Why is it so hard to let go?

[yingerbug]

Why is it so hard to let go of someone you like who dont even like you or just see you as a friend?
**> My friend asked me why I just cant let go of this person and my response was that I thought i could change him for the better and hope that i can make him see that there is more then he sees life the way he does. I told her that Ive let go but cant just cut all strings like that, it takes time. Why dont people understand that. :lmao:

 

[ChenrukNote]

They don't understand because they have never been there before. If they have, they would know how it feels and how hard it is to forget. Every thing takes time but sometimes time can make it worse too and especially if you can't stop thinking about that person. Since he doesn't like you the way that you do, why do you have to hurt yourself by making him a priority in your life? As my friend once said, "don't make someone a priority that only makes you an option." I hope that explains it and I hope you will learn to forget and your friend will learn to be more accepting and understanding!

 

[donna]

its hard to let go cuz your heart got placed way too deep in the relationship. eventually the feelings will fade but it will never go away. and this i know cuz i still have those feelings eventhough i know nothing can happen. just mark it up as a lesson to learn from and something to draw experience from when u meet someone new. time will decrease the pain but u will never forget.

some people don't understand cuz they have never experienced it for themselves. they will be in the same predicament as you when it happens to them.

 

[KhoOnxNouxWanxJai]

I agree with mizterkevin you can't expect anyone to change, but on the other hand don't think of this as a discouragement its just a alternative solution.. maybe he doesn't wanna change because he isn't ready to change? I mean in a two way relationship both sides have to give their sacrifices... I know with my situation... me and my bf we met each other half way... he knows i'm committed to him becaus I was willing to change some things and he was willing to change somethings. So in your case just think that you can do better.. because most definately there will be someone else who is willing to change for u ... and I definately understand how you feel about not being able to let go .. but u don't have to.. u can keep just the things ab him that makes u happy... the bad don't forget it, but don't think about it so it can hurt u ... ...

 

[Julie_Yang]

Because u like that person soo much..it seems like it'll be a loss if you let that person go. Sadly. I've had my share of that situation, i dont want anymore..but i probably will have one of those feelings again very soon. You just feel like..what if that person really did like you but was just afraid to show it..and u finally let go..and u find that out..wouldn't you regret?

 

[ChaosAngelz]

because it takes time for the heart to heal. they say the human body is one fine art it can heal it self over time but some people just dont understand what time is so i guess thats one she/he (your friend) doesn't think that you are starting to let go.

It takes love to heal love MUAHHAHAHAHAHA i love my cheesiness lol well what im trying to say is its hard now because you dont have anyone else right now too so it will take time ^. -

good luck ^. -

 

[yingerbug]

"don't make someone a priority that only makes you an option."

I like this quote! Really makes sense, and so true cant make them your first. I like all you buddies inputs... Makes me think twice about everything. Slowly letting go, and cutting all friendship ties with this person because he thinks that i am emotional unstable. <_< -_- I just laugh about it anywaise. If i was like he said, i think i would kill myself already, i wouldnt want to waste lots of time on him anywaise. There are better options out there and better guys who are actually single and not divorced. kekeke...

 

[noungning]

ok, i agree with tina. but i also agree with many people. i was once stuck in that situation of yours, i liked someone that i thought i can change, he had me thinking i may, but yet it was just false hope i was holding on for a very long time. it hurted more than anything to let him go because i always had that doubt in the back of my mind saying "what if i hold on a little more things will change?" but time after time, i've told myself, and he's still doing the same things, leading me on with false hopes.

until i met my present bf, he isn't the best human being on this planet's surface but he's willing to do many things to improve himself. some people varies, you might have major changes you want from him, is it personality changes, or behavior changes, everything is hard. the first change he was willing to take for me is to stop smoking, and for me i consider that a big change, and i'm not just demanding but it's in exchange for my own behaviors also, so it's like tina said, we are meeting each other half way. he stops something for me, i'll do something for him. but i can't just go in and expect him to be a new person because he's now with me, no... i've decided to call him my boy friend because it's him, not because of the way he looks, not the way he dresses, or not even because of rather does he, or does he not smoke. i guess the point is, if you're looking for a specific type of person then find that person, don't find someone who you expect will change to what you want because that won't happen unless that person loves you with all their heart.

