ADVICE!!
- Thread starter noon_w
- Start date
Wow! Best of luck with your sister. The only person who I am really concerned about is your niece. She has no control or awareness of the situation. While your sister is an adult now. There is not much you can really do by US standards.
The one you should worry about is the little girl. If anything, let your sister take her route. Just let her know you and your parents are there for her to pick up the pieces once she has learned or explored what she needs to explore.
Some asian families that I know will use more forceful means, but to each their own.
As for the niece, depending on your situation, you might consider having the grandparents raise her to avoid her following her mommies foot steps. Again, you know your situation better than anyone else.
Another concern is that these internet guys may seek to molest your niece if they end up living under the same roof. I mean if they are searching for an easy lay... they must not be the type of man you want to marry and have a life with. Though not all men who want a one night stand are molesters. So again... I am more concerned for your niece then your sister. She is 26 and may have issues that may need addressing by a psychiatrist or psychologist (more the latter) to resolve what the underlying problem is.
But whatever the case is... good luck... I can't imagine the toll this must be on you.
The one you should worry about is the little girl. If anything, let your sister take her route. Just let her know you and your parents are there for her to pick up the pieces once she has learned or explored what she needs to explore.
Some asian families that I know will use more forceful means, but to each their own.
As for the niece, depending on your situation, you might consider having the grandparents raise her to avoid her following her mommies foot steps. Again, you know your situation better than anyone else.
Another concern is that these internet guys may seek to molest your niece if they end up living under the same roof. I mean if they are searching for an easy lay... they must not be the type of man you want to marry and have a life with. Though not all men who want a one night stand are molesters. So again... I am more concerned for your niece then your sister. She is 26 and may have issues that may need addressing by a psychiatrist or psychologist (more the latter) to resolve what the underlying problem is.
But whatever the case is... good luck... I can't imagine the toll this must be on you.
Geez Noon, you got it rough. I feel for you and your family, especially for your niece, poor child.
Honestly, moving out with her was probably the worst thing you could've done. I know you were trying to be helpful but encouraging her bad behavior isn't helpful. She's an adult so you can't really force her to do anything she'll just have to ride it out herself, but you can do something for her daughter. There are laws against child abuse and neglect.
I think it's good that you're moving out, maybe she'll finally get the reality slap in the face she needs to wake up and realize what she's doing is harmful to herself and her daughter. I'm going to be blunt, from what you've told me she's an unfit mother and if the authorities catch wind of her behavior she will lose her daughter. The best thing you and your family can do for her is show her tough love and that's to let her make her mistakes because apparently she didn't get that out of her system when she was a teenager. People learn from mistakes, well smart people anyway.
If she's smart she'll see the light of day and realize how she's behaving is not only bad for her but for everyone else, especially her daughter. Don't even get me started on the sick guys out there that she could be bringing home and exposing her daughter to. If she's smart she'll move in with your parents, find a job and focus on loving herself and taking care of her daughter. She's 26, still young yes, but way old enough to know better by now. Once you have a child your child needs to be your first priority.
Honestly, moving out with her was probably the worst thing you could've done. I know you were trying to be helpful but encouraging her bad behavior isn't helpful. She's an adult so you can't really force her to do anything she'll just have to ride it out herself, but you can do something for her daughter. There are laws against child abuse and neglect.
I think it's good that you're moving out, maybe she'll finally get the reality slap in the face she needs to wake up and realize what she's doing is harmful to herself and her daughter. I'm going to be blunt, from what you've told me she's an unfit mother and if the authorities catch wind of her behavior she will lose her daughter. The best thing you and your family can do for her is show her tough love and that's to let her make her mistakes because apparently she didn't get that out of her system when she was a teenager. People learn from mistakes, well smart people anyway.
If she's smart she'll see the light of day and realize how she's behaving is not only bad for her but for everyone else, especially her daughter. Don't even get me started on the sick guys out there that she could be bringing home and exposing her daughter to. If she's smart she'll move in with your parents, find a job and focus on loving herself and taking care of her daughter. She's 26, still young yes, but way old enough to know better by now. Once you have a child your child needs to be your first priority.
It is an unfortunate situation for your niece. Your sister is selfish and self centered to think of no one. Especially, her daughter and put herself above all else. She has an innocent life depending on her for guidiance and most of all love. I'm not saying your sister hates her daughter but if she spends her time with all those different men and partying where does that leave her daughter? Shove in the corner and mommy will get to you whem mommy feels like it...that child should be the most important thing in her life. Her well being and safety is pretty much in her mother's hands. And if she can't take on that responsibility then she needs for someone to step in and do it for her.
Can your family babysit her daughter? I know it's an easy way for her but the benefit does go to your niece at least she is safe with you guys rather with your sister with all the many men going in and out of the apartment.
Too bad your sister is old enough to really don't give a care if she doesn't want to. No matter what you say or do, if she's not going to change no one will make her. And she may not wake up until something drastic happens...let's just hope that it doesn't go that far.
Maybe after the divorce she is seeking for attention....or maye it's a cry for help. There are people that does crazy stuff but really deep down inside they are suffering. They do not know how to verbalize rather it's through their actions alone.
Best of luck...here's hoping your sister grows up and be a good role model for her daughter...she deserves that much.
Can your family babysit her daughter? I know it's an easy way for her but the benefit does go to your niece at least she is safe with you guys rather with your sister with all the many men going in and out of the apartment.
Too bad your sister is old enough to really don't give a care if she doesn't want to. No matter what you say or do, if she's not going to change no one will make her. And she may not wake up until something drastic happens...let's just hope that it doesn't go that far.
Maybe after the divorce she is seeking for attention....or maye it's a cry for help. There are people that does crazy stuff but really deep down inside they are suffering. They do not know how to verbalize rather it's through their actions alone.
Best of luck...here's hoping your sister grows up and be a good role model for her daughter...she deserves that much.
KEdoubleNY
sarNie Adult
From my understanding...your older sister is going to a post divorced-crisis. I don't know if it happen to most girls/lady/women/ or some....but when they with someone that long (maybe short also) and they love that person dearly ... its devastating to them when that person is not around. Usually they go out and have fun ... try to find someone new to comfort them ... might be one or two ... might also be many ... depending on their mood and situation.
The best thing you can do is just ... 'let it go'. You can't really do nothing to help her get out of the post divorced-crisis ... she have to get out of it herself.......
btw ... couldn't figure out a better name for the situation so I call it Post Divorced-Crisis.
The best thing you can do is just ... 'let it go'. You can't really do nothing to help her get out of the post divorced-crisis ... she have to get out of it herself.......
btw ... couldn't figure out a better name for the situation so I call it Post Divorced-Crisis.
Yes, my family can babysit her daughter. But if we babysit her daughter for her, she will never change and she will continue to go out and do the things
she is doing today. So, when i think of this. I don't want to babysit or have any of my family members babysit at all, but at the same time.
i love my niece and i feel pity for her so i can't say, i won't babysit her no more. It's hard to love my niece when my sister doesn't love her daughter,
we can't love her daughter for her. Because a love from an auntie is different from a mother.
