It's weird to think that I'm still alive. Breathing, inhaling and exhaling the contaminated air surrounding us. Here, sitting in front of the white computer screen; clueless. There's this white canvas appearing on the screen, waiting for a writer to paint it with colourful writings. Yet, she's still hesitating. Life taught her many things yet the only thing she could remember was: Not everyone in this world is given a soulmate. No, rephrase .. she's the unwanted one. The one who shall never meet her soulmate .. far from being able to fall in love anymore. She fell into the abyss of her soul, lost. Still procastinating of her past. Foolish.
I am the foolish girl. Who am I? Why am I writing this? Let's just say, I'm merely an unknown in this world. A loner .. a foolish, pathethic, unknown .. loner.
This is a story of a girl, who never understand the meaning of -- love.
Year 1999
"Are you sure you want to do this alone, dear?"
"Yep! I'm 9 years old already you know! Big enough to take care of myself!"
"Hahaha .. ok then. Here's your school fee. Remember to past it to your teacher later .. do you know where your class is?"
"Of course I do .. you worry too much mummy! It's that one right??"
A little girl, used one of her finger and pointed to a direction. A classroom with the name 3A.
"Is it that one .. mummy?"
"Gosh, mummy's lil girl is such a smarty pants!"
"Hehehe .. of course I am! Bye mummy!"
"Wait, give mummy a kiss on the cheek first .. please?"
Being quite short for her age, her mother kneeled down. She jumped a little and planted a kiss on her mother's cheek.
"Bye mummy!!!"
"Remember, I'll be outside waiting for you when school's over!"
"Ok .. ok .."
Using her two tiny feet, with such a huge backpack covering almost her whole body .. she marched down the hall and went into her classroom.
"Why hello there little girl."
"Hi!"
"Are you one of the student here?"
"Yes!"
"Hahaha, that's good. You're such a bubbly girl .."
"Everyone said that. Hehe! Thanks!!"
"Your welcome."
"Teacher .. my mummy said .. I have to past this money to you."
"School fees?"
"Yep!"
"What's your name?"
"My name is Raihan but you can call me An."
"Alright then An, please take a seat. Class is going to start soon you know .."
"Okie!"
That little girl gave out such a wide smile, she showed the row of yellow teeths she had to her teacher. She was a lazy girl when it comes to brushing her teeth. Knowing how short she was, she went and sat at a table at the front row. The tables on the classroom was arranged that it comes in a pair. She was wondering, who's going to be the one sitting next to her. Still thinking, suddenly someone gave her a pat on her shoulder.
"Hey .."
"Err .. Hi! You gave me a shock thats now .. gee .."
"I'm sorry .. I just wanted to say 'hi'.. "
"Ok then, let's start all over again .. HI!"
"Hahaha .. HI! your a funny girl..by the way, I'm sitting beside you .."
"I know .. hehe .. my name is Raihan but you can call me An .. what's yours?"
"Wow .. that's fast. My name is Kevin."
"Ke-what? Gosh, I don't like to call you that .. can I call you KK instead .. way cooler!"
"Hahaha .. fine fine."
Time passes by so fast. During that one whole year, the only thing that little girl look forward to was to go to school. Not to study of course, she's not really the studious type. She just can't bare to not see her best friend for even a day. Despite her young age, she knew she had a crush towards him. Towards her KK. Both of them were the class clowns. they love pranking people and not to mention how talkative they were. Every minute spedning time with each other was like in heaven. The happiness didn't last long though, KK had to move to another school later that year.
"I'll miss having you in school KK .." She started sobbing when they were eating in the school's canteen.
"Me too .."
"Will we ever meet again?"
"I-I don't know .. but I promise! I will call you everyday!"
"Everyday?"
"Yep, pinky swear with me .. An?"
"Uhm .. KK .. you'll always be my best friend .. always."
Though after KK moved to another school, they did continue contacting each other like they promised before. But it never lasted for long. Soon, he just stop calling her and that makes the little girl so depressed during her young age. She started to rebel. She islanded her friend for quite some time and became quite a naughty girl herself. Maybe it was too much for her to handle during that time. Family problems .. studies .. then KK. She managed to heal though. She told herself it was just puppy love. Things which weren't meant to be. Or so she think ..
