My bf/husband I'm not married but live together for 5 years. He's a good man, funny, love/play my family and nieces and nephews. I have a 5 year old niece that slept over at our house several times those times I guided to take a shower for her. But yesterday when I asked her u want to shower she said she'll take a shower with my bf. She probably asked him too and he said yes cuz he loves her, carry her, didn't think anything is wrong. U know when i watch tv about those predators etc it makes me worry and not wanting to trust men. Most of the predators are different race. Asians we hardly have that type that would do that to kids. I asked my niece alone when she's in the room that when u shower with uncle did he wears anything she told me he didn't. She said that when people shower no one wears clothes. I asked my bf if he wears boxer or not he told me he didn't. I kind of say isn't it feel funny cuz she's a little bigger already. He told me she's still young, he didn't think of anything and that I'm making a big deal of it. Am I? What u think?
do u think it's ok/i'm just thinking too much
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lady0fdarkness
Professional Lakorn Watcher
wow.. that's really a tough one. Even if some Asians don't do that, but there are still the ones that do. Perhaps, your boyfriend is honest when he says he didn't think of it as anything, but I personally don't think it's a good idea to let it happen again. Even if its innocent, I think it's just awkward because for one, she is your niece and not his.. and two... what would her parents think? Do they even know? And three, I really don't think it's healthy. I mean, she's 5 years old right? What if she goes to school and tells her friends, or worst her teacher that she showers with her uncle? And the teacher will probably have the wrong idea. So I think(to be on the safe side), bath time should strictly be her time and not hers and your boyfriend's.
raymond_obsessed
Just plain obsessed
That sounds a little creepy...my brothers don't do anything like that with our nieces...plus, since we're Asian, there's even more rules...even though they're blood related, they have never and will never do that, let alone a strange man...my mom won't even let my nieces stay the night at my sister's house because of her husband...so that's really weird, and not normal, or appropriate, even if she is little...I don't let any of my nieces or nephews see me naked, no matter what age they are...it's not like when you're kids and you bathe with your younger siblings...That's a line that shouldn't be crossed, even more so because he's not blood-related...either way, it's just not right.
judyp
sarNie Adult
i agree w/ the girls above. even though he has no intentions to do anything, it's still not right. and again, what her parents think? i wouldn't want my 5 year old showering with an uncle. blood related or not. i think it is something that shouldn't have been done and shouldn't happen again.
KhoOnxNouxWanxJai
Staff member
Please DON'T READ if you don't want to read graphic content
Ahh you know what psychologically it's wrong. Wrong because your niece is in the age where she can start remembering things. At the same time she's at the age where she could make up things. I think this is going to sound a little awkward, but there is such thing as child masturbation
Sorry for posting something that seems inappropriate. It seems like something that should be said .. not saying that anyone would do anything inappropriate but it could damage her or affected her psychologically
Ahh you know what psychologically it's wrong. Wrong because your niece is in the age where she can start remembering things. At the same time she's at the age where she could make up things. I think this is going to sound a little awkward, but there is such thing as child masturbation
So Psychologically your niece will notice the shape and notice the shape .. on her own body... it's unhealthy in ways that she may start getting curious and exploring with other objects.. There has been some instances where infants and children have asked their elder relatives, "what is that and can I touch it." I think that you should stop it because although it's innocent .. the mind is a powerful thing. Your mind can come up with so much to where you can't control it ... especially that of a 5 year old... Your niece may not be one of those infants that was stated in the quote's, but then you never know. My little nieces and nephews bathe with their cousins and even then I supervise them and they bathe with bathing suits .. and then I let them bathe one by one alone afterward..
Sorry for posting something that seems inappropriate. It seems like something that should be said .. not saying that anyone would do anything inappropriate but it could damage her or affected her psychologically
what if he loves her as his own or what if a father and his child bathe together is it wrong? I told my mom and her mom about it they and me don't say anything mostly just laugh about it cuz they don't see any bad intention just that he adores her/kids. But I do think that he should have worn boxer when shower.
KhoOnxNouxWanxJai
Staff member
I mean yeah it's innocent .. and he doesn't have bad intentions. The thing is that how will her mind take it psychologically? He considers her as his own and there is nothing bad about it.. but you have to take in consideration what it will do to her mind. 5 Year old's are starting to learn and pick up things. She may wonder.. question and stuff... so you can't tell what she is thinking. Sure she may not be thinking anything wrong, but you don't know that.. Also you don't know what she it may sound like if she decides to tell her friends or teacher .. There is nothing wrong with him bathing with her but at the least he should wear boxers or something
Eek.
