The Blah Thread

[marduk]

today im blahing abt the reason i overreact so much abt some certain words and things.
Well i started 1st grade, we moved to a new house to make my way to school shorter. First day, some boys from my new class pushed me to the wall and then i fell to the floor... and from  his mouth i heard:
you chinese eyes, you dont belong here go back to your country u dirt.

In my new neighbourhood they had a nice playground so I went out and played there... when i was playing with the sand a boy grabbed my arm.. and told me to stay out of the swedish property. i was like what the hell? i live here! and he said thati was dirty and my hair was dirty coz it was black.

But soon i made new friend there, a swedish girl, she was nice and always askin stuff , we got along very well.

One day at the playground i was playing with her and my little brothers. Then from nowhere a guy riding his bicycle and holding a stone with his left hand. He was riding towards us and shouted  Die die!
I got scared and told me brothers to run home, my lil brother got so freaking scared and was crying and he was shaking, i felt like my heart was breaking, he was only 2 yrs !... I got so mad that i just stopped running and instead i ran towards him.

-hey what do u think ur doing bastard? u made my lil brother cry!
Then I pushed that kid, and he fell off his bike. I felt awful fo pushing him like that. but anyways, he ran home.. and i took my lil brothers home as well.......

but on the way home we met that stone kid and his older brothers.
i walked past them but they stopped me.. i told my brothers to go home, and they did. That stone kid had 2 older brothers and guess who stood there with them,,,, my new "friend" that i was talkin bout.
she stood there laughing........ one brother walked towards me and grabbed my shoulder.

I just looked into his eyes, and he told me I was a dirt and that he didnt even wanted to touch me. i just stood there shocked..then another brother stood behind me. and that lil stone kid said to me im telling you, GO BACK TO CHINA he shouted in my ear..it was hurting... . and then he spit on me............... have u even been spit on?  do you know how insulting and disgusting it feels?? , I spit back on him and then he threw a fist on my stomach...not really hard but hard enough to make me fall down and sit on the cold ground...he said ur just a girl, and weak girl, you cant do anything coz ur just a girl ,,, and ur from china, you chinese eyes!!!!!!...

it started raining and they all even that gir who was supposed to be my best friend shouted go back to china, and repeated that a several times..i felt betrayed, lonely, abnormal, anger, hate, disappointment....
oh that girl also told everyoneabt my secrets and talked behind my back....betrayed was the feeling this day...

from that day i got use to fight with other boys in my neigbourhood, I realized that my brothers couldnt do anything coz they were so small.... one day a boy grabbed one of my brother and pulled his hair , i ran to that kid but another grabbed my arms and then held me so i couldnt move, I just wished that i was a boy, atleast strong enough to push away him and save my brother..... but i couldnt....instead they told me to beg on my knees ... and i had to do it..... that day i felt useless and not strong enough and most of all i felt like I lost a bit of my pride..

In school I acted like a tomboy, i didnt want to play with girls, i wanted to play with guys and be one. But when i was going to play soccer then didnt want me to play with them, the reason was I was a girl,,,Girls cant play soccer coz they are weak...girls should stick to barbie.... and the girls thougth i was weird coz i didnt play barbie and stuff with them...............so most of the time when i was 6-7 i was playing alone or with my brothers,,,

but soon when i was 8 i got some friends...only foreigners tho but nice ones and i still keep contact with them... ^^    and this was also the period where i had a gang lol haha sounds childish huh,, well our gang watched our younger siblings,,and walked round the neighbourhood... to me I acted more like a boy to feel like i was stronger,,,or well to feel like i could beat them and not be weak and let them hurt me. i wanted to be able to protect my siblings. As no one else was there for me, I learnt that I have to survive with my own. I always thought that was alone and if no one protected me,imma protect myself.

My teacher once asked me what I wanted to be and I said I dont know but I want to work and not be at home. And the guys we´re like no girls should be at home and cook because they are not smart and strong. lol i know that maybe it doesnt sound that serious but to me it was....... i hate being called a weak........girl.......