Year 2003
"Wow, can't believe you're finally in secondary school now .."
"Haha .. me too. Our little baby grown up so fast eh?"
"Mummy!Papa! You're embarassing me .. urgh .."
"Oh come on .. can't take a little joke .. you'll always be our baby .."
"Fine fine fine .."
"Here's your school fee .."
"Thanks ma!"
"Ok then, see you later k .. luv you."
"Byeee.."
"Are you forgetting something now little girl.."
"Oh yea .. kiss!"
She's grown a little taller from before. Maybe because she just got her puberty recently. She don't need to jump anymore nor do her mother need to kneel down. She kissed her mother and off she went into her new school, her whole new life.
"Wow .. look at this school. It's so huge .. I'm going to love it .."
She gaze upon her new school. She walked across the huge hall and reached her class room, 1B. There was woman sitting at one end of the classroom, that must be her class teacher. She went to register her name and paid her fees.
"Ok then. It's settled. Please take your seat."
"Thanks teacher .."
Again, being the shortest among all of her classmates. She went and sit at the front row again. It was a happy atmosphere though. She knew most of her classmates.
"Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN"
"Yo Suzanne! Oh my god .. most of us are in the same class!"
"I KNOW! Isn't that cool?!?"
"Wahhh .. Adam .. Shah .. Sheh Ping .. Isaac .. cool!"
"You're forgetting me .."
Suddenly she heard a voice coming from the back. She didn't noticed it at first. Since the boys were too noisy at the back. That was when she's shocked.
".. KK?"
"Yep! I miss you little girl!"
"Right .."
"I'm sorry for not contacting you .. I got my reasons though .."
".."
"Ahhh .. I hate the quiet An .. forgive me pleaseeeeee??"
".."
"Pretty pretty pretty pleaseeeeee??"
"Urgh .. ok .. ok .. you're still as annoying as EVER!"
"Hehe, thanks. Can I sit beside you again, milady?"
"Yes, with one condition."
"Eh?"
"Don't ever leave me again .. k?"
"I promise."
Year 2007
This time, he really sticked to his words. There were classmates for the whole 5 years. They sat together, laugh together and study together. This time, there was no turning back. She knew what had happened already. She's in love with her first love, again. For the whole 5 years she lept her feelings to herself. Worried that if her feelings was known, he might just reject her. Then, their relationship would be awkward .. they won't be best buddies anymore. She was afraid. But, like every other girl, she yearn to be loved .. to be in a relationship. They were now, 17 years old. Finally, in their last year as seniors in their highschool .. she was brave enough to tell him.
"KK .. ever since we were 9 .. I knew that you're the one I would really want to be with .. not as best buddies but .."
".."
"I-I love yo--"
"Stop!"
"Eh?"
"I'm sorry .. I truly am .. but I'm not the one for you .. sorry."
".."
Without giving any explanation, he left her all alone. She was sobbing, crying .. she felt stupid. She never really hated him though. Love must truly be blind. Days later, she found out from her friend that .. he was actually going out with a girl. His girlfriend was actually one of An's best friend. Her heart shattered. They never revealed their relationship to An because they were worried it might hurt her. What difference does it make now?? What?? She's hurt more than ever. She felt like a fool telling a boy who's already with a girlfriend, that she love him.
Year 2009
She was still lying down on her bed. Tired after attending classes the whole day in her university. She was taking law. Suddenly her phone rang.
"Hello?Who's there??"
"Pee-ka-boo!"
"Err .."
"Hey An .. Isaac here!"
"Heyyyy ISAAC!!!"
"Long time no see .. miss you. Miss your perv-ness aswell!"
"Gosh .. of all the thing you miss me Isaac .. I'm innocent!"
"Hahaha .. right. Anyways .. just to inform you .. we're having class reunion soon .. this weekend .."
"Oh."
"You don't seem excited at all An .. why?"
".. hey .. i-is KK going to be there??"
"Erm, yeah .. why?"
"Nothing .. hey anyways, I can't go. Busy with exams you know .."
"Har?"
"Well, anyways BYE!"
-BEEP-
She was not going to the reunion. She cant bare seeing him with his girlfriend. Cuddling and all. Yeah, maybe she looked like she's over it. In reality, she really haven't. It saddens her everytime she sleep. As she'll always think about him and she'll end up waking up with tears all over her face. It was more of a routine already. One night, just like all the other night .. she can't seem to sleep as usual. Clock strike 2am in the morning. Again, her phone rang ..
