...i'm thinking how a can begin again...i used to think i was keeping in shape because i wanted to do it for me and i lied to myself because the truth is revealed... i did for her and when i received her letter it ended it all... i'm struggling to figure out how i will continue to be the person i was for her... i lost apart of me when my friend went away...i think i will have trouble finding peace because i accept what will happen...i used to run 5 miles 4 times a week to stay fit and keep a healthy heart and all this time i thought i was doing it for me...its been three weeks and i feel no reason to continue... as i search in vain for a reason to stay young... if i'm healthy i will only endure the pains of failing longer...so i'm thinking of a reason to go on...i think i need to just keep going but my health does not have purpose without someone to drive my heart to go on...i wait and maybe one day soon i will find a reason,,, its just not today... i want to stop being selfish... and thinking of me... my son needs me too at least for a little while longer till i know his future is secure...my job is fast loosing purpose,,, i guess i'm just tired of failing my friends... i breath today and nothing else... i reach down inside of me and put on a smile and pretend everything is ok... the days pass with less heart beats since she went away...
P.S. islu P&J