okay, here goes. this is the reason. i am a parent with teenage kids. the reason parents are so strict is that, that's the culture. asians have very high morals and values. call it old fashion but even the americans used to be like this in the 1800's. anyway, the culture(culture is how everyone acts and accepts)is that you have to be a good person. for girls, you have your reputation to protect. if people knew you were sleeping around, there goes your reputation. girls with bad reputations will only get the leftover guys. good guys AND bad guys would only marry good girls. but as time goes by, guys are starting to change and are willing to accept ????. like i told my kids, because this is the culture since who knows when, it will slowly change but it's not going to change overnight. back in my days in the 80's we were not allowed to date. but as time goes by, the older generations are passing away and the newer generations are becoming parents, they are slow accepting the american culture(as I call it). Me, as a parent right now I'm able to accept my kids dating, or go places with their friends. As for my 17 year old daughter, she's got a car and she comes and goes as she pleases as long as I know where she's going and it's not somewhere where she's going to be in trouble, or go to sleep with someone (of course). but there are still certain things that i can't accept yet. such as the boy going into her room or hugging and kissing in my house, or in public. I consider that disrespecting me. i'm sure as time goes by, when all you young girls become parents or grandparents you guys can accept this. it will change but it's not going to change overnight. so everyone of you, if you still want to keep the culture and fit in with the hmong community, you have to act in the way which the community can accept. it may seem like we're strict parents but we're only protecting you so that your reputation is not tarnished and that you can fit in and be respected by the community. So like i said to my daughter, "IF YOUR HAIR CAN'T TURN BLONDE (not color or highlight), THEN YOU BETTER DO THINGS TO FIT IN WITH THE COMMUNITY WHETHER YOU LIKE OR NOT". Unless you're ready to leave the hmong community and be like an american. sorry, i've said too much. just had to get it out.
why hmong parents are sooo strict?
- Thread starter LidoLynn
- Start date
paj sua yaj
sarNie Egg
i don't know what to say to you....living on your own...will proof what you think...i say that it good that you think of living on your own...but remember that your parents are always there for you!!!!!!!......don't think that they don't care.....because i use to think that way too..until i move out to college......i know that HNOMG parents never really talk with their child.....but one special thing is that they never HATE you..... they love you very much but its just that they don't know how to express it out to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...i learned that from my own experinece.......i came to know that your parent and your family are the ones who loves me the most.....for examples:.....on my phone noone would call me but my parents....they always call..to check on what i doing......will, i don't have a car too...he he he..funny..right...you think i have a car?????????????.....i don't know how to drive.....and its been two years that my parents are driving me back and forth.....i know that they are busy but they will do very thing for thier kids....it not just me that they do this too....it for all of their kids.....i am 20 now and i had just learn how to love my parents.....once you get to know your parents they are very EASY....to think of it they are old and they need your help....they are not STRICK....it just that you don't know your parents that well...leek18 said:
SPEND TIME WITH THEM AND GET TO KNOW THEM....i mean get very close to them...and you will find that they are the sweeties you can very find......for real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
they are not Strick!!!! they are just protecting you.....and i know that they really care a lot about you!!!!!!!!!.....i think you will understand this later in life....always remember that you parent is HOME.....
wow! from writing this i really miss my parents...can;t wait to go home too...he he he he he.....it a good thing that i am still a kid to my parents...because i want to be their baby forever.....NOT....ok.....he he
:shock:
1-lUv3-y0u
Sticky Rice
I know I think my parents are waaayy to stirct sometimes it tick me off sooo bad like today I asked if i could go to the mall with my friends and they were all like
"why? what you wanna go for?" and I say I just want to they say it was no reason so i dont need to go I was Pissed Off and still am gosh sometimes...ugh! yeah im pissed....
"why? what you wanna go for?" and I say I just want to they say it was no reason so i dont need to go I was Pissed Off and still am gosh sometimes...ugh! yeah im pissed....
paj sua yaj
sarNie Egg
it good to know that i am not the only one who thinks like that...will, i know that a lot of my cousins...that are MARRIED.....comes back to their parents......and they always get what they need...he he he he....anjos said:
i know how your sister feel....and i belivie its love that they are express to your sister....he he he...cute...my dad dose that all of the time.....its not that we girls don't cook but its how my dad express love to us.....that what i understand....he he he he...i use to think why my parents are so STRICK to me and my brothers and sisters....but it can to be that we were too small to understand them....once we grew up...... we all got close to your parent and they came close to us too......i think you have to bulit the trust between parents....to make them understand you and for you to understand them too.....will, everyone has their own view.....about their parents....i guess it up to the person.....to make it easy to live with their parents or not......
paj sua yaj
sarNie Egg
CUTE......yes, ofcouse we ARE HNOMG AND WE CAN'T CHANGE THAT FROM USpyh said:
STRONGLY AGREE.....HE HE HE HE :loool:
yep.... agree w/you.... we are HMOONG and we cant change the culture overnight.... and also cant chang other point of view overnight too..... reputation is a big deal to the hmong culture...... parents will never hate you..... they just want to protecting us.....that's how they show their felling.....pyh said:
No matter how bad Hmong people are sometime... I'm kinda glad that I am Hmong... and whatever goes along with it... good or bad... I'm glad that some of our parents still keeps the old ways, something I can't understand or exlpain why I feel that way I do but I'm just kinda glad.
