Bride Price

[judyp]

In case some people do not know, bride price is a payment in cash and/or goods from the groom and his family to the bride's family. I know the standards today are different from the past, but what is your overall thought on it? In the past, bride price helps determine the status of the groom's family--if he couldn't afford the bride, then he wasn't good enough for the bride. The higher the price, the higher your status. I haven't done much research on this, but I've been told that bride price is to return the cost of raising the daughter. Do you think bride price is wrong because it is like setting value on a human being when everyone is priceless? Love doesn't cost a thing, but why does the groom have to pay up in order to wed his bride?

I don't know how traditional or how Westernized you and your family are, but I wanted to know what are your opinions on bride price? Do your parents expect something when you get married (for the girls)? Are you willing to pay for your bride, if her family expects it (for the guys)? What are your thoughts and opinions?



edited: initially, i wrote that bride price and dowry are the same thing. big no no. dowry is the total opposite of bride price. it is the payment from the BRIDE'S family to the groom's family.

 

[KhoOnxNouxWanxJai]

hahaha well of course my family expects, but my father isn't picky about it. He's somewhat westernized, but he believes that it doesn't take money to take good care of me and the "money" for raising me to him is just not right he believes that he as a parent raised me out of love; not raise me to expect anything in return. My father is also very close to us and expects us to live either with him or close to him after marriage. my mom somewhat is traditional when it comes to this and I don't blame her cause thats how she was brought up. I mean what if the guy isn't wealthy? or doesn't have the money? then he'd have to save and wait and wait until he does? In my point of view... I don't care what others think or who says what if I love the person I want to build a life with what we have not what he is expected to have and give before he can take me... a lot of my family members said things about my relationship and marriage and etc.. saying stuff like "he sees you as no value" or "he doesn't think you are worth anything" NO! thats not it... he isn't rich he isn't wealthy just an average guy I fell for and thats all that matters. my parents approve and understand and thats all that matters. So to me it depends on not the parents but the actually couple.. yes your parents opinion should matter, but whats the point in thinking of dowry? I mean if he never has it? you'll never marry? meaning you'd never be with the one you love? thats my opinions on it

 

[BaBeeLaiLai]

Hmmmm....as for my mom...im not sure how she is with the prices and stuff...but all i know is that my sister was sold for cheap...lolz...and also in my religion if the daughter has a kid as well the grooms family has to buy the kid as well. Something like that.

My opinion in this...i don't think the grooms family should have to buy the bride or anyone...exactly like juyup says were human beings...and they always say life is precious and priceless...yet were being sold. Love is Love...Love should not be dealt with and bargained with money. Money causes headaches.

 

[ChenrukNote]

My dad says that in our traditions, if they sell the bride for a lower price, that means they love that daughter more and if they sell the bride for more, then it means they had lots of trouble raising her haha. I questioned it at my aunt's engagement. I was surprised that my grandma charged a low sum for her dowry because I always thought they charge more if you are worth more. In our case, I guess not.

Anywho, my parents expect a dowry...they are greedy lol. Well that is say I marry an Asian. If not, they really can't demand it. Also, we have this thing that if the daughter is born on the month of June (according to the Asian calendar aka Lunar Calendar), the groom must allow the bride to live with the family until after one month of marriage. Weirdness I tell you and just my luck I was born in June.

On the other hand, if I do marry say my kind, then hopefully he can fund the dowry himself. I don't want any parents involved or else they'll say I bought you like my mean grandma does to my mom when they argue! Fudgers. Its funny though because my dad payed off that dowry from my g-ma wayyyyyyyy long ago and she still acts like "master." Uggghhhh I hope I never do that to my kids. My grandma never wanted my dad to marry my mom and my mom's mom and stepdad didn't want my mom to marry my dad either but since my older sister was born out of wedlock , they had no choice but to ok it. Sly parents.

 

[natty]

i dont know but nan said that she was ready to pay the guy anyprice as long as i dont keun kaan..

 

[cecilia]

i look at this issue differently, i view it as a gift from the groom to the bride parents, thanking them for raising his soul mate.
beside 5-10 thousands aint' that much either .. it take lots of love/dedication to raise a good daughter to be a good daughter in law. a girl gotta set value on herself too.
though it might be unfair but the girls are the one that work twice as hard b/c the expectation are twice heavy .. and yup society are changing but some tradition are still tradition.


for my family, whatever the groom give to my parents, they take it. no argument. in the end, it all depend on your family belief.

 

[ChenrukNote]

i dont know but nan said that she was ready to pay the guy anyprice as long as i dont keun kaan..

Jae! I guess you don't have to worry about that now.