I won't say anything about your boyfriend because I don't know him and even when we think we know someone there's always something we over look. I'll leave that alone, at least you thought about it. That's a good thing on your part.
I've showed with siblings and cousins naked before but we were all very young.
Maybe you're boyfriend didn't think much of it but I mean, he's not a blood relative (trust me, sometimes even blood relatives can't be trusted when it comes to situations like this) and it's just not appropriate for him to shower with your niece. Frankly, it's really not his or your choice in this matter, it's not even your nieces choice, you'll have to talk to her parents about it and see how they feel. They did afterall trust her in your care.
Unless you're a parent and the child is very young. If you're a close relative like aunt or uncle, it's really only appropriate if they're of the same sex and again, still young. If they're a close relative an are the opposite sex, the adult needs to be wearing a bathing suit.
Anyone else that isn't a blood relative shouldn't be showering with the child, especially fully nude. The child is young and doesn't know better, it's the adult's responbility to not expose certain things to a young child. Like I said, non-blood relatives need to talk to the parents about things like this because it's up to the parents more than anything.
Like others have said, it could effect her psychologically and peek her sexual curiousity at an early age. Not saying she'll think of sex or anything, I mean she wouldn't (or shouldn't) even know what sex is but she will get curious about the human sex organ and eventually pick things up too quickly.
Usually anything under the age of 5 is okay because most children don't remember anything before the age of 5. At this age they're starting to comprehend things that's why it can be an issue.
I won't say anything about your boyfriend because I don't know him and even when we think we know someone there's always something we over look. I'll leave that alone, at least you thought about it. That's a good thing on your part.
I've showed with siblings and cousins naked before but we were all very young.
Maybe you're boyfriend didn't think much of it but I mean, he's not a blood relative (trust me, sometimes even blood relatives can't be trusted when it comes to situations like this) and it's just not appropriate for him to shower with your niece. Frankly, it's really not his or your choice in this matter, it's not even your nieces choice, you'll have to talk to her parents about it and see how they feel. They did afterall trust her in your care.
Unless you're a parent and the child is very young. If you're a close relative like aunt or uncle, it's really only appropriate if they're of the same sex and again, still young. If they're a close relative an are the opposite sex, the adult needs to be wearing a bathing suit.
Anyone else that isn't a blood relative shouldn't be showering with the child, especially fully nude. The child is young and doesn't know better, it's the adult's responbility to not expose certain things to a young child. Like I said, non-blood relatives need to talk to the parents about things like this because it's up to the parents more than anything.
Like others have said, it could effect her psychologically and peek her sexual curiousity at an early age. Not saying she'll think of sex or anything, I mean she wouldn't (or shouldn't) even know what sex is but she will get curious about the human sex organ and eventually pick things up too quickly.
Usually anything under the age of 5 is okay because most children don't remember anything before the age of 5. At this age they're starting to comprehend things that's why it can be an issue.
thai-lakorn-fan-forever
sarNie Oldmaid
i agree with all of the above posts that it is inappropriate for your bf to shower in the nude with your 5 years old niece. i don't know, but i would feel highly uncomfortable in your situation just knowing that an adult male is completely naked with a young girl -- period...it doesn't matter whether they're father-daughter, brother-sister, or anything. i mean, i understand that perhaps your bf is just a really caring guy and loves your niece like you do, but no matter what, he should not be showering with her in the nude, and certainly not without your supervision. are your nieces' parents even aware of this? if not, you really should inform them, because, in the end, she is their child, and it is up to them; and if anything were to happen, then you would be held responsible and that would strain your relation with your niece's parents. also, if you don't inform them, then perhaps, one day, your niece would just say something to them about it in passing, and that would make matters really distorted and major.
i know that sometimes parents bathe their young children, etc...like when i was really young, my father would give me baths, but never did he get in the bath with me. i mean, for us, it was a bonding time as well, which i think is the case between your bf and your niece, but a line was drawn. my mother would have found it extremely inappropriate for my father to bathe with me.
yes, your niece will, with age (in a few years) grow more aware of anatomical differences and all, and feel shy and would want to bathe all by herself, but even so, you shouldn't let the situation go on. even as much as i love my bf, i would never fathom allowing him to go into the bathroom with my cousins' daughters, much less stripping naked and showering with them. even i wouldn't, because of the age difference between myself and my cousins' daughters.
your niece is young, so she doesn't realize the danger or inpropriety in the situation, but as adults, both you and your bf should. i urge you to discuss your discomfort with his actions regarding this matter, and to urge him to stop doing so. if they really are attached to their bath time together, then make him put on some boxers or something to cover himself up in your niece's presence...and i suggest that you stay there with them. don't come off as accusatory of your bf or paranoid, but make your grievances clear to him and then suggest your niece's bathtime as time for all three of you...also, perhaps just have your bf bathe her, rather than getting in with her.
