should parents ask for dowry prices over 6000.00

[pa29]

I don't agree w/this dowry thing though. If you look at it, parents are putting a
price on their daughter(s). And the girls are putting a price on themselves. Sorry to say
but it's true. You can disagree w/me however you like. They are saying is a price for raising her, etc.
It's all bull. If we do that, why don't the guy side put a price on their son(s) then?
If you think about it, they raised their son to become who he is. What if he got a really good
education, a really nice guy, etc? Why don't we put a price on that? I think its just
selfish of people to think that their daughter education or non-education is worth that
much money. And I'm a girl myself.

I don't like when parents compare their daughters to other daughters of who gets how much.
I hate that in fact. I have a friend who is jealous of her sisters and always compare
eachother of who got what and etc. They don't even like to share things. I think her
sisters got like 10K each or more not sure but she was asking for 20k. Something like that is foolish.
I on the other hand can not put a price on myself or my daughters if I had any in the
future. To me, I think it should go half way. That both side put money together so that
way they can provide a future for themselves or better yet for their wedding. Say if his side is willing to put in
10k the bride should be able to put 10k. I only think its fair.
And if their is money left over should either be given to the kids or split to both sides
or if the groom side wants to give it all to the bride family should be their choice.
I only think its fair. I do understand that your giving away your daughter but the groom
side is also giving away their son
Why don't we put a price on him too then?


I think back in the days, parents use to ask for boars, cows, cattles etc so that way they can farm.
I just think in this way, they want to make sure that the guy side is able to take care
of their daughter.

 

[nkaujhmooblauj]

my parents have always demanded 7 grand
different families ask for different amounts.

 

[traci_vaj]

Where I'm from, $5,400 is the set dowry price for a bride. I don't know how much other places are but I've heard about parent asking for 10G, which I think it super ridiculous. In my opinion, education and obedience has nothing to do with a higher dowry. You get marry because you love each other but if things don't work out in the future, then oh well, what can you do?

Everyone is subject to their own opinion and this is mine.

 

[YM_gurl]

I know a few girls who have told that their parents are expecting 10,000 for them just because they have a BS/and or master. Do you guys think its a fair price to charge just because your daughter has reach a certain education level?

I personally think that it is unfair to charge such an extreme amount for one person. I believe that hmong parents should not put more or less value on their daughters--with or without a college education. I think that the concept of dowry is way to old school and traditional for our generation. What are you thoughts?

Lols

YESS! Some parents do expect 10 grand if their daughters are well-educated. lmao
*(And some expect 10 grand if their daughter is the last girl too,) lmao

I'm not sure what to say about this topic, i just think its hilarious to set such a
high price, just because your daughter has her bs/master degree.
A degree doesn't always guarantee you (100%) a good paying job. Because i know
people who has their BS and works in office max & in warehouses. $12-$14 hr.

 

[ntxhiav_vaj]

Where I'm from, $5,400 is the set dowry price for a bride. I don't know how much other places are but I've heard about parent asking for 10G, which I think it super ridiculous. In my opinion, education and obedience has nothing to do with a higher dowry. You get marry because you love each other but if things don't work out in the future, then oh well, what can you do?

Everyone is subject to their own opinion and this is mine.

i agree with you. 10G is ridiculous. my mom's nephew's wife was 10 cause she went to school and became a doctor. where i'm from, they just want 5,800. my aunt asked them for 7,000 for her daughters and i thought that was a lot. every state or where ever you are living have different dowry price for a bride.

 

[lamour01]

I think the way some people abuse the bride price is outrageous. The reason the bride price was put into action is probably to ensure that the groom will treat his wife with love and respect. But as we all know, that is not the case. A bride price does not guarantee happiness. And in many cases, as some of you have pointed out, the bride price has been used against the wife, accusations that she's only worth so much or that she's just a piece of property. The intent of the bride price may have been to ensure the bride has a happy life, but the impact is different from the original intention. Because of the bride price, Hmong men view their wives as property and dispensable because they payed a price for them. And in a sense, Hmong women tend to view themselves as property as well because they were paid with money (this tends to be more with the older generation, however).

I think the bride price should be removed because it doesn't really have a purpose. All it really does is make Hmong parents pretentious, especially when they ask for 10Gs. It's even more despicable when they compare their daughters. They should never put a price on their daughters, labeling them as a piece of property to use and dispense of. Hmong parents make such a big fuss about the bride price that the meaning of marriage loses its value. Marriage is supposed to be the union between two people who love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together. But to a lot of parents, it's just mostly about the bride price. And even if the bride price is not a big deal to the parents, it still has a negative connotation. As long as the bride price remains intact, most men will still think of their wives as baggage bought from the store. This is a big reason why so many Hmong men abuse and mistreat their wives so much. So instead of the bride price, I think both families should get together and pay for the wedding, as a gift for their children. I think that will be so much better and healthier than the bride price now.