"Hello?"
"Hey .."
"Who's this?"
"An .. it's me KK .."
".."
To be continued...
I am the foolish girl. Who am I? Why am I writing this? Let's just say, I'm merely an unknown in this world. A loner .. a foolish, pathethic, unknown .. loner.
This is a story of a girl, who never understand the meaning of -- love.
Year 1999
"Are you sure you want to do this alone, dear?"
"Yep! I'm 9 years old already you know! Big enough to take care of myself!"
"Hahaha .. ok then. Here's your school fee. Remember to past it to your teacher later .. do you know where your class is?"
"Of course I do .. you worry too much mummy! It's that one right??"
A little girl, used one of her finger and pointed to a direction. A classroom with the name 3A.
"Is it that one .. mummy?"
"Gosh, mummy's lil girl is such a smarty pants!"
"Hehehe .. of course I am! Bye mummy!"
"Wait, give mummy a kiss on the cheek first .. please?"
Being quite short for her age, her mother kneeled down. She jumped a little and planted a kiss on her mother's cheek.
"Bye mummy!!!"
"Remember, I'll be outside waiting for you when school's over!"
"Ok .. ok .."
Using her two tiny feet, with such a huge backpack covering almost her whole body .. she marched down the hall and went into her classroom.
"Why hello there little girl."
"Hi!"
"Are you one of the student here?"
"Yes!"
"Hahaha, that's good. You're such a bubbly girl .."
"Everyone said that. Hehe! Thanks!!"
"Your welcome."
"Teacher .. my mummy said .. I have to past this money to you."
"School fees?"
"Yep!"
"What's your name?"
"My name is Raihan but you can call me An."
"Alright then An, please take a seat. Class is going to start soon you know .."
"Okie!"
That little girl gave out such a wide smile, she showed the row of yellow teeths she had to her teacher. She was a lazy girl when it comes to brushing her teeth. Knowing how short she was, she went and sat at a table at the front row. The tables on the classroom was arranged that it comes in a pair. She was wondering, who's going to be the one sitting next to her. Still thinking, suddenly someone gave her a pat on her shoulder.
"Hey .."
"Err .. Hi! You gave me a shock thats now .. gee .."
"I'm sorry .. I just wanted to say 'hi'.. "
"Ok then, let's start all over again .. HI!"
"Hahaha .. HI! your a funny girl..by the way, I'm sitting beside you .."
"I know .. hehe .. my name is Raihan but you can call me An .. what's yours?"
"Wow .. that's fast. My name is Kevin."
"Ke-what? Gosh, I don't like to call you that .. can I call you KK instead .. way cooler!"
"Hahaha .. fine fine."
Time passes by so fast. During that one whole year, the only thing that little girl look forward to was to go to school. Not to study of course, she's not really the studious type. She just can't bare to not see her best friend for even a day. Despite her young age, she knew she had a crush towards him. Towards her KK. Both of them were the class clowns. they love pranking people and not to mention how talkative they were. Every minute spedning time with each other was like in heaven. The happiness didn't last long though, KK had to move to another school later that year.
"I'll miss having you in school KK .." She started sobbing when they were eating in the school's canteen.
"Me too .."
"Will we ever meet again?"
"I-I don't know .. but I promise! I will call you everyday!"
"Everyday?"
"Yep, pinky swear with me .. An?"
"Uhm .. KK .. you'll always be my best friend .. always."
Though after KK moved to another school, they did continue contacting each other like they promised before. But it never lasted for long. Soon, he just stop calling her and that makes the little girl so depressed during her young age. She started to rebel. She islanded her friend for quite some time and became quite a naughty girl herself. Maybe it was too much for her to handle during that time. Family problems .. studies .. then KK. She managed to heal though. She told herself it was just puppy love. Things which weren't meant to be. Or so she think ..
Year 2003
"Wow, can't believe you're finally in secondary school now .."
"Haha .. me too. Our little baby grown up so fast eh?"
"Mummy!Papa! You're embarassing me .. urgh .."
"Oh come on .. can't take a little joke .. you'll always be our baby .."
"Fine fine fine .."
