The Blah Thread

[Muddie Murda]

HI EVERYONE!! -waves crazily-

Goodbyes are a part of life. You're going to learn that relationships don't stay the same forever and even though things will be different, it won't always mean it's bad. Enjoy the last couple of weeks you have left with your friends and whatever will happen afterwards will happen. Some you'll stay close with, but separation can usually wear down a friendship. It doesn't mean they were never your true friends, but during this stage in your life, people are maturing differently and will drift apart. This is a sucky way for me to explain, but I just want to say don't feel so bad about saying goodbyes. Just enjoy the present.

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Aww, thanks for your awesome words. Even though it wasn't really directed at me LOL I still enjoyed those words. They're so meaningful.

Ning, I didn't want to quote your post cuz 1) it's old and i'm so late...2) a bit long lol...so I'll combine it here w/ my talk still related to Marduk's wonderful words.

I hope my friends and cousins can forgive me for forgetting them. After I graduated from high school, I stopped keeping in touch. In fact, I'm such a horrible person to KIT w/. It's not that I don't love them and such, but stuff happens...

I stopped having contact w/ them because...family problems and I don't want to face them...because I want to forget them...forget my past...forget where I came from. Forget who I was...forget my culture...forget my people.

My HS friends and I, we're different somewhat. They party...I don't. So we dont hang out that much. When I went to college, I made new friends and we have fun without having to 'party'. That's my kind of people. =(

And Ning, maybe your friend really was ashamed. See, look at me. =( All my friends...they're going to be juniors in college soon. And I'm so sad and wish I was never like how I was. They're going to be juniors and here I am...still a freshie...struggling to get out. I'm so ashamed to even talk about school with them. So honestly ashamed.

I'm honestly ashamed of my schooling history and ashamed of who I am. I'm so ashamed of my culture. It makes me cry, knowing I'm apart of it. Knowing it'd be so hard to escape it. Knowing how it's making my family and I suffer.

P´muddie, who made you cry??? tell me abt it! well im here supporting you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! always!

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Muddie, tamai mai sabai chai???

[post="120148"][/post]​

....wipe ur tears off with choco-bana ice cream sundae muddie..for u

better yet...eat it in from of those tear jerkers and show them what they're missin' out on as mean asses.

[post="120208"][/post]​

aww mud... jus let it all out...

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Muddie, Im sorry someone annoyed you and i can't help. don't have much time. will update later.

[post="123108"][/post]​

Aww thanks soo much guys. I felt sooo much better after reading your replies and getting my icecream from d. XD. I was mad and disappointed because of someone being racist. Those things really just piss the hell out of me...so much....T_T I avoid it the best I can, then it comes and hits me again, and I go crazy...then I avoid again and blah blah....same process over.

and p´muddie where are you? it doesnt feel rite? are you okay? if it is sumthing plz tell us or atleast post and say that ur okay? im sitting and worrying abt you!

-forgotten Pee- h34r:

[post="127244"][/post]​

Nong'Pee! You surely are the cutest everrrr!!! ) but my mom informed me that they won't move until I finish summer school. NO! I don't want them to stay because of that. If they were going to stay anyways, WHY BOTHER DORMING??!?! T___T

I want to get my own place with my college friend. She needs a place badly too and we've always talked and even went out to look for a place of our own. That was a year ago though. Now her parents want her out because they want to make room for their new baby.

 

[noungning]

lol muddie!! glad to read ur feelin up to beat a lil now... um to answer you about feeling ashame. don't feel ashame because you didn't do anything wrong...and you shouldn't isolate yourself from anyone because of feeling ashame of nothing u've done wrong. thats what i feel... why would you stop talking to me because u feel ashamed? if you know me well, i will not stomp on you but i'd help you thru so we can get thru it together. just don't flee and close me out of your life.

i find that odd, i dislike working with people but i like helping people too hehehe...

well i hope u get ur place so that you'd be reaching ur other level of life... take it as it comes. don't rush too fast... you're behind in school but it doesn't necessarily mean you're behind in life...

 

[sarN]

awww Muddie MuRda ! girl , dont' be a ashame! Be happy of wat u got just remeber if u have it bad there other ppl dat have it worst den u . So wat if ur friend is way ahead of u wat matter is u dont' quit and work harder where u at now and if u feel ashame just use dat to movtive u to keep strong and stuggle harder in school . All the problem there is u have ... just remeber it ONLY matter when u make it matter ...just be care free and worry about ur goal and do watever dat make u happy and dat wat matter the most .

