Two things to consider...

First off, I've been only married for almost a year and all I got to say is... DAM, its so hard to be a good nyab! I mean, the first 6 months my hubby and I lived at my aptmnt until my lease was over than moved into the house with his parents because he is the ONLY son and all that jumble. I mean, I didnt realize how tough it is... I know how his parents are wen we were on-and-off but now, as a daughter-in-law it seems so much more challenging. Like, when I come home from either school or work and dinner comes around, the hubby eats whatever I cook, american, thai, chinese, hindu, and hmong... watever I feel like cooking... I love to cook and its always been something I wanted to get into but after my older sister graduated with a culinary degree she didnt go anywhere with it so I too stopped. Now that we live with the folks, is always simple but yucky food ~ unless I am prego and it hasnt hit me yet... lol... kidding... but for some reason the combination I have been cooking for the folks are very odd: one night mother-in-law wanted me to stirfry cubed pork with eggplants and cucumbers. I thought to myself, if I cooked pork with eggplant and pork with cucumber as a two dish it might be better ~ while cooking pork with eggplant the mother-in-law came to the kitchen and poured in the cucumber. she told me to cook it all together and make sure to season it good... I didnt say ANYTHING but did what she said... Dinner rolls around, the hubby looks at me and and looked at him... The mother ate it like it was heaven and father in law picked at it - eating the meat... I didnt want to be rude so I ate alittle and it was so odd I wanted to vomit... Dont get me wrong, I come from a BIG family, 15 bros and sis to be exact, and food was hard to come by but really... Over the next 2 weeks father-in-law and mother-in-law food combos are so awkward I think I lost some weight. Its just not my cooking but both mother and father's cooking that I can't eat. When I was with the son, he did most of the cooking and we ate but mostly out of the house... as I said, I didnt grow up on silver spoon or anything... Sometimes I want to make pho or wings, or something out of the ordinary but the parents end up making something else... the only thing they ate that I made without their suggestion is khao poun because when I was with their son I made it often and they love it. The family consists of us 4 only so cooking so much isnt good... We lived with the parents for 4 months already - they dont complain about me or our marriage or anything... They like me as I am because I got to know the family well before getting married into it. I told my husband his parents need to branch out of the hmong cooking style of throwing watever they find together - eat out or eat different foods... I admit my own parents took a long time to get out of the hmong style food, but now they are willing to try anything, japanese, korean, raw food, pasta, and now they are bowling at the alley to have fun.. I cant even get my in-laws to do anything like that. My hubby said just do wat his parents say because they will never change. If I get hungry or something, we can go grab some McD or watever... but I feel awful... I dont know what to say or do? Any suggestions...

The second thing I heard since been married to the family ~ I assume its gossips and all... but mother-in-law told me one night while sitting in the livingroom after gossiping with my aunt in Minnesota that why people ask about the family line before letting their children get married to them. So, asking you Sarnies, if you heard about ur future-in-laws having a really bad history in Laos and Thailand, like committing bad things... would you ever marry into them regardless the outcome... like maybe it might come back and affect you and your hubby... For example, if someone killed themselves and you and ur hubby fight and trigger something, these people who cant pass on because they commited suicide comes after you and will try to take you to replace their spot so they can recarinate. Or something along the line like that... Commiting suicides, making promises, drinking blood, dating tigers, and all those wicked stuff... Its scary to be honest and i asked my hubby if his family did anything like that and he said I am overthinking... But it really creeps me out... So I talked to my mother and she being a shaman, she said every couple will start out at one side of the deep river... both will cross and if we are lucky, we will make it across safe... but if we trigger soemthing, then hopefully I will be there for him and he will be there for me until we get across the river safely. Its pretty much our luck and how we care for our marriage. So far, thinking about it, his parents, and his parents parents are ok... so I dont think about it... lol... but it just scares me to know these things DO REALLY HAPPEN AND NOT JUST IN MOVIES... lol...

p. Zoua

sarNie Oldmaid
wow....i've heard of lots of stories and parents-in-law like this...I'm not married but I don't know....things like this just get me thinking of I ever want to marry or me it's sort of like sacrificing my independancy and bf tells me he's serious about dating me and marrying, but IDK. I've seen alot of things go wrong and I need advice myself...XD

But anyways, my sister is married and that's how her parent-in-laws are too, but she just cooks whatever and the parents will cook whatever and then they'll share and eat together. Whatever is left over will be put in the fridge for few days, if no one eats it then it gets thrown out. Maybe you can do this as well, idk. just a suggestion.

If a family has a bad background or reputation from the past, etc, usually families fear letting their daughter/son marrying a person from that family...but I'm thinking it all depends on how much you love or trust the person you're marrying or how much he/she trusts and loves you. Things such as a mother who's divorced.....people will gossip that since the mother is divorce, don't marry the daughter or she will divorce you too or vice versa for the son and father.


sarNie OldFart
Really??? I can't believe I just read all that. People have bigger problems than not agreeing on what to eat. If you don't like it, eat something else. According to you, they seem like understanding parents so I'm sure they won't mind.

And about the family'e probably just a little too superstitious.


sarNie Juvenile
Cook whatever you like to eat but also cook whatever the parents-in-law like to eat for them. I think it should be ok. Cook enough to share then put them on the table when time to eat. You are the cook. You don't have to cook only the things that the parents like to eat. You are a bit luckier than my cousin who just got married recently at 19. Her boyfriend then, his family was so poor that she didn't get to eat anything. There wasn't even a microwave. She was so hungry that she called crying to her mom about being so hungry. She was very skinny before she married and even skinnier after a few days living with her new husband. Anyway, just be happy that at least you have some food to eat unlike my cousin, there wasn't even leftover anywhere for her to eat.


Geez, I see what you mean, that's why i will never get married seriously and i even promised myself to never get married. I don't think i'll get along really well with the parents because of the way i am. and if i ever do get married, they're going to have to accept me for who i am not me doing what they say and like and never get the hance to do what i want. they will have to understand that i am my own person. But i don't think anyone could do this for me, therefore no marriage for me. But I have no problem w/ eating weird hmong food, and I actually think pork w/ eggplant's and cucumbers taste good because my family eats it all the time. Mostly we eat hmong food, but they don't mind eating other food too. About the family background thing, I don't think it matters as long as you love each other. I think the parents should see that their kids love eachother and not break them apart just because of some bad family backgroundd. They need to learn to accept, like i said before.