Removing the bridge price is not going to suddenly make marriages happy, but it's a start. Because then, men will gradually start to lose that view that their wives are their property. And once they lose that view, they will certainly treat them with more respect. The bride price has been a long standing tradition in the Hmong culture, but I don't believe that culture necessarily means strictly keeping to old traditions. Instead what's good should be kept, but what's not working out should be modified or thrown out. I believe in change and removing the bride price feels like a right step for me into the future.

 

[pinkyang]

i think the dowry should be up to both sides.
a girl can have a degree but be a total biotch, right?
i think it should be left to the elders.
cause the elders have to take into account past clan relationships, etc.
i know that past relationships are taken into account,
and family sometimes family orientation and such.

dowry is not about money itself, but it's about respect.
giving the money to the women's side of the family is respect.
if you love the wife and the mother in law, why you gotta be bitter about money in general, right?
i know that not everyone is rich, but that can be negotiated between the elders.

if someone is $7,000, $6,000, $7,500, it shouldnt matter.
it's the respect that comes out from both side on handling the wedding,
and keeping future relationships stable and controlable.

*rants*

i think im a well mannered person. i. think.
if i was just worth $2000, i would be mad for the fact that,
my parents are not respected and they are only worth $2,000.
i think i come from a nice, respected clan.
i hope that never be the case for me, but if it is, f that!
i'll give my parents some money and drop kick my husband j/k.

i would love to hear more opinions.

i AM WITH YOU!

 

[rukmos]

Wow, some people feel strong about it and some don't, which doesn't surprise me. I don't plan on marrying an Asian guy, not that I don't like them so a dowery doesn't matter much to me either way. I think that dowry is way to old fashion...either that or I'm way to Americanized.

I think that it would be fair if both sides of the family would just pitch in for the wedding and get a nice getaway honeymoon for the newlyweds, then I'm okay. I don't put a price on love or marriage with the person I want to be with.

 

[shinewin]

I know a few girls who have told that their parents are expecting 10,000 for them just because they have a BS/and or master. Do you guys think its a fair price to charge just because your daughter has reach a certain education level?

I personally think that it is unfair to charge such an extreme amount for one person. I believe that hmong parents should not put more or less value on their daughters--with or without a college education. I think that the concept of dowry is way to old school and traditional for our generation. What are you thoughts?

I agree with you. I think hmong people should really drop this drowny thing. Its putting a price on their daughter regardless if she is 1 grand or 20 grand. I think hmong people should starts to work together they they have always claims and split it even. WHy dont both parties that help put the wedding together and help paid for the expenses. No matter what people say, when it comes to drowny, the parents will always try to grab the chance of getting money....or even if they dont, later on when the kids split up, the drowny will come back in play. My nephew got married, and his wife was 7 grand, and the mother in law expected her to do everything in the house. SHe thinks she own her daughter in law since she paid for her. ANd the daughter in law was only 15, so she dont even know how to cook. SO later on, they kicked her out of the house, and sent her back to her parents.
My cousin married his wife and she was 25grand, becasue she graduated from high school, thats right HS, not even college. And then after they got married, the couple had to go work to paid that 25 grand loan off. Its like you are making your own daughter go work to pay you back. This is ridicuous!!!!

 

[YM_gurl]

Something i noticed and i apologized to all girl's, whoever is the last-girl or the only girl in your family. LOL!

Hmong parent's will actually set a high price to a girl, if she is the last or the only girl. Not to be offense or
anything but those girl's should not be set to a high-price because they do not how to cook or clean. I am saying
from experience and stories i've heard.

Although, i do understand why they don't know how to do anything either. lol
1.)Because they are the last girl/only girl, so the Parent's love very much so they don't expect or have them do chores.

At the same time, no excuse. Last girl's and only girl's should not be set to a very high price.

I know a girl who was 10 grand because she was the only girl and she is not hecka lazy but she doesn't know how to do anything!!
Another girl, she is greedy and lazy.

 

[lady_sati]

oh... i like reading sarnies' opinions on this topic.
this is a hot topic in the hmong community, i think it should be discussed.
so that we can just let our opinions and ideas out.

and yah, i was talking about the bride price back then,
but for the dowry money, the one that the wife gets from her family,
i think that is up to her mom and pops, cause they know her more than her new family.
cause some family may not give a lot of money but give tons of hmong clothes and jewelry.

my mom says she'll phij cuam me the psp, the microwave and all the music cds
all the things she knows i love

i think the khoom phij cuam are things that the parents want the daughter to have so she can have a good marriage life.
money is always helpful but it's not the only thing she gets.

i think since we're traditional hmongs, i respect the bride price.
it's cultural and if we move it, we lose something that makes us hmong.

the boys better start saving up, and the daughters better start their nyab101 class
teasing.

