My boyfriends parents

[BaBeeLaiLai]

Anyways there have been some things that are bothering meeh about my boyfriends parents. There hmong and are very strict and religious i guess. Billy (my boifriend) and I have known eachother for a long time now. I knew him for about 4 years before we started dating...and now were 2 years into our relationship. I met him off of his bother because me and David (his brother) use to be like bestfriends. But then when Billy and I started dating he started acting like an ass and stopped talking to me, because he said that it was akward that I was dating his brother. But whatever now we hate eachother, so yeah.

Okay back to the parents....well when they first found out that I was dating there son, they didn't like the fact at all because I wasn't hmong. They went off ranting about how relationships with people of different cultures don't work out and they divorce all the time...and blah blah blah...but it didn't matter to him...but as time went by Billys mom started talking shit agian. She said how she didn't like me because I wasn't hmong and for him to break up with meeh immediately and she didn't want me stepping into their house (so i stopped going)...this went on for a couple of months... until i guess the mom went to the father about it. The dad then went to Billy and spoke to him about our relationship. He told Billy that his mother really didn't like us together and for us to break up now or else he was gonna kick him out of the house and sell their house. Blah blah blah...I don't know what happend, but Billy called me in front of his dad and said that we were over and explained to meeh that his parents didn't want us together and stuff. So i was like wtf, okay whatever then if thats how it's gonna be.

He called that night and we spoke on the phone and cried together and so he came over that next morning to say his last goodbyes...but then he ended up saying fuck his parents and he don't give a shit. So we got back together and i continued to not go into his house...i would stay outside and wait for him when ever he needed to go to his house for something.

Then later on after about 6 months things cooled down and the mom invited me into their house when we were hanging outside. I felt like since she had the courage to come up and talk to meeh and ask me into their house then i as the kid shouldn't be stubborn and disrespectful and say no. So i gave in...from then on we were cool!

Then last night David and Billy got into a fight about something and it got to their parents. David had nothing to say about the problem that they were in so he went out and told his parents that I spent the night at their house the other day when they were out of town and that we had sex (not that he knew if we did or not...and david is 22 years old (how fucken childish...oh yeah and billy is 19 and im 20). I guess billys dad got really mad about that (because it was agianst their religion for me to sleep there because billy and i weren't married...i slept there twice since billy and i have been together...only when they were out of town though...billy usually hides and sleeps over at my place once a week or two) but yeah so supposely the dad told billy to leave the house now and for me not to go to their house agian.

It really bugged me when billy told me that his dad said i couldn't go into their house anymore. I think it's really childish...things are going in circles...and im really piss...it's not like i want to go into their house but it's just stupid how they keep saying for me not to go there but then later tell me to go and now tell me not to go...it's stupid and i think they are totally over reacting, as adults they should have just told billy not to do that agian. But gosh im sooo mad...I swear i am never stepping a foot at their house agian and this time i am not going to forgive them.

One day they will lose all of their kids because of the way they are. There only daughter already moved out because she got into a relationship with a hunderin guy. When they found out she was dating him, they kicked her out...and so she left and now they want her back...but she refuses to talk to them...and she's been gone for over 6 months now and have not spoke a word to her parents.

What should i do you guys....Is this how all hmong parents are???

 

[yingerbug]

