BF HELP.

[rakFong]

Sarnies! I need help. (the names arent their real names.) Heas the story:
Me and my bf been datin for 2 yrs and 3 months now. Nd since my step auntie moved down to Cali a couple weeks ago, everything jux came crashing. I noe i shouldnt be thinkin a lot cause shes may auntie for better or worst.. but i jux cnt help it:[ I also noe these are stupid signs.. but im jux worried you noe?
I dunno wats going on? Its jux signs i see.. like wen i had her phone, he wanted to hold it and snatched it nd ddnt give it bak. He went somewhere wid the phone. Nd then like wen he bought food, he would give it to her first.. or he'll listen to her nd not me. For example, she tells him to turn on the AC wen we were in his car. and he did. but wen i told him to turn it off.. he wouldnt. He chose to send me home first and her afterwards. He's always saying "shes this and shes that.." or my auntie would always be sayin "hes this and hes that." He came to my house today and she was there too. Nd you could say.. 3/4ths of the time, he hung out wid her in my garage. Wen we cooked today, she wanted to be the one who gives it to him.. she wouldnt let me do it.. she said, "Ill do it, you jux stay and help the other ppl cook." Nd theres another time today that i wanted to give him food.. so i was like, "I'll give these to him." Nd she said, "No, its okay. You jux stay here." So again, i stayed. Nd then wen the ice cream comes, hes like, "Hey Kelly, do you want ice cream?" Nd he ddnt evn ask me wen i was RITE THERE YOU NOE?
IM JUX FEELING REALLY DOWN NOW. I DUNNO WATS GOING ON AT ALL AND I DNT WANNA ASK HER EITHER.. OR HIM CAUSE SHES MY AUNT AND HES MY BF.

>>To all the BFs out there.. wen you take ur gurl somewhere.. do you take them home first.. or ur friends?

 

[KEdoubleNY]

Something feel a bit fishy there. How old is your aunt compare to him? They about the same age or she is older? Don't know about others but I think he is trying to get to know her ... Maybe they have a thing going on. Could be that they just friends but I doubt it. Maybe they trying to make you jealous? Your best choice would be to ask your aunt. If you ask your bf ... he will lie .... unless he is man enough ... then he will tell you the truth.

Oh ... if I had a gurl LoL ... yea I would take her home last.....

 

[rakFong]

My aunt and I are both 16 turnin 17. Hes jux turned 20.
but the question is.. why would they make me jealous? eventually.. itll lead to breaking up.

 

[KEdoubleNY]

My aunt and me are both 16 turnin 17. Hes jux turned 20.
but the question is.. why would they make me jealous? eventually.. itll lead to breaking up.

Oh puppy love eh.

Like I said....ask her about it ... see if she will open her mouth. Then go ask ur bf and tell him that ... the things he's doing with ur aunt ... u don't like it...

 

[rakFong]

i want too. but i somehow dnt have the guts too.. cause like i said, for better or worse, shes my aunt nd hes my bf. its kinda hard.

 

[KEdoubleNY]

i want too. but i somehow dnt have the guts too.. cause like i said, for better or worse, shes my aunt nd hes my bf. its kinda hard.

For better or worse ... its FOR YOU ... think about YOURSELF before you think about OTHERS. YOU is YOU and THEY is THEY ...

Cus if you keep letting them do what they doing now ... eventually it will lead to something later on and the one that is hurting is .... YOU.

 

[Thookatha]

sounds like they both have a new infatuation...and it happens to be with each other. this could go either way...good or bad.

for ur bf, it's like having a toy that he loves, but then he sees a new toy so he wants to play with it. whether he leaves the first toy and go for the new toy, or plays with both, or stays devoted to the first toy will only play out in time. but u can do something about it because u are not a toy.

for your aunt (judging by her age and likelihood to take in naive habits), it's the whole new girl in town that wants attention thing...no more. no less. she's 16. she's NOT gonna be thinking about morale first. plus, ur bf is an easy target because he's acting as a willing target.

i put these analogies simply, but obviously there are details in your situation/relationship that are going to make things a little more complex. my point is that these are common habits that people fall into when their excitement gets stirred. ur aunt and bf may not mean to betray u, but they are promoting their own excitement which may ultimately result in betraying you...ESPECIALLY if you do not address the feelings and observations right away.

u MUST talk to ur bf and ur aunt as soon as possible...no matter how scary it is, cuz it will only get more complicated. remember that there are different approaches u can take. i suggest talking to ur bf first since he is the person that u are in a relationship with. whether he lies or not, u will be able to tell...not just in what he says but also in what he shows u all other times. if two years and three months is not enough for him to be able to open up to u, then this ordeal may be a good thing for u to get him off of ur hands...no matter how bad it hurts. just remember not to be all emotional and dramatic.

