CHAPTER NINETEEN
I typed in the last of the stock numbers as I finally relaxed and stretched to decrease the amount of stress on my shoulders.
I sighed as I finally closed the window of the computer and gathered my stuff to leave. Nattra won’t be home today; she made a new
friend and is staying over at her house. A sense of nervousness gathered in my stomach as I thought about her. I missed her.
Weird how much I miss her when I just saw her this morning. To speak the truth, I’m jealous of her school and her friends.
Before Nattra got old enough, she was always with me, never leaving me for even one second.
The autumn wind blew across my face as I stepped out into the dark streets. I didn’t have a car, so I had to catch the bus.
Rome usually drove me home since we live very close to each other. But his kindness towards me was really making me uncomfortable.
So, this is a relief. I stopped in the middle of the streets to stare up at the stars. They were barely visible in Bangkok since there are so
many lightings and lots of pollution. But you could still catch the glint coming from the stars above. They can give you a safe feeling,
as if they are protecting over the world.
I was still in a daze when a strong force pushed into me causing me to fall backwards. I screamed as I shut my eyes tightly,
predicting the pain that will soon land upon me. But… I didn’t feel anything. No pain, no ache. I felt fine. I slowly opened one eye to see
if I was alive and to my surprise, someone held me up. I quickly stood up and bowed deeply.
“I’m so sorry.” I apologized as quickly as possible. I must’ve blocked his way since I was standing in the middle of the street.
I waited patiently for his reply, but he never said anything. Was he mad? Did he get hurt? But it was a light push. I cautiously lifted
my to get a glimpse of the stranger. He was cute, really cute even though I couldn’t see his eyes. He had on shades to cover his
face and he had a cap on which covered even more of it. I stood up straight as I examined him. Someone how, he looked familiar.
But, as much as I tried to remember, I couldn’t remember where I had ever seen him.
“Are you alright?” I asked, as he still kept silent to himself.
“Yah, I’m fine. Sorry, I just thought I recognized you.” He smiled as he said these words that made my heart pound throughout my body.
I starred at him as if I just saw a monster. Tears welled up in my eyes as I stopped breathing. It’s him… I can recognize that voice anywhere.
His smile, his charming voice. He was right here, right in front of me. My legs suddenly became weak as I dropped to the ground.
“Oh… are you alright?” he quickly dropped to his knees to bend over my trembling body. I didn’t know why I was trembling. I was cold,
really cold, to the point of freezing. But sweat dropped from my face as I tried hard to catch in any oxygen available. I couldn’t breathe.
“Miss, are you alright?” I could hear him shouting. But it was all muffled, as if there was a barrier between him and me. I lifted my head
with force since it felt so heavy. It was true. He was here… right before my very eyes. But for some unknown reason, he felt so far.
I laughed sadly as I finally gave up and fell into unconsciousness…
"Mommy… Where’s Nattra’s father?” she asked at her third birthday. “All the other children have their own father.
How come Nattra doesn’t have one?” She had a little wrinkle to show that she was displeased. I remember being tongue-tied. I didn’t
know what to say. I never spoke of him to her, so it’s usual that she’ll ask one day. But, I didn’t know how to answer her .
“Nattra…” I choked up. “dad, isn’t here now.”
“Where is he? Is he going to come back for us one day?” She had little tears welled up in her eyes.
“Yes, he will…” I sighed as I snuggled her close to me. I needed her to be happy. She was my comfort…
I opened my eyes slowly to a white room, an unfamiliar room. I was dizzy, I felt like I could still sense Nattra’s presence. I sighed heavily
as I blinked several times to adjust my eyes to the sudden brightness. I squinted from the attraction, I wasn’t used to so much light.
Where am I? Why am I here? I tried hard to concentrate on the events that happened last night. Then I remembered as if lightning struck me
a hundred times. My head spun around to find him sleeping peacefully on the couch beside my patient bed. To my very own surprise,
I felt… nothing. No pain, no streak of pain what so ever. I felt empty, almost numb.
I slowly sat up to leave. I didn’t want him to see me. To tell the truth I didn’t want to see him either. I ripped the needle from me
and stood up to go. Taking a last look at him, I threw a jacket over my body.
“Where are you going?” I pushed the door open only to be stopped by his soft voice. I almost lost my senses again. His voice was so clear,
so similar to five years ago. I didn’t turn around to face him. I only stood, motionless, inches from the door. I could hear him taking
steps closing up to me. I covered my ears with my trembling hands.
“Where are you going?” I spun around to face him. He was so close to me, only a few centimeters away from my face. He was so close.
Close enough that I could grab him right there. I fought the urge instead. I dropped my gaze to my feet as I stood silently.
“Where are you going?” That was the third time he asked me.
“Home…” my voice cracked as I spoke the words. I felt like such a looser. Like a scared little girl trying to find a corner to hide in.
But, of course, there were no closets for me to hide in.
“You’re hurt, you shouldn’t go anywhere.” He took me by the hand suddenly, startling me. I felt a sharp electrified feeling run up my
right hand as I shook his hand away violently. I held my own hand as I glared at him in disbelief.
“Sorry.” He said. I probably startled him. “Um… have we met somewhere? I felt like I might have met you, a long time ago.
I remember seeing you somewhere.” He smiled at me, probably trying to comfort me. It certainly did not help.
“Have we met?” He asked again as I didn’t reply. My legs were trembling from being so frightened. I didn’t even understand
why I was so scared. I walked closer to me, now he’s only inches from me. He reached out to grab my hand. In a flash of motion,
I ran out of the room in full speed. I could hear him calling for me, but I didn’t slow down. I didn’t know why I ran.
I should have told him who I am, that I have his child, and get back together. But, life isn’t a happily ever after drama that’s on television.
The cold air blew hard across my face as I stumbled and fell to the floor. Gasping for air, tears streamed from my face making my
face freeze from the coldness. I tried hard to breathe, a tiny bit of air was reaching my lungs, and I trembled from the lack of oxygen.
I didn’t even understand why I ran away from him. I finally met him, after so many years of longing, I finally saw him again.
Why did I run away? I could have just started my new family. And my Nattra will have a wonderful daddy. Why did I run away?
Was I so stupid that I couldn’t even answer this one simple question? I sniffed sadly as I stood up, feeling better as I breathed in more fresh air.