 

[noungning]

lol gosh kev such a bad advisor.

ppl have choices and options don't give leads!

 

[jensen]

BECAREFUL SENSITIVE PEOPLE, READING THIS POST WILL MAKE U FALL ASLEEP !!! Lol

What can i add to all people told you ? they are wonderful and found the right words… I can only tell you that I understand what you feel, cos I’ve been the same.

There are people who didn’t understand why I couldn’t let him go, I think it’s becos they were not me and not in my situation, plus there are people who don’t have the same vision of relationships. Some friends of mine don’t pay much attention and break up each time there’s something they can’t stand and look for someone else.

But when u have deep feelings for someone, it is different. It’s not ur mind which decides but ur heart, and it doesn’t ask for a reason. You know, u love someone not becos of his qualities : he’s smart, handsome, rich …(maybe that counts for some people I dunno lol), but when u love it’s all about feelings. U can love a nice guy like u can love a jerk lol.

And when u believe deeply in a relationship or the feelings u have for someone, you tend to do all to make it works, despite of the difficulties, which seem meaningless compared to the wonderful relationship u think u both can live together. But a relationship can last only if both of you make concessions.

But when the one you love refuses to change, there’s nothing you can do, except accepting him as he is, with his good and bad points. You know we have all our own rythmn. There are things which seem
obvious to you but won’t be yet for him, so the one thing u can do is give him time. Give him time to ‘grow’, find his way, etc…

I know that sometimes it’s annoying for you when people tell u to give up, that time will mend ur heart, etc…but I understand that’s not easy to do. You won’t forget him, cos I don’t think it’s possible to erase a part of ur life, and you don’t need to do that to feel better. Just keep in ur heart and mind the good memories of the past. Keep the pains u endured, as a lesson of life, cos we all learn from them and mistakes in the past, to do better in the future, and I know with all, u will be much stronger.

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG…………Sorry people, me was too long lol………I fall asleep while writing that too lol…………..My apologizes hehe

 

[marduk]

Excuse me while I try to wake up because of the last post....

Anyway, I'm not really sure what this thread is about. I couldn't tell if you were in a relationship and then broke up or if it was just unrequited love. But there was something that struck out at me. Now...Imma say this and I hope it doesn't sound mean....

What the hell is up with women?

Like...why do women think that "he won't change" is a good reason for moving on? If a guy is a certain way, then you probably know that going into the relationship. Why go into the relationship expecting he'll change? I mean, I'm sure if you don't like the guy anymore, yah, you can break up with him. But using a reason like "you haven't grown up" is kinda weaksauce. It reminds me of a quote I know.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

 

[beamsgirl]

I'm currently in this situation...and it really sucks that I know he doesn't care for me but I just can't let go of my feelings...my brother told me, never pick up something that you can't put back down...i'm like, how the hell was I to know i was gonna hold on this tight? i don't know, though i'm in this situation right now, i have no idea to answer this...i guess people can't let go cause they just can't...i think this is not something to question...cause there's no answer...but it really sucks...but i'm satisfyed that that person has someone who feels so strongly towards them and will do a lot for them and i'm glad that that someone is me...

Because u like that person soo much..it seems like it'll be a loss if you let that person go. Sadly. I've had my share of that situation, i dont want anymore..but i probably will have one of those feelings again very soon. You just feel like..what if that person really did like you but was just afraid to show it..and u finally let go..and u find that out..wouldn't you regret?

my god!!! that's me right there! i'm so scared to tell him and so scared to let go...he makes me feel like that, like he likes me but scared to tell me directly so he's giving off signs...but at other times it's like he DOESN'T KNOW ME AT ALL! is all this really worth it?

 

[noungning]

marduk i agree, therefore i go for ppl who loves me and he changes for the better without me asking!!!

um beamsgirl, like i said, when you are in those situations, u always build false sense of hope for yourself. i'm not bringing you down, but when he finds that person that is THE one, you will be only on standby mode.