No matter how strict or bad our parents are, there' are other parents out there that are far worse.... Just be thankful that you have your parents.. unless you have one of those other kind of parents , than I feel hella sorry for you....
No matter how strict or bad our parents are, there' are other parents out there that are far worse.... Just be thankful that you have your parents.. unless you have one of those other kind of parents , than I feel hella sorry for you....
Reputation is a very big matter in Asian society, it's hard for parents personally to hear others talk about you even though they know how good a child you are. More I rather think that it's love that your parents still yell at me nowadays for doing stupid things like being lazy, rebelling, however they've adapted themselves to it. You'll find that out later on in life. Also to really gain some independence is to only evolve with time... My parents has alway given me a hard time with the fact that I am a female and my family makes enough to go by the month and save little for entertainment. However after learning how hard life really is, I started to be more submissive. Plus throughtout my twenty ones years living with them, I've proved myself to them that I am a good person inside. Use to when I dyed my hair brown, it was so bad, I was considered a gangster, NOw I have my hair Blue. They didn't mention anything until my grandmas and aunts wined about it to my parents....yes I still have the blue hair and they never pressured me to dye it black.
hahhaha...my hair...
we all have very interesting stories about our upbringings...
for me I'm the second oldest of the children, female, green personallity, rebel, anime freak, likes art, sporty, girlie with masculinity(tomboy mainly) etc...I have hard times because of my green personality, I like things my way and it's hard to negociate with my parents because we barely have conversation. I feel that I'm not loved as others and I feel that I'm the best child they can have however looking at it, there's ups and downs. i do what they want, practically don't date(never dated, glad still single), don't go anywhere, keeps up with my grades(even though I'm the one who scores higher than the other siblings. sorry not trying to brag here), don't go out with friends period, don't drive(until now), 100% drug free, works to help the family and myself, continuing school, etc...too much. anywase I'm still consider the bad child cause I look at the world differently than they do. Even more I've given up my dreams due to their wishes, big career change(comp art/animation to medicine), i'm still not enough. I've practically let them control my life for me and they've slowly beginning to give me something in return for suffering for them. However if I were to really think about it I'd said now that I'm the most loved one cause they were stricter on me with my life cause the others gets away with things. I need to stop I'm starting to sound like a nun...geesh with blue hair...hahahhahah
Hopefully all of your parents begin to see the good side of you and forget about the fashion of today...be submissive as well to as to rebellious too...good luck there's more challenges to overcome
we all have very interesting stories about our upbringings...
for me I'm the second oldest of the children, female, green personallity, rebel, anime freak, likes art, sporty, girlie with masculinity(tomboy mainly) etc...I have hard times because of my green personality, I like things my way and it's hard to negociate with my parents because we barely have conversation. I feel that I'm not loved as others and I feel that I'm the best child they can have however looking at it, there's ups and downs. i do what they want, practically don't date(never dated, glad still single), don't go anywhere, keeps up with my grades(even though I'm the one who scores higher than the other siblings. sorry not trying to brag here), don't go out with friends period, don't drive(until now), 100% drug free, works to help the family and myself, continuing school, etc...too much. anywase I'm still consider the bad child cause I look at the world differently than they do. Even more I've given up my dreams due to their wishes, big career change(comp art/animation to medicine), i'm still not enough. I've practically let them control my life for me and they've slowly beginning to give me something in return for suffering for them. However if I were to really think about it I'd said now that I'm the most loved one cause they were stricter on me with my life cause the others gets away with things. I need to stop I'm starting to sound like a nun...geesh with blue hair...hahahhahah
Hopefully all of your parents begin to see the good side of you and forget about the fashion of today...be submissive as well to as to rebellious too...good luck there's more challenges to overcome
lidogurl said:for real man....wtf??.....my folks are like mad at me cause i have like 3 ears pircing and my hair color is red...or kind of dark red....errhhh....my mom and dad think im bad now...why does appearance matter?....i think it shouldnt matter as long as u know ur good..cause i am...i just like different style from old g's.....*sigh....sad....
so like hmong gurls are suppose to only have one ear pirce...and have black hair....to consider good girl...well,...crap, that aint right... :angry:
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Don't worry girl...I'm going through the same situation as you....But I'm taking it slow....And my parents are getting lesser with the complaining.....But I do also understand the asians parents...Like for my parents they do understand where we teenages are coming from....But they just dont want bad reputation....And truly....They don't like people saying shiet about their own kids...So I do understand where asians parents are coming from.....Just tried to clam things alittle....And don't agrue back when they say stuff to you...Cause they just want the best for you...