For a start... My parents WERE ONCE LIKE THIS! They would never let us date anyone other then hmong peoples. In highschool years... My oldest sister was dating an American guy; I dated a Native American-Mexican guy; my little sister dated a Chinese guy... OFCOURSE we all HID it from our parents and all those GOSSIPING FOOLS and really with our other sisters helping us HIDE as well it went pretty smooth. Sadly I didnt end up with mines thou... BUT I am not regretting either cause I am somewhat HAPPY with this HMONG DUDE I sorta LIKE! I guess... haha!!! L0L! My two sisters got married to their MAN and are HAPPILY MARRIED! Ofcourse when the news broke out that my sister was dating the WHITE GUY sheesh the whole world knew; also that went for my sister who married the CHINESE GUY. keke! Talk of the town madly... Funnie thing thou... After each of my sisters came out expression their love for their man which I couldnt do; all the other HMONG GIRLS came out afterward with theirs. Silly eh... They all needed sum1 to start it off first I guess...
BTW the movie "YOG VIM LEEJ TWG" a really popular sad hmong movie actually changed my parents for the better. NEVER RUIN YOUR CHILDREN LOVE; IT WILL ONLY CAUSE SADNESS AND HARM...
In the past my dad would say.... NO ONE that is not HMONG will step on my front door! I have a GUN and blah blah blah... So as time went by... My parents changed for the better never again will they stop us unless it was BAD. keke!
But in your situation all HMONG OGS will be like that. WELL I cant say ALL but MOST ones that still believe deeply into their culture will be like that. They have their little beliefs in stupid things like this. I would have to say BE STRONG and I GUESS SUCK IT UP MAYBE! BUT ONLY SO MUCH THAT ONE CAN TAKE! SERIOUSLY... IF YOU TWO ARE REALLY IN LOVE DONT LET THE PARENTS GET IN THE WAY. Only time will tell... Just give it time like that last time... The mother called you back into the house when she never wanted to around anymore. See... Just give it time I would have to say... SORRY I CANT GIVE YOU MORE CAUSE I WAS A FAILURE IN MINES...

 

[Liberty]

It's how a lot of parents are, they're kinda stuck in the old ways. It doesn't matter what race or ethnicity, there's going to be someone from every group that has problems with marrying outside of their culture.
I dated a guy who's mom was like that, she wanted a nice Vietnamese girl for her son.
I don't like to spend the night at anyone's house, unless it's a female friend but even then my parents don't like it because they think it's inappropriate for a young lady to be sleeping somewhere else that isn't her home. (Unless I'm out of town of course.)
Anyway, eventually I dumped him, I should've done it a long time ago instead of sticking with him for a year.
Never date a mama's boy. His parents are divorce but his mom isn't like "strict" in the traditional sense because she has three daughters and allows all of them to let their bf's sleep over. Hell, she's dating a guy her daughter's age and he sleeps over too and yet, she couldn't get over the fact that I wasn't "a traditional Vietnamese girl" or even Vietnamese. -_-
The last time I saw that ex was a year ago, he told me that after we broke up his love life kinda went down hill. Every girl he dated since screwed him over and he's given up, said he's letting his mom find him a wife from Vietnam. I know I should feel sorry for him but a part of me got a little satisfication from hearing that. B)

I say, don't waste your time with guys like that. You want a real man, a man with the balls to make his own decisions, not someone who's controlled by his parents. My best friend is with someone like that and because of his parents and the things his mom whispers into his ears there constantly having problems. Even now, when they have their own home and two kids together and now planning a wedding. They both wanted something simple, her mom doesn't care as long as they get married but his mom wants something huge. They're having to pay for it so I don't get why they should listen to her at all.

I say, you're better off without him and his family. If he really loves you he'll do good by you despite what his parents say.

 

[BaBeeLaiLai]

uh yaya...I don't know...billy says that he's gonna move out and come live with meeh so we'll see what happends. I live with my mom and my mom loves him alot. She doesn't care if billy spends the night or not and the last two times when i spent the night at billys house when his parents were out of town, my mom knew about it. All my nieces call him uncle billy (which i find cute).I don't believe him though, because like you said Liberty, billy is a parents boy. He listens to almost everything that they say and he's a good person so he always forgives and forgets. I don't know if that actually means that he's a good person or a dumb person, but sometimes i say dumb. Anyways i don't know...i love him alot...i have never loved someone so much before...it was hard to get him in the first place, I liked him the first time i saw him when he walked into his house with his ex that is. It was like a korean/taiwanese drama kinda feeling like. I fell in love with him at first sight...and it took about all 4 years before we actually got together.