i know that sometimes parents bathe their young children, etc...like when i was really young, my father would give me baths, but never did he get in the bath with me. i mean, for us, it was a bonding time as well, which i think is the case between your bf and your niece, but a line was drawn. my mother would have found it extremely inappropriate for my father to bathe with me.
yes, your niece will, with age (in a few years) grow more aware of anatomical differences and all, and feel shy and would want to bathe all by herself, but even so, you shouldn't let the situation go on. even as much as i love my bf, i would never fathom allowing him to go into the bathroom with my cousins' daughters, much less stripping naked and showering with them. even i wouldn't, because of the age difference between myself and my cousins' daughters.
your niece is young, so she doesn't realize the danger or inpropriety in the situation, but as adults, both you and your bf should. i urge you to discuss your discomfort with his actions regarding this matter, and to urge him to stop doing so. if they really are attached to their bath time together, then make him put on some boxers or something to cover himself up in your niece's presence...and i suggest that you stay there with them. don't come off as accusatory of your bf or paranoid, but make your grievances clear to him and then suggest your niece's bathtime as time for all three of you...also, perhaps just have your bf bathe her, rather than getting in with her.
Kina
Dubsteppin'
Yes, I agree with the majority, especially at what Khoun noo wan jai mentioned about the psychology part.
Kids do question, they remember, they learn.
Just a few days ago, my husband's 5 year old came to spend the night - since it was his off day - and he had to leave for class at night, like around 6-ish. My stepson was messing with my computer and was looking through my travel pics, and in my travel pic folder, I had a picture of me in a pink tank top. He said, "Is that your pink bra?" and laughed. I was like "No, Corey, that's my shirt." And immediately, I thought that his mother probably gets naked in front of him or something. And then he pointed to my right boob and said, "You wearing a bra?" with a big child smile and laughed. I was just like, dang, I know he is little and don't know anything, but his mom should stop wearing her undergarments in front of him because he knows what it is. I just told him it wasn't nice to do that and he said "Ok".
My husband doesn't even let his son see him naked in the shower or when he gets out. 5 years old is a mature enough enough age for kids to learn. Why do you think kindergarten starts at 5? Sometimes 4 years old.
Talk to your boyfriend about it. We adult might think kids are kids, but heck, I still remember things from when I was a toddler. So, yeah. Bring it up to him, ensure that you're not afraid of him doing anything to her or anything, but it's just not healthy for kids around her age to view nudity.
Kids do question, they remember, they learn.
Just a few days ago, my husband's 5 year old came to spend the night - since it was his off day - and he had to leave for class at night, like around 6-ish. My stepson was messing with my computer and was looking through my travel pics, and in my travel pic folder, I had a picture of me in a pink tank top. He said, "Is that your pink bra?" and laughed. I was like "No, Corey, that's my shirt." And immediately, I thought that his mother probably gets naked in front of him or something. And then he pointed to my right boob and said, "You wearing a bra?" with a big child smile and laughed. I was just like, dang, I know he is little and don't know anything, but his mom should stop wearing her undergarments in front of him because he knows what it is. I just told him it wasn't nice to do that and he said "Ok".
My husband doesn't even let his son see him naked in the shower or when he gets out. 5 years old is a mature enough enough age for kids to learn. Why do you think kindergarten starts at 5? Sometimes 4 years old.
Talk to your boyfriend about it. We adult might think kids are kids, but heck, I still remember things from when I was a toddler. So, yeah. Bring it up to him, ensure that you're not afraid of him doing anything to her or anything, but it's just not healthy for kids around her age to view nudity.
Thookatha
sarNie Elites
everyone has already spoken my mind. the uncle/niece bathing time needs to stop. it's not about the intentions at this point. the child is at a crucial age in her life where her memory and curiosity is very much heightened just as nong tina (KhoOnxNouxWanxJai) stated. i'm not an expert but i've done research with children of all age groups (for several years)...and i work with children now so i consistently see their habits. they are very imaginative and curious...ESPECIALLY at age 5. she's going to see his "body parts" and remember them. key word is "remember"...forever. need i say more?
BaBeeLaiLai
BaBeeLaiLai
Yeah everyone has already talked and said what needs to be said. I read it to my boyfriend and he said that it was a lil akward too. b I have a six year old niece that he loves and cares about and plays with all the time. She calls him uncle billy and is always over his neck. If one day I found out that my boyfriend showered with my niece...i would probably think the way you did too. So ur not overthinking.