 

[marduk]

Muddie, don't be ashame. Trust me. A lot of people take their times going through college and your friends will not look down on you for it. I know I wouldn't.

Nong Pee, you're right. I am in Bangkok right now. I'm staying at my friend's place and he actually has a "mae ban" (maid). I thought it only happens in the lakorns, but apparently, they're really cheap here. After being out in the countryside of Laos for a while, it feels funny to have breakfast prepared for me and have my room cleaned for me by someone else.

I've also seen a lot of Bangkok. For the most part though, I've seen too many wats already in Laos so Wat Prakeo, Wat Po, etc don't interest me as much. I spend most of my time chilling at the mall like MBK, Siam Discovery, and the new Siam Paragon. The movie theaters here are awesome.

Anyway, check out the "Nomadic Souls" thread. I posted pics of my trip in Laos over there.

 

[noungning]

omg yeah i saw pictures of the movie theatre in thai!!! omg especially in siam paragon!!! red recliner chairs that has a remote massager!!! omg the joy of my anticipation awaiting my destination thailand lmao

 

[Pee]

Awww P`muddie .. yes you and nameless can adopt me ... but hey...then i gotta call you Mae Muddie?????? and i dont know the gender of nameless... so i´ll call nameless eum.....Kateuy Nameless?

awww im tired i have 3 jobs...i´ve been working today so im tired *yawn*

bohoooooo... i had to say farewell to my friends thursday last week ............ all are going to different schools and taking different classes...and im so sad and usually i dont hug people and never letting guys hug me..but that day i gave my first hug to a boy ..hehe... it feels like im taking a big step to the next stage of my life.........

P´Marduk you have a mae ban?????????? i want one too...well actually no ..but if i had one i would pay the maid pretty much for taking care of my home..

the malls rocks!

-sad pee-

 

[noungning]

i've finally given my 2 weeks notice... i guess it wasn't as bad as i thought because a girl i knew was leaving since it's been since her 2 weeks notice. and to discover my supervisor whom i had a problem with a few months back is also leaving. i guess i wasn't the only person with problems. well the feedback from my supervisor was more like are you sure you want to leave, while my manager the big B... she said, "oh i've kind of heard the rumor, so where are you going?" my response, "no where, i didn't look for another job." my boss, "so you're just leaving?!" "yup, i'm just leaving, i have no other job."

i guess what many told me was if she needed me as much, she'd at least ask if there was a problem when she heard of the rumor...but she had no effort in trying to stop or persuade me to staying with the company... so i know i made a good choice, not only did she not appreciate my hard 55 hours a week to get her crap done for her... she didn't even really care if i left... so i guess i'm just counting down til june 30th so i finally get out of that hell hole... i just think it's so bad that this one person just made me fed up to the point that i don't want to stay in this company anymore... although there are so many people in the company that makes me feel so nice and comfortable... the one rotten apple just made the other fresh apples start to rot... and i guess it just needs to end for me because i'm sick of a rotten life dammit!! i'm sick of it.

 

[bugsy]

i guess everyones got their own problems. And all i gotta say is...even though having problems sucks butt...THANKS for sharing, everyone!! When I come in here and read about people's problems and then read the posts of people comforting each other...i can feel myself gaining a little bit of strength again. Even though the "comforting" posts are meant for certain individual(s) and not me.....I can relate to it and I feel as though its for me, for you, for all of us. It goes to show that all of us are in alot of ways similar and just one word of wisdom can help many. Anyways...i dont know if what i said earlier makes sense...but seriously.....thanks for sharing and letting everyone else struggle and regain strength with you guys, whoever posts. ^_^ Keep them coming.

 

[noungning]

aww they are meant for everyone... well i mean from my perspective at least... if u need someone to comfort u there is always someone, if you're willing to allow that someone into your life to do it... yeah i seek comfort here a lot too... especially when i come back home drunk 2-3 in the morning...

 

[Pee]

i guess everyones got their own problems. And all i gotta say is...even though having problems sucks butt...THANKS for sharing, everyone!! When I come in here and read about people's problems and then read the posts of people comforting each other...i can feel myself gaining a little bit of strength again. Even though the "comforting" posts are meant for certain individual(s) and not me.....I can relate to it and I feel as though its for me, for you, for all of us. It goes to show that all of us are in alot of ways similar and just one word of wisdom can help many. Anyways...i dont know if what i said earlier makes sense...but seriously.....thanks for sharing and letting everyone else struggle and regain strength with you guys, whoever posts. ^_^ Keep them coming.

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BUGSYY!!!!!!!!! where have u been??????????