 

[judyp]

I would like to also view it as a gift, but talking about it more and more with my family & bf got me thinking. If one bride’s family received ten thousand dollars from the groom while another family receives five thousand dollars from another groom, does this mean the second bride is worth less? I mean, how can you ever reasonably determine "the price" of another person?

And like I said, I've been told that it's to pay for "breast milk" in raising the daughter. But what about the milk in raising the son? Parents don't expect money when their son gets married. Raising your child should be something you want to do, not an obligation and expect something back.

I don't know. My bf & I were planning to do our engagement ceremony this year mainly for our parents (you know, for face). However, all of a sudden, my mom says that we don't have to do the ceremony, the money is good enough. I don't want to make my mom look bad, but I was like...greedy! lols.

 

[natty]

well here is what J said about bride prices.. he said something like:

the groom and his parents paid bride prices because not only do they get an oven for their next generations but they also get a housewife aka housekeeper but now that most women don't even upkeep the house (like me) and we're finding more guys cooking dinner as well as diaper and milk money most likely will come from us (he mean him,guys), then the groom and their parents should NO LONGER pay dowry.. i (he meant him) mean most of the time the excessively extravaggant wedding that the girls want to have are paid for by us (he meant him) anyways, that should be enough!


well then..

 

[Liberty]

It's funny because it's the opposite in Western society, at least back in the old days because women were seen as burdens.
You gotta pay to get your daughters off your hand. lol

I didn't know Lao people did that, I knew Vietnamese and Chinese people did that because my friends and their siblings went through the ordeal.
But in terms of my family, I've never heard of anyone exchanging dowry of any kind. I mean there are gift giving but the gifts being given from the groom's family goes to the bride, not her family so it doesn't really count because it's not like the guy's really losing anything.
I guess you can say we're pretty Westernize because as far as I know the bride and groom save up to pay for their own wedding, the family helps if they need it.

By gifts I mean, jewelry and money. Money comes from both sides of the family and goes to the couple to start their new life together.

 

[marduk]

That's bogus. I never really heard about paying for a wife while growing up. But whatevs. All I have to say is that if I have to pay a price for a bride, she better come with a money back guarantee. And I want that in writing. It doesn't even have to be valid for an unspecified amount of time. I think I just need a year to figure out if I want to keep her or not.

Second, we shouldn't have to pay for weddings. It's the biggest ripoff ever. You don't really get a say, none of the things are for you, you have to deal with annoying in-laws, and at the end, your wife is probably too tired to have sex on the first night. So the wife to be should pay for the wedding.

Finally, the amount should DEFINITELY depend on how hot is the girl. I guess you can bring in talent and intelligence, but those shouldn't factor in so much. It's like buying a car. Sure, we all want to look at performance, but when it comes down to it, all cars will run well at a certain threshold. The key thing is whether it's pretty enough to show off to your friends.

 

[Nameless]

That's bogus. I never really heard about paying for a wife while growing up. But whatevs. All I have to say is that if I have to pay a price for a bride, she better come with a money back guarantee. And I want that in writing. It doesn't even have to be valid for an unspecified amount of time. I think I just need a year to figure out if I want to keep her or not.

Second, we shouldn't have to pay for weddings. It's the biggest ripoff ever. You don't really get a say, none of the things are for you, you have to deal with annoying in-laws, and at the end, your wife is probably too tired to have sex on the first night. So the wife to be should pay for the wedding.

Finally, the amount should DEFINITELY depend on how hot is the girl. I guess you can bring in talent and intelligence, but those shouldn't factor in so much. It's like buying a car. Sure, we all want to look at performance, but when it comes down to it, all cars will run well at a certain threshold. The key thing is whether it's pretty enough to show off to your friends.

now marduk, let's not try to pretend you're actually straight here.

 

[marduk]

now marduk, let's not try to pretend you're actually straight here.

Hey! I could so be straight if I wanted to...

Look at my Homer/Beer avatar. It's so manly.

B)

 

[darvil]

It really is just a tradition.. a tradition that will disappear soon so we all might enjoy it while it lasts. I think in Thailand is called sin sot and I was reading some really elaborate traditions on this. If I'm not mistaken in most cases the money is actually given back to you so that you can use it in the new marriage. Its just a way to show that you have the ability to take care of the woman.

I mean it kinda sucks that some people will earn less money but usually you DO get what you pay for

Now that we're talking about this. I just learned my cousin just got hitched. The funny thing is that the woman family actually gave him money for the sin sot so yea.. its not so bad. Free money baby!