in terms of ur aunt, it doesn't matter if she's family or not, cuz how considerate u are of her is not how considerate she is of u to be making googly eyes at ur bf. let's put it this way, her being 16 is more dangerous than her being ur aunt. understand that she is young too and is going through stages in her life. she's going to want to be selfish. i mean, there are sisters out there who betray each other whole-heartedly and do not care. this is just ur aunt...who lived far away previously. i assume u are not very close...even worse...

yes, the hardest part is the approach and how u put it in words. i can't give u straight up dialogue since i don't have the fine details about what's been going on. but i'll try and help as best as i can....

to bf:
i suggest u approach him light-heartedly...joke around even. set the foundation of how u want the conversation to go. i know this sounds weird but do not directly begin with the issue at hand. u might discourage or even worst...wrongly accuse.

for example (imma put a fake name for him):

"hey, alex, how long have we been together now...like what...a little over two years? wow, that's forever. you know ur a loser right? that's why i've stayed with u for two years. lol i can't believe it's been that long. at least i know i can talk to you. corny, i know...well, i'm sure u feel the same way or else u wouldn't put up with me for two years either...ha..."

in between all the above comments, he will respond. then ultimately, he will ask u what u are getting at. that's where u can let him know (it can be in a silly manner) how u've been feeling. the whole "i guess i've been a little jealous" bit works. try it out. also let him know u want to be fair to him and not make him guess ur emotions.

as far as conversating with auntie, it depends on ur chat with the bf.

my advice is the almighty answer but i just want you to be aware of approach and how u address the issue. it is crucial to the outcome.

u know, if we were in chat, i would role-play with u...SERIOUSLY. cuz i know how hard it is to address something u don't know is for sure but might be serious. let me know if u want to jump into chat one day.

good luck!

 

[KhoOnxNouxWanxJai]

Honestly, your fear is your own downfall. If you want to have a mature and real relationship you need to trust each other, but before you could trust each other you have to gain each other's trust. Make sense? Probably not. The best thing you can do in this situation (In my Opinion) is to flat out ask. Don't be afraid to do so. If you are afraid to do so then you are probably just afraid to lose him. In my opinion this is the worst type relationship to be in.

I've gone through this before where I was suspicious of my ex and I didn't want to ask because I was afraid in the end my suspicions were confirmed and I ended up hurt and to blame for the retarded end to our relationship. I am a very non-tolerant person lol. Once I knew that he was with someone else I began dating someone else and when he found out and blew up on me I was like, "Our relationship ended the moment you cheated on me." I wasn't wrong, but I've told him from the beginning once you start cheating on me you gave me permission to date someone new.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you won't figure it out if you keep holding it inside to yourself. Your hurting yourself more than anyone else. Don't be afraid to ask. Even if you ask and it's nothing at least you cleared the air.

Honestly, in my opinion I agree with Kenny something does sound fishy.

In my history of dating lol I've never had a guy who would take me home first. It's normally everyone else in the car and then me last. Even if my house is the opposite way of his and everyone else in the car -.-"

 

[rakFong]

ill try to talk to him, but first.. i gotta noe more cause i dnt wanna go bursting in nd wen he says its not true, then imma be embarrass. I jux wanna make sure cause i dnt wanna have FALSE ACCUSATIONS. Nd evn if wat theyre doing true.. i guess i gotta be ready to lose him, cause shes my aunt. ive known her all my life nd i dnt wanna get into a misunderstanding convo where we hate each other over a guy ya noe? i noe KENNY, by doing that.. its gonna hurt me.. nd in the END.. imma be the one whos hurt.. but i cnt really force him to love me if he doesnt rite?

 

[dynomite]

RakFong,

You sound like a mature girl for your age. You know that jealousy is bad, and so you try to ask anonymously on here. I think that's commendable.

Just remember that communications is what makes a healthy relationship and will lead to a happy life. Speak to both parties in a mature manner. You'll be able to get an idea if it's all in your head or if there is something wrong.

If there is... you can be guarded. Love has its ups and downs. You have to roll with the punches. It's the experience that will help you grow as a person.

There's a saying that, it is better to have loved and been hurt then to have never loved at all.

Best of luck!

From a male point of view... I would probably want to take my girl home last, unless practicality states otherwise. If your aunt is on the way to his house, then of course I would drop you first... then her. Otherwise, your thinking is correct... take you home last.


Cheers!

