar problem, both my in law are those that talk nice and soft even my husband. But like they said, "lus mos lus tuaj pos" Before the marriage it like one of you mentioned, they will pack lunch for my husband to bring it to me everyday. But after marriage, the story is different. They never say anything bad about me when I was there, but behind my back oh all kind of "Sh". Because I am a full students and also have a full time job, I couldn't cook much and help the in law much so they even have more things to complain. I go visit my parents once a week, but my in law say it too much; I married their son so I shouldn't go visit my parent or help them, which i disagreed so they even hate me more.

AFter living with them for four months, my husband and i moved because the in law want my husband to divorce me, but he didn't so they kick both of us out. When we moved, I take care of everything, I am a full students, works and house wife. I take care of the bills and everything in the house, while my husband just study. Many times, I asked my parents to help us with the bills because we were short in money. Now because his parent didn't help us and we have to depend mostly on my parents to help us out, my in laws even hate me more. Everytime my husband and i went to visit the in law and we came back, we would had an argument because he complained that I am not good house wife. He wanted me to be like his mom, never go visit anyone or the "neej ntsha," Which, I can never do that, I have to go visit my parent and I need to talk to people, I have friends that i want to talk them when I have problem, but his family see this as a bad wife. Also everytime his mom call him, he would go to the bathroom or somewhere else to talk. Everytime we have an argument he call his parent and take me to their house to lecture me how to be a good wife like his mother. Many time they tell that he should just divorce me and find another wife. But still he couldn't let go of me. At the same time he wants me to be like his mother and so his parent would like me, but i can't never do that.

After living together for a year, we had so many arguments so he decided to let me go. I feel much better after we separated. As we separated and I went back to analyze our problems I notice that the problem is not all on his parents. It was on my husband as well, he never stand up for me, a lot of time he would tell lies to his parents to make him look good and make me look bad in front of his parent. He doesn't know his role in the family so it creates many misunderstand between his parents and I. However, I did not blame his parents for all they did, I understand that they want the best for their son and also the best daughter in law, but in this coutnry I cant find a full house wife, job, and student. They talk SH about me to their relatives and friends, but I careless because I am not like what they said so whatever they say it will come back to them.

So enough on my story, I would suggest to you that just be patient with your in law and like they say respect them but don't have to do like they want you to do. If you are not happy about it, you don't want to suffer yourself for it. Life is short and we want to be happy and enjoy, not suffering. Stand up for yourself and what you want. I suffered myself for one year because I want to do thing to appreciate my husband, but it does not work that way and I can't be someone that is not me. Also, I totally understand your feeling about your husband not beleiving in you. BUt remember that you need to be true to yourself so you can think thing out correctly. If you only do thing to appreciate other, but you are not happy with it, then what you do would not come good. THis make the situation even more worst and creat more problems to come. The last words I want to share is be true to yourself and know what you want.


GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SITUATION.

 

[danger]

I have a little advice for you young ladies out there. Think before you do anything, and don't blame others when you suffer.

You ladies need to understand what's required of you when you are married. Life isn't as easy as peeling bananas. It doesn't always go the way we want, and we have to live with it.

I hope you ladies can try to understand what I meant. I'm sorry if I've offended anyone here, but just giving my Hmong sisters some helpful advice.

 

[rukmos]

I have a little advice for you young ladies out there. Think before you do anything, and don't blame others when you suffer.

You ladies need to understand what's required of you when you are married. Life isn't as easy as peeling bananas. It doesn't always go the way we want, and we have to live with it.

I hope you ladies can try to understand what I meant. I'm sorry if I've offended anyone here, but just giving my Hmong sisters some helpful advice.

I understand what you're saying about being responsible and knowing what marriage life involves, but having IN-LAWS FROM HELL is something that no one should have to deal with. Sure, life never goes the way we plan, but that doesn't mean that we should take crap from In-Laws. We're all human so why can't we treat each other like the way we want to be treated!

My best friend married when she was 20 (not too old or young) and she's a very mature girl with a straight clear head on her shoulder, but damn, her in-laws make her mad and cry every night. She would call me up late at night and just cry her heart out because her In-Laws don't treat her right inside the house. They make her do all the work, criticize her for not being perfect like their ideal DIL, and then she has to do homework from school and they call her lazy behind her back and sometimes to her face! They don't appreciate her at all. Her In-laws have this thing against Xiong people and so it's like they take their hatred out on her.

When I used to see them together in public, her MIL acted so nice and all and so I always told her how lucky she was to have such a nice MIL, but now i know better! Her MIL talks behind her back about how lazy she is and never do any chores at home and how the MIL has to do everything!

I think that all of you married women with EVIL In Laws are brave and strong to have bare so much this long and I applaud you all! My parents are still tradition, but they've also taught us not to take SHIT from anyone family or not so I know for sure that I would be bickering with my In-Laws all the time standing for my rights as a human, not their slave should I have EVIL in laws in the future!

At least now I know to take caution and not marry a HMONG guy and enjoy being single for as long as I can!

At least now I know better to not marry a HMONG guy

 

[danger]

I'm pretty sure everyone knows what our Hmong culture is about in terms of marriage and family. Being a daughter-in-law for a Hmong girl is not an easy job and you girls know that too. About the mother and father in law being strict, you guys must first need to see it from their perspective and try to understand them. Although, some are just plain mean, many of them are actually caring, but you guys have to look deep to see it.

One thing I must say, most Hmong girls these days are just plain lazy. When they married, they cannot take the pressure and they're not used to working so hard, so they end up divorcing their husbands or marrying other races. At the end, they end up living miserably even though they do not admit to it. Well, at least that's what happen to the majority of them.