When i was abt to turn 9 yrs old, we moved to the city i currenty
live in, and im glad we did. Coz i started a new life here. No one judged me by my look.

But the first weeks I never let me guard down. i was suspicios and didnt want my new classmates to come near me,,if they became my friends maybe they would betray me.....and I didnt want to look weak to them and let them think that they could bully me. But after a while i noticed that they were nice and stuff, and there were many foreigners here as well... and they treated me with respect

I feel like I still have hard times trusting people and let some one come really close to me....And im very independent,,, I believe that I can do whatever i want by myself...
And i just wanna show the ones that bullied me that Im not stupid.. I´ll study hard and get a successful life. I want to show that im a woman and i can work. I dont have to sit and home and only cook, i can do whatever i want!!.
Im a human I have a value!!!!
im not done but my fingers are aching so imma stop..

i´ve never told my friends this before, and many guyfriends who jokes abt girls often and see that i get very offended are like hey we´re just kidding and stuff..i know but its hurting somehow....

im tryin my best everyday since i moved here, I smile and im thankful for not having to fight with people who hates me everyday....

i dunno what to say more. only that im still not over this,,and how do i got to do to get over this?

and last im sorry to uncle tim and little ben for overreacting when u teased me..
-Pee- B)  phew* i have been sitting here and thinking if i should really post this..it took me 2 hrs to push "add reply" rofl

[post="135501"][/post]​

Pee, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I was so angry when I read your post. I've seen some racism in my life, but it was a little easier for me since I was a guy. I'm not being sexist, but I'm talking about fights and stuff. It's ridiculous how the world works and I really wished as I was reading your post that I could go back in time and helped you during that period. Haha, imagine how great it would be for those kids to see me coming at them and having them feel that fear.

But you know what...thinking about it some more helped me realized that that's not the solution. So what if I could've been there to help you pulverize those kids (like I so badly want to)? It would only lead to more hate and distrust. You see that "gang" you were in? It's so easy to understand why they exist in society. It's because of minorities like us getting picked on that we have these so-called "asian gangs." Sure, it's horrible according to the media. But they don't understand that gangs exist because individuals have been picked on.

True, it's hard for someone to get over something like racism. But I hope you don't let it eat at you. This feeling of distrust will only multiply itself if you let it. If you let yourself hate people for what they did to you, you'll just be feeding into racism (ie. the war on "terrorism" and America's distrust of Muslims).

With all that being said, you still have a right to defend yourself. I hope you took some self-defense class over the years and next time someone picks on you, kick them in the balls - HARD! Don't hold grudges, but don't be passive either.

 

[Muddie Murda]

MARDIE MARDIE MARDIE WIJRFEWJFWA RFOMGOMGOM

OMG
OMGOMOGMOGMGOMGOMGOGMOGMOMGOMG

LOL

I hope you're doing great!!!!!!!!! Hehehe i had something else I wanted to blah about when i saw your post!

miss you! hope you're doing great!

--errr got caught staying up k bed time e_e hahahahha
nite nite

 

[marduk]

MARDIE MARDIE MARDIE WIJRFEWJFWA RFOMGOMGOM

OMG
OMGOMOGMOGMGOMGOMGOGMOGMOMGOMG

LOL

I hope you're doing great!!!!!!!!! Hehehe i had something else I wanted to blah about when i saw your post!

miss you! hope you're doing great!

--errr got caught staying up k bed time e_e hahahahha
nite nite <3

[post="136883"][/post]​

Hey Muddie! Yeah, you should definitely be asleep right now. I think it's about 6AM over there. I'm in Singapore right now studying at NUS. I believe there's exactly a 12 hour difference between here and the Eastern Standard Time so I'm exactly on the other side of the world. I'm going to be here for another 4 weeks and I'm currently doing a study on SE Asia. I'm writing some papers which I think I'll eventually give to Darvy to put in his wikipedia.

Anyway, I do miss chatting with you and all my friends on a regular basis. But oh well. Being out here will console me. I'll be out here for another 2 months.