 

[BaBeeLaiLai]

I would definately think that something is going on...especially since you guys are around the same age. Now when you first said aunt I thought she was alot older or something. But then now that you say that...something is definately fishy going on. Usually when you go places with ur boyfriend and friends, your boyfriends hould send them home first and you last. thats just odd.

 

[rakFong]

This happened quite a bit now.
Like one time i had his phone and i saw a txt that said, "Good night babe. I love you." i asked him straight up.. but he said it was nuthin nd he doesnt evn noe that PERSON. i dunno if i can trust him NOT to lie to me.. nd i dunno for sure if hes gonna lie to me bout this situation too?

 

[rakFong]

I would definately think that something is going on...especially since you guys are around the same age. Now when you first said aunt I thought she was alot older or something. But then now that you say that...something is definately fishy going on. Usually when you go places with ur boyfriend and friends, your boyfriends hould send them home first and you last. thats just odd.

I admit i think sumthin going on.. but i cnt go nd accuse that cause i have no proof.. jux lil signs of things.

 

[Thookatha]

ur such a mature young lady. i'm glad you've braced urself for multiple outcomes. a lot of people use their emotion(s) and only what their heart desires to try and resolve an issue. but u obviously know it takes more than that. it also takes a very brave person to face whatever truth is to derive. ur on the right path.

remember that ur young, beautiful, open-minded and smart. that's like every guy's dream come true. u will have no problems finding another guy if worse gets to worse. n if ur bf lets u slip away, he's gonna be reeeeeally sorry later on. lol i wish the best for u...in whatever you do/decide.

 

[KEdoubleNY]

Any outcome to this yet? Or you still lost-n-confused .... Don't worry about it ... its all puppy love .... u still young ... got a long way to go ... like u said ... u can't force someone to love U or be with U if he/she don't want to ... all U can do is hope the best for him ... and if he's seeing your aunt ... then hope the best for her also ....

all I can say is ... worry about YOURSELF first ... and ... FOCUS on SCHOOL ...

 

[Maya_Fantasy]

My respond is base on my assumptions that there is something going on between them, and judging from your writing, I believe there is.

It's good that it happened now, than many years into the relationships. That would be a big waste of time. Yes two years is a long time too, but if he stray now, then he's not worth it to plan your future around him. You're still young and like the saying goes, there are plenty of fishes in the sea.
Your boyfriend is trying to catch fishes with both hands, eventually he will lose you and your aunt too.
No matter what happen she will still be your aunt, but he's just some guy you've crossed path with. If he doesn't care enough for you after two years relationships then he's not important enough person to have in your life. Move on and find someone better. And wish them best of luck because they're going need it.
As for you, go with a smile, enjoy life and freedom to play the field now. If a guy can played you, you can also plays them.
Just remember, whatever happens THINK OF YOURSELF FIRST before someone else. Good luck.

And yes the girlfriend is always the last person he should dropped off.

 

[thuynmt]

Obviously, the guy got some thing going on.

Linda, you don't need him. If he isn't concerned about you, then there's nothing else you can do. Sometimes, you got to let it go. Even if it's 2 years, it doesn't mean he is the one. After two years of the relationship, you're still unable to open and confront him about problem like this. Then that means your relationship is going to have a problem later in 5 or 10 years. If he seems to treat your aunt better than you, then he doesn't see you as the special person in his life anymore. It's time to end it and find someone else who treats you right. If he ignores you, ignore him. See how he'll react to you. If he's not a bit jealous, then then it's over. And like everyone said, you're still young. There are many better guys coming your way. Your first relationship/love isn't always going to be your last. But you'll learn from it.

 

[rakFong]

Thnx for all the help SARNIES!
i finally came out nd talked to him.. i dunno if its the truth tho..
he said it was RUDE to all of them, although i ddnt ask why he took the phone?
but i asked why he ddnt listen to me, why he sent me home first, why he gave the food to her, why they spent time wid each other.. and all he said was, "It's rude if i dnt do it.. you noe that babe."



>> Do you guys think hes telling the truth? From my point of view.. I somehow dnt trust him.. nd although a relationship is based on trust and honesty..i jux dnt feel that towards him rite now, especially during this situation.

 

[thuynmt]

Rude? WTH? If I was riding someone's car, I rather have them to drop me home first. But they should be thankful already to be carpooled by someone else for free. He's making excuses. How can that be rude? It doesn't make sense at all.

 

[Thookatha]

ok, then, ask urself this...is he this accommodating and un-rude with everyone else? does he cater to your other family members and friends in the same manner?

n how was ur approach? his lack of at least some offensiveness is really suspicious to me. haha either he is saintly or he is trying to sweet-talk his way back into ur trust.