 

[ChenrukNote]

Excuse me while I try to wake up because of the last post....

Anyway, I'm not really sure what this thread is about. I couldn't tell if you were in a relationship and then broke up or if it was just unrequited love. But there was something that struck out at me. Now...Imma say this and I hope it doesn't sound mean....

What the hell is up with women?

Like...why do women think that "he won't change" is a good reason for moving on? If a guy is a certain way, then you probably know that going into the relationship. Why go into the relationship expecting he'll change? I mean, I'm sure if you don't like the guy anymore, yah, you can break up with him. But using a reason like "you haven't grown up" is kinda weaksauce. It reminds me of a quote I know.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

LOL! I like ur quote about the man and woman thing!!! So funny but true, as i have seen around married couples!!!
P.S. women just want to be pampered! We look for something, find it, think its right, then look for more! LOL!!! I dunno if everybody agrees with me but that is how I am so i am speaking from experience. end of story!!!

 

[pleang sney]

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

:spin: does it mean then that if i marry with someone he won't change for me...? :lmao: so sad :lmao: ....
but hmm i'm sure that everyone can change if we really want that..then just :arrg: .....
But hmm this is true what Jensen say...still u can close ur heart and let someone go because it's always a good thing and the better way to choose for him and u.. ..especially when u see that u couldn't change him....let him go..and it will help him....even if it will make u sad and hurt ur heart....but this is the fate.... ^_^

 

[KhoOnxNouxWanxJai]

bleh everyone give such good advices, but I think the main thing is to always remember yourself .. are you yourself happy with the change? or happy with who your changing him into? like for me I had that happen .. when I was telling my current bf to change for me I realized he's not himself he's what I want him to be so thats why we came to the agreement of meeting each other 50 percent of the way ...

 

[Julie_Yang]

iono either..
i'm at that current situation.

 

[lil_babe]

the feeling you have for them is what is hard for you to let go at least i think it is

 

[triANGgo]

Hmm if i do say something it's like repeating what others has said before...but who cares.. it's lek, i can say or repeat what i want...lmfao

I believe the reason why it's so hard to to let go is cause your still emotionally attached to them, it maybe cause of many reasons but then i'm to lazy to explain atm, it'll be just too too long.................... anyways it takes time after a heartache, u cant force yourself to stop like'n that person cause you've done or told so much already......just breathe in breathe out and slowly take it how it is........only time will heal the pain and sometimes when u do think it's pain...it might not be as bad after all.............take my advice............."Dont Pour Your Heart Out To Someone You Barely Known or Trust, Cause It'll Just Be A Waste Of Time If They Dont Feel That Same Way Towards You"!!!!!!!! Learn from your mistakes and you'll be alrighty, just prevent this from happening if u dont want a heartache but then again YOU CAN'T CONTROL YOURSELF FROM FEELING THAT WAY TOWARDS THAT PERSON CAUSE WE ARE HUMAN, WE'RE DUMB..nah j/p................Thanks <_< :arrg: :loool:

 

[ijohn]

...i would like to say it's hard to let go of someone because it is... but the story of my life is for all the things said friends are true friends till i make a mistake and then they let go... and let me fall for their own strength...and when i fall i find i have to pick myself up...and stand on my own...i believe the true measure of friends is not that we accept them on the good days only but that we stand by them when they make a mistake...i'm not perfect but i do believe there is a friend that someday will help me get up when i fall,,, because i'm getting tired of life and all the promises made to me and how easy it is for people to let go of me...when i have stood for them even when they have let go of everything... why is it so hard to stand by me... i guess its easier to let go of me because i'm not perfect... i do have a problem of letting go---of life!!!i always find the strength to pick myself up when i fall because nobody will,,, but for all the time i have lived i'm just breathing and there’s no music to my words when i say the true test of being a good friend is accepting me when i'm at my worst even if its for just one day... because i would walk the halls of hell and have for my friends if only they would just stay a little bit longer when i fall... promises made are like the winds that bring the rain when they leave...what happen to me is i'm not perfect but i'm my own worst enemy because i breath...