Good Relationship Articles
- Thread starter cecilia
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That is true Mz_Em. There are days when I looked at my husband and wonder how we managed to last 15 years now considering we are the opposite of each other as far as what he likes to do. What he wants in a wife is what I am not lol. But when I asked him does he regret marrying me...he said NO, he thank GOD everyday for me.
Marriage requires one good fundamental from me and that is to compromise. You can never ever always get what you want and you can't change the person you are married to. Trying to change the other person is a costly mistake. You have to get some and give some. Meet each other halfway. Trust me, that took a lot of years for me to learn...cause I love getting things my way. My husband tend to say, I act like a child if I don't get what I want lol. I married young and I knew that I have a lot to learn though. And seriously, I can't stress this out enough, communication is such a tremendous part of a marriage so much so that the marriage would fail if that is not a key part.
I don't care how big the argument is between me and my husband I talk it out and get to the bottom of it. I will tell him exactly how I feel whether he likes it or not. I tell me my husband...if you don't like what I have to say, don't act stupid towards me
Marriage requires one good fundamental from me and that is to compromise. You can never ever always get what you want and you can't change the person you are married to. Trying to change the other person is a costly mistake. You have to get some and give some. Meet each other halfway. Trust me, that took a lot of years for me to learn...cause I love getting things my way. My husband tend to say, I act like a child if I don't get what I want lol. I married young and I knew that I have a lot to learn though. And seriously, I can't stress this out enough, communication is such a tremendous part of a marriage so much so that the marriage would fail if that is not a key part.
I don't care how big the argument is between me and my husband I talk it out and get to the bottom of it. I will tell him exactly how I feel whether he likes it or not. I tell me my husband...if you don't like what I have to say, don't act stupid towards me
Mz_Em
sarNie Juvenile
AND that is why you have been married for 15 years! Congrats! I've been with my hubby for almost 12 years now too, just had our 3rd daughter November last year too...We are polar opposites (I communicate and share my feelings like crazy and he's tight-lipped like a clam!). Lots of compromises. We live this marriage mantra: My time, his time, our time and family time. One cannot lose oneself, if so then we become resentful, insecure about the relationship and cannot accept changes in our partners therefore it makes it harder for us to grow and improve together in our marriage.byebye said:That is true Mz_Em. There are days when I looked at my husband and wonder how we managed to last 15 years now considering we are the opposite of each other as far as what he likes to do. What he wants in a wife is what I am not lol. But when I asked him does he regret marrying me...he said NO, he thank GOD everyday for me.
Marriage requires one good fundamental from me and that is to compromise. You can never ever always get what you want and you can't change the person you are married to. Trying to change the other person is a costly mistake. You have to get some and give some. Meet each other halfway. Trust me, that took a lot of years for me to learn...cause I love getting things my way. My husband tend to say, I act like a child if I don't get what I want lol. I married young and I knew that I have a lot to learn though. And seriously, I can't stress this out enough, communication is such a tremendous part of a marriage so much so that the marriage would fail if that is not a key part.
I don't care how big the argument is between me and my husband I talk it out and get to the bottom of it. I will tell him exactly how I feel whether he likes it or not. I tell me my husband...if you don't like what I have to say, don't act stupid towards me
How lucky...you are Mz_Em little girls are just so adorable. I have 2 boys but would not trade them for the world. My husband never care if we have a girl or not. He said, all he needed was 1 girl in the family and that's me...and also said that is all he can handle. It's too expensive to spoiled more than one girl at a time lol.
Yes, the together time is very important. My husband travels for work and sometimes he takes me with him to places he knows I would love to go. The only problem I hate plane ride. I have such bad luck sitting next to people that smell. Even in first class...one guy took his shoes off the entire flight.
I like it in a way when he travels because it gives me a breathing room and something I need from time to time. You have to give each other space a husband/wife should not be joint to the hips. I love my girls night out because those times I get to have fun and be me, I have taken a trip to Vegas for a girls' out of town trip and those times makes me realized how lucky I am to have a husband that can give me my space when I needed because he trust me enough to let me be.
Totally agree, you can't lose yourself in a marriage or any type of relationship. And I say don't completely change yourself for that person...the risk is never worth the reward.