"Here's your school fee .."
"Thanks ma!"
"Ok then, see you later k .. luv you."
"Byeee.."
"Are you forgetting something now little girl.."
"Oh yea .. kiss!"
She's grown a little taller from before. Maybe because she just got her puberty recently. She don't need to jump anymore nor do her mother need to kneel down. She kissed her mother and off she went into her new school, her whole new life.
"Wow .. look at this school. It's so huge .. I'm going to love it .."
She gaze upon her new school. She walked across the huge hall and reached her class room, 1B. There was woman sitting at one end of the classroom, that must be her class teacher. She went to register her name and paid her fees.
"Ok then. It's settled. Please take your seat."
"Thanks teacher .."
Again, being the shortest among all of her classmates. She went and sit at the front row again. It was a happy atmosphere though. She knew most of her classmates.
"Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN"
"Yo Suzanne! Oh my god .. most of us are in the same class!"
"I KNOW! Isn't that cool?!?"
"Wahhh .. Adam .. Shah .. Sheh Ping .. Isaac .. cool!"
"You're forgetting me .."
Suddenly she heard a voice coming from the back. She didn't noticed it at first. Since the boys were too noisy at the back. That was when she's shocked.
".. KK?"
"Yep! I miss you little girl!"
"Right .."
"I'm sorry for not contacting you .. I got my reasons though .."
".."
"Ahhh .. I hate the quiet An .. forgive me pleaseeeeee??"
".."
"Pretty pretty pretty pleaseeeeee??"
"Urgh .. ok .. ok .. you're still as annoying as EVER!"
"Hehe, thanks. Can I sit beside you again, milady?"
"Yes, with one condition."
"Eh?"
"Don't ever leave me again .. k?"
"I promise."
Year 2007
This time, he really sticked to his words. There were classmates for the whole 5 years. They sat together, laugh together and study together. This time, there was no turning back. She knew what had happened already. She's in love with her first love, again. For the whole 5 years she lept her feelings to herself. Worried that if her feelings was known, he might just reject her. Then, their relationship would be awkward .. they won't be best buddies anymore. She was afraid. But, like every other girl, she yearn to be loved .. to be in a relationship. They were now, 17 years old. Finally, in their last year as seniors in their highschool .. she was brave enough to tell him.
"KK .. ever since we were 9 .. I knew that you're the one I would really want to be with .. not as best buddies but .."
".."
"I-I love yo--"
"Stop!"
"Eh?"
"I'm sorry .. I truly am .. but I'm not the one for you .. sorry."
".."
Without giving any explanation, he left her all alone. She was sobbing, crying .. she felt stupid. She never really hated him though. Love must truly be blind. Days later, she found out from her friend that .. he was actually going out with a girl. His girlfriend was actually one of An's best friend. Her heart shattered. They never revealed their relationship to An because they were worried it might hurt her. What difference does it make now?? What?? She's hurt more than ever. She felt like a fool telling a boy who's already with a girlfriend, that she love him.
Year 2009
She was still lying down on her bed. Tired after attending classes the whole day in her university. She was taking law. Suddenly her phone rang.
"Hello?Who's there??"
"Pee-ka-boo!"
"Err .."
"Hey An .. Isaac here!"
"Heyyyy ISAAC!!!"
"Long time no see .. miss you. Miss your perv-ness aswell!"
"Gosh .. of all the thing you miss me Isaac .. I'm innocent!"
"Hahaha .. right. Anyways .. just to inform you .. we're having class reunion soon .. this weekend .."
"Oh."
"You don't seem excited at all An .. why?"
".. hey .. i-is KK going to be there??"
"Erm, yeah .. why?"
"Nothing .. hey anyways, I can't go. Busy with exams you know .."
"Har?"
"Well, anyways BYE!"
-BEEP-
She was not going to the reunion. She cant bare seeing him with his girlfriend. Cuddling and all. Yeah, maybe she looked like she's over it. In reality, she really haven't. It saddens her everytime she sleep. As she'll always think about him and she'll end up waking up with tears all over her face. It was more of a routine already. One night, just like all the other night .. she can't seem to sleep as usual. Clock strike 2am in the morning. Again, her phone rang ..
"Hello?"
"Hey .."
"Who's this?"
"An .. it's me KK .."
".."
To be continued...