 

[bugsy]

hahah...pee.....my...you just make me smile. ^_^

Well....i've been busy with school and now that school's out...i've been busy trying to find a new job. I HAVE been in and out of sarnworld reading and posting here and there but i've also just been totally lazy the past few...who knows when. lol. So how's lil'pee doing??

 

[Pee]

today im blahing abt the reason i overreact so much abt some certain words and things.


Well i started 1st grade, we moved to a new house to make my way to school shorter. First day, some boys from my new class pushed me to the wall and then i fell to the floor... and from his mouth i heard:
you chinese eyes, you dont belong here go back to your country u dirt.

In my new neighbourhood they had a nice playground so I went out and played there... when i was playing with the sand a boy grabbed my arm.. and told me to stay out of the swedish property. i was like what the hell? i live here! and he said thati was dirty and my hair was dirty coz it was black.

But soon i made new friend there, a swedish girl, she was nice and always askin stuff , we got along very well.

One day at the playground i was playing with her and my little brothers. Then from nowhere a guy riding his bicycle and holding a stone with his left hand. He was riding towards us and shouted Die die!
I got scared and told me brothers to run home, my lil brother got so freaking scared and was crying and he was shaking, i felt like my heart was breaking, he was only 2 yrs !... I got so mad that i just stopped running and instead i ran towards him.

-hey what do u think ur doing bastard? u made my lil brother cry!
Then I pushed that kid, and he fell off his bike. I felt awful fo pushing him like that. but anyways, he ran home.. and i took my lil brothers home as well.......

but on the way home we met that stone kid and his older brothers.
i walked past them but they stopped me.. i told my brothers to go home, and they did. That stone kid had 2 older brothers and guess who stood there with them,,,, my new "friend" that i was talkin bout.
she stood there laughing........ one brother walked towards me and grabbed my shoulder.

I just looked into his eyes, and he told me I was a dirt and that he didnt even wanted to touch me. i just stood there shocked..then another brother stood behind me. and that lil stone kid said to me im telling you, GO BACK TO CHINA he shouted in my ear..it was hurting... . and then he spit on me............... have u even been spit on? do you know how insulting and disgusting it feels?? , I spit back on him and then he threw a fist on my stomach...not really hard but hard enough to make me fall down and sit on the cold ground...he said ur just a girl, and weak girl, you cant do anything coz ur just a girl ,,, and ur from china, you chinese eyes!!!!!!...

it started raining and they all even that gir who was supposed to be my best friend shouted go back to china, and repeated that a several times..i felt betrayed, lonely, abnormal, anger, hate, disappointment....
oh that girl also told everyoneabt my secrets and talked behind my back....betrayed was the feeling this day...

from that day i got use to fight with other boys in my neigbourhood, I realized that my brothers couldnt do anything coz they were so small.... one day a boy grabbed one of my brother and pulled his hair , i ran to that kid but another grabbed my arms and then held me so i couldnt move, I just wished that i was a boy, atleast strong enough to push away him and save my brother..... but i couldnt....instead they told me to beg on my knees ... and i had to do it..... that day i felt useless and not strong enough and most of all i felt like I lost a bit of my pride..

In school I acted like a tomboy, i didnt want to play with girls, i wanted to play with guys and be one. But when i was going to play soccer then didnt want me to play with them, the reason was I was a girl,,,Girls cant play soccer coz they are weak...girls should stick to barbie.... and the girls thougth i was weird coz i didnt play barbie and stuff with them...............so most of the time when i was 6-7 i was playing alone or with my brothers,,,

but soon when i was 8 i got some friends...only foreigners tho but nice ones and i still keep contact with them... ^^ and this was also the period where i had a gang lol haha sounds childish huh,, well our gang watched our younger siblings,,and walked round the neighbourhood... to me I acted more like a boy to feel like i was stronger,,,or well to feel like i could beat them and not be weak and let them hurt me. i wanted to be able to protect my siblings. As no one else was there for me, I learnt that I have to survive with my own. I always thought that was alone and if no one protected me,imma protect myself.

My teacher once asked me what I wanted to be and I said I dont know but I want to work and not be at home. And the guys we´re like no girls should be at home and cook because they are not smart and strong. lol i know that maybe it doesnt sound that serious but to me it was....... i hate being called a weak........girl.......

When i was abt to turn 9 yrs old, we moved to the city i currenty
live in, and im glad we did. Coz i started a new life here. No one judged me by my look.

