Trying to Figure Out If I Have Feelings For a Close Guy Friend

[raymond_obsessed]

Okay, so I have this guy friend, that I've known for a very long time...and we were introduced by my cousin because she was trying to set me up with him...but I just didn't like him like that. We still talked and hung out and ended up being really good friends. He's one of the few decent guy friends I have. But in the course of our friendship, I was stuck on this guy...and I think he was starting to date the girl he was going to marry. He's always been there for me, and been someone I've been comfortable to talk to about anything. I can say that he's one of the few who know a lot about me. He's 3 years younger than me, and he was about 18 when I met him, so that's one of the reasons why I didn't want to like him...and I just wasn't interested like that. He got married like, 2 years later, but just split up with her after realizing how two-faced she was with him. So we've been spending a lot more time together than we used to in the course of our 6 year friendship. Before we lived a bit far away, then his wife wouldn't let him see anybody, but he did make time to take me out on my birthday. We live like, 10 minutes away from each other now...and he would bring me soup when I'm sick, or food when I'm hungry...but I didn't see that as anything more than him being a good friend. He's always been someone I've been able to rely on. But the thing is, I spent almost a day with him, he helped me house hunt for my sister, in his city because it's where she wants to live...and I was thinking about the things I told my friends about the kind of guy I want to be with.

Okay, I'm 26 and I still haven't had a boyfriend yet. Not that I wasn't open to it, but because I didn't meet anyone who could meet my standards for the kind of guy I deserve. Before anyone gets skeptical about it...the thing I was thinking about was the characteristics of this guy that I want to be with...and I realized it was him...that my friend had these qualities that I wanted in my boyfriend/husband. I knew for a while, but I just since he was married, I just saw it as hope for myself...that the kind of guy I want to be with actually exists, because my good guy friend is that guy...I also noticed that I was feeling differently around him...But I don't know how to interpret those feelings...I'm thinking that I could possibly like him, only because my whole life, I have always liked someone, not dated, just liked...and at this point, I don't like anyone, so I'm subconsciously trying to like my friend...OR...I have been in denial about my feelings for him this whole time. So I don't know which one it is, and I'm a bit confused.

I just plan to hang out with him as friends, and do and say what I normally would around him...but I just had this thought that I had to get out and get some opinions on.

Also, I have a lot of female friends in my life that tell me that it is close to impossible that I find the kind of guy I want...especially since it is rare to find a guy who isn't sexual...which I am not whatsoever. I really do want to wait until marriage to have sex with my husband, but a guy that wants that is rare...so when they're telling me that this guy I want is impossible, I think of my guy friend...He asked his wife to be his girlfriend because he wanted to marry her, but I guess she felt differently afterward...I just don't want to confuse my admiration for him as a nice guy to be feelings for him...

It just seems weird to me...to know a guy who is the kind of guy I want to be with but because we're such good friends, I don't want to risk losing his friendship. I guess I just solved my own problem...I'd rather have him as my friend than risk losing him...and I don't even know if he even likes me like that, so it doesn't even matter...but I don't know what to do around him. I mean, I want to talk about dating other guys or whatnot, but if I do, and he does like me, then he might think that I couldn't possibly like him...I don't want to ask him about his plans after his divorce either...So I guess I'll just have to wait and see what he chooses to talk about in front of me...and I have to think about what to say in front of him. At least neither one of us has said we see the other person as a brother/sister...I don't know if I want to like him, but at the same time, it's hard not to...

I'm so confused.

 

[ChenrukNote]

It's typical to fall for your opposite sex friend. It only gets weird when the feelings are not reciprocated and one tries to avoid the other. Trust me, I had to avoid one for awhile until he finally got himself a girlfriend that's my cousin LOL and now she's knocked up so we're gonna be relatives. Haha, life is so weird!

For your situation, it sounds to me like you like him. But it can also be due to the fact that you guys are close. Ask yourself do you miss him when he's not there? Think about him throughout the day? Smile when you see his face or hear his voice? If so, that's what people call like. The tricky part is figuring out his feelings for you. If you must know, just ask him so if the feelings are not mutual, at least you know. Good luck!

 

[raymond_obsessed]

Thanks...so far everyone has been telling me the same thing...which is kind of scary...I'm usually really bold with these kinds of things, but with this, I'm terrified, because I don't know what will happen...I don't know what he would say or how he would feel...

 

[pbv]

I think you like him. I think if you think for even a second that you have feelings for him then you probably do. Also if you're really good friends, your friendship should survive if you tell him how you feel. I've known a lot of guys and only guys who liked me have ever done any of those things (soup, food, etc.) Even my girlfriends don't do those things.

If you cant help yourself feeling like this around him, imagine how you'll feel for the rest of your life if you always wonder. I'm not saying go for it now, go ahead and take some time to look for signs from him first but from your story it sounds like he likes you too so if you dont do anything, you're just playing a waiting game.

 

[lovestar]

This sorta happened to me. I liked this guy and he wasa classmate but u sat next to him in class. I was soo anxious to ask him if he liked me but I didn't no when. It was bearing the end of my last year at school so I had to ask him. We were on camp and it was just the two of us walking back to our cabins, so I asked him. He said that we were only friends and that made me upset. Anyways, I'm not sure if u like the guy only u no. There will be at least a day where u feel like u really need to ask him. Besides if he doesn't like u and finds it weird if u asked him that than he is not truly a good friend. A good friend will still be with u no matter what u ask him. Hope things work out and this relationship could be a lakorn

 

[Cupid Candy]

The opposite is happening to me. I think this guy likes me (in fact everyone thinks he likes me) and i just need to prove he likes me.