I am totally different from my husband. Our mindset is completely opposite. I don't really like ninety percent of the things he likes to do. He's very detailed and goal driven. I on the other hand, doesn't like to do anything that requires a lot of energy lol. He works hard to get to where he is today, I expect to be taken care of...but somehow we worked as a couple.
No one is saying torturing oneself for a sake of a relationship, but if there's no abuse or anything dramatic, calling it quits is not that easy. And some people are so afraid to be alone they want to hang on to something even if they know there's a dead end ahead. Also, life is full of uncertainties...not everyone live a long life. And relationship is such a complex matter, it's never going to be a one size fit all. Everyone deserves to be in a long loving relationship, but not everyone will ever achieve that in their lifetime.
Not that mindset...that sounds more like 2 ppl with different personalities..a mindset of wanting to be and stay together..
You been together for 25 years... you both have the same mindset *to want to sustain and be together.* Or else you wouldn't be
Ofc along with trust...respect...love...but even if that, if 2 ppl want different things that can't sustain a relationship. That is why it is important to have the same mindset to want to be together regardless and to do so.
Example:
My mindset....together no matter what make it work. We will work it out, marry have kids...ect.
His- it is too hard now, I don't want to do it anymore.
*** different mindset ****
What i need was someone with the same mindset who also think we are together no mater what as a team and will work it out.
also accepting and loving each other no matter what...esp....at our worse.
what usual happens is resentment has occurred in lack of functional communications and not being in the same mindset in a relationship
A mindset of wanting to still work it out...being on a same page in a relationship...and when it isn't...wanting to continue and then meet on the same page.
There is nothing wrong with being different. My sister and her hubby are opposite in personality and attitude.
my friend and her hubby.- different but same mindset.
-they both want a family - won't give up on each other - accept each other at their worse- no grudge
Sometimes she gets fussy...moody...he knows and understands.
He don't get mad (in turn it won't become resentment). Always maintain and date...do sweet things
These relationship is like a car ...if you don't care to do the maintenance on it...it will break down....when it breaks....if you don't care or have the mindset to want to continue to fix it...it dies...
Quote *Also, life is full of uncertainties...not everyone live a long life. And relationship is such a complex matter, it's never going to be a one size fit all. Everyone deserves to be in a long loving relationship, but not everyone will ever achieve that in their lifetime.**** Quote
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Yes....therefore ..Do what makes you happy. If the relationship doesn't bring you happiness...staying just to stay because it's been 7 yrs..10 yrs...is torture..miserable and also stealing more time from the other person.
It shouldn't be too much work. I.e. my friend. They fought pretty much weekly for 5 years...they have moments where it was a good 3 weeks....then repeat...
Mine was 8 years...at least 4 yrs of battling to sustain it and it was mostly me. Counseling methods...ect. I wish I had someone tell me... you don't need to stay/shouldn't go because it almost been 10 years.
Again I had that mindset and in retrospective he went along because it was easier..he thought ok I'll try. I chose to rationale the red flags. our mindset was different and we both want a different type of relationship. But he always "tried" or seem like he was.
We are cool with each other. About a year ago...he said to me...he wish he had the same Mindset as me when we were in a relationship, but he didn't and he regrets it. I feel timing is important as well.
I'm speaking from my experiences of being in a long term and had a rude awakening that it won't work just because I want this or that. The person needs to want that with me...
I also don't see it as a cost benefit...time don't always gauge what is right for us. Timing is also important.
Did I have regret (8 yrs gone ). Heck ya....but I turn that into a positive....I better myself...level up...i didn't linger on it....now I know myself better and know what I want in a relationship. So my next one, I know to be with someone who wants the same thing (mindset). Recognizing and accepting red flags.
I.e. say I want to get marry. I would date a person with the same mindset/intentions to want to get marry. We need to align our page up in what a relationship is to us and what we both want and need. What is a deal breaker? Ect.
If you want to date with intentions..long term
avoid these mindset.
1. Fuck boys
2. FwB
3. Hook ups
4. He's not into you. - listen/see the read flag the red flags -