By the way, I did notice that as I typed the last post, there was an "anonymous" user on with me. Haha, I knew you're around sometimes like that. You're like a ghost.

Good night.

 

[darvil]

today im blahing abt the reason i overreact so much abt some certain words and things.


and last im sorry to uncle tim and little ben for overreacting when u teased me..
-Pee- B) phew* i have been sitting here and thinking if i should really post this..it took me 2 hrs to push "add reply" rofl

[post="135501"][/post]​

Pee, I'm proud you stood up to the bullies. The problem with being a girl is that not only you are faced with racism but also you're also deemed weaker because you're a female. So you will have to fight even harder.

As for me I was picked on when I first moved to bangkok. The main reason was the fact that I was a Burmese (Thais hate Burmese people) and there were some big Thai kids in the school I went too. Another reason is the fact that I was smaller then they were and also since I couldn't speak Thai or English (some people say I still can't speak English today), I was unable to defend myself physically and verbally. It was a miserable life for a few years of my childhood. Many times I wouldn't want to go to school. Some of the friends I made wanted to help me but since the bullies were the biggest people around, they were afraid to. So basically I was alone and felt alone for the longest time. What was ironic is the fact that I went to a Christian school. Alot of people say this is normal and its a part of growing up but it stayed with me til I was in HS.

One thing I didn't mention is the fact that I was very angry at my mother for failing to protect me. But later on I realize that there was nothing she could do to help me. She was a single mother living among Thai. I also found out later that she herself was a victim of racism. She was put down by the Chinese teachers especially when she complain about unfairness. They basically say along the lines of "You're just a Burmese, you should shutup."

I caught my mother crying oneday. I don't think she saw me and to this day I have not told her about it. It was that day I realize that even my mother who I admire for her strength, felt helpless that she couldn't protect her son. I realized that she was putting up a strong face for me. I can imagine how she feels, the fact that she was trying to struggle alone with nobody to help and also the put downs she has to face at school and her inability to help me. Thats the day I stopped complaining to my mother and figure that I'll just keep fighting it myself without giving her any more stress.

Anyway time flew by and oneday I was bigger then the bullies. The older ones has left the school and I became one of the big kids at the school. Oneday my mother's friend moved to Thailand and she put her kid in the same school. I took him under my wings and protected him when I saw some kids bullying him. I don't think he knows to this day how much I protected him. I had secretly talked to his bullies and warned them and explained to them that what they were doing was wrong.

I suppose this experience has made me the person I am today. For better or worse I think I've learned that protecting the weak is duty of any decent human beings. I've also learned to respect my mother much more then I ever could. To this day she is still my hero. The only other female to equal my mother is Daw Aung San Suu Kyi (the woman who is leading the democratic movement in Burma).

So I typed this Pee to let you know that someone shares your pain and understands you more then you know.

 

[Muddie Murda]

Who here is loving Darvil more besides me?

:wub:

Marduk, I just like being anonymous cuz h34r: I don't know what's wrong with me. Blame Soompi.

Anyways.......since you'll be there for a while, I can send something righto?

------------

I wanted to blah last night before I got caught :angry:

There's this guy at work...He asked me, "Do you have a car?"

I replied that I didn't. He then said, "Well if you ever need a ride or something, I won't mind."

I said it was okay because I had my mom and someone's always at home with time to pick me up and stuff.

Then like I had to run and do my job cuz unlike him, I don't stand around and chit-chat. Later, he was like, "Did you decline my offer before?" And I said yeah...cuz...I didn't need a ride.

A few days later, I learned that he was trying to ask me out.

WTF WAS THAT?

Darvil! This guy is lamer than you! LOL jk but he was lame. Ugh. He's a total jerk now!

I think many people know that I'm quite a private person and don't like to give out my info. Yeah, I don't give out my info in 'real life' too. He asked for my birthday and more crap. And I wouldn't give it to him because I won't.

So the asshole decides that he'll just look into my CONFIDENTIAL RECORDS on the computer and find out.

WHAT A JERK! CAN HE DO THAT!?!??!?!??!?

