Living with a Mental Illness
- Thread starter maimyang
- Start date
maimyang
wishing on the same star, looking at the same moon
Hi @PrincessKarina!! 
Always nice seeing you around the forum! I've been okay, I think the weather is affecting my mood though. It's been really gloomy where I live. But yeah, been trying to keep myself occupied with what brings me joy. How have you been and how’s the weather where you live?
Always nice seeing you around the forum! I've been okay, I think the weather is affecting my mood though. It's been really gloomy where I live. But yeah, been trying to keep myself occupied with what brings me joy. How have you been and how’s the weather where you live?
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maimyang
wishing on the same star, looking at the same moon
Wow, it’s been a very long time, haven’t added posts to this thread... well, just wanted to share a hurtful and impactful experience I recently had! About a month ago, my boyfriend told me his step-mom thinks he shouldn’t have anything to do with me because I am “crazy”... he said someone told her all about the time when I went off my meds and almost ended my life..I won’t go into details because it’s triggering for some folks but yes, I was feeling overwhelmed with life, was having a break with reality at the time and nearly ended my life.. I was very hurt when I heard him say they called me “crazy”! Like how ignorant and mean and unsympathetic can you be!! I have a mental illness I didn’t ask for. If I could, I’d do anything to not have it.. but then I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t have the illness.. and I am learning to love myself and everything that comes with me.. Trying to see the bright side of things. If I don’t, then I’d be just very very depressed. I am happy to say, my boyfriend doesn’t mind my being Bipolar. This experience teaches me to not judge before you step inside someone else’s shoes, to hear the Whole story first, and to not let a stranger define Youuuuu! And also to love yourself.. 
good night or day, everyone, words of encouragement coming soon..(;
good night or day, everyone, words of encouragement coming soon..(;
susielollieantibashers96
sarNie Egg
I am new to this thread.I too have signs of depression. I hope people around me would be more cautious and mindful of their words and actions because it can trigger your anxiety or mental illness.At first,I wanted to hide the fact that I am depressed because it seems like no one understands me.But at some point I realized that I want them to know so that they would stop offending me in ways detrimental to my emotional and mental health.
But right now I think keeeping it to myself in the first place would have been a better option because I was afraid that people would tell me crazy and weird or someone having a nervous breakdown as some of them used to tell me.
My family ended up knowing about it.I used to keep this journal where I wrote my struggles and pain that I can't even tell anyone.
I have to be honest my life isn't going anywhere as of the moment.I keep postponing my plans and gave up on so many opportunities because I feel unsure and unwell.
It hurts to hear the truth from your family on what they think about me.It is not just procastination.I wasn't like this in the past.I finished my degree with flying colors and hope for a better future.
All of a sudden,I feel so empty and lost.
I know in life we have to suffer and experience hardships but I always feel like the world doesn't need me or I can't do anything good.
So these past few days,something happened.my parents wanted me to follow their plan thinking it was best for me.But I know it is not something I wished for or asked for because i know I wouldn't be able to handle the responsibilities knowing that I am unwell.How can I help others when I too have my own troubles to deal with alone.
The support that I need was for them to listen to me.I keep everything to myself because I don't want to hurt them or disappoint them.And as much as I wanted them to know and understand my situation,I don't want to be a burden to them.
Then my sister suddenly told me how useless and pathetic I am,the moment I hear those words I suddenly cried and yelled the words I've been wanting to tell them.I've been holding it for such a long time and due to lack of sleep I was not in a good mood so I got extremely mad. I couldn't even believe myself that i was able to do that.I was unaware that someone was waiting downstairs someone who know me and my family.
I was deeply embarrassed because I know I shouldn't have reacted that way.But I couldn't stop myself.It was the worst feeling I've ever had my whole life.
It was just one simple problem but It gets so complicated all the time.
Right now,I don't know if I will be able to face them.I hope really things will turn out for the better.But I learned something along the way as well.I started to get to know myself better.I wish they would just give me more time to gain the strength and confidence I need.
But right now I think keeeping it to myself in the first place would have been a better option because I was afraid that people would tell me crazy and weird or someone having a nervous breakdown as some of them used to tell me.
My family ended up knowing about it.I used to keep this journal where I wrote my struggles and pain that I can't even tell anyone.
I have to be honest my life isn't going anywhere as of the moment.I keep postponing my plans and gave up on so many opportunities because I feel unsure and unwell.