It also pisses meeh off that billys parents expect him to pay bills, like help them pay there house and stuff. He is still very young and has not gotten his education yet. He's trying to go to college, but he can't because he's stuck working and forking out money for his parents. He doesn't qualify for financial aid because his parents make too much...but then agian they say they don't have enough for their hosue and there gonna loose it if he doesn't help them pay. So he works at a warehouse making 11 50 an hour 5 days a week. His parents expect 500 bucks a month..and plus his own bills like car insurance and his cellphone and gas and blah blah blah...by the end of the month he has nothing, so he can't save for skool. I really want him to go to skool and make something out of himself, or if not then i want him to at least start saving some money for his future. I myself am going to college and trying to make something out of myself, so i don't want a dead beat boyfriend with nothing but his parents.

Oh yeah by the way his older brother david is a lazy ass punk who works as well but doesn't fork out no money to their parents. And there little brother is 17 still in high skool so yeah. The sisters out of the house, so there's no one else. billy tells me that he has no choice but to help his parents because he has to. I say his parents shouldn't expect it from him. He says that hmong people have kids so the kids can help. I say well let the kids help themselves first since they can't help so later on the kids can help them more. But whatever everytime i argue with him about his parents he gets offended so i've stopped.

 

[BaBeeLaiLai]

Okay...so an update is that now his parents has kicked him out and he's moved in with meeh!

 

[KhoOnxNouxWanxJai]

Ahh man that's really sad -.O when I hear about things like this, my story was so much different from it all.
My husband's parents were very supportive of him being with me even though we met online. My parents weren't supportive, but they weren't going to stop me. Over time they learned to accept my husband because he proved to them that he could take care of me and that he loves me. It was awkward to my mother more than my father because my mom tends to be really traditional. She thought it was going to be hard because our house is more thai/lao oriented and he's pure cambodian. We are a mixture of cambodian too and we have nothing against them, but over time she learned that we were so simliar. When my parents out that we wanted to marry when I am only like 19 my dad was surprisingly happy. He was happy because to him I had to much of a rocky road with men and he figured that Tim was such a great guy he would keep me out of trouble (Not That I was a whore or anything) I just tended to attract weirdos to our doors lol I even had a stalker once =/. Anyhow my father was pretty happy, my mom on the other hand was pretty upset because she wanted me to make it in school and marry this guy that my grandparents had set aside for me =/... after a few months she learned to accept it because she realized that I was still going to school and stuff. She found out that he was actually paying for my school bills too it impressed her more. She kind of wonder what kind of guy would love a girl so much to move to the state she lives in after knowing her for only a year and a half and dating her for only 5 months. When he got here she was more impressed because he took care of me mentally, physically, and financially.

To my mother it meant a lot to her because my mom has always felt sorry for me. Ever since I was 12 I was already supporting two familys on my shoulder with paperwork and making sure everyone was ok. I had to go to school and then go to college. Then I had to work, go to school, take my sisters and cousins to school and pick them up I would get home late around 2 am every day from work then stay up and study then sleep and go to school. She felt a lift when she found out tim was taking great care of me .

So in the end they accepted it ...
Sometimes you just have to fight and believe in your relationship to make things work.

 

[sajenna]

i'm feel sorry for you. reading your story makes me know how lucky am i. my mother accepts all types of guy, my boyfriend is pure french and i'm cambodian (khmer). she always says "i just want a man who really loves my daughters, no matter which nationality he could be"
if you really love each other fight for your love, there's nothing more important and one day his parents will accept you...

 

[KEdoubleNY]

I don't think you're relationship going to work ... cus he can't escape his parents. I know girls and guys in your position where b their lover's parents don't want them to date or be together .. they can fight for the relationship for a short period of time ... but when it truly come down to that final decision .. they always choose their parents ... cus you know .. you only have one mom and one dad in this world ... no one can replace them ... but a gf/bf .. husband/wife can be replace anytime

your decision ... your call ... just don't regret it later in life

 

[BaBeeLaiLai]

Thanks for everyones input on my situation...you girls got it lucky...i wished that his parents excepted meeh the way my mom excepts him...but thats too bad...iunno...we'll just see what happends...!!!

About him going bak to his parents...im not that sure either..because he loves his parents alot!!! We'll he's not the first out of the house...his sister was kicked out because of some what the same reason..and it's been a while now and she still hasn't gone back..so iunno!