I asked the shift manager if he could do that and she said, "Yeah." Because that JERK had just been promoted to shift manager.

Welps, this gives me another reason to quit soon.

Working with lazy people and now working with a fucking nosy idiot who can't respect my privacy...it's not good. Yeah...

 

[Pee]

hahahaha sure! SHOW ME! XD So i can get more jealous of you <_<
ooo luk mae! LOL

Yeah, I think 99.9% of Asians who don't live in an Asian country, have faced something like that. Your story is more harsh than mines. No one ever really shoved me like they have you. T_T (My nong'pee <33) Just name calling and....yeah...

"Go back to your country!"

Huy, I hate that. You know, it's AMERICA...Everyone came here from different countries. I hate it when someone claim it theirs and tell non-white/black people to get out of it. :angry: But I plan to leave it too. Hoping to station in Thailand B) I like the sound of Canada too. LOL

I don't know...I just don't really want my kids going to the schools in America. -so scared- Hahaha ^_^

Nong'Pee, your life is interesting! Tell us more!!

[post="136851"][/post]​

haha ohh mae jaa,, Kaurd lok noy ^^ I understand racism in almost every country except in AMERICA like u stated. Its very weird!!!!!!!!!
LOL imma move to thailand too !! Can I move in with you and dad nameless? My life is interesting? lol..no i think im talkin too much abt me lol..


P´MARDUK you have come to rescue me!
i dont believe it but when i read ur post a teardrop fell ....
but im a lil confused , but basially ur saying dont hate people just kick em hard? ehh hahah
j/k , I´ll take ur advise seriously and read it over and over to remind myself not to distrust people, well aitealst im tryin okay?

-stopped cryin-


edit:
Uncle Darve : h....h.......h......h....huuuuuuuuuuuu! u made me cry again !! i think its the first long post of u i really read through.. Thank you for sharing the pain, and thank you for being my uncle , and thank you for posting. hmm strange..its hurting in my heart.. i believe u when u say ur sharing my pain .

I admire u for admiring ur mother!


And last i gotta say i have the best friends in the world, you guys are my FRIENDS :wub:

 

[Muddie Murda]

we BETTER be your friends. Jk -_-) my sister got into an accident and i dunno if it's serious or not because it's not near here and my mom won't give me details. They're just at the hospital. That's alll i know.

>_-_-
But when she drives, you can just tell she's nervous

 

[lalalek]

Wow these stories from you guys are pretty touching.....i thought mines was bad but oh no after reading this..mines like like dirt compare to yours!

OMO nong'Pee, P'Lek Kau Tout Nah!!!! Didn't think that all of that was happening you, and yes you are a tough chick......i am proud of that......i don't blame you for not trusting people, cause for i feel like i trust people too much to where they do my wrong too!!! Man i really need to stop caring about how people feeel and think more of my self!!!!!! Pee, if you ever need anyone to talk to then i will always be here k, you don't need to trust me if you want but all you need to know that is true about me is......i'm too much of a caring person and also i'm willing to listen to anyone!!!! :wub:

Muddie..i miss you a bunches girl.....i am sorry to hear about your side of the story!!!!! i really hope that everthing goes better for you....don't feel ashame girl about the whole school thing isssue, i was there at a point and ashamed! but sometimes you can't help yourself cause responsibiltes really kicks in...i mean the reason why i'm late in school because of my grandma, i had to take care of her and it's also a job too...i was so jealous that everyone left to Universtiy while i was here stuck in alittle communtiy college or so......i then though to my self, everyone has their own pace when it comes to going to school and plus i wanted to spend more time with my grandma since she is getting so old...i mean who knows when she's gunna leave right? sniff sniff......i want to spend ever second with her even if i was in class at school! Right now i just didn't care as much so i got over it......like what others said to you, don't worry what people has to think, as long as your doing it and finishing it! Man i am still lost where you are staying at now? i know that you've moved from Charlotte but then are you at Greensboro right now attending school there? :huh:

Marduk i miss you a bunches dude....when are you comming back home? we need you here in the US!!!!! Take care of yourself and come back in one peice, just don't come back with a girl cause that's just gunna get me mad :angry: ......hey i still think that your cute!!! :wub:

Tim.....your such a strong person......i look up to you!!! Just rememeber that your awesome!!!

