i have too many FOB stories, but most of them, you have to listen to in real life. it's funnier that way. i'll try and share one.
here i go...
...even tho i was born in the U.S., it was like i was raised in laos until the age 5, i never had any exposure to english or non-asians. my only exposure was to chinese/boran lakorns dubbed in thai, and ghettofied laotian folks who often used foul language. all b'cuz my mom didn't really have time for me. hahaha basically, i was a foul mouthed asian child who often sought to take up sword fights with people.
anyway, i remember going to school for the first time. i saw all sorts of people, black people...white people...mexican people...and well, just people i had never seen before! so, on my first day, my mom dropped me off. just left me in the main office. i was fine at first, because the secretary was asian. but then, this large, dark complexioned monster stepped out from behind a door. it scared the shiznit out of me. and then another one came, and another, and another!!!
i thought i was being attacked by creatures, and more importantly, being punished by my mother for having such a bad mouth. it was definitely something my mother would do. i started to run all around the room, and then all over the school, screaming and crying out for help in laotian. "mae tao, soy loog nae!! (grandma, help me)!!" bpa (like bpha-bpha in chinese), soy loog nae (daddy, help me!!)" "puag mun see kha loog!" (they're all trying to kill me!!) i was a really fast kid, but not so sharp...or just too d*nm naive.
anywho, all the monsters called out to other large monsters to block me off. i remember sinking to the floor, frozen in fear. i couldn't move at all. that's when one of them dragged me into a room and put me in a chair. i looked around and saw smaller versions of these monsters. i remember thinking, these things are going to feed on me. i had quite an imagination as a kid. it didn't help either that my grandma kept telling me "pee pborp" (intestines monster) stories just to keep me from going outside. my mind was completely brainwashed!
in that instant, another large albino monster vastly approached me with its flashing white teeth. but it seemed to have some sort of reddish colored remnants on its teeth. of course it was blood!! duh! and of course, i started to yell for my life again!
"ee har pbee pborp! ya het goo dai! ya het goo dai! goo see fun meung tim!!! (damn intestines monster, better not do anything to me! better not do anything to me!! i will cut u up!!!)"
that's when all the smaller monsters went crazy too and scared the crap out of me again. i ran real fast and hard...so quick that i slammed into the wall! HAHAHAHA slid right down to the ground. the funny thing was that all the monsters seemed to panic when that happened. i was still quite aware of my surroundings. dumbfounded and scared, i just laid there letting the albino monster flash it's off-red colored claws at me. all i could do at that point was chant a buddhist prayer that my grandma taught me for when i was scared. "na mo tha sa, pahk-a-wa-tho, ara-ha tho, sum-a, sum putha-sa!" LMAO!!!
that's when the albino monster stepped back and headed towards a device on the wall to call for what it referred to as the principal. ahahaha and from out of no where, the dark complexioned monster showed up again!! wtf!!
however....this time, there was no struggle. i just laid there, anticipating for it to consume me. although, it never did do anything...obviously(??) it just took me to another device which was able to take on the voice of my mother. at that point, i had already given up. i just spoke to the device like it was my mother and begged for forgiveness.
the next i know, i'm waking up and my mom is telling me it's time to go home.
but was it my mother? i spent the next 4 months trying to figure that out. cuz, how was it that my mother was able to communicate with these monsters? of course she took me home and explained to me what education was and how it worked. but that didn't stop me from wondering about
her for the next 4 months. that might also be why i still continued on the way i did the rest of the school week. lmao
sorry. the story DID NOT have to be that long and grammatically butchered.
P.S. everyone knows that soy sauce belongs are everything. it's like white people's ranch. LOL
