Racist parents

Kina

Dubsteppin'
I was inspired to start this topic by another topic here. Basically, the issue is that I am a 22 years old woman, and my husband is 35. So what, he's 13 years older than I am. At least he doesn't look old. He has no wrinkles. He's neither rich, nor poor. He looks like a lighter version of Common. AND he's MY husband.

Prior to marrying him, my mom, and ONLY my mom, had a problem with me marrying him. First she had a problem that he is 13 years older than me. Then, when I told her he is black, she just had it. She went on and on about how black people are all the same, they treat their women bad, and they can't keep one woman. I said, "Ma, he's HALF black. The other half is Mexican." I wish I hadn't told her he's half Mexican too because that just made it worse for me.

My real father, who stays in a different state (they're divorced), found out from my mom that my husband is black, at which he said that he will not accept a son-in-law who is not Asian. He said one day he's gonna cheat on me, and maybe mistreat me physically and emotionally.

Boy, do I have racist parents or what?

So what if he's Black/Mexican? And so what he's 35 years old? I married him for his character, for his sense of realness, and for loving ME. I could care less about him being 13 years older and that he's not Asian.

He's MY mocha-licious husband!

But, in the end, they've learned to back off on my marriage life. They've seen so far that he's a good man, and he takes care of me well. He's the black man that would be hard to find out here in the real world. And I am thankful for having married him, no matter what people say. Hopefully, my parents will forever learn to stop judging people because sometimes, one needs to be a little less bias and traditional in order to learn to live with your colored neighbors.

So yeah....
 

Liberty

sarNie Adult
Ouch. Yeah, traditional Asian parents tend to be that way.
But in the end you're the one that has to live with your decision and it's your life to live so should always make the best choice for yourself. If you love him then nothing else should matter, not even what your parents say. They're your parents and they're just looking out for you but sometimes parents can be blind.

It's funny because my dad encourages my brother and I to marry caucasian people because he thinks we'll make pretty, tall babies (funny considering I have a full Laotian cousin who's about 15 and is probably over 6 feet already). lol Sometimes my dad's priority is a little backwards. My youngest brother is dating a Mexican-American, my bf of 4 years is Chinese-American and my younger brother's wife is Korean-American.

Anyway, do your parents live in a most Asian neighborhood?
 

amikrazie

sarNie Oldmaid
awww thats good that they have learned to accept him as who he is..and not what he is.

my dad used to be a racist too..cause of the war back in the days..and how some thai soldiers treated him ..he hated thais for quite some time..he hated it when me and my mom watches lakorn all the time..and he even made a comment to me that the thai songs might be cursing at the listener and i wouldnt even know it.. (but then i didnt pay any attn to him..i knew better back then too) of course that was when i was little..well what do ya know..one day i brought a thai bf home...i guess he calmed a bit down after i had like 3 thai penpal from thailand..and i kept in touch with them for over 3 yrs..and letters were constantly coming..but anyhow its not as bad as it used to be and i am very thankful that my dad didnt say or do anything rude to him or to embarass me, thanked god.

and the other thing is prolly cause my family is like a melting pot married to almost all race too gosh or so it seem!

but i do have an aunt that told me i can marry any race just as long as they arent black...but then i told her..if its love you cant chose who you love...it will just happen. she didnt say anything after that...

marrying a certain race that they approve doesnt mean you will live a happy live with that person..it could be the biggest mistake of your life or anyones life at that.
 

BaBeeLaiLai

BaBeeLaiLai
Yeah I think my boyfriends parents are beginning to accept me too. My boyfriend still lives with meeh...i guess he was gonna move out but then his parents are selling the house, so they told him he didn't have to move back home...I'm still kinda upset that he made the decision to leave back home, but decided to stay because his parents said that he didn't have to come home....other wise he would have been gone.

But yeah two weeks ago his parents did the hmong new years thing and i went over to their house. His mom saw me and said Hi Lai (First time she ever said my name and appoarched meeh). I asked if they needed any help and she said "Yeah, Come Help" And so i helped out...and when he came time to eat...she invited me to eat.

So I guess his mom has learned to accept the fact that billy and I are dating.
 

CTR

The Realist guy here period
I think it takes a while for them to get use to him. Now a day, there are so many mixed children. Luk Krueng.
 

amikrazie

sarNie Oldmaid
yep and ive seen quite a bit of cute looking look krueng kids too!

this one time i was at the asian supermarket..omg these half mexican and laotion kid was like bout 3 yrs old i think she was..she was soooo adorable speaking in laos to her grandmother..sooo freaking cute..i had to stand there and be a bit nosy :lol:
 

Liberty

sarNie Adult
yep and ive seen quite a bit of cute looking look krueng kids too!

this one time i was at the asian supermarket..omg these half mexican and laotion kid was like bout 3 yrs old i think she was..she was soooo adorable speaking in laos to her grandmother..sooo freaking cute..i had to stand there and be a bit nosy :lol:
OMG that's too cute.
My little cousin is Mexican/Caucasian/Laotian, he's about 4 or 5 years old and it's such a trip to hear him speak Laotian.
He loves sticky rice. :lol:
 

raymond_obsessed

Just plain obsessed
My mom is hates Thai people, but loves their lakorns...just the whole issue Thailand and Cambodia always has...she kind of gives me a dirty look when I tell her I'm gonna marry someone from Thailand...or telling her guys like Bie and Ice are my boyfriend...I think it's hilarious...but she told me that if I marry anyone other than a Cambodian, from Cambodia, and if I don't marry the traditional way, she says she won't go to my wedding...But she just says that, she went to my sister's wedding when she married a Mexican man...I always tell her her grandchildren from me will be mixed...I don't know why, but she's racist even with my friends, she stereotypes them to her own belief of how they are...But I've had some friends that she'll exclude from her stereotypes...it's gotten my older siblings to be racist as well...I don't know if that's cuz of my mom or them, but yeah...

