Will you ever girls?

[kaab nis]

it's all a thing about respect. 7000 is not that much from 5000. I think the set rule of only 5000 is stupid. I mean if the grooms side is going to pull a cow and not pay 2000 more then forget them. I know that some circumstances are different like sometimes the groom's side is poor or something you know there's always a way around it. just don't get marry yet or save up money or something.

this is what my dad said, it's like when he asks for the 7000 dollar it's only for tradition almost all of that money he's going to be giving it as present to the daughter and son n law and use some of it for the wedding. so when you think about it, it's just like you're paying for your own wedding. refusing to pay the amount that the bride's side asks for is like a slap in the face. plus my brother's like you have the balls to go ask their daughter for marriage you might as well have the balls to pay the full price too don't chicken out in the end and refuse to pay the price.

for me I wouldn't even have to speak up cuz when I get marry I'll make sure my future husband know the full price that he's going to be paying or we can just have an american wedding or something. But I'm not going to get marry any time soon. only 20 years old man and when i get marry I have to be financially stable too so yea kinda feel sorry for those who got marry young though.

 

[pbv]

Honestly, I don't think its my place to say what my bride price will be. I wholly support the idea of a bride price because I understand the reasons and background behind it. Its sort of a protection for the bride and the brides family because if a family has invested that much in you, then by theory they should value you because it wasn't easy to get that money so yes, it does make sense that it's a large sum. They wouldn't mind a small sum going to waste. I don't know how relative this idea is today because 5 grand isn't going to make anyone person bankrupt but it's the idea and tradition behind it that reminds people that marriage is a contract and investment and shouldn't be taken lightly. It's not as cold as I make it sound, but you get the idea.

I do however think that if you're a good girl, gone to college, never been married, have a career, don't do drugs and are not clubbing every weekend and spilling drinks all over the place and generally are not a hoe then you're worth a little more than five grand. I think parents can charge a little more for daughters that are visibly worth more in EVERYONE's eyes because it means that she's worth that much more to others. But with that said, parents should be aware of the groom's financial situation and not charge a ridiculous amount either. I'd say 10 grand tops for good college graduate. I certainly don't think highschool drop outs that are the youngest daughters should be worth more than 4 grand.

 

[ddawbb]

It is disrespectful to talk against your parents' wishes. It is going to be one of the last things your parents can expect from you, your dowry.
If a man really wants to marry the woman, he is the one who can speak up and not disrespect anybody. If his parents will only pay up the 5K, then I'm sure he can stand up for himself and for his love, to make up the 2K some way to get 7K - whether it be working for a year to save that 2K and repay later, or a week later.

But for sure, take it as a lesson learned and when we all become our own OGs, we won't make life so darn difficult for our kids lol.

 

[angelxtasy]

Know what i think. LOL.

If the Couple really love each other, and there's
complication. knowing the New Generation Kids.
They running away together. In the end you as a parent might get nothing. LOL. new day and age " time for change "
what really happens when your kids marry white people or
other races. You Cn't make them pay. Heck they'll think your crazy.
Hmong people just needs to learn to be more nice to each other.

 

[iluvjin]

I think that its the elders job to negotiate the price, there are two sides to everything. Either the girls family is greedy for money or the guys family thinks the girl is cheap so they don't want to pay the full price.

I think it is wrong for the girl to speak up because since the guy came to get her hand in marriage and she didn't refuse, the family has to go through traditions in order to get her married to him. My dad told me that when it comes to my wedding it doesn't matter what the cost is because you're going on with your life with someone you love. Love is more important than money is when it comes to marriage.

I think kids now a days are getting married to young. They don't seem to even get their lives started before they start a life with someone else. I heard someone say that they're married to a black guy and he paid her family out of respect of tradition. I think if you marry someone who loves you they'll be willing to do everything for you.

 

[cecilia]

^gosh, the underage marriage thing is making me mad too ..

Honestly, I don't think its my place to say what my bride price will be. I wholly support the idea of a bride price because I understand the reasons and background behind it. Its sort of a protection for the bride and the brides family because if a family has invested that much in you, then by theory they should value you because it wasn't easy to get that money so yes, it does make sense that it's a large sum. They wouldn't mind a small sum going to waste. I don't know how relative this idea is today because 5 grand isn't going to make anyone person bankrupt but it's the idea and tradition behind it that reminds people that marriage is a contract and investment and shouldn't be taken lightly. It's not as cold as I make it sound, but you get the idea.

I do however think that if you're a good girl, gone to college, never been married, have a career, don't do drugs and are not clubbing every weekend and spilling drinks all over the place and generally are not a hoe then you're worth a little more than five grand. I think parents can charge a little more for daughters that are visibly worth more in EVERYONE's eyes because it means that she's worth that much more to others. But with that said, parents should be aware of the groom's financial situation and not charge a ridiculous amount either. I'd say 10 grand tops for good college graduate. I certainly don't think highschool drop outs that are the youngest daughters should be worth more than 4 grand.

*applaud* exactly how i see it .. i support it b/c i understood the value of the whole dowry part ..
i suppose if ppl need to take in all those consideration/reasons, it makes sense ..

 

[vanggirlie]

no i will not say anything. altho i know my mom would give some of the money back as dowry. my mom has done that with my two older sisters.

i know that GVP sent price to $5000 or $5500 but i think the parents has a right to say whatever price they want.

you let the parents and kwv tij sent the price cuz they gonna be the one helping you and dealing with your problems down the road when you do have probs with your in-laws or hubby.

with all that said, i know that my mom has always set a price that has never been too much. she's a great mom.

 

[AsianFemale]

Bad ideal... Let the ogs handle it.

 

[Raindrops]

first and foremost i really don't think anyone should be getting marry unless they can support themselves and their spouse financially and not rely on their parents to be supporting them. I would never speak up to contradict my elders because it is rude and disrespectful to do so.

When I got married 6 yrs ago while in Grad school I made sure my husband knew what he could be coming up against. He and I made sure we had the money to cover the expense even if my parents ended up asking for a dowry price of 10 grand. We didn't get much help from his family because his mom pass away and his dad remarried so we knew we were pretty much on our own. We made sure we saved up enough money to cover to for the wedding before we got married and I had him tell the mejkoob ahead of time that there was going to be no neogiating the price with my parents, they were just to go ahead and pay what was ask because we were more than happy to pay what they ask for. Being that I was working on my graduate degree and the last daughter to get married we expected they might ask for anywhere between 7-10k. I did however warn my parents ahead of time that they could ask for whatever they wanted and we (my husband and I) would be willing to pay the price, but that they need to remember that their daughter was going to be paying for her own wedding and they should not ask for too high a price or their daughter would become broke and not have much to start her new life with...LOL. The wedding went through without any problem because we had enough save up to cover for the wedding. I really think if the two of you really love each other you will wait until you can save up to pay for your own wedding and not put this expense/burden on your family (either groom or bride side).

As for marrying other culture and losing out on the dowry, I don't feel that that applies to everyone. I have plenty of friends I know who has married Caucasian, Mein, Chinese, etc. and their spouses were willing to pay the dowry price because they love their woman and respected that it was a cultural thing. In many of these cases the groom explains the culture to his parents, and even brings his parents with him to talk about the dowry price with the bride's family.