But the first weeks I never let me guard down. i was suspicios and didnt want my new classmates to come near me,,if they became my friends maybe they would betray me.....and I didnt want to look weak to them and let them think that they could bully me. But after a while i noticed that they were nice and stuff, and there were many foreigners here as well... and they treated me with respect

I feel like I still have hard times trusting people and let some one come really close to me....And im very independent,,, I believe that I can do whatever i want by myself...
And i just wanna show the ones that bullied me that Im not stupid.. I´ll study hard and get a successful life. I want to show that im a woman and i can work. I dont have to sit and home and only cook, i can do whatever i want!!.
Im a human I have a value!!!!


im not done but my fingers are aching so imma stop..

i´ve never told my friends this before, and many guyfriends who jokes abt girls often and see that i get very offended are like hey we´re just kidding and stuff..i know but its hurting somehow....

im tryin my best everyday since i moved here, I smile and im thankful for not having to fight with people who hates me everyday....

i dunno what to say more. only that im still not over this,,and how do i got to do to get over this?

and last im sorry to uncle tim and little ben for overreacting when u teased me..


-Pee- B) phew* i have been sitting here and thinking if i should really post this..it took me 2 hrs to push "add reply" rofl

 

[bugsy]

awww....PEEEEE!!! *HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG***

I"m soo sorry to hear that you've had a life like that but girl...i admire you for sticking up for yourself and your brothers. There are some mean people out there and you shouldnt blame yourself for acting or thinking the way you do. It's totally understandable. Things like that can scar one for life. Man, i hope by now karmas has reached those little mean kids!! As a minority we all have had to deal with these kinds of issues and will for many years to come....but...just hang in there and keep doing what you're doing. I KNOW someday you'll become a successful women! ^_^ And as for sarnworld...we're all friendly with each other...if you feel any distress whatsoever....just do what youre doing now. Its good that you came forth.....we're all understandable people here. Anyways...I know these little words wont erase your memories but I hope you're not doing soo bad. Lots of :wub: :wub:

 

[KawaiiTennyo]

Ive been going to the gym again ahhah I stopped for like a month and now i got my bf to go with me.. ^_^.. so we've been going for 2 days in a row already.. I gotta get SKINNY!!! and i need a job!!!! a JOBBBBBB!!!!!!!!!!!!! =*( Im pooooor!!! that's all lolz

 

[lalalek]

I just feel so bummed right now...i don't know what to do....i try to let you go but then you just keep pulling me back in, help me and and please let me go....everything will get better after you do that!

 

[Pee]

bugsy thanks you lol i do have a real scar from that time, it keeps reminding of my past.... but i try to make the best out of all.. for example in school I keep an extra eye to people that get bullied and then,, i just tell the teacher.. lol our club is called " Friends" ^^
Ur words are warming thank you, HUGS to you to!

 

[Muddie Murda]

AHHHH my nong pee!! so cute and strong and wow!! wow! you are one powerful girl!

So sad that you have to go through all that crap T__T glad that you're in a better city now.

It's okay to dwell about those memories. It's not something you'll forget easily.

I don't know about others, but for me, it pisses me off alot. At a time like this, you'd think people are more well mannered and open to the changes of the world, being more diverse. But some are just so stupid and immature.....grrrrr...........

thanks for sharing your story with us! I love reading your entries!

 

[KawaiiTennyo]

KT! misss youuuu! go look sexy for me. lol jk you're already skinny..sheeshhhhh

[post="135791"][/post]​

dude I am SOO NOT!! i have to loose 30 pounds hahah anyways wanna see my car that I can't DRIVE YET?!1 lolz hahaha

 

[Pee]

AHHHH my nong pee!! so cute and strong and wow!! wow! you are one powerful girl!

So sad that you have to go through all that crap T__T glad that you're in a better city now.

It's okay to dwell about those memories. It's not something you'll forget easily.

I don't know about others, but for me, it pisses me off alot. At a time like this, you'd think people are more well mannered and open to the changes of the world, being more diverse. But some are just so stupid and immature.....grrrrr...........

thanks for sharing your story with us! I love reading your entries! <33

--------

KT! misss youuuu! go look sexy for me. lol jk you're already skinny..sheeshhhhh

[post="135791"][/post]​

´
Mae Muddie Thank you for your words!!! do u have ny stories like this? I mean have u ever been called for anything bad ?
lol atleast i say thx for readin em^^

 

[Muddie Murda]

dude I am SOO NOT!! i have to loose 30 pounds hahah anyways wanna see my car that I can't DRIVE YET?!1 lolz hahaha

[post="135963"][/post]​

hahahaha sure! SHOW ME! XD So i can get more jealous of you