Yes, the together time is very important. My husband travels for work and sometimes he takes me with him to places he knows I would love to go. The only problem I hate plane ride. I have such bad luck sitting next to people that smell. Even in first class...one guy took his shoes off the entire flight.
I like it in a way when he travels because it gives me a breathing room and something I need from time to time. You have to give each other space a husband/wife should not be joint to the hips. I love my girls night out because those times I get to have fun and be me, I have taken a trip to Vegas for a girls' out of town trip and those times makes me realized how lucky I am to have a husband that can give me my space when I needed because he trust me enough to let me be.
Totally agree, you can't lose yourself in a marriage or any type of relationship. And I say don't completely change yourself for that person...the risk is never worth the reward.
sarN
sarNie Granny
I love shy guys. they are easy to manipulate and abuse as much as my heart desire , I love to tease them and get my way with them as well , so it's your brother that should be warn . us cougar love shy man , we chew them up by the dozen and spit them out when the sugar is drain
KhoOnxNouxWanxJai
Staff member
Link to one I read awhile back
Another
When it comes to relationships, I think I got very lucky when I met my husband. We started off on very bad terms. Heck the first words I said to him were laced with profanity. The odd thing was he decided to send me a friend request anyway? After awhile we just became good friends after talking a few times. We spent years being good friends light flirting here and there. Then the flirting stopped because we both had relationships. Eventually those relationships ended and we were right back where we were. We were friends for a good 3-5 years maybe before we found ourselves both single. I introduced him to one of my closests nong sao's here on AF annnne, and made the HUGE mistake of sending a message to her asking, "So what do you think of him?" It was actually sent to him. Oh my god I was so embarrassed, after that I noticed the flirting got stronger. He finally man uped and asked me to be his gf or "test relationship" if things don't work we go back to being friends like we were before without awkwardness. I was going to say No, cause I was scared lol. I was pretty young at the time. I know by 19 I was married lol. It's been 8 years now and everything between us gets better and better with time. We have our differences, but we always manage to work them out. The biggest key is COMMUNICATION. We say whatever is on our mind no matter what it is. We've talked about it and we don't want to end up breaking up or something and then later along the lines think, "What if I had just told him/her how I felt that day?" Regardless of how negative it is we always just say what is on our mind so the other person can know our perspective.
I know 8 years isn't a long time compared to 10, 20, 30, 50, but it's been 8 years that felt like a year. We are always saying how it felt like just yesterday I cussed him out lol.
My parents are another good example I think, they've been together for a very long time, and every now and then when I go to their place, I still find them napping with the TV on and my dad is holding my mom. Awkward sometimes, but precious at the same time. They do talk all the time, and when they do argue they keep a straight face in front of the kids and then do it later when the kids are asleep and they are alone in their room.
The most important thing I find is that when you have problems it should just stay between the two of you. I would never discuss a huge problem with a friend no matter how close I am with them. Simply because when you are angry you will only tell the bad points and the angry version of it. Your friends will get the wrong impression of the love one and start to resent them. This will lead to issues as if your friends resent your husband/wife they will always say negative things about them to you, and you will start to see the negative things their way.
Another
When it comes to relationships, I think I got very lucky when I met my husband. We started off on very bad terms. Heck the first words I said to him were laced with profanity. The odd thing was he decided to send me a friend request anyway? After awhile we just became good friends after talking a few times. We spent years being good friends light flirting here and there. Then the flirting stopped because we both had relationships. Eventually those relationships ended and we were right back where we were. We were friends for a good 3-5 years maybe before we found ourselves both single. I introduced him to one of my closests nong sao's here on AF annnne, and made the HUGE mistake of sending a message to her asking, "So what do you think of him?" It was actually sent to him. Oh my god I was so embarrassed, after that I noticed the flirting got stronger. He finally man uped and asked me to be his gf or "test relationship" if things don't work we go back to being friends like we were before without awkwardness. I was going to say No, cause I was scared lol. I was pretty young at the time. I know by 19 I was married lol. It's been 8 years now and everything between us gets better and better with time. We have our differences, but we always manage to work them out. The biggest key is COMMUNICATION. We say whatever is on our mind no matter what it is. We've talked about it and we don't want to end up breaking up or something and then later along the lines think, "What if I had just told him/her how I felt that day?" Regardless of how negative it is we always just say what is on our mind so the other person can know our perspective.