Growing up i always thought my parents are strict ass and pretty much many kids i grew up knowing would be hella scared of my dad. His loud voice would make a kid cry. HONESTLY! Ask any kids who knows my dad growing up. But now adays he the best man there is to know thou he got a loud voice he still a gentle man... ^_^ Anywaise growing up i alwaise hated it cause others would look differ from our family thou in the long run our family turned out GREAT! SUCCESSFUL, LOVING, DRUG FREE AND EVEN ALCOHOL FREE. THOU WE DO TRY DRINKING HERE AND THERE, BUT DRUG FREE. NOW ADAYS THE HAIR COLORING AND PEIRCING MY PARENTS DONT MIND ANYMORE AS LONG AS WE JUS DONT OVERDO IT. KEKEKE... I THINK MANY PEOPLE WANNA WATCH OUR FAMILY DO A MISTAKE THEN LAUGH, AFTER THAT THEY FOLLOW. HAHAHA... I KEEP GETTING A CRACK OUT OF THAT. BUT THE POINT IS MANY PARENTS WANT THEIR KIDS TO GROW UP KNOWING THEY WILL DO WELL AND ONCE THE PARENTS KNOW THAT THEIR KIDS ARE RAISED RIGHT TO THE AGE THEY UNDERSTAND WAT IS RIGHT AND WRONG THEY LET YOU LOOSE. OKAY I CAN SAY THAT FOR MY FAMILY ONLY. BUT YOU MAY NEVER KNOW! ^_^
I agreen w/you..... growing up my uncle always said bad things about us gril.... cuz....my dad only had one son and 5 grils... my unlce state that we will never be success in life.... but look at us now..... we all got our college dregess..... and all of his sons and daughter only finish high school....yingerbug said:
^hahaha...he must be feeling pretty down about that lol
Though getting degrees and such doesn't necessarily mean that you're a better person and that you will succeed, it's just that you are much more likely to succeed if you continue with education. One of my professors was telling me about how she visited this homeless shelter once and a lot of the people there weren't people with dropped out of high school but rather, a lot of them had PhD's and stuff...she asked us the reason why and no one seem to know the answer. lol, sorry, a little bit off topic...
Though getting degrees and such doesn't necessarily mean that you're a better person and that you will succeed, it's just that you are much more likely to succeed if you continue with education. One of my professors was telling me about how she visited this homeless shelter once and a lot of the people there weren't people with dropped out of high school but rather, a lot of them had PhD's and stuff...she asked us the reason why and no one seem to know the answer. lol, sorry, a little bit off topic...
SweetAngel21
sarNie Juvenile
well hmong rules are good too....
but my dad doesn't care much but my mom is so strict for me....if I have a friend guy come over....she will tell my sister or brother to go with me.....I hate that....
but my dad doesn't care much but my mom is so strict for me....if I have a friend guy come over....she will tell my sister or brother to go with me.....I hate that....
ntxais_hmoob_thoj
sarNie Egg
Hmong Parents are Strict because all the Hmong care about is Saving-Face!
i think one reason hmong parents are so strict towards the daughters is that the girls are more likely to be affected by bad things that happens to them...
i used to hate my parents back in middle school because i didn't understand them... as i grew older... i began to see how young hmong girls are acting and what they're doing and i begin to feel the same like my parents... they just want to protect their daughters from the bad hmong gossip world...
i'm pretty sure you all know that hmong gossip travels as fast as the speed of light...
my advice: take time to try to see it from their perspective... don't always think that they're out there to ruin your happiness or anything like that...just try to understand!
i used to hate my parents back in middle school because i didn't understand them... as i grew older... i began to see how young hmong girls are acting and what they're doing and i begin to feel the same like my parents... they just want to protect their daughters from the bad hmong gossip world...
i'm pretty sure you all know that hmong gossip travels as fast as the speed of light...
my advice: take time to try to see it from their perspective... don't always think that they're out there to ruin your happiness or anything like that...just try to understand!
that is partial true... cuz in the hmong community, if you do something disgraceful, is the community ever going to look at you the same way? and it's not like the white society where they don't know each other or unrelated... all hmong people are related to one another in certain ways and soon, the whole hmong society will know it and you're shamed for life...ntxais_hmoob_thoj said:
does any parent want the hmong community to think or call their daughters SLUTS, DIVORCEES, BAD DAUGHTERS(-IN-LAW), or anything like that...
i know when i have daughters, i will want to protect them too...
*but must always remember that our parents are not born and raised in America... their ideals/values/beliefs may differ in certain ways and they may not understand the social norms of American culture... so we being the ones growing up here should try to understand theirs and explaiin it to them in ways they can understand.... rather than arguing all the time....