 

[te_1_n_only_me]

My parents have high expectation of me and they trust me to a certain degree when I out of the house and away from their eyes, and don't care who I date or what not. All they want is that if we feel like it might be serious, just to introduce them to him so they can have an opinion on him (they believe family acceptance is very important). My parent are very strict and what they say goes but they don't like to force us into doing anything we don't like. That is how we grew up (iron fist but hardly used). Sleeping at another guy house or the guy sleeping a my parent house (currently still at home) is like sentencing my own death and if they found out, I'll wish I was dead. Everybody would be like WTF was you thinking. It is about respect. I understand why the parent was mad when they found out that you was sleeping at their house, to them it is like a slap to their face, hugh disrespect. If it was his own house, it'll be a different story. I think most asian parents are like that. Show respect but stand your ground. He love his parent so they must not be all that bad. I'm not saying you are wrong, but I understand where the parent come from. The money issue, I don't noe. Most American that I come across says that once they turn 18, they are on their own and out the house. He was still living at home so the money thing is a iffy on my part. Don't noe if it was right or wrong.

 

[1-lUv3-y0u]

Hmong parents are really strict.
I mean I am dating a HMONG guy already but they are making such a big fuss over it becuase his family has a "bad name".
They are totally against me and him being together and have tried to persuade me to not date him anymore but we just don't listen to them.
One thing that I told myself is that I will listen to my parents on other things, but when it comes to my love life my parents nor my companion's parents doesn't matter cus this is gonna be OUR lives not theirs.
So if you guys really love each other then that's all that should matter.
Live a good life and prove them wrong that being in love with another race is NOT wrong and you can still be happy.

 

[sulad]

Not all Hmong parents are strict. Some are traditional and some are more Amercanize, but it just depends on the family. From what I'm reading his parents do expect too much from him and I know how you feel. Because I have seen and heard of how it is. But I can say that just stay strong and keep proving to his parents that even though you're not the same nationality as their son, you can still become a daughter to them and for them to love you.
I got to say some are really hard-headed, but once they see and have it done. They'll be more loose on it and be more open. I can also see why the parents are like that because they're just so over-protective that when it's over the limit. The anger is just to kick the kids out and once they're out. It hit them hard and they regrett what they done. My sister had a good guy friend and they liked eachother, but his mom was really strict on him and whenever any girls call she'll snap the crap out of them. But actually he pass away and when my sister attend his funeral. My sister finally see why his mom was like that and why she was like that because she loved them and didn't want to see her son hurt. My sister say that you can't just hate or be mad the parents until you really have your own and you'll know. But I say, just keep proving to them and do good stuff. Then not long, you guys will be happily ever after.

 

[BaBeeLaiLai]

Thanks guys for the support. He's still living with meeh! hehehe...he went back to his parents a couple of weeks ago to try to talk to them...but they totally pushed him off...He told meeh that when he knocked the door his dad opened...at first his dad told him to come in and not to go anywhere nomore but he told them that he wasn't there to stay but only to visit them and see how they were doing. So i guess they got mad and started cursing at him. They told him to go and never come bak agian and that he was a bad person and he would never make anything out of himself and when he has kids...his kids are gonna have bad lives and be just like him. His dad also told him that he is no long Hmong Cha and blah blah blah...werid how his parents cursed him like that and his future kids...I thought that was very wrong. Don't cha's think.

 

[BaBeeLaiLai]

I don't think you're relationship going to work ... cus he can't escape his parents. I know girls and guys in your position where b their lover's parents don't want them to date or be together .. they can fight for the relationship for a short period of time ... but when it truly come down to that final decision .. they always choose their parents ... cus you know .. you only have one mom and one dad in this world ... no one can replace them ... but a gf/bf .. husband/wife can be replace anytime

your decision ... your call ... just don't regret it later in life

You know what...I think your right...last night he told me that he's decided to go home after 5 months of living with me...because his parents pretty much begged him to go home. At the end...I will always lose...because like you said I'm the girlfriend. When he does go home...I don't know what will happen next anymore. I refuse to step into their house since I've been told to not go there so many times already...I have dignity and I have pride too...! What should I do?