I know 8 years isn't a long time compared to 10, 20, 30, 50, but it's been 8 years that felt like a year. We are always saying how it felt like just yesterday I cussed him out lol.
My parents are another good example I think, they've been together for a very long time, and every now and then when I go to their place, I still find them napping with the TV on and my dad is holding my mom. Awkward sometimes, but precious at the same time. They do talk all the time, and when they do argue they keep a straight face in front of the kids and then do it later when the kids are asleep and they are alone in their room.
The most important thing I find is that when you have problems it should just stay between the two of you. I would never discuss a huge problem with a friend no matter how close I am with them. Simply because when you are angry you will only tell the bad points and the angry version of it. Your friends will get the wrong impression of the love one and start to resent them. This will lead to issues as if your friends resent your husband/wife they will always say negative things about them to you, and you will start to see the negative things their way.
As far as friends goes, I will confide in one and that is the one I knew since Kindergarten. I think, the trust level have to be extremely high and you two have to understand that it only goes between the two of you. She has to also trust you with her issues all of them in life for you to turn around and do the same. I tell that one friend everything and goes to her and only her for advice even when I am pissed off at my husband I would tell her what's going on...the good and bad.
The thing is, she never ever take my side if I am in the wrong. She will not tell me something just to make me feel good or right because she is a friend. Actually, most of the times she would tell me that I am wrong and to see it from my husband's side...she always tell me that I am lucky to be in a situation where most women are not. She has met my husband and respect him a lot while she thinks I am crazy most of the time for acting like a child because of some crazy arguments. I honestly, have to have that one true friend to talk to because there are times I think I am right a lot when talking to her she'll put it in perspective and let me ponder on the situation at hand and I tend to walk away realizing, maybe it is my fault
The thing is, she never ever take my side if I am in the wrong. She will not tell me something just to make me feel good or right because she is a friend. Actually, most of the times she would tell me that I am wrong and to see it from my husband's side...she always tell me that I am lucky to be in a situation where most women are not. She has met my husband and respect him a lot while she thinks I am crazy most of the time for acting like a child because of some crazy arguments. I honestly, have to have that one true friend to talk to because there are times I think I am right a lot when talking to her she'll put it in perspective and let me ponder on the situation at hand and I tend to walk away realizing, maybe it is my fault
KhoOnxNouxWanxJai
Staff member
You're lucky to have a friend like that lol. My best friends would immediately start blaming him for everything
Good thing me and my husband tend to work out our problems right away after we fight, we both give each other some space and then he'll come over and start bothering me and asking me what I'm doing and apologize, and I'll apologize. The way we both see it is, it doesn't matter who is right or wrong, but both of us overacted at some point that why we got into the argument, so we both apologize and its a mutual understanding that we both acknowledge we were both wrong to some degree. It's not who is more wrong than who, but both of us were wrong in some way.
You know the weird thing is I never understand why he always wants to be so close to me all the time. (He works 18+ hours a day). When I would watch lakorns he would on the tv next to me and make me hold his hand while we both watch our own thing. If I'm doing homework I'm at the desk and he lays in bed beside the desk while I do my homework. Then he went out of town for 2 weeks, and I realized how much I missed having his presence around. Now if we're apart for more than a day or so we give each other this big hug when we finally see each other. My friends tell me this makes them sick because its been 8 years and we should be out of this phase by now
Good thing me and my husband tend to work out our problems right away after we fight, we both give each other some space and then he'll come over and start bothering me and asking me what I'm doing and apologize, and I'll apologize. The way we both see it is, it doesn't matter who is right or wrong, but both of us overacted at some point that why we got into the argument, so we both apologize and its a mutual understanding that we both acknowledge we were both wrong to some degree. It's not who is more wrong than who, but both of us were wrong in some way.