 

[lauj_starlights]

i think the dowry can be no more than 5,000.
i think G. Vang Pao made it legal not over 5,000.

thats what i heard from my grandparents when my cousin
was complaining that why isn't she worth more.

 

[jimmylee12]

10k is nothing i saw one of mine cuz asking for 20k for his daughter and the dude and his parent even pay for it so it all depend on how much the guy and his parent is willing to pay for the bride

 

[YM_gurl]

i think the dowry can be no more than 5,000.
i think G. Vang Pao made it legal not over 5,000.

thats what i heard from my grandparents when my cousin
was complaining that why isn't she worth more.

I don't know who came up with this $5000 but it is STUPID.
I say, it is up to the parents. The girl should not be more than
7 grand though..For, girl's are now $6500-$7000.

10k is nothing i saw one of mine cuz asking for 20k for his daughter and the dude and his parent even pay for it so it all depend on how much the guy and his parent is willing to pay for the bride

WTFF?!! You kidding me right? 20k? is she pretty? lol jk. Does she have her MASTER? Perhaps her PHD. LOL
Wow!! 20K is way too much for a girl. And i however agreed, some girl's are not worth that much. hehe

 

[dolleiwen]

yes, i have a thought on this ym-gurl, thank you for posting this! ( gee, you have no life,lol.. but to post this one too huh? fat!)
i bet if the og's have access and know how to navigate a computer, you and i would have a better answer.. but cause they dont, we will only express how or what we think should happen..
personally.. i think the dowry price should be nothing.. it should be something valuable and not money..
i think the real reason for dowry to the lady's family is because back in the days in laos and thailand..
the man wanted to prove that he "loved" the lady so much that he would give up something valuable of his to the lady's family.. that does make sense cause back then ppl are so poor.. but now in the US.. its a price that og's keep rising for dumb reasons like, " my daughter has a BA, she went to school in NYC, she is my only daughter, she is the oldest, she is the only daughter that loves me, she is pregnant.." so what! ppl get prego everyday! single parents are not a surprise these days! ppl are well educated! and children are given my luck! so wth? there shouldn't be a price labeled for hmong women.. makes them look like an animal..
the og's will see it another way.. but dam, if i tell you all my thoughts about this, i might as well publish a book! lol well dont get offended sarn ppl! this is just my opinion, you can express yours as well.. peace!

 

[aznteadybear]

I'm a guy and in my opinion the price doesn't matter if a guy loves a girl then he'll be willing to pay whatever her parents ask, but if a girl herself set the price and says she refuses to marry you unless you have the money then I wouldn't bother. Apparently she doesn't love you much. She is putting a $ sign on your love so why waste your time with her?

My wife, I would have been more then happy to give anything that her parents asked for, but guess what they asked for? Nothing. Her dad is one of the best man I've ever met. He is very wise and he takes great care of his family. When I asked him why? He gave me an answer that made me respect him alot. All the relatives were saying that he didn't ask for anything because they felt their daughter was worthless, but her father didn't care because he knows it wasn't true. This is what he said when I asked him why

"I raised my daughters, took great care of them , educated them, and made sure they are obedient and they respect their elders. They have all grown up to be very great girls. When it's time for them to marry if they want to and they love the person then I'll be more than happy to accept the man into our family as long as I am sure he can take care of my daughter. I know my oldest daughter and she makes very wise decisions. She's taken great care of not only her sisters, but her parents and other relatives. I trust that she will pick someone she believes can take care of her. She has dated quite a few guys, but she's never introduced any of them to me. When I met you I was sure right away that she made a ok decision. No dad will ever tell a guy that he is the best decision for his daughter, but he'll tell you that you're ok. As long as you aren't bad then you are great. My daughter is worth more than 5,000, 10,000, 20,000, or even a million so I will not put a price on her. As for respect. If 5,000 dollars is considered as respect for the family then someone with 10,000 dollars that beat their wives is more respect?"


He said alot of things but those are some of things to summon it up. I think it's a parents right to ask for whatever they want, but the parents who trust their daughters (not give their daughters) to a man knows what they are doing. He said that if he didn't like me he would have asked for 500-1 million Grand hahaha. Just to scare me off from marrying his daughter though lol not serious. He's used this once on someone that wanted to marry her ask for 500 grand lol cause he didn't like the guy and his family

I agree with my father in law my wife is worth more than any amount of $. She's a wonderful woman and I'm proud to call her my wife. I'm glad that I found a woman who refused dowry. My mom use to arrange marriage for me back then and all the girls were asking for money up the ass. When I met my wife she said hey just take me to my favorite place to eat and we'll call it even. She is traditional, but at the same time she has her own morals and values.


I think this is all a matter of opinion and this is just my opinion. Respect and Love shouldn't be evaluated by money.