It hurts to hear the truth from your family on what they think about me.It is not just procastination.I wasn't like this in the past.I finished my degree with flying colors and hope for a better future.
All of a sudden,I feel so empty and lost.
I know in life we have to suffer and experience hardships but I always feel like the world doesn't need me or I can't do anything good.
So these past few days,something happened.my parents wanted me to follow their plan thinking it was best for me.But I know it is not something I wished for or asked for because i know I wouldn't be able to handle the responsibilities knowing that I am unwell.How can I help others when I too have my own troubles to deal with alone.
The support that I need was for them to listen to me.I keep everything to myself because I don't want to hurt them or disappoint them.And as much as I wanted them to know and understand my situation,I don't want to be a burden to them.
Then my sister suddenly told me how useless and pathetic I am,the moment I hear those words I suddenly cried and yelled the words I've been wanting to tell them.I've been holding it for such a long time and due to lack of sleep I was not in a good mood so I got extremely mad. I couldn't even believe myself that i was able to do that.I was unaware that someone was waiting downstairs someone who know me and my family.
I was deeply embarrassed because I know I shouldn't have reacted that way.But I couldn't stop myself.It was the worst feeling I've ever had my whole life.
It was just one simple problem but It gets so complicated all the time.
Right now,I don't know if I will be able to face them.I hope really things will turn out for the better.But I learned something along the way as well.I started to get to know myself better.I wish they would just give me more time to gain the strength and confidence I need.
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maimyang
wishing on the same star, looking at the same moon
Thank you for sharing, @susielollieantibashers96 !! I’ve had experiences with ppl making comments or laughing at those with bipolar. I was so embarrassed and it hurt really bad. For instance, I don’t like it when ppl go, “ oh the weather is so bipolar.” It is hurtful and shouldn’t be used in that way I don’t think cuz it has a negative connotation. And one time, when I was in nursing clinical, we talked about bipolar and the instructor was like, “ sometimes ppl with bipolar experience mania where they feel like they can do anything.” All the students in the classroom laughed and started commenting on how bizarre that is. I was so hurt and embarrassed to admit to having bipolar. I wish mental illness would not be looked on as something bad; I wish ppl would be more empathetic and compassionate. I didn’t ask for this illness. I wish you only good things, @susielollieantibashers96 . If you ever need to talk, I’m here! I will keep posting positive words in this thread... see you around.
maimyang
wishing on the same star, looking at the same moon
Huhhh. I’m feeling really sad and disheartened right now. I don’t know what to do. I remember last year my psychiatrist had told me that the meds I am taking for bipolar will most likely interfere with pregnancy. I’m not getting pregnant anytime soon But I am just thinking about the future.. she told me that one medication I am on, they don’t know too much about it, so I will have to switch to another more familiar medication so that it won’t harm the fetus. Still, I don’t know if switching meds will 100% not cause harm. I’m afraid the meds I am taking will lead to birth defects. Huh, I hate having bipolar. I’m thinking of just silently going off my meds.
I know it’s a risk to go off the meds because I might go through another psychosis, but I can’t can’t can’t and won’t allow myself to cause harm to my child by taking the meds. I hate this! My doctor also said if I’m on the meds, no breast feeding. My child might take in remnants of the meds I am on if I do breast feed. I’m so sad. Why can’t I be fn normal! Feeling so low, lost, conflicted tonight.
I don’t know what to do. I remember last year my psychiatrist had told me that the meds I am taking for bipolar will most likely interfere with pregnancy. I’m not getting pregnant anytime soon But I am just thinking about the future.. she told me that one medication I am on, they don’t know too much about it, so I will have to switch to another more familiar medication so that it won’t harm the fetus. Still, I don’t know if switching meds will 100% not cause harm. I’m afraid the meds I am taking will lead to birth defects. Huh, I hate having bipolar. I’m thinking of just silently going off my meds. I know it’s a risk to go off the meds because I might go through another psychosis, but I can’t can’t can’t and won’t allow myself to cause harm to my child by taking the meds. I hate this! My doctor also said if I’m on the meds, no breast feeding. My child might take in remnants of the meds I am on if I do breast feed. I’m so sad. Why can’t I be fn normal! Feeling so low, lost, conflicted tonight.Sorry to hear that. I hope they can find a med that can maintain your bipolar without jeopardizing the baby (if you choose to have one). But medically we've come a long way hopefully there are better alternatives. Never give up hope.Huhhh. I’m feeling really sad and disheartened right now.