You know the weird thing is I never understand why he always wants to be so close to me all the time. (He works 18+ hours a day). When I would watch lakorns he would on the tv next to me and make me hold his hand while we both watch our own thing. If I'm doing homework I'm at the desk and he lays in bed beside the desk while I do my homework. Then he went out of town for 2 weeks, and I realized how much I missed having his presence around. Now if we're apart for more than a day or so we give each other this big hug when we finally see each other. My friends tell me this makes them sick because its been 8 years and we should be out of this phase by now
Awww...that is sweet. When you love each other no phase should ever be out.
Me and my husband argue a lot, and I know most of the times it's me having a hard time giving him the last word. He has one of the weirdest sense of humor and it took me about 10 years to get used to it and still am getting used to it Unfortunately, for me I am not always the bigger person even if I am at fault. He apologized to me even if he knows I am in the wrong. It takes a lot for me to say I am sorry lol. He knows that...so when we argue he'll give me my space. Depending on the argument though sometimes it takes about 3 days. But eventually, he'll come around and talk to me first. I can go on forever ignoring him if I have to, that's something I try to change but haven't successfully do so yet.
I didn't date my husband but just married him and I think a lot of our problems come from that, the getting to know each other part was really rough. I always tell him, if we had a chance to date I would not have married him because we are two different people in almost every aspects of our lives. I love him now because he is a wonderful father and a husband that pretty much give me the life that I have now...but if I was to actually date before marriage I don't we would have happened.
I have 2 friends that I knew since Kindergarten but only one I go to with issues. The other one, only if I want a good laugh or something. I love my friend and trust her because she always make me feel good after I talk to her. She doesn't judge or anything but give an honest opinion. I try to do the same to her, but mine doesn't always work because I am biased. I always take her side...always lol
Me and my husband argue a lot, and I know most of the times it's me having a hard time giving him the last word. He has one of the weirdest sense of humor and it took me about 10 years to get used to it and still am getting used to it
Unfortunately, for me I am not always the bigger person even if I am at fault. He apologized to me even if he knows I am in the wrong. It takes a lot for me to say I am sorry lol. He knows that...so when we argue he'll give me my space. Depending on the argument though sometimes it takes about 3 days. But eventually, he'll come around and talk to me first. I can go on forever ignoring him if I have to, that's something I try to change but haven't successfully do so yet.I didn't date my husband but just married him and I think a lot of our problems come from that, the getting to know each other part was really rough. I always tell him, if we had a chance to date I would not have married him because we are two different people in almost every aspects of our lives. I love him now because he is a wonderful father and a husband that pretty much give me the life that I have now...but if I was to actually date before marriage I don't we would have happened.
I have 2 friends that I knew since Kindergarten but only one I go to with issues. The other one, only if I want a good laugh or something. I love my friend and trust her because she always make me feel good after I talk to her. She doesn't judge or anything but give an honest opinion. I try to do the same to her, but mine doesn't always work because I am biased. I always take her side...always lol
sarN
sarNie Granny
KhoOnxNouxWanxJai said:You're lucky to have a friend like that lol. My best friends would immediately start blaming him for everything
Good thing me and my husband tend to work out our problems right away after we fight, we both give each other some space and then he'll come over and start bothering me and asking me what I'm doing and apologize, and I'll apologize. The way we both see it is, it doesn't matter who is right or wrong, but both of us overacted at some point that why we got into the argument, so we both apologize and its a mutual understanding that we both acknowledge we were both wrong to some degree. It's not who is more wrong than who, but both of us were wrong in some way.
You know the weird thing is I never understand why he always wants to be so close to me all the time. (He works 18+ hours a day). When I would watch lakorns he would on the tv next to me and make me hold his hand while we both watch our own thing. If I'm doing homework I'm at the desk and he lays in bed beside the desk while I do my homework. Then he went out of town for 2 weeks, and I realized how much I missed having his presence around. Now if we're apart for more than a day or so we give each other this big hug when we finally see each other. My friends tell me this makes them sick because its been 8 years and we should be out of this phase by now
girl, i remember when you were married . you mention it all the time in the early days of sarnworld , in forum, chatroom, dj radio
you were still in school too but decided to marry anyway and back then I even thought you were too young to start such a big role . Now , 8 years later you still around the fourm to update your marriage life and i'm glad it work out because I had thought about you from time to time but never have a chance to say it til now , even when i was living oversea I thought about some of the member on sarnworld as well , since i have no access to the internet my brain/mind was the only source of entertainment HAhaha ...