 

[Alhambra1]

Just let him go.

 

[~Sandy~]

I wonder if his brother, David, has anything to do with this. The real reason Billy got kicked out, was of David's big mouth...truth or false, but David knew Billy would get in deep trouble for this...??? Maybe David likes you? Parents will NEVER want to see siblings fight over a girl/guy.

Since Billy has moved back...take it slow. Im sure you're much in love with him. Prove to his parents, that different cultures do work. And if it doesnt work, it's usually NEVER the culture that broke the relationship, its other stuff...like, the parents, or cheating, etc! But if you 2 do work out...you guys then would prove them wrong. If you ever get married one day...have children...well, grandkids usually will always change anyone's heart!

BabeeLaiLai...what nationality are you anyways???

 

[rakFong]

Hmong parents are really strict.
I mean I am dating a HMONG guy already but they are making such a big fuss over it becuase his family has a "bad name".
They are totally against me and him being together and have tried to persuade me to not date him anymore but we just don't listen to them.
One thing that I told myself is that I will listen to my parents on other things, but when it comes to my love life my parents nor my companion's parents doesn't matter cus this is gonna be OUR lives not theirs.
So if you guys really love each other then that's all that should matter.
Live a good life and prove them wrong that being in love with another race is NOT wrong and you can still be happy.

i totally agree wid you! im in this situation but then im hmong and im dating a hmong guy. my parents doesnt let us date but its not my parents who imma spend my life wid, its him and im perfectly fine wid wat i chose. my cousins said i shouldnt date him and stuff but then i dont listen.. i mean i'll listen to watever my oarents want or do watever they want me to do.. but this is my life and i dont want to get forced into not being wid the one i love..

as for BaBeeLaiLai, i hope everything goes well for you.. i guess sometimes they have to choose their parents cause i've also been through that.. i hope the best for both of you!







----WHY iS iT ALWAYS ME WHO GETS HURT?? HOW COME iTS SO HARD TO FORGET 'BOUT YOU??----

 

[BaBeeLaiLai]

I wonder if his brother, David, has anything to do with this. The real reason Billy got kicked out, was of David's big mouth...truth or false, but David knew Billy would get in deep trouble for this...??? Maybe David likes you? Parents will NEVER want to see siblings fight over a girl/guy.

Since Billy has moved back...take it slow. Im sure you're much in love with him. Prove to his parents, that different cultures do work. And if it doesnt work, it's usually NEVER the culture that broke the relationship, its other stuff...like, the parents, or cheating, etc! But if you 2 do work out...you guys then would prove them wrong. If you ever get married one day...have children...well, grandkids usually will always change anyone's heart!
BabeeLaiLai...what nationality are you anyways???

Thanks for the input...hahaha david likes meeh? thats a joke...you never know though lolz...People did think that at when point when we first met...lolz...but yeah Im Mien by the way and i think thats the closest you can get to Hmong..since we all come from the mountains of laos and all.

 

[PimpStress]

You know what...I think your right...last night he told me that he's decided to go home after 5 months of living with me...because his parents pretty much begged him to go home. At the end...I will always lose...because like you said I'm the girlfriend. When he does go home...I don't know what will happen next anymore. I refuse to step into their house since I've been told to not go there so many times already...I have dignity and I have pride too...! What should I do?

Honestly, I don't think it'll work out for you two unless Billy can escape his parents' strangle hold for good. If he keeps going back, you'll have to keep going through the drama. You have to ask yourself if it's really worth it to constantly have to deal with his parents and your future in-laws if you get married? As much as you love him, it might be best to end it now and move on before you can't take it anymore and kill his parents!!! I think you have so much ahead of you and you shouldn't waste time fighting for a love that won't last unless Billy is willing to help you fight in the battle against his parents. Good luck and hope all works out well for you!

 

[thai-lakorn-fan-forever]

i don't think any parents could cut their flesh and blood off for long...they'll say "no" and seem to be so adamant on the matter for a little while, but eventually, they will give in as long as their child(ren) are safe, healthy, and happy...