 

[noungning]

omg i read pee, mike, and tim's blah... i was so emotional i had to pause! gosh i dunno...i'm a girl leave me alone. i get so emotional now it's not even cute. i guess i let simple things get to me. *sighs*

well i've read your blah and thought of my own childhood which was quite different in some ways, but yet so similar. i've grew up with always trying to fit in with people. i've grew up pretty lonely, my mom never allowed me to have friends in my neighborhood because they were considered bad people because i was in such a bad neighborhood. they smoked, drank, had gangs, and just all the bad things that my mom never wanted me to belong in so she'd always tell me to play by myself, i had no friends, the only friends i had were my toys, dolls, and games...

---------------------------------edit 7/04/06---------------------------------

anyways, i didn't come here to blah about that because i'd sound like a sick child lmao...

something just made me think and i guess it gets me questioning... when you feel pain, why must you think it's the worst and the worst that no one else can understand? i've felt pain--- all my friends leaving me, the person that i love goes out with another girl, my grandmother dies--2 of them in same span of 2 months, my dad almost getting arrested for something he did not do, all i had was basically myself. this all happened in a period of 6 months. at the same time it was hard. but i guess i've never really let it get to me because i knew it would only make me weaker.

many people tells me, "you don't understand." of course i won't understand if you won't let me listen to you. you keep closed and no one will understand, because you don't want anyone to understand. i guess i had a problem for a while because i liked someone and the more i kept it in, the more it grew on me... it was more like a tumor than love... the more i've denied healing, the bigger it grew, and i'd let it eventually kill me one day. things don't happen for a reason, and vice versa, why must people think their lives stops just because they've reached a bump on the road and gets a flat tire?

i've once told myself, let's just not talk about the problem and it'd eventually go away...no it never happened because i'd cried myself to bed everyday because i simply can't lie to myself. though no one else talks to me about it, it continues to echo in my mind and never goes away. frustration builds up, and it's not going to simply disappear just like smoke, someone needs to put that pile of shit where it belongs. and if you don't do it yourself, then let someone help you. i know it takes a lot to admit that you can't do something yourself, and it'd take me the longest time ever.

i have trusting issues, and i can't trust anyone. i can count the amount of people i can trust, and that's less than the amount of fingers i have. i guess i've always had a front, looking very happy all the time, you'd barely catch me with a frown because i'm always giddy and smiley. even one of the closest friends i've ever had told me, "you may think you look very transparent, but you are thinker than a concrete wall, i can't even read or understand what you are thinking." thats when i actually realized how stubborn i can be.

but i've finally broke down and needed someone. i guess i felt like i was being eaten up alive, my emotions were draining until i felt like i was going insane.

this is probably one of the reasons why i am the way i am now. i try to advise when i'm not supposed to, sound like a nosey person when i don't really want to be. but i guess it just sucks to be in a dark gloomy road all by yourself...it really is. if i make myself sound pushy and bossy sometimes... i'm sorry...i guess it's just my instincts that i can't let go of ^_^

ok i'm done.

 

[Pee]

ALRIGHT EVERYONE HAVE FUN NOW! IM OFF TO THAILAND TOMORROW AND I WONT GET THE CHANCE TO CHAT WITH YA GUYS THEN....

TAKE CARE AND STAY HEALTY!

LOV U GUYS! WISH ME LUCK!

YOU GUYS WHO R GOING TO THAILAND LET ME KNOW SO I CAN ASK FOR UR NUMBER MUAHAHA!


* ^_^ *

 

[dfemc]

hey hey,

where were these stories when i was looking for them?! well, y'all that's what that webpublication "other asian" was for. these are awesome and unique experiences that deserves its own sense of authority and ownership over the emotions of frustration, hate, anger, hope, strength, being a minority within a minority wherever u are. n i just wish u would consider contributing these stories to a publication that can grow to be a real anthology someday. n what's even more unique is that this would be stories from "other asians" ALL OVER THE WORLD, being that u are from where u are pee n all u other folks.

thnx for the empowerment n solidarity in experience.