KhoOnxNouxWanxJai
Staff member
sarN said:
girl, i remember when you were married . you mention it all the time in the early days of sarnworld , in forum, chatroom, dj radio
I think everyone thought I was too young lol. I had some friends in real life that stopped talking to me because they think I was making a huge mistake. At that time it upset me, but as time passed, I was like.. If they really cared about me even if they aren't supportive of my decision they wouldn't just stop talking to me over it. Things were kind of hard in the beginning because we had to adjust to being a couple rather than friends, but I think that is the territory with all relationships. Eventually after we got over it things got better. Many people are still surprised it worked out lol, alot of people thought it would fail within the first year because we were so young. Surprisingly only my parents had faith in it, my dad was like, "I know you and how you are. If you make a big decision like that it is because you feel like you're ready and can handle it. I still think you're too young, but if you made your decision you're an adult already I can't tell you no, we're your family whatever happens we'll be here for you either way. If it doesn't work then you can take it as a lesson. It's a big lesson to learn, but I can't always tell you what to do, as long as he doesn't beat you, cheat on you, and he treats you with respect then I won't have to kill him."
He said something along those lines I still remember alot of it vividly because my dad and me have never been "conversation" type children and parent. When he has a big conversation with me I tend to remember alot of the details.
sarN
sarNie Granny
byebye said:Awww...that is sweet. When you love each other no phase should ever be out.
Me and my husband argue a lot, and I know most of the times it's me having a hard time giving him the last word. He has one of the weirdest sense of humor and it took me about 10 years to get used to it and still am getting used to it
I didn't date my husband but just married him and I think a lot of our problems come from that, the getting to know each other part was really rough. I always tell him, if we had a chance to date I would not have married him because we are two different people in almost every aspects of our lives. I love him now because he is a wonderful father and a husband that pretty much give me the life that I have now...but if I was to actually date before marriage I don't we would have happened.
I have 2 friends that I knew since Kindergarten but only one I go to with issues. The other one, only if I want a good laugh or something. I love my friend and trust her because she always make me feel good after I talk to her. She doesn't judge or anything but give an honest opinion. I try to do the same to her, but mine doesn't always work because I am biased. I always take her side...always lol
how old are your kids ? i can never marry someone whom i haven't date ! how would i know if he fart in bed or use the room w/o closing the door ? I do ask those question to man i date you know HAha
My kids are 10 and 6. We started late. That is why I said, I don't think we would have married if we dated lol. He does stuff that I think is just gross while he thinks it's nothing. He never get grossed out by anything. For one, I never ever clean the toilet. He does that...we have 3 bathrooms so if one gets dirty I go to the other one until my husband cleans it.
He had a major surgery a couple of years ago...had to wear a brace around his chest to keep himself straight and all that good stuff. I used the toilet and clogged it up and the water was everywhere...yucky stuff started floating around lol. I screamed and jumped into the bathtub. My husband came to the bathroom and asked what is going on. Well, I had him get down on his nands and knees to clean the toilet and I have the nerve to peak from the curtain to ask if it's clean for me to get out.
My husband said...I can't believe you make me clean the toilet after I almost died from the surgery Yeah, to think about it..it goes both ways...I don't think we would marry each other cause honestly...I am the opposite of who he wants as well. He wants the typical Asain obedient girl and I am not even close to that...not even lol
He had a major surgery a couple of years ago...had to wear a brace around his chest to keep himself straight and all that good stuff. I used the toilet and clogged it up and the water was everywhere...yucky stuff started floating around lol. I screamed and jumped into the bathtub. My husband came to the bathroom and asked what is going on. Well, I had him get down on his nands and knees to clean the toilet and I have the nerve to peak from the curtain to ask if it's clean for me to get out.
My husband said...I can't believe you make me clean the toilet after I almost died from the surgery
Yeah, to think about it..it goes both ways...I don't think we would marry each other cause honestly...I am the opposite of who he wants as well. He wants the typical Asain obedient girl and I am not even close to that...not even lol
sarN
sarNie Granny
o' you are horrible :whatever: the poor man ~~~ I would probably on my hand and knee worshiping my future husband hahaha that is ...if he the young man i so desire, i would spoon feed him bed , wash his clothes , cook his food and lord forgive me if i have sin but do give me a good lover , if he wishes i'll have all the babies he want ! I"m a good catch !