My mom and I have the kind of relationship where I always tell her things straight out, that if I had a boyfriend, I'd tell her...I don't keep stuff like that from her, cuz I know better, because the success of my relationship doesn't depend on whether or not my family likes who I'm with...it depends on me...even if she tries to throw the "he'll abuse and cheat on you" line out, I just tell her right back that Cambodians can do that too, and I've seen it first hand with my sister's husbands...then she'll go and say, "not the ones from Cambodia" but who would want a man from your ethnic group after living in America and seeing all it has to offer...men-wise...

Why stay inside the box when there are so many other boxes to get in?
 

Sreymao

sarNie Adult
MY HUSBAND IS FILIPINO WHEN i DATED HIM MY EVERYBODY WAS kool BUT WHEN i GOT PREGNANT AND GONNA MARRIED HIM @ FIRST MY OLDER BRO'S WAS LIKE hE'S YOUR UNCLES FRIEND AND he'S fLIP HEHE.. mY BRO ARE KOOL BUT WHEN i TELL MY paRENTS MY DAD KINDA FLIP OUT :eek: MY MOM SEEM CALM ( SHE WANTED A GRANDCHILD) MY DAD LECTURE ME HOW HE IS DIFFERENT, HOW DO i TALK WITH HIM AND ARE u SURE HE IS FAITHFUL ect.. IT TOOK MY BRO TO CONVINCE HIM AND MY UNCLE AND BRO HELP TOO. aCTUALLY MY PARENT DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT MUCH JUST SHOOK AT FIRST AFTER THAT ITS kool. aLL i CARE IF HE CAN GET ALONG WITH MY FAMLIY AND FREINDS HE'S MY SOULMATE :lol: mY FAMILY IS ALL MIX SOO NO PROBLEM. mY OLDER BRO WIFE IS VIETNAMESE. mY 2 YOUNGER BRO IS DATING WHITE GIRLS HEHE..
 

Kina

Dubsteppin'
Anyway, do your parents live in a most Asian neighborhood?
No, they live in a predominately white part of the city. But it's so funny that my mom's husband, my stepfather, is not Asian. He's actually Arab, and she had to face the same problem that I had recently gone through where the family had a VERY hard time accepting him, being that he's Arab, he's a terrorist siding with Saddam Hussein, he's going to murder the family one day, etc, etc.

I had actually confronted her about that. Initially, she excused herself saying that my stepfather is different, he's not like all the men out there. And then I said, "Exactly, I didn't have a problem with you marrying him back then. So what's the big deal if my husband is black?"

At the end, I made her see that I am just like her, that I had just gone through the same transition she had gone through with the rest of the family.

For those who are currently or think you will be facing this, just hear your parents out, then defend your significant other because YOU'RE the one dating them, not the parents. And keep bringing him/her around because the family will see how good of a person he/she is and they'll gradually shed some light and start to conform to the new addition.

I think it's a bit difficult for traditional parents to accept and conform to American society, and we Asians who were either born or raised here, you find it a wee bit difficult to understand your parent's traditional thoughts.
 
lol...but i get what you're saying...my parents are okay with any asian race and europeans and even spanish people, el salvadorians, etc...but both my parents are so racist towards blacks...lol...i've never dated a black guy, but i know they would totally freak out and all...they just hold the stereotypical views that blacks are lazy, rude, thugs, wife-beaters, criminals, etc... i'm so not proud of this, but i guess some of that sort of rubbed off on me as well...because, thinking back, i've never had black friends all through my childhood, adolescence, and now...i've only had two or three personal acquaintances with black people before and that was through school...but yeah, so i do tend to be kind of scared of them...like if a black guy were walking behind me or something, i would feel cautious and all...
 

solin

sarNie Adult
I totaly understand ! Well...my parents say they are not racist or something like that but the true is that they and their friends are just racist people but who refuse to admit it. Since I could remember, they always have the same discour : black and arabians are bad people who see their wife as an object or use their husband for money, have bad mentality like crime westerns always cheat on their partner soon or later etc. Each time my parent and their friends meet each other they always finish bad-mouth about others people children who date someone who are not asian. And even all asian are not good for them : chineses torture their step-daughter, thai men are cruel (not like in lakorn lol), don't talk about vietnameses it is just imposible to accept etc.
Don't try to make them change their mind if you don't want to be lectured for hours !
My brother dated his french girlfriend for almost 3 years before introduting her to my parents : they were so angry at him ! But with time they have learnt to accept her and even begin to like her because she is really a kind person. But I thing it is possible because she is french but i am sure that is she was black or arabian they won't never accept her.
 

duongchai

sarNie Hatchling
My in law is racist, they are hmong and I am Laos. They hate Laos people so bad that none of my husband side came to the wedding. Anyway my husband and I had been marry for almost 10 years with three boys and I still don't think that they accept me right now. What matter is that you love each other and persue a family of your own, who carte what they think they are not the one living with that person you are.
 

amikrazie

sarNie Oldmaid
oh my duongchai..so sorry to hear that..i hope that they will soon come around...

they have children they will understand that you cant force someone to thinking the way they think...like what if their own children were to love or marry someone they didnt approve of, then what? disown them too?

and yes love does conquer all..and we cant force other to think as we do...some folks are just not that open-minded.
 
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