 

[Nameless]

Well it's about damn time. Took me long enough.


1,000 baby.


:wub: Mud wifey, where are you, I miss you. I'll message you when I see you online.

My daughter Pee has left us to Thailand.

And d, where you've been? You need to drop by more often.

 

[Wai Wai Noodles]

Today, well, actually tonight...a sudden sadness struck me...

It's a foreign feeling that has caught me off guard...

The full effects of it were just too overwhelming to overcome and or even surpass...

I think this is how loneliness / emptiness were supposed to feel like...

For once, I felt like a little weakling that have stumbled and fell and needing someone to help me get up...

Though, only to look up and see a house fulll of inanimate objects...

Cant wait to see my family again...

To be continued as I return to comment on the BLAHS above my post.

 

[noungning]

Today, well, actually tonight...a sudden sadness struck me...

It's a foreign feeling that has caught me off guard...

The full effects of it were just too overwhelming to overcome and or even surpass...

I think this is how loneliness / emptiness were supposed to feel like...

For once, I felt like a little weakling that have stumbled and fell and needing someone to help me get up...

Though, only to look up and see a house fulll of inanimate objects...

Cant wait to see my family again...

To be continued as I return to comment on the BLAHS above my post.

[post="144096"][/post]​

noodles, i hope everything will be okay when you see your family. i know u're really happy and i hope this can fill in the emptiness u're feeling. i know the feeling sucks. it's worse than a rainy cloud atop someone's head... but if u need someone. u have all sarnies, including myself that is always and willing to help u up! i'll try my best to be back and forth with the board... u're just almost my exact replica so i believe u can surpass this obstacle just fine

hey everyone who read blahs... don't miss me too much. i'll be back ASAP lol.. til then.

 

[STIMA]

BLAH BLAH WATEVER!!!
i'm almost to 1000
someday..

 

[Pee]

BOHOOO nameless dad i miss you sniff... lol havent met p'zombie wai wai yet booooooo.......

p'ning imma pm my number

 

[Nameless]

too long of a day today. too much to deal with. too much goin' on inside my head right now. too much sadness, too much hate. too much anger and too much problems.

i'm too uncool right now. i need to escape. i need to be alone. i need someone who could understand and listen. just someone who would listen without judging, without an opinion---only in silence.

 

[Muddie Murda]

I feel so horrible...

I've decided I shouldn't make anymore friends because......I'm not a very good person who can comfort others the way they need to be comforted.

---

I miss you more than I've ever missed you Namie.

(PS >> The above does not involve you...lol though I feel like I'm horrible towards you too...but yah it's not towards you...love youuuu

 

[Muddie Murda]

The whole day today at work, while being bored, I was talking to myself in my head. I noticed how rude and mean my "jokes" were becoming. They were just harsh and if you didn't know me, you would have cried instead of laugh. I told myself I had to change it because it could end up hurting someone I care about, badly.

But...

Tonight, I made my best friend cry. It wasn't a joke...but more of a harsh comment/question. I didn't mean to make you cry and I'm sorry I said what I said. After saying it, I knew it was wrong and I knew you were hurt because you stopped talking. That was why I had to talk to you in private. You are the world to me too and I'm sorry I had hurt you. I guess this is our first fight ever since we've known one another. I feel so terrible hurting someone I care so much about. Hopefully, maybe this helped our friendship more?

I love you and if I try and attempt to hurt you again, slap me to get me back to reality!!!

 

[anti-hmong]

hmmmmm...haven't blah for a long time...what should i blah about tonight?...errrrrrrrrr...let's see...life's shitty...family's shitty...basically everything's shitty...so, just kill me now errrrrrrrrrrrrr

and muddie...i'm sure your friend knows you mean well...sometimes it takes the harshest of words to get something across...sort of like a slap in the face =)