KhoOnxNouxWanxJai
Staff member
Lol not yet! I got married young so it would have been reckless to have kids at a young age. We both still had things to figure out in life. Save up financially so we can be financially able to raise kids. I don't want to have to depend on anyone for help financially if I get into issues with it. Now we both have a decent savings and everything is going well for us (minus I'm still in school), but if I had a kid now I wouldn't feel so scared because alot of the financial aspects are readysarN said:
sarN
sarNie Granny
that's good! kids expensive ! i do want kids. i want 4 like my parent . 2 boys & 2 girls. call me a slut but i once had a dream i will have muti race kids from 4 different guys no no no -- but i think i will have mix race kids though because asian is rare here hahaa , my parent said I can have whom ever i wishes since i'm past the age they need to worry but do not get w/ a black man , they so against it , to me it doesn't matter what background you are , shoot right now i'm flirting w/ this Pakistan who open a western union/food market two door from my tattoo shop and i been going there to buy candy for the last 5 days. I ask him out this morning and he said no . Crazy dude, he just don't know how good a catch I am :bhehe: , now to get even I'm going to harass him everyday.
no no no -- but i think i will have mix race kids though because asian is rare here hahaa , my parent said I can have whom ever i wishes since i'm past the age they need to worry but do not get w/ a black man , they so against it , to me it doesn't matter what background you are , shoot right now i'm flirting w/ this Pakistan who open a western union/food market two door from my tattoo shop and i been going there to buy candy for the last 5 days. I ask him out this morning and he said no . Crazy dude, he just don't know how good a catch I am :bhehe: , now to get even I'm going to harass him everyday.
Mz_Em
sarNie Juvenile
SHARING THIS LOVELY POEM:
"I hope that someday you find someone that gives you butterflies the moment you meet them. And that the first time you touch, it feels like electricity is running through your body. I hope that when you’re with them, you never want to leave. I hope you are the first and last thing they think about every day. I hope you play it cool in front of people, but can’t keep your hands off each other in private. I hope that when you give them your heart, they don’t break it. I hope that the things they tell you aren’t just things you want to hear, but things they want to say. I hope that you fit in their arms better than the last piece of a puzzle, and that you always feel safe when they hold you. I hope that when you fight, you fight hard, but that when you love, you love harder. I hope that once you find them, you can’t picture your life without them. I hope that they take your breath away. I hope that, together, you create happiness. I hope that with them, you’re not afraid of the future, but excited for it. I hope that, every day, they tell you how much they love you. I hope that when you find them, you realize it before it’s too late. I hope that you take them and love them and never let them go. I hope you find it.
~Lauren M. Smith
THE ROMANTIC IN ME...I FOUND IT!!!! BUT AGAIN HAPPILY EVERY AFTER TAKES A LOT OF WORK, APPRECIATION AND COMMITMENT TO EACH OTHER!!!!
"I hope that someday you find someone that gives you butterflies the moment you meet them. And that the first time you touch, it feels like electricity is running through your body. I hope that when you’re with them, you never want to leave. I hope you are the first and last thing they think about every day. I hope you play it cool in front of people, but can’t keep your hands off each other in private. I hope that when you give them your heart, they don’t break it. I hope that the things they tell you aren’t just things you want to hear, but things they want to say. I hope that you fit in their arms better than the last piece of a puzzle, and that you always feel safe when they hold you. I hope that when you fight, you fight hard, but that when you love, you love harder. I hope that once you find them, you can’t picture your life without them. I hope that they take your breath away. I hope that, together, you create happiness. I hope that with them, you’re not afraid of the future, but excited for it. I hope that, every day, they tell you how much they love you. I hope that when you find them, you realize it before it’s too late. I hope that you take them and love them and never let them go. I hope you find it.
~Lauren M. Smith
THE ROMANTIC IN ME...I FOUND IT!!!! BUT AGAIN HAPPILY EVERY AFTER TAKES A LOT OF WORK, APPRECIATION AND COMMITMENT TO EACH OTHER!!!!