 

[Rakniran]

I know the standards today are different from the past,

i think the standard for today sin sot is $10,000.00
yeah,if the girls parents are nice.They would give it to the married couple back so they can start their marriage off with it.
Other wise if the girls parents are greedy/unkind they would keep it to themself.
lol

But remember wedding these day are much more expensive then before.
Everything cost money even a very small candle for the wedding cost money.
EVen the church that you plan to have the wedding cost money.
Whats in US thats for free?
Don't we all wish taht we can have a nice small cheap wedding?
But we cant or else other feeling will get hurt that you didnt invite them to your wedding.
So,you got to invite all so they can feel they are like/friends.

 

[natty]

Second, we shouldn't have to pay for weddings. It's the biggest ripoff ever. You don't really get a say, none of the things are for you, you have to deal with annoying in-laws, and at the end, your wife is probably too tired to have sex on the first night. So the wife to be should pay for the wedding.

lol omg that's just too funny lol.. you made my baby kick for laughing too much..

 

[judyp]

It really is just a tradition.. a tradition that will disappear soon so we all might enjoy it while it lasts. I think in Thailand is called sin sot and I was reading some really elaborate traditions on this. If I'm not mistaken in most cases the money is actually given back to you so that you can use it in the new marriage. Its just a way to show that you have the ability to take care of the woman.

I mean it kinda sucks that some people will earn less money but usually you DO get what you pay for

Now that we're talking about this. I just learned my cousin just got hitched. The funny thing is that the woman family actually gave him money for the sin sot so yea.. its not so bad. Free money baby!

well then what is my mom trying to say about me? she keeps lowering the price. lolss. she tells my bf that im 50% off. hahah. and actually the money that my bf is supposedly offering to my mom will be used for the ceremony. so its for a good cause. but then again, people are going to treat the bride price differently as i am already starting learn from the different stories posted.


i have never heard that the guys family would receive money from the bride until i researched what dowry meant. and your story only proves that it really does exist.

 

[Liberty]

i think the standard for today sin sot is $10,000.00
yeah,if the girls parents are nice.They would give it to the married couple back so they can start their marriage off with it.
Other wise if the girls parents are greedy/unkind they would keep it to themself.
lol

But remember wedding these day are much more expensive then before.
Everything cost money even a very small candle for the wedding cost money.
EVen the church that you plan to have the wedding cost money.
Whats in US thats for free?
Don't we all wish taht we can have a nice small cheap wedding?
But we cant or else other feeling will get hurt that you didnt invite them to your wedding.
So,you got to invite all so they can feel they are like/friends.

If you marry at a friend's house or your own home, it's free. Lots of people do home weddings.
Screw the other people, if I'm getting married and paying for it I'll have it the way I want.

 

[noungning]

nothing in life is free. if it's free, it has a hidden agenda.

i.e. having ur party at home. if u just sit with nothing on, no food, just sit and breathe... then yes it's a free party.

sin sot - i kinda understood it to be like what tim explained. and also what many people understands it to be, thanking the female's parents for raising the daughter. eventually returning it to the cause of the wedding, reception costs or just returning it back to the newly weds to start off their married life.

from reading another forum... foreign men in thailand understands this tradition and they do pay up. lol although a majority believes they are being robbed haha. but it is a tradition... saying it bluntly as a 'price' and a 'buying' and 'selling' transaction just makes women sound like a piece of meat. i'd try to refrain from that lol... so let's go with the 'sin sot tradition'

 

[ijohn]

as was mentioned before in the US the custom was that the bride to be's father picked up the tab... and with the tradition of dowry i think the idea here is not to buy a bride but more pay a large sum to prove a sacrifice and prove a commitment to the bond of marriage that will last... i think i want to believe this is so because i jumped into marriage thinking like everyone else why do i have to pay to try this or do this thing called marriage and therefore failed and had no real sacrifice or long term commitment other than words that have little meaning today(i do)...

if by fate i find myself in this situation i can say that marriage should be more sacred then a cheap affair... i guess if love is what fuels the desire to get married then there should be a price,,, a sacrifice,,, something more than words,,, something tangible to give to bring more meaning to the ceremonial vowels to show sacrifice and commitment to more than a moment in time...

i guess next time i will view it like a house burning and everything i had in the past i'm willing to change to prove i love someone... so yes i can make a sacrifice a payment that sets me back in physical value to prove my love more to me this time then just the words we/i often take for granted in a cheap ceremony we have reduce marriage to in society today...

if we would die for someone we love then is that not a price higher than the price we sometimes believe we can't afford for marriage and the ceremony???

ps. i say bring back commitment and traditions to marriage or just keep having an affair,,, don't make something into a marriage thats not meant to last if you can't sacrifice tangible parts of you life for it!!!