To me, it was more like she had nothing else to give so all the stuff she gave her son and pim was all she could give. She went way too far down her path, to try and become a good mother or a good wife. I believe it still shows that she learned something. She went from a person who would never give, never cared for anyone else beside herself, to giving her son literally all she had left. Even if that was just blood money. So in a sense, it wasnt the best she could offer her kid, but it was all she could offer him.
Here is everything, translated word for word in the letter, because thats how much this scene made me bawl.
She said to pim, in the letter, “if we could go back in time and be young again, would you still be my friend? Your answer would probably be no. That is the correct answer. But i want you to know, that the thing that is most worthful to me and means most to me, is our friendship. Especially on the days where i had nobody and nothing left, not even my self worth. You were the only who never left my side. Thank you for never giving up on me. In the past, i never did anything for anyone, never thought of anyone else but me. But now, pim and jo is all i think of. I think, what can i do for pim and jo? For jo, i can only try and fix, and can only give him what a woman like me could give to her son. For pim, i cant go back and fix anything. Except for.. sorry. Sorry for everything, sorry for seeing the worth of friendship, too late. Im sorry pim, my dear friend pim.”
Maybe i am just too forgiving. I always end up crying for the n’rais in lakorns no